Filipino parents, like parents everywhere, want the best for their kids. But sometimes, the way they show that care can unintentionally add to their children’s stress and anxiety. This article looks at some of the ways Filipino parenting styles might be linked to anxiety in young people and offers some ideas for a healthier approach.
The Pressure to Succeed: “Pagtataguyod” and Academic Expectations
In many Filipino families, there’s a strong emphasis on “pagtataguyod,” which means supporting the family. This often translates to pressure on children to excel academically so they can secure good jobs and financially support their parents and younger siblings later on. While this desire to provide for loved ones is admirable, it can create immense pressure, especially if a child struggles academically or has interests outside traditionally “successful” fields. The Philippine Mental Health Association has repeatedly raised concerns about the impact of academic pressure on young Filipinos. For example, a student might feel immense guilt and shame if they choose a creative field like music or art, fearing they are not fulfilling their duty to support the family.
Imagine a student, let’s call him Miguel, who dreams of becoming a filmmaker. His parents, however, want him to become a doctor or a lawyer because they believe those professions offer more financial stability. Miguel feels torn. He loves making films, but he also feels obligated to follow his parents’ wishes. This constant internal conflict can lead to significant anxiety, depression, and even burnout. He might feel trapped between pleasing his parents and pursuing his passion.
“Hiya” (Shame) and Fear of Disappointing
“Hiya” is a complex Filipino cultural value that can be roughly translated as shame or embarrassment. It plays a huge role in how children behave, often driven by a strong desire to avoid bringing shame upon their family. This fear of disappointing parents can be a significant source of anxiety, especially when combined with high expectations. Children might become overly cautious, afraid to take risks or make mistakes, fearing the disapproval or scolding that might follow. “Hiya” can also prevent children from seeking help when they’re struggling, as they might feel ashamed to admit they’re not meeting expectations or are experiencing mental health difficulties.
For instance, a young girl named Sarah struggles with math. Instead of asking her parents for help, she tries to hide her difficulties because she fears they will be disappointed. This leads to even more stress and anxiety as she falls further behind in class. The fear of “hiya” prevents her from seeking the support she needs, ultimately exacerbating her anxiety.
To alleviate this, parents can create a safe and supportive environment where children feel comfortable admitting their struggles and asking for help without fear of judgment. Emphasize effort and learning rather than solely focusing on grades. Remember, praising the process instead of just the outcome can build resilience and reduce anxiety.
Authoritarian Parenting and Lack of Open Communication
While parenting styles are evolving, some Filipino parents still lean towards a more authoritarian style. This often involves strict rules, little room for negotiation, and a lack of open communication. Children raised in such environments might feel stifled, unable to express their feelings or opinions freely. This can lead to repressed emotions, anxiety, and difficulty in developing healthy coping mechanisms. The lack of open communication can also create a barrier between parents and children, making it harder for parents to recognize and address their children’s mental health needs.
Consider a situation where a teenager, David, is struggling with bullying at school. He’s afraid to tell his parents because they have always emphasized the importance of being strong and not showing weakness. He fears they will scold him for not being able to handle the situation himself. As a result, David internalizes his feelings, leading to increased anxiety and social isolation.
Encouraging open communication is crucial. Create opportunities for regular, informal conversations where children feel comfortable sharing their thoughts and feelings without judgment. Actively listen to their concerns and validate their emotions, even if you don’t necessarily agree with them. Try to shift from a purely authoritarian approach to a more authoritative one, which involves setting clear expectations while also being responsive and supportive.
Overprotectiveness (“Helicopter Parenting”)
Many Filipino parents are incredibly protective of their children, sometimes bordering on overprotectiveness, often called “helicopter parenting.” While this comes from a place of love and concern, it can inadvertently hinder a child’s development of independence and resilience. Constantly shielding children from challenges and potential failures can prevent them from learning how to cope with adversity, leading to increased anxiety later in life when they face real-world problems on their own. Overprotected children may lack the confidence and problem-solving skills necessary to navigate difficult situations, making them more vulnerable to anxiety and stress.
Imagine a mother, Elena, who constantly intervenes in her son’s, Marco’s, life, solving his problems for him and preventing him from experiencing any discomfort. She helps him with his homework, chooses his friends, and even speaks on his behalf when he encounters difficulties. As a result, Marco grows up lacking the ability to make decisions on his own or handle even minor setbacks. When he goes to college, he feels overwhelmed and anxious because he’s never had to rely on himself before.
Encourage independence by gradually allowing children to take on age-appropriate responsibilities and make their own decisions, even if they make mistakes along the way. Support them in their efforts to solve problems and develop coping mechanisms. Remember that failure is a valuable learning opportunity. Providing a safety net while allowing them to explore and learn from their experiences will help them build confidence and resilience.
Stigma Surrounding Mental Health
The stigma surrounding mental health in the Philippines remains a significant barrier to seeking help. Many people view mental illness as a sign of weakness or personal failing, leading to shame and reluctance to seek professional help. This stigma can be particularly damaging for young people, who may be hesitant to talk to their parents or other adults about their struggles for fear of being judged or dismissed. The Cultural Center of the Philippines and other organizations are actively working to combat this stigma and promote mental health awareness.
If a teenager, Leticia, is experiencing symptoms of anxiety or depression, she might be afraid to tell her parents because she fears they will tell her to “just pray about it” or “toughen up.” They might not understand that mental health is a real medical issue that requires professional treatment. This fear of being misunderstood or dismissed can prevent her from getting the help she needs.
Parents can play a crucial role in breaking down the stigma surrounding mental health by educating themselves about mental illness, openly discussing mental health issues with their children, and seeking professional help when needed. Normalize the idea of seeking therapy or counseling and reassure your children that it’s okay to ask for help.
Financial Stress and its Impact
Financial stress is a reality for many Filipino families, and it can significantly impact children’s mental health. Children may worry about their family’s financial situation, fearing that they will not be able to afford basic necessities or educational opportunities. This constant worry can lead to anxiety, stress, and even depression. They might feel compelled to find part-time jobs to help alleviate the financial burden, further adding to their stress levels.
Consider a family where the father lost his job due to the pandemic. His son, Ben, overhears his parents talking about their financial struggles and worries constantly about whether they will be able to pay the rent or afford food. He feels a sense of responsibility to help, but he doesn’t know what to do. This constant worry takes a toll on his mental health, leading to anxiety and difficulty concentrating in school.
While it’s important to be honest with children about financial challenges, avoid burdening them with adult worries. Reassure them that you are doing everything you can to manage the situation and that they are loved and supported regardless of the financial circumstances. Focus on creating a stable and supportive home environment and seek professional help if the financial stress is overwhelming.
The Role of Social Media and Technology
Social media and technology play an increasingly significant role in the lives of young Filipinos. While these platforms can offer benefits such as connection and access to information, they can also contribute to anxiety and stress. Constant exposure to curated images of perfect lives, cyberbullying, and social comparison can lead to feelings of inadequacy, low self-esteem, and anxiety. The constant need to stay connected and the fear of missing out (FOMO) can also create significant pressure and stress.
Consider a teenager, Maria, who spends hours scrolling through social media, comparing herself to her peers. She sees images of seemingly perfect bodies, lavish vacations, and flawless relationships. She starts to feel inadequate and develops body image issues. The constant pressure to present a perfect image online leads to anxiety and low self-esteem.
Encourage healthy technology habits by setting limits on screen time, promoting offline activities, and teaching children about responsible social media use. Talk to them about the curated nature of social media and the importance of focusing on their own strengths and accomplishments rather than comparing themselves to others. Promote critical thinking skills to help them differentiate between reality and online portrayals.
Helpful Tips for Filipino Parents
Here are some actionable tips for Filipino parents to support their children’s mental health:
- Open Communication: Create a safe space for your children to share their thoughts and feelings without judgment.
- Reduce Pressure: Emphasize effort and learning over grades and external achievements.
- Promote Independence: Allow children to take on age-appropriate responsibilities and make their own decisions.
- Break the Stigma: Talk openly about mental health and seek professional help when needed.
- Healthy Habits: Encourage healthy eating, regular exercise, and sufficient sleep.
- Limit Screen Time: Set limits on screen time and promote offline activities.
- Be Present: Spend quality time with your children and show them that you care.
- Seek Support: Don’t hesitate to seek support from family, friends, or mental health professionals.
Seeking Professional Help: Where to Turn
If you are concerned about your child’s mental health, don’t hesitate to seek professional help. A variety of resources are available in the Philippines, including:
- Psychologists and Psychiatrists: These professionals can provide therapy and medication management.
- Counselors: School counselors and community counselors can offer support and guidance.
- Mental Health Hotlines: These hotlines provide immediate support and resources.
- Support Groups: Support groups offer a safe space for individuals and families to share their experiences and connect with others.
The Ateneo Bulatao Center offers counseling and psychological services. The National Mental Health Crisis Hotline (1553) is also available 24/7.
FAQ Section
What are the most common signs of anxiety in children?
Common signs of anxiety in children include excessive worry, difficulty sleeping, irritability, restlessness, difficulty concentrating, physical symptoms like stomachaches or headaches, and avoidance of certain situations.
How can I talk to my child about their anxiety?
Choose a calm and quiet time to talk to your child. Listen to their concerns without judgment and validate their feelings. Reassure them that you are there to support them and that it’s okay to ask for help.
What if my child refuses to talk to me about their anxiety?
Don’t give up. Keep the lines of communication open by showing that you are available to listen whenever they are ready. You can also try involving another trusted adult, such as a family member, teacher, or school counselor.
Is medication necessary for anxiety?
Medication is not always necessary for anxiety. Therapy and lifestyle changes can often be effective in managing anxiety symptoms. However, in some cases, medication may be recommended by a psychiatrist. The decision to use medication should be made in consultation with a mental health professional.
How can I find a good therapist or counselor for my child?
Ask your doctor or pediatrician for recommendations. You can also search online directories of mental health professionals or contact mental health organizations for referrals. Consider factors such as the therapist’s experience, qualifications, and approach to treatment. It’s important to find a therapist who is a good fit for your child.
References List
American Psychological Association.
Ateneo Bulatao Center.
National Mental Health Crisis Hotline.
Philippine Mental Health Association.
Cultural Center of the Philippines.
It’s important to remember that every child is different, and what works for one family may not work for another. Be patient, understanding, and willing to adapt your parenting style to meet your child’s individual needs. By creating a supportive and loving environment, you can help your children develop the resilience and coping skills they need to thrive, reducing their anxiety and helping them lead happier, healthier lives.
If you’re ready to create a positive impact on your child’s mental wellbeing, start today. Talk to your children, listen to their concerns, understand their struggles, and seek professional help when needed. Let’s work together to create a brighter, mentally healthier future for the Filipino youth.
