Being an Overseas Filipino Worker (OFW) means making huge sacrifices, often involving leaving your children behind to provide them with a better life. But how do you ensure your kids not only survive but really thrive while you’re away? This article is all about building resilient children in OFW families, offering practical tips and real-life stories to help you navigate the challenges and create a brighter future for your loved ones.
Understanding Resilience: More Than Just Toughness
Resilience isn’t about being unbreakable; it’s about bouncing back from tough times. It’s the ability to adapt well in the face of adversity, trauma, tragedy, threats, or even significant sources of stress. For children of OFWs, resilience means coping with separation, adjusting to new caregivers, and navigating the emotions that come with having a parent working far away. It’s about developing the skills and inner strength to face these challenges and emerge stronger. This includes handling loneliness, building strong relationships with remaining family members, and maintaining a positive outlook despite the distance. Think of it like a bamboo; it bends in the wind but doesn’t break.
Building a Strong Foundation: The Importance of Communication
Communication is the lifeline for any family, but it’s even more critical when a parent is working abroad. Regularly scheduled calls, video chats, and even simple text messages can make a huge difference. It’s not just about talking; it’s about listening, really listening, to your children’s concerns, joys, and day-to-day experiences.
Consider setting up a specific time each week for a video call. Make it a routine that your children can look forward to. During these calls, focus on quality over quantity. Ask open-ended questions like, “What was the best part of your day?” or “What are you looking forward to this week?” Encourage your children to share their thoughts and feelings, and let them know that you’re always there for them, even from afar. Platforms like Skype, WhatsApp, and Viber become essential tools, enabling real-time connection and visual contact that bridges the geographical gap. Moreover, if you have older children, initiating a private chat online can give them a feeling to easily open up about their concerns.
The Role of the Caregiver: More Than Just a Babysitter
The caregiver, whether it’s a grandparent, aunt, uncle, or another relative, plays an absolutely vital role in a child’s life when a parent is overseas. They’re not just there to supervise; they’re there to provide emotional support, guidance, and a sense of stability. Choosing the right caregiver is crucial. It should be someone the child trusts, someone who understands their needs, and someone who is willing to step in and be a surrogate parent.
One of the biggest things to consider is how well the caregiver communicates with you. You need to be kept in the loop about your child’s progress, challenges, and overall well-being. Establish a system for regular updates, whether it’s through daily text messages, weekly phone calls, or shared online journals. Transparency and open communication will ensure that you’re both on the same page and working together to support your child. The Department of Social Welfare and Development (DSWD) in the Philippines offers resources and training that can assist caregivers in understanding child development and providing appropriate support.
Creating a Supportive Environment: Family, Friends, and Community
No child should feel alone in their journey. Building a supportive network of family, friends, and community members is essential. Encourage your children to participate in extracurricular activities, join clubs, or volunteer in their community. These activities not only provide them with opportunities to socialize and make friends, but also help them develop new skills and interests.
Family gatherings, even if they’re just small get-togethers, can provide a sense of belonging and connection. Encourage relatives to spend time with your children, whether it’s taking them to the park, reading them stories, or simply having dinner together. Church groups or community organizations can also offer support and a sense of community. Be mindful of finding activities or groups which align with your child’s interests.
Teaching Coping Skills: Emotional Intelligence and Problem-Solving
Resilient children have strong coping skills. They know how to manage their emotions, solve problems, and seek help when they need it. As an OFW parent, you can teach your children these skills even from a distance. Start by helping them identify and understand their feelings. Encourage them to talk about their emotions, whether it’s sadness, anger, or loneliness. Teach them healthy ways to express these feelings, such as through writing, drawing, or talking to a trusted adult.
Problem-solving skills are also crucial. When your children face challenges, don’t immediately swoop in and solve the problem for them. Instead, guide them through the process of identifying the problem, brainstorming solutions, and evaluating the pros and cons of each solution. Encourage them to try different approaches and learn from their mistakes. You can role-play situations over video calls or discuss hypothetical scenarios to help them develop these skills. Encouraging reading will also broaden their perspectives.
Promoting Independence and Responsibility: Fostering Self-Reliance
While it’s natural to want to protect your children, it’s also important to foster their independence and responsibility. Assign them age-appropriate chores and responsibilities around the house. This not only helps them develop valuable life skills, but also gives them a sense of accomplishment and contribution.
Encourage them to make their own decisions, starting with small choices like what to wear or what to eat for breakfast. As they get older, give them more responsibility, such as managing their own allowance or planning their own schedules. When you’re away, it’s important to trust that they can handle these responsibilities, even if they make mistakes along the way. Remember, mistakes are learning opportunities. This can translate into simple tasks like letting them prepare meals or handling simple household finances.
Addressing Common Challenges: Loneliness, Anxiety, and Guilt
Children of OFWs often experience feelings of loneliness, anxiety, and even guilt. It’s important to acknowledge these feelings and provide them with support. Loneliness can be addressed by encouraging social interaction and connection. Arrange playdates with friends, encourage participation in extracurricular activities, and make sure they have opportunities to connect with other family members.
Anxiety can stem from worrying about your safety or feeling insecure about the future. Reassure your children that you’re doing everything you can to stay safe and that you’re working hard to provide for their future. Establish a predictable routine and communicate regularly to provide a sense of stability. Some children may experience guilt, feeling like they’re a burden or that they’re responsible for your decision to work abroad. Remind them that your decision was made out of love and that you’re proud of them.
Leveraging Technology: Staying Connected in the Digital Age
Technology offers incredible opportunities for connecting with your children when you’re abroad. Video calls, social media, and online games can help you stay involved in their lives and maintain a strong bond. Explore educational apps, online learning platforms, and virtual field trips to enrich their learning experiences.
Tools like shared online calendars can also help coordinate schedules and ensure that you’re aware of important events in their lives. Even something simple like sharing photos and videos can help you stay connected and create a sense of closeness. However, it’s important to set boundaries and monitor their online activity to ensure their safety and well-being.
Moreover, consider using private or shared social media groups only for your family to easily share updates and photos so that everyone is included and connected.
Financial Literacy: Teaching the Value of Money
Working abroad often means sending money back home. Involve your children in discussions about budgeting, saving, and spending. Teach them the value of money and the importance of making informed financial decisions. You can start by giving them a small allowance and encouraging them to save a portion of it. Explain the difference between needs and wants, and help them understand the sacrifices you’re making to provide for them.
Consider setting up a savings account for them and encouraging them to deposit a portion of their allowance or earnings. You can also involve them in family budgeting decisions, such as planning for a vacation or purchasing a new appliance. By teaching them financial literacy from a young age, you’re equipping them with valuable skills that will benefit them throughout their lives. The Bangko Sentral ng Pilipinas (BSP) has resources that can help you teach your children about money management.
Celebrating Culture and Heritage: Maintaining Identity and Pride
Even when you’re far away, it’s essential to instill a sense of pride in your culture and heritage. Share stories about your family history, traditions, and values. Celebrate Filipino holidays and customs, even if you’re doing it remotely. Teach them the Filipino language and encourage them to learn about Filipino art, music, and literature.
Cook traditional Filipino dishes together, whether you’re doing it in person or via video call. Share photos and videos of your homeland and explain the significance of various landmarks and cultural sites. By preserving their cultural identity, you’re helping them develop a strong sense of self and belonging.
Seeking Professional Help: When to Reach Out
There may be times when your children need professional help to cope with the challenges of having a parent working abroad. Don’t hesitate to seek the assistance of a therapist, counselor, or social worker. Signs that your child may need professional help include persistent sadness, anxiety, or behavioral problems; difficulty sleeping or eating; social withdrawal; or academic decline.
Many schools offer guidance counseling services, and there are also community-based mental health organizations that provide affordable or free counseling services. Online therapy platforms can also be a convenient and accessible option. Remember, seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness. It shows that you’re committed to your child’s well-being and that you’re willing to do whatever it takes to support them.
The Importance of Self-Care: Taking Care of Yourself
As an OFW parent, it’s easy to get caught up in providing for your family and forget to take care of yourself. However, self-care is essential for maintaining your own well-being and effectively supporting your children. Make time for activities that you enjoy, whether it’s reading, exercising, spending time with friends, or pursuing a hobby.
Get enough sleep, eat a healthy diet, and manage your stress levels. If you’re feeling overwhelmed or burnt out, don’t hesitate to seek help from a therapist or counselor. Remember, you can’t pour from an empty cup. Taking care of yourself will enable you to be a better parent and a stronger role model for your children. Build and nurture friendships with other OFWs who are going through the same experience.
Planning for the Future: Setting Goals and Creating Opportunities
Working abroad is often a means to an end: providing a better future for your children. Involve your children in planning for their future. Discuss their goals and aspirations and help them identify the steps they need to take to achieve them. Encourage them to pursue their passions and interests, whether it’s academics, arts, sports, or vocational skills.
Save for their education, invest in their future, and provide them with opportunities to develop their skills and talents. Research scholarships, grants, and other financial aid options. Support their dreams and aspirations, and let them know that you believe in them.
Celebrating Success: Recognizing Achievements and Milestones
Don’t forget to celebrate your children’s successes, no matter how big or small. Acknowledge their achievements, praise their efforts, and let them know how proud you are of them. Celebrate birthdays, graduations, and other milestones, even if you can’t be there in person. Send gifts, cards, or video messages to show your love and support. Create traditions that you can share, even from a distance.
Celebrating success reinforces positive behavior, boosts self-esteem, and creates lasting memories. Let your children know that their hard work and achievements are valued and appreciated. Recognizing their accomplishments is a powerful way to show them that you care and that you’re invested in their future.
Building Trust and Openness: The Foundation of a Strong Relationship
At the heart of a resilient family is a foundation of trust and openness. This is particularly important for OFW families, where distance can sometimes create emotional barriers. Encourage your children to confide in you, and create a safe space where they feel comfortable sharing their thoughts and feelings without judgment.
Actively listen to their concerns, validate their emotions, and offer support and guidance. Be honest and transparent with them about your own experiences and challenges. Build trust by keeping your promises and being reliable. Let them know that you’re always there for them, no matter what. This foundation of trust and openness will strengthen your relationship and help your children navigate the challenges of having a parent working abroad.
FAQ Section
What if my child refuses to communicate with me?
It’s tough when your child shuts down. Don’t take it personally right away. There could be many factors, from feeling overwhelmed to simply needing space. Try different approaches. Instead of constantly calling, send a short text or email. Share a funny video or meme. Ask about something specific, like their favorite subject in school. Let them know you’re there when they’re ready to talk, without pressure. Offer alternative ways to connect such as written letters. Remember that the relationship with the caregiver can also influence this attitude. It’s possible that your child isn’t comfortable sharing information for reasons unknown to you.
How can I deal with my guilt about being away from my children?
Guilt is a common feeling for OFW parents. Acknowledge it, but don’t let it consume you. Focus on the positive: you’re working hard to provide a better future for your children. Remind yourself of your goals and the sacrifices you’re making for their well-being. Most importantly, find healthy ways to manage your stress and prioritize your own self-care.
How can I ensure the caregiver is providing adequate emotional support?
Have open and honest conversations with the caregiver. Ask specific questions about your child’s emotional well-being, such as “How has my child been handling the separation lately?” or “Have you noticed any changes in their mood or behavior?” Observe your child’s interactions with the caregiver. Watch for signs of affection, trust, and comfort. If you have concerns, address them directly with the caregiver and work together to find solutions. Consider having regular check-ins with the caregiver, perhaps weekly or monthly, to discuss any challenges or concerns.
How much screen time is too much for my children while I’m away?
It’s a balancing act. Too much screen time can lead to eye strain, sleep problems, and social isolation. Set clear limits for screen time, and encourage your children to engage in other activities, such as reading, playing outdoors, or spending time with family and friends. The American Academy of Pediatrics offers guidelines for screen time based on age. Lead by example by limiting your own screen time when you connect with your children.
How can I help my child deal with bullying?
Bullying is never acceptable. Talk to your child about bullying, and teach them how to recognize and respond to it. Encourage them to tell a trusted adult, such as a teacher or caregiver, if they’re being bullied. Work with the school to address the bullying issue and create a safe environment for your child. Empower your child by practicing assertive communication skills, such as saying “Stop it” or walking away. Let them know that you support them and that they’re not alone.
References
Bangko Sentral ng Pilipinas (BSP)
Department of Social Welfare and Development (DSWD)
American Academy of Pediatrics
You’ve taken the first step in empowering your children by reading this article. Now, it’s time to put these ideas into action. Start with one or two small changes this week. Schedule a regular video call, talk to the caregiver about your concerns, or encourage your child to try a new activity. Remember, raising resilient children is a journey, not a destination. Embrace the challenges, celebrate the successes, and never stop striving to build a brighter future for your family. You are not alone in this journey of parenthood, countless resources such as parent support groups are there to assist you. So, take action, stay informed, and champion your children. Your love can help them thrive.
