Taking the leap to work overseas as an OFW (Overseas Filipino Worker) is a huge decision, especially when you have children. Beyond the financial gains, a big question looms: is your child truly ready for you to leave? It’s not just about having someone to look after them; it’s about their emotional well-being, understanding, and resilience during your absence.
Understanding Your Child’s Perspective
Before you even pack your bags, really try to see things from your child’s point of view. Are they old enough to grasp the concept of you working far away? Younger children, say under the age of six or seven, might struggle with this. They operate on a very concrete level, so the idea of “far away” might just mean you’re gone, period. They might feel abandoned, even if you explain things beautifully (which we’ll talk about later!). Older children, on the other hand, can understand the reasons more easily, but they might still feel sad, angry, or anxious. They might worry about you, about who will take care of them, or about whether things at home will change.
Think about their personality, too. Is your child generally independent and adaptable? Or are they more sensitive and reliant on your presence? A naturally resilient child might handle the separation more smoothly than a child who is easily stressed or needs a lot of reassurance. There’s no right or wrong personality type, of course, but knowing your child’s temperament will help you prepare them – and yourself – for the challenges ahead.
Age-Appropriate Communication: Talking to Your Kids About Your OFW Journey
Okay, so you’ve decided to go. Now comes the difficult part: telling your kids. How you approach this conversation depends a lot on their age. For younger children, keep it simple. Instead of overwhelming them with details about your job and the country you’re going to, focus on the key message: “Mommy/Daddy is going away to work so we can have . I will miss you very much, but I will always love you and I will come back.” Use comforting language and visuals if you can. Pictures or even a simple map showing where you’re going can help them visualize the situation. Regularly scheduled video calls, even short ones, will be lifesavers for both of you.
For older children and teenagers, be more open and honest. Explain the financial reasons behind your decision. Let them know that you understand their feelings and that you’re not taking this lightly. Involve them in the preparations as much as possible. Maybe they can help pack your suitcase, or choose a special item for you to take with you. This can help them feel like they’re part of the process, rather than just passive victims of your decision.
No matter the age, it’s important to reinforce that your love for them hasn’t changed and that your absence is temporary. Show them pictures of where you will be working, so that they picture where you are.
Choosing the Right Caregiver: Who Will Look After Your Child?
This is arguably the most crucial aspect of preparing your child for your OFW trip. Who will be their primary caregiver? Ideally, it should be someone they already know and trust, like a grandparent, aunt/uncle, or close family friend. Stability is key here. The caregiver shouldn’t be someone who is also juggling multiple commitments or who is likely to move away soon. You want someone who can provide consistent care, emotional support, and a sense of normalcy for your child.
Consider the caregiver’s personality and parenting style. Do they align with your own values and beliefs? Will they enforce the same household rules and routines? Before you leave, have a thorough discussion with the caregiver about your expectations, your child’s needs, and any specific concerns you have. It’s also a good idea to have a trial period where you leave your child with the caregiver for increasing amounts of time to see how they adjust.
If your child is older, definitely involve them in the decision-making process. Ask them who they feel most comfortable with and listen to their concerns. Having their input can make a huge difference in their acceptance of the arrangement.
Establishing Routines and Structure: Creating Stability During Your Absence
Kids thrive on routine. It gives them a sense of security and predictability, which is especially important when their parent is gone. Before you leave, work with the caregiver to establish a clear daily schedule that includes mealtimes, homework time, playtime, and bedtime. Stick to this routine as much as possible, even on weekends.
Also, make sure your child knows the rules and expectations of the house. This will help avoid confusion and potential conflicts with the caregiver. Write down a list of important rules and consequences for breaking them, and make sure everyone is on the same page.
Creating a visual schedule can be helpful, especially for younger children. Use pictures or symbols to represent each activity, and post the schedule in a prominent place.
Even with the best caregiver, maintaining as much familiarity as possible really helps. For older children maintaining friendships and existing routines will be important.
Technology as a Lifeline: Staying Connected While You’re Away
Thank goodness for technology these days, right? Video calls, messaging apps, and social media are all powerful tools for staying connected with your child while you’re miles apart. Schedule regular video calls, even if it’s just for a few minutes each day. Seeing your face and hearing your voice can make a huge difference in your child’s emotional well-being.
Don’t just limit your communication to formal video calls, though. Send short messages, funny pictures, or voice notes throughout the day. Let your child know you’re thinking of them, even when you’re busy.
If your child is old enough, encourage them to use technology to share their experiences with you. They can send you photos or videos of their school activities, sports games, or special events. This will help you feel like you’re still a part of their life, even from a distance.
However, be mindful of online safety. Establish clear rules and guidelines for your child’s use of technology, and monitor their online activity to protect them from potential risks; see resources about online safety available online, for example ConnectSafely.
Addressing Emotional Needs: Dealing with Sadness, Anger, and Anxiety
It’s perfectly normal for your child to experience a range of emotions during your absence. They might feel sad, lonely, angry, anxious, or even resentful. Don’t dismiss these feelings. Acknowledge them and let your child know that it’s okay to feel that way. Be patient and understanding when they’re having a difficult time.
Encourage your child to express their feelings in a healthy way. They can talk to the caregiver, to another trusted adult, or even write in a journal. If your child is struggling to cope, consider seeking professional help from a therapist or counselor. There are many resources available to support children of OFWs, however as previously stated, this is not professional advice, so contact qualified specialist.
One helpful tactic is to create a “feelings chart” together. On a piece of paper, list different emotions (happy, sad, angry, scared, etc.) and then brainstorm healthy ways to deal with each one. For example, if they’re feeling sad, they could listen to music, draw a picture, or talk to a friend. Refer to this chart whenever they’re feeling overwhelmed.
Preparing for Your Return: Reintegration Can Be Tricky
Your trip is over, and you’re finally coming home! This is a very exciting time, but it’s important to remember that reintegration can be a challenging process. Your child might be overjoyed to see you, but they might also feel confused, anxious, or even resentful. They’ve gotten used to a certain routine and a certain way of life without you, and suddenly, things are changing again.
Don’t expect things to go back to normal immediately. Give your child time to adjust to your presence. Be patient, understanding, and flexible. Spend quality time with them, listen to their stories, and show them that you’re truly happy to be back. Also, be aware that the caregiver might need some time to adjust too. Thank them for their hard work and dedication, and gradually transition back into your role as the primary caregiver.
Remember that you have also changed too. So get back into the normal life and familiarise yourself with the newest routines. Communication and constant engagement is key during this period.
The Importance of Self-Care: Taking Care of Yourself So You Can Care for Your Child
Being an OFW is incredibly demanding, both physically and emotionally. You’re working hard to provide for your family, but you’re also dealing with homesickness, loneliness, and the stress of being away from your loved ones. It’s crucial to take care of yourself so you can be the best parent possible, even from a distance. Make sure you get enough sleep, eat healthy foods, and exercise regularly. Find healthy ways to cope with stress, such as meditation, reading, or spending time with friends.
Also, don’t be afraid to ask for help. Talk to your friends, family, or coworkers about your feelings. Joining an OFW support group can be incredibly helpful. You’ll connect with other people who understand what you’re going through, and you can share your experiences and learn from each other.
Setting realistic expectations for yourself is also important. You can’t be everything to everyone all the time. It’s okay to make mistakes. The important thing is to learn from them and keep moving forward.
Building Resilience: Empowering Your Child to Thrive
Ultimately, the goal is to help your child develop resilience – the ability to bounce back from challenges and adversity. This is a skill that will serve them well throughout their lives. Encourage them to build strong relationships with other trusted adults, such as teachers, coaches, or mentors. These people can provide additional support and guidance during your absence.
Help your child develop a positive self-image. Focus on their strengths and accomplishments, and encourage them to pursue their interests and passions. Remind them that they are loved, capable, and resilient.
Teach them problem-solving skills. When they’re faced with a challenge, encourage them to think critically and come up with solutions. Help them break down the problem into smaller, more manageable steps. Celebrate their successes, no matter how small.
Creating ways to help them feel successful in their day to day lives gives boosts to their self confidence. And don’t forget to have fun times. Although you made this serious decision to work abroad, ensure to constantly remind them that they are loved.
Financial Planning: Beyond the Remittances
While the financial benefits of being an OFW are often the primary motivator, it’s important to plan beyond just sending money home. Teach your children about financial literacy at an early age. Explain the value of saving, budgeting, and investing. Involve them in family financial decisions, so they understand how money is earned and spent.
Set clear financial goals for your family, such as buying a house, paying for education, or saving for retirement. Discuss these goals with your children and explain how your work overseas is helping to achieve them; based on the Philippine Statistics Authority, OFW remittances contribute highly to our economy, so encourage your kids to learn about financial literacy.
Avoid spoiling your children with excessive gifts or allowance. This can create a sense of entitlement and make them undervalue the importance of hard work. Instead, focus on providing them with the resources they need to succeed, such as quality education and opportunities for personal growth. By teaching your children about financial responsibility, you’re setting them up for a secure and prosperous future.
FAQ Section
Q: How do I explain my OFW work to a very young child?
A: Keep it simple and concrete. Focus on the idea that you’re going away to work so you can buy them something they want or need, like a new toy or school supplies. Reassure them that you love them and will come back. Use pictures and visuals to help them understand where you’re going.
Q: My child is angry that I’m leaving. How do I handle this?
A: Acknowledge their anger and let them know it’s okay to feel that way. Don’t dismiss their feelings or try to talk them out of it. Listen to their concerns and validate their emotions. Spend quality time with them and reassure them that your love for them hasn’t changed.
Q: What if my child starts acting out or misbehaving after I leave?
A: This is a common reaction to separation anxiety. Be patient and understanding. Reinforce the rules and expectations of the house, but also provide extra attention and support. Try to identify the cause of their misbehavior and address it directly. If the behavior persists, consider seeking professional help.
Q: How often should I communicate with my child while I’m away?
A: As often as possible! Regular communication is key to maintaining your connection with your child. Schedule daily or at least regular video calls, send messages, and share photos and videos. Let your child know you’re thinking of them and that you’re still a part of their life.
Q: What if my child says they don’t want me to come home?
A: This can be a hurtful thing to hear, but try not to take it personally. Your child might be feeling conflicted or anxious about your return. They’ve gotten used to a certain routine without you, and they might be worried about things changing again. Acknowledge their feelings and reassure them that you’re there for them. Give them time to adjust to your presence and gradually reintegrate yourself into their life.
Q: How can I ensure my child doesn’t forget me while I’m away?
A: Keep your presence alive in their daily life. Leave behind photos, videos, and personal items that remind them of you. Encourage them to talk about you and share memories. Send them letters, postcards, and small gifts. Most importantly, maintain regular communication through video calls and messages.
References
Philippine Statistics Authority.
ConnectSafely.org
The decision to work abroad is never easy for parents. It’s a tough balancing act between providing a better future for your children and the emotional toll of being apart. But by taking the time to prepare your child, choosing the right caregiver, staying connected, and addressing their emotional needs, you can help them thrive during your absence. Remember, your love and support, even from a distance, can make all the difference in the world.
Ready to take the next step? Don’t go it alone. Start by reaching out to OFW support groups in your community or online. Share your concerns, learn from the experiences of others, and build a network of support. Knowledge is power, so research reliable resources on parenting tips for OFWs and financial planning. And most importantly, keep the lines of communication open with your child. Regularly check in with them, listen to their concerns, and reassure them of your love and commitment. You’ve got this!
