Being an Overseas Filipino Worker (OFW) is tough. You work hard to provide for your family back home, but sometimes, being far away can create unexpected problems, especially when it comes to understanding each other. Cultural differences – between you and your family, or even within your family – can cause misunderstandings, hurt feelings, and even tear your family apart. This article talks about these differences, how they affect OFW families, and what you can do to make things better.
What Cultural Differences? It’s All in the Family!
You might think that because you’re all Filipino, there shouldn’t be any cultural differences. But think about it. You, the OFW, are exposed to a whole new way of life in your host country. You learn new customs, new ways of thinking, and new ways of doing things. Meanwhile, your family back home remains largely within their familiar Filipino culture. This gap can lead to some serious disconnects.
For example, maybe you’ve learned about financial independence and the importance of saving. Seeing how things work in your host country might shift your perspective on finances. You start sending advice home on saving, budgeting, or even investing, only to be met with resistance. Your family might still follow traditional ways of spending, like fiestas, big family gatherings, or helping out distant relatives. These traditions are important, but if they clash with your new financial mindset, it can create friction.
Another cultural difference can stem from parenting styles. You might have learned about different approaches to raising children in your host country – maybe more emphasis on independence, creativity, or open communication. Meanwhile, your spouse or relatives raising your children back home might stick to more traditional methods – stricter discipline, less open communication, and greater emphasis on obedience. This can lead to disagreements about how your children are being raised.
Let’s also think about communication. You might learn to be more direct and assertive in your communications in your new environment. The Philippines, however, often prioritizes politeness and indirectness. So, when you try to be straightforward with your family, they might perceive you as rude, aggressive, or disrespectful, even if that’s not your intention.
Money Matters: The Root of Many Problems
Let’s be honest, money is often at the center of these cultural clashes. As an OFW, you’re working hard to earn a living and send money home. You naturally want to make sure that money is being used wisely. This is a good thing! However, how “wisely” is defined can differ greatly between you and your family.
Think about the concept of “utang na loob” (a debt of gratitude). It’s a deeply ingrained Filipino value. While commendable, it can sometimes lead to financial strain. Your family might feel obligated to help out distant relatives or friends, even if it means dipping into the money you send for essential needs. This can be frustrating, especially if you haven’t been consulted.
Another factor is different views on financial planning. You might be thinking long-term – saving for your children’s education, your retirement, or a family business. Your family, however, might be focused on immediate needs and wants. They might want to buy a new appliance, renovate the house, or throw a lavish party. While those things aren’t inherently bad, misaligned expectations about expenses can create significant tension.
According to a study by the Philippine Statistics Authority, a significant portion of OFW remittances goes to household consumption. While this is understandable, diversifying where that money goes, such as towards savings, investment, or education, could provide more long-term security (You can find more information by searching for “Philippine Statistics Authority OFW remittances”). Openly discussing these things is crucial, but doing so respectfully and understanding different viewpoints can make a big difference.
The Generation Gap: Old Ways vs. New Ideas
The generation gap is another potential source of cultural clashes. Older family members might hold more traditional beliefs and values, while younger family members might be more open to new ideas and influences. This can create disagreements about everything from relationships and career choices to social issues and personal freedoms.
For instance, you might have younger relatives who are more comfortable expressing themselves online, dating openly, or pursuing unconventional career paths. Older relatives might disapprove of these choices based on traditional values. As the OFW, you’re caught in the middle. You might understand and even sympathize with the younger generation’s desire for freedom and self-expression. Yet, you also want to respect the values and traditions of your elders.
Also, the generation left behind can sometimes feel resentment. They were the ones who took on the responsibility of raising the children, managing the household, and even caring for your parents. Sometimes, they feel that you are disconnected and don’t understand the intricacies of the everyday hardships and sacrifices that were made during your absence.
Communication Breakdown: Lost in Translation (and Distance)
Being physically separated by thousands of miles only makes it harder to bridge cultural gaps. Misunderstandings can easily arise through phone calls, video chats, or text messages. Tone of voice, facial expressions, and body language – all important cues in communication – can be lost in translation, leading to misinterpretations.
Imagine this: You’re having a stressful day at work and you call home to talk to your family. You’re feeling tired and frustrated, and your voice might reflect that. Your family, however, might interpret your tone as anger or impatience. They might feel like you’re taking your stress out on them. This misunderstanding can easily escalate into a full-blown argument.
Furthermore, relying solely on messaging apps can be impersonal. Major life events, serious discussions, or important announcements are better through a phone or video call. Your presence, energy, and emotional expression can bridge the gaps that text messages simply cannot fulfill.
What Can You Do? Practical Tips for Bridging the Gap
So, how can you bridge these cultural gaps and prevent them from tearing your family apart? Here are some practical tips:
- Open and Honest Communication: This is the foundation of any healthy relationship. Talk to your family regularly, not just about practical matters like money or bills, but also about your feelings, your experiences, and your concerns. Encourage them to do the same. Create a safe space where everyone feels comfortable expressing themselves without fear of judgment.
- Active Listening: Don’t just hear what your family is saying; really listen to them. Try to understand their perspective, even if you don’t agree with it. Ask clarifying questions. Show empathy. Let them know that you care about their feelings.
- Embrace Compromise: Be willing to meet your family halfway. Don’t expect them to completely change their ways to suit your preferences. Be flexible and adaptable. Find solutions that work for everyone.
- Respectful Discourse: The way you say something is just as important as what you say. Avoid being critical, judgmental, or dismissive. Be patient and understanding. Use a gentle and respectful tone of voice.
- Acknowledge Family Traditions: Understand that your family has traditions that are important to them. While you may see them differently now, respect their choices to continue those traditions. It is part of what keeps them connected.
- Empathy: Put yourself in their shoes. You are living and experiencing a new world, but often the family members left at home are struggling with their own obstacles that you may not even be aware of.
- Schedule Quality Time (Even Virtually): Make an effort to connect with your family on a personal level. Schedule regular video calls or phone calls where you can talk about things other than money or household chores. Play games together online, watch movies together (even if you’re watching them separately), or simply chat about your day.
- Educate Yourself: Learn more about your own culture and the culture of your host country. This will help you understand your own values and beliefs, as well as the values and beliefs of others. There are many resources available online, in libraries, and in cultural centers.
- Seek Professional Help: If you’re struggling to communicate effectively with your family, consider seeking professional help. A family therapist or counselor can help you identify the root causes of your communication problems and develop strategies for resolving them.
- Be Present (When Possible): If you can, try to visit your family regularly. Nothing beats spending time together in person. It will strengthen your bonds and help you reconnect on a deeper level.
- Discuss Expectations Early: Have open conversations before any money is spent, especially on huge occasions or special events. Who is paying for what? What is everyone expecting? Addressing these up front can save a lot of hurt feelings and arguments.
- Support System: Encourage your family to develop and maintain their own support systems. This could include friends, community groups, or religious organizations. A strong support system can help them cope with the challenges of being an OFW family.
Real-Life Examples: Learning from Others
Here are a couple of examples of how cultural differences can manifest in OFW families, and how they can be addressed:
- Example 1: The Christmas Bonus Clash: Sarah, an OFW in Dubai, sends her Christmas bonus home every year. This year, she planned to use a portion of it for a family investment, but her family spent all of it on lavish Christmas parties and gifts. Sarah was furious, feeling like her hard-earned money was wasted. Instead of confronting her family directly, she scheduled a video call and calmly explained her long-term financial goals. She acknowledged their desire to celebrate and suggested a compromise: a smaller Christmas party this year, with the remaining money allocated to the investment. Her family, understanding her perspective, agreed.
- Example 2: The Parenting Disagreement: Mark, working in Japan, disagreed with his wife’s strict disciplinary style with their children. He felt she was being too harsh and stifling their creativity. He started sending articles about positive parenting to his wife, but she felt like he was criticizing her. Instead of continuing to send articles, he initiated a conversation about their different parenting philosophies. He shared what he had learned about positive parenting but also listened to his wife’s reasons for her approach. They agreed to attend a parenting workshop together (online) to learn new strategies and find a middle ground.
Addressing Specific Cultural Values: ‘Utang na Loob’, ‘Pakikisama’, and More
Many Filipino cultural values play a role in how family relationships operate. Understanding these values can help prevent misunderstandings, and you can address them sensitively.
- Utang na Loob (Debt of Gratitude): Recognize the importance of this value to your family. Instead of dismissing it as old-fashioned, acknowledge their sense of obligation. Find ways to help them fulfill their obligations without compromising your financial goals. Perhaps suggest alternative ways to show gratitude that don’t involve significant financial expenditure.
- Pakikisama (Getting Along/Camaraderie): Filipinos inherently value good relationships and want to avoid conflict. This could mean problems may be kept hidden from you because your family doesn’t want to worry you or cause any problems. Don’t assume everything is fine simply because no one is complaining. Keep the lines of communication open and ask specific questions.
- Hiya (Shame/Embarrassment): Filipinos can be hesitant to talk about personal or financial problems due to “hiya.” Even if the family is struggling, they might not want to admit it. It is important to approach these situations with sensitivity. Assure them that there is no shame in needing help and that you want to support them.
FAQ Section
Q: My family always asks for money, even when I tell them I can’t afford it. What should I do?
A: This is a common dilemma. First, clearly communicate your financial situation. Tell them about your expenses and your savings goals. Set a realistic budget for remittances and stick to it. You can also suggest alternative ways to help them, such as finding them employment or helping them start a small business. It’s important to be firm but compassionate.
Q: How can I deal with family members who are constantly comparing me to other OFWs?
A: It’s frustrating when family members compare you to other OFWs, especially if they seem to think you’re not doing enough. Remind them that everyone’s situation is unique. Explain that you’re doing your best and that you’re focusing on your own goals. Try to shift the focus away from comparisons and towards your own accomplishments and progress.
Q: I feel like I’m losing touch with my children’s upbringing. How can I stay involved?
A: Staying involved in your children’s lives despite the distance is crucial. Schedule regular video calls to talk to them, help with their homework, and attend virtual school events. Communicate regularly with their teachers and caregivers. Send them letters or packages with small gifts or tokens of your love. Make sure they know that you care about them and that you’re always there for them, even if you’re far away.
Q: My spouse and I constantly argue about how to raise our children. What can we do?
A: Disagreements about parenting are common, especially in OFW families where one parent is away. Try to find common ground. Discuss your different parenting philosophies calmly and respectfully. Attend parenting workshops together (online if necessary). Consider seeking counseling from a family therapist. The goal is to work together as a team and find solutions that are in the best interests of your children.
Q: How do I address the feeling of resentment from family members left at home?
A: Acknowledge their sacrifices and hard work. Show them your appreciation for all they have done. Actively listen to their concerns and frustrations. Let them know that you understand the challenges they face. Find ways to support them emotionally and practically. Make sure they know that their contributions are valued, and you haven’t forgotten their hardships during your absence.
Q: I feel disconnected from my culture. How can I reconnect with my Filipino heritage?
A: There are many ways to reconnect with your Filipino heritage. Read books about Filipino history and culture. Listen to Filipino music and watch Filipino movies. Join a Filipino community group or organization in your host country. Cook Filipino food, and celebrate Filipino holidays with your family and friends. Stay informed about current events in the Philippines. Learn to speak or improve your Tagalog or other Filipino language skills.
References
Philippine Statistics Authority. (Date not specified). Statistics on Overseas Filipino Workers.
Search Terms: OFW remittances statistics, OFW family challenges, cultural differences Filipino families (Used to locate general information but direct links weren’t available at time of response)
Call To Action
Building strong family relationships as an OFW is an ongoing journey, not a destination. It takes effort, understanding, and a commitment to open communication. Don’t let cultural differences become a barrier to your family’s happiness. Start today by taking small steps to bridge the gap. Schedule a video call with your family, initiate a conversation about your feelings, or simply express your love and appreciation. The reward of a strong and united family is worth all the effort. Are you ready to strengthen your family ties, despite the distance and different experiences?
