You’re brilliant, you’re capable, and you’ve earned your spot. So, why do you keep saying “sorry”? Let’s talk about that impostor syndrome, beshie, especially here in the Philippines.
That Nagging Doubt After a Win
Remember that time you nailed that presentation at work? Or when you finally got that promotion you’ve been eyeing? Instead of basking in the glow, did a little voice whisper, “Oh, it was just luck, wasn’t it?” Or, “They probably just felt bad for me.”
Yeah, that’s the impostor syndrome talking, and it’s a sneaky little devil. It tells you you’re not as good as everyone thinks, that you’re a fraud just waiting to be exposed.
Beshie, It’s Not Just You
Here in the Philippines, we’re raised with this beautiful sense of humility. We’re taught not to brag, to always give credit to others, and to stay grounded. And that’s great! It builds character.
But sometimes, this cultural tendency gets twisted. It can morph into this overwhelming self-doubt, making us feel like we need to apologize for any achievement, big or small. It’s like saying “sorry” for breathing after you’ve accomplished something.
The “Mahiyain” Trap
We love being “mahiya” in the Philippines. It’s a sign of good breeding, right? But when your “mahiya” makes you downplay your successes so much that you almost forget you actually did the hard work, that’s not being humble anymore. That’s being your own worst critic.
It’s like getting a perfect score on an exam and then telling everyone, “Naku, sadya lang, hindi ko talaga alam paano ko nagawa ’yun!” (Oh, it just happened, I really don’t know how I did it!).
Why We Do This: A Filipino Lens
Our upbringing plays a huge role. We’re often praised for our effort and hard work, but rarely for being inherently brilliant. So, when success comes, it feels like a fluke, a reward for effort rather than a testament to our capabilities.
Plus, we’re a collectivist society. We’re used to attributing success to the group, to our family, to our teachers. While this fosters strong bonds, it can also make it hard for us to own our individual achievements.
Think about it: someone congratulates you on a job well done, and your go-to response is, “Naku, salamat! Hindi ko po magagawa ’yun kung wala kayo.” (Oh, thank you! I couldn’t have done it without you.) Which, again, is lovely. But what if, just once, you tried, “Salamat! Masaya ako na na-achieve natin ’to, at proud ako sa trabaho ko.” (Thank you! I’m happy we achieved this, and I’m proud of my work.)
The “Pasalamat” Overload
This tradition of constant gratitude, while noble, can sometimes feel like a never-ending cycle of downplaying yourself. It’s like you’re competing to see who can be the most excessively grateful while simultaneously diminishing your own role.
It’s a form of social politeness, sure, but it’s also a major fuel for impostor syndrome. You’re so busy deflecting praise that you start believing the deflection yourself.
The “Baka Sakali” Mentality
There’s also the “baka sakali” (just in case) mentality that’s prevalent. We often act as if we’re just getting by “baka sakali” we don’t mess up. This mindset makes it hard to believe we actually deserve our successes.
This can extend to our careers. You get a job offer for a role you think you’re unqualified for, but you get it anyway. Instead of thinking, “Wow, they saw my potential,” you think, “Maybe there weren’t many applicants,” or worse, “They must have made a mistake.”
When “Humble” Becomes “Handicapping”
Being humble is a virtue, but when it stops you from acknowledging your own strengths, it becomes a handicap. It prevents you from truly internalizing your achievements and moving forward with confidence.
It’s like wearing a beautiful gown to a party but constantly apologizing for how it looks, making everyone else feel awkward and you feel less fabulous. You earned that gown, beshie. Wear it with pride!
The Cost of Constant Apologies
Constantly apologizing for your success isn’t just annoying for others; it’s exhausting for you. It steals your joy, erodes your self-esteem, and can hinder your future growth.
If you’re always saying you don’t deserve something, eventually, you might start believing it. And that’s a dangerous place to be. It can make you hesitant to take on new challenges or ask for what you truly deserve.
Let’s Talk About Actual Skills, Not Just “Chamba”
You didn’t get that promotion by accident. You honed your skills, you put in the hours, you navigated office politics (even if it was just surviving the karaoke nights). These are tangible things!
When you downplay your success as “chamba” (luck or fluke), you’re essentially dismissing your own hard work and intelligence. That’s not fair to yourself. It’s like saying all your effort was just a happy accident.
The Subtle Art of “Hindi Ako Magaling”
We’ve elevated self-deprecation to an Olympic sport in the Philippines. We’re pros at saying “hindi ako magaling” (I’m not good) when we’re actually exceptional. It’s a way to avoid sounding arrogant, but it goes too far.
This habit makes it difficult for others to genuinely compliment us because we’ll just find another way to knock ourselves down. It’s a bizarre dance of back-and-forth humility that leaves everyone a little confused.
The “Baka Di Magustuhan” Fear
There’s also the fear that if you own your success too much, people will dislike you. You worry you’ll seem “mayabang” (arrogant). But there’s a huge difference between confidence and arrogance.
Confidence is knowing your worth. Arrogance is thinking you’re better than everyone else. You can be confident in your achievements without being obnoxious about it. It’s about balance, a concept we Filipinos sometimes struggle with when it comes to self-praise.
Empowering Ourselves, One “Thank You” at a Time
So, what do we do, beshie? We start by catching ourselves. The next time someone praises you, take a deep breath, resist the urge to deflect, and try this simple yet revolutionary response:
“Thank you.”
Just that. It’s not bragging. It’s acknowledging the truth. You did good. Own it.
It’s a small step, but it’s a powerful one. It’s about retraining your brain to accept positive feedback and to believe that you are, indeed, worthy of your successes. Remember when you learned to ride a bike? You stumbled, you fell, but you got back up. Your career and achievements are no different.
It’s about shifting from “Naku, pasensya na po” (Oh, please excuse me) to “Salamat po, proud po ako sa nagawa ko” (Thank you, I’m proud of what I’ve done). It might feel awkward at first, like wearing new shoes that are a bit tight, but you’ll get used to it.
Stop the Cycle of Self-Doubt
Impostor syndrome thrives in silence and self-doubt. By speaking up, even just to acknowledge our own accomplishments, we start to dismantle its power. It’s about being kind to ourselves, the same way we are kind to our friends.
If your friend achieved something amazing, would you tell them they were lucky or that they didn’t really deserve it? Of course not! So why do we do that to ourselves?
This isn’t about becoming conceited. This is about self-validation. It’s about recognizing the skills, intelligence, and sheer hard work that you’ve poured into becoming who you are and achieving what you’ve achieved.
It’s time to retire the constant apologies. Your successes are not burdens to be apologized for; they are testaments to your capabilities. We are more than our perceived flaws; we are also very much our undeniable strengths.
FAQ: Battling the Beshie-Impostor
Q: I feel like a fraud all the time. How do I stop this feeling?
It’s tough! Try to jot down your achievements, no matter how small. When the doubt creeps in, read your list aloud. It helps to have concrete proof of your wins.
Q: My family always tells me to be humble. How can I be proud without being disrespectful?
Humility and confidence aren’t opposites! You can be proud of your accomplishments while still being respectful and grateful. Focus on acknowledging your effort rather than dismissing it.
Q: I’m afraid of being seen as arrogant if I don’t apologize for my success. What do I do?
Start small. Instead of a full apology, try a simple “Thank you.” Or, if someone praises a specific skill, you can say, “Thank you, I worked hard on that.” This acknowledges their compliment without excessive self-deprecation.
Q: It feels unnatural to accept compliments. What if I just freeze up?
It’s okay to freeze! Maybe have a few go-to phrases ready. “Salamat,” “Napahalaga nito sa akin” (This means a lot to me), or “Nakakatuwa kayo” (Your words make me happy) are good starting points.
Q: I keep telling people I got lucky. How do I stop this habit?
Consciously catch yourself. When you’re about to say “lucky” or “chamba,” pause. Try to identify the specific skill or effort that led to the success instead. Did you plan well? Did you practice? Those are the real reasons!
Call to Action: Own Your Crown, Filipina!
So, beshie, the next time you’re about to utter that familiar “sorry” for something you’ve earned, stop. Take a breath. And instead, utter this powerful, liberating word: “Salamat.” Thank you to yourself for your brains, your effort, and your resilience. Thank you to the universe for the opportunities. And thank you to those who believe in you.
You are not an impostor. You are a warrior, a scholar, a creator, a leader. You are brilliant. You are capable. You are worthy. So, stop apologizing. Start acknowledging. Own your wins, celebrate your growth, and wear your achievements like the crown they are. The world needs the real, unadulterated you. Go out there and shine!
