When someone we love passes away, it hurts. Grief is a normal feeling, but it can be tough to handle. In the Philippines, we have our own special ways of dealing with grief, mixing old traditions with the support of family and friends. This article will talk about how Filipinos cope with loss, and how these traditions can help with mental health and healing.
Filipino Grief Traditions: More Than Just Customs
Filipino culture is deeply rooted in traditions, and these are especially important when someone dies. These traditions aren’t just empty rituals; they offer comfort, a sense of community, and a way to honor the person who has passed away. For many Filipinos, these customs are an inseparable part of the grieving process.
Let’s start with the wake, or “lamay.” This is a gathering where family and friends come together to pay their respects to the deceased. It usually lasts for several days, often held at the family’s home or a funeral parlor. During the lamay, people share stories about the person who died, offer condolences to the family, and keep them company. It’s a time of remembering and celebrating the life of the deceased, filled with prayers, visiting, and usually plenty of food.
Another important tradition is the funeral. In the Philippines, funerals are usually large events, with many people attending. There’s often a mass or religious service, followed by the burial. The family usually accompanies the coffin to the cemetery and witnesses the burial. This can be a very emotional experience, but it also provides closure and a sense of finality. Sometimes, forty days after death a mourning period may be observed.
After the funeral, there are several other traditions that follow. One is the “pasiyam,” a series of prayers and gatherings held for nine days after the death. This is believed to help the soul of the deceased find peace. Another tradition is the “babang luksa,” which marks the end of the mourning period, usually after a year. The family may lift some restrictions they followed during mourning, such as avoiding social events or wearing black clothing. These traditions help to mark the passage of time and allow the family to gradually return to their normal lives.
Many Filipinos believe in spirits, and these beliefs are woven into their mourning practices. Offerings of food are sometimes left for the deceased, or prayers are made to help them transition to the afterlife. While these beliefs may vary from region to region, they reflect a deep respect for the dead and a desire to ensure their well-being in the next life.
Healing Through Community: The Power of “Bayanihan” in Grief
One of the most beautiful aspects of Filipino culture is “bayanihan,” which means helping each other without expecting anything in return. This spirit of community is especially evident during times of grief. When a family experiences a loss, their relatives, friends, and neighbors rally around them to provide support. This can take many forms, from providing food and financial assistance to helping with funeral arrangements and simply offering a listening ear. This collective support is more than just practical; it’s a powerful source of emotional healing.
The lamay itself is a prime example of bayanihan. Family members and friends take turns keeping watch over the deceased, ensuring that the family is never alone during this difficult time. They bring food and drinks, share stories and memories, and offer words of comfort. This constant presence of loved ones provides a sense of security and prevents the bereaved family from feeling isolated in their grief.
Beyond the lamay, the community often organizes fundraising events to help the family cover funeral expenses, which can be significant. They may also assist with household chores, childcare, and other practical tasks. This outpouring of support can make a huge difference to a grieving family, allowing them to focus on healing and remembering their loved one without being overwhelmed by practical concerns.
Studies on social support and grief show how beneficial this kind of community involvement can be. Strong social networks have been linked to improved mental health outcomes after loss, including reduced rates of depression and anxiety. Research suggests that feeling supported by others can buffer the negative effects of grief and promote resilience. The Filipino tradition of bayanihan embodies this principle, providing a built-in support system for those who are grieving.
Mental Health and Grief in the Philippines: A Growing Awareness
While traditional practices offer significant support, it’s also becoming more important to recognize and address the mental health aspects of grief in the Philippines. Grief is a complex emotion that can manifest in different ways, including sadness, anger, anxiety, and even physical symptoms. For some people, grief can be so intense that it leads to mental health problems like depression, anxiety disorders, or prolonged grief disorder.
Prolonged grief disorder (PGD), sometimes called complicated grief, is characterized by intense and persistent grief that lasts for more than a year after the loss. People with PGD may have difficulty accepting the death, experience intrusive thoughts about the deceased, and feel unable to move on with their lives. Symptoms can include intense emotional pain, difficulty experiencing positive emotions, and a sense of detachment from others.
Unfortunately, mental health care in the Philippines faces several challenges, including limited access and a shortage of mental health professionals. According to the World Health Organization, the Philippines has a relatively low number of mental health workers per capita compared to other countries in the region. This can make it difficult for people struggling with grief and mental health issues to get the help they need.
However, there is a growing awareness of mental health in the Philippines, and efforts are being made to improve access to care. The Mental Health Act of 2018 aims to integrate mental health services into the existing healthcare system and promote mental health awareness. This law is a significant step forward in addressing the mental health needs of Filipinos, including those who are grieving.
Another challenge is the stigma surrounding mental health, which can prevent people from seeking help. Many Filipinos believe that mental health problems are a sign of weakness or a personal failing. This can lead to shame, embarrassment, and a reluctance to talk about their struggles. It’s important to remember that seeking help for mental health is a sign of strength, not weakness, and that there are resources available to support those who are struggling.
Seeking Professional Help: When and Where to Find It
While Filipino traditions and community support can be incredibly helpful, there are times when professional help is needed. If you are experiencing intense grief that is interfering with your daily life, or if you are having thoughts of harming yourself or others, it’s important to seek professional help from a mental health professional.
Here are some signs that you might need professional help:
Persistent sadness or depression that lasts for more than a few weeks.
Difficulty accepting the death or feeling like it’s unreal.
Intense emotional pain, such as guilt, self-blame, or hopelessness.
Difficulty experiencing positive emotions or finding joy in activities.
Withdrawal from social activities and relationships.
Trouble sleeping, eating, or concentrating.
Thoughts of harming yourself or others.
If you are experiencing any of these symptoms, talk to a doctor, therapist, or mental health professional. They can assess your situation and recommend the best course of treatment. Treatment options may include therapy, medication, or a combination of both.
Several organizations in the Philippines offer mental health services. The National Center for Mental Health (NCMH) is a government-run hospital that provides mental health care to Filipinos. The Philippine Mental Health Association (PMHA) is a non-profit organization that offers counseling, training, and advocacy services. Many private hospitals and clinics also have mental health professionals on staff.
Online resources can also be helpful. Websites like the WHO Philippines and the Department of Health provides information about mental health services and resources available in the Philippines.
Practical Tips for Coping with Grief the Filipino Way
Here are some practical tips for coping with grief the Filipino way, combining traditional practices with modern approaches to mental health:
Embrace Filipino traditions. Participate in the lamay, funeral, and other rituals. These traditions can provide comfort, a sense of community, and a way to honor the deceased. Being present at any of the Filipino traditions creates connection and allows for healing in a group setting.
Connect with your community. Lean on your family, friends, and neighbors for support. Don’t be afraid to ask for help, whether it’s with practical tasks or simply someone to talk to. This strengthens the connection and allows the processing of grief.
Allow yourself to feel your emotions. Grief is a normal and natural emotion, and it’s important to allow yourself to feel it. Don’t try to suppress your feelings or pretend that you’re okay if you’re not. Give yourself time and space to grieve.
Express your grief in healthy ways. Find healthy ways to express your grief, such as talking to a therapist, writing in a journal, or engaging in creative activities.
Take care of your physical health. Grief can take a toll on your physical health, so it’s important to take care of yourself. Eat healthy meals, get enough sleep, and exercise regularly.
Limit consumption of social media Excessive consumption of social media can often trigger more sadness and isolation.
Practice self-compassion. Be kind and compassionate to yourself. Grief is a difficult process, and it’s important to be patient with yourself as you heal.
Seek professional help if needed. If you are struggling to cope with grief, don’t hesitate to seek professional help from a mental health professional.
Remind yourself that there’s nothing wrong with feeling down. Do not force yourself to be happy if you are not. It is important to give yourself time and space to just be.
Participate in groups for grieving individuals. Joining a support group may help you find additional techniques to cope with grief and reduce the feeling of hopelessness.
Attend religious gatherings for healing and support. Churches often hold group prayers and deliver advice from religious leaders. These communities may help with healing and belonging.
Focus on what you can control. There is helplessness when dealing with grief. Focusing on what can be immediately changed may help with feeling in control.
Practice gratitude. Even in the midst of grief, try to find things to be grateful for. This can help you to shift your focus from the negative to the positive.
Honor the memory of your loved one. Find ways to honor the memory of your loved one, such as creating a photo album, planting a tree in their memory, or volunteering for a cause that was important to them. This can help you to keep their memory alive and find meaning in your grief.
FAQ: Common Questions About Grief in the Filipino Context
Here are some frequently asked questions about grief in the Filipino context:
How long does the mourning period typically last in the Philippines?
The mourning period can vary depending on the family and their beliefs. Some families observe a year-long mourning period, while others may shorten it to a few months. The “babang luksa” marks the end of the mourning period, usually after a year.
Is it okay to wear bright colors or attend social events during the mourning period?
Traditionally, it is customary to avoid wearing bright colors or attending social events during the mourning period as a sign of respect for the deceased. However, this practice may vary depending on the family and their beliefs.
What is the significance of the “pasiyam?”
The “pasiyam” is a series of prayers and gatherings held for nine days after the death. It is believed to help the soul of the deceased find peace and transition to the afterlife.
How can I support a Filipino friend who is grieving?
Offer your condolences and let them know that you are there for them. Attend the lamay and other rituals, bring food or drinks, and simply listen to them when they need to talk. Respect their traditions and beliefs, and don’t pressure them to move on too quickly.
Are mental health services readily available in the Philippines for people who are grieving?
While access to mental health services in the Philippines is improving, it can still be a challenge, especially in rural areas. However, there are resources available, such as the National Center for Mental Health, the Philippine Mental Health Association, and private hospitals and clinics with mental health professionals on staff.
What if I don’t believe in the traditional Filipino beliefs related to death and the afterlife?
Even if you don’t personally believe in these traditions, it’s important to respect the beliefs of the grieving family and participate in the rituals as a sign of support. You can still offer your condolences, attend the lamay, and provide practical help without necessarily subscribing to the specific religious or spiritual beliefs.
Ready to Heal?
Grief is a journey, not a destination. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, and it takes time to heal. By embracing Filipino traditions, connecting with your community, and seeking professional help when needed, you can navigate the grieving process with resilience and find a path toward healing and hope. Don’t carry this burden alone. Take that first step, reach out to a friend, a family member, or a mental health professional. Your healing matters, and you are not alone.
If anyone you know is experiencing complicated grief for a year or more, encourage them to consult a mental healthcare professional.
Remember that the 24/7 suicide prevention hopeline is toll-free at 1553. Alternatively, you can call the DOH hotline at 0917-899-USAP (8727). These are there if you need some support navigating thoughts of grief from time to time.
Take a step today. Kaya mo ‘yan. You can do it.
References
World Health Organization
Department of Health Philippines
National Center for Mental Health (NCMH)
Philippine Mental Health Association (PMHA)
