Coming home after working abroad as an Overseas Filipino Worker (OFW) is a big deal. You’ve worked hard, saved money, and now you’re ready to reunite with your family. But adjusting back to life at home can be tougher than you think. This guide gives you a step-by-step plan to make the transition smoother, so you can enjoy being back with your loved ones without too much stress.
Understanding the Challenges of Reintegration
Think about it: you’ve been living a different life, maybe for many years. You’ve gotten used to a new routine, different foods, new friends, and a different way of doing things. Meanwhile, your family has also been changing. Kids grow up, parents get older, and family dynamics shift. According to research on OFW families, long periods of separation can put strain on relationships. So, it’s important to be prepared for these changes and be patient with yourself and your family.
One common challenge is unmet expectations. You might be expecting everyone to be overjoyed and grateful all the time, and your family might expect you to instantly fix all the family’s financial problems. These unrealistic expectations can lead to disappointment and conflict. Another common issue is communication. After being apart for so long, you might have different communication styles or find it hard to understand each other’s perspectives. Being aware of these potential challenges is the first step toward overcoming them. The International Labour Organization (ILO) has resources on supporting migrant workers, including information on pre-departure and post-arrival support that can help navigate integration challenges.
Step 1: Preparing Before You Come Home
Preparation is key! Don’t just book your flight and expect everything to fall into place. Start planning your return several months in advance. This will give you time to take care of important tasks and prepare yourself mentally and emotionally.
Financial Planning: The money you’ve saved is important, but how you use it is even more important. Before you come home, create a detailed budget and financial plan. Consider your family’s needs, outstanding debts, and future goals. Think about investing in a small business, buying a house, or funding your children’s education. Talking to a financial advisor before you return can be very helpful. Avoid splurging on unnecessary items just to show off. Instead, show your love through wise investments and long-term financial security for your family. Consult with reputable banks or financial institutions in the Philippines about investment options suitable for OFWs. The Bangko Sentral ng Pilipinas (BSP) website provides information on financial literacy programs that could be helpful.
Open Communication with Family: Talk to your family regularly in the months leading up to your return. Discuss your expectations and theirs. What do they expect you to do once you’re back? What do you expect from them? This is a great time to address any potential conflicts or misunderstandings. For example, if your children have grown used to making their own decisions, discuss how you can collaborate on important family matters. Regularly video calls (Zoom, Skype, etc.) can bridge the physical distance and allow for more open and engaging communication.
Mental and Emotional Preparation: Leaving your life abroad and adjusting to a new reality can be emotionally challenging. Acknowledge your feelings and give yourself time to process them. You might feel a mix of excitement, anxiety, and sadness. It’s okay to feel this way. Connecting with other OFWs who have successfully returned can be a great way to share experiences and get support. Consider joining online forums or support groups for OFWs in your region. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, don’t hesitate to seek professional counseling. Mental health is just as important as physical health, and seeking support is a sign of strength, not weakness.
Step 2: The First Few Weeks Back Home: Setting Realistic Expectations
Don’t expect everything to be perfect right away. The first few weeks back home are a period of adjustment for everyone. Be patient with yourself and your family, and focus on building strong relationships.
Resist the urge to immediately control everything: One of the biggest mistakes OFWs make is trying to take control of everything as soon as they return. Remember, your family has been managing without you for a while. Instead of dictating, observe, listen, and offer your support. For example, if your spouse has been managing the household finances, ask them about their system and offer suggestions instead of completely taking over. This shows respect for their efforts and allows for a more collaborative approach. Remember that your family is used to a certain way of doing things, and sudden changes will be met with resistance.
Quality Time, Not Just Expensive Gifts: It’s natural to shower your family with gifts when you first come home, but remember that what they really want is your time and attention. Plan activities that everyone will enjoy, like family meals, movie nights, or outings to local attractions. Put away your phone and be present in the moment. Listen to your children’s stories, help with household chores, and spend quality time with your spouse. These small gestures will mean more than any expensive gift. Don’t fall into the trap of thinking that material things can compensate for your absence. It’s the shared experiences and emotional connections that truly matter.
Dealing with Reverse Culture Shock: You might experience what’s known as reverse culture shock. This is the feeling of unease or disorientation when returning to your home country after an extended period abroad. You might find yourself criticizing things that you used to take for granted, or feeling out of place. Remember that it’s okay to miss your life abroad, but try to focus on the positive aspects of being back home. Reconnect with old friends, explore your community, and find new hobbies to keep yourself engaged. A helpful strategy is to create a list of things you love about being home, from the food to the culture to the people.
Step 3: Rebuilding Relationships: Communication is Key
Rebuilding relationships takes time and effort. Communication is the cornerstone of any strong family. Make an effort to communicate openly and honestly with your family, even when it’s difficult.
Active Listening: Truly listen to what your family members have to say. Pay attention to their words, their body language, and their emotions. Avoid interrupting or judging. Ask clarifying questions to make sure you understand their perspective. For example, instead of saying “That’s a silly idea,” try saying “Help me understand why you think that’s the best option.” Active listening shows that you care about their feelings and opinions. It also prevents misunderstandings and builds trust.
Expressing Your Feelings: Don’t be afraid to express your own feelings, but do it in a respectful and constructive way. Use “I” statements to avoid blaming or accusing. For example, instead of saying “You never listen to me,” try saying “I feel like I’m not being heard when I share my ideas.” Be honest about your struggles with reintegration, but also focus on the positive aspects of being back home. Open communication creates a safe space for everyone to share their thoughts and feelings.
Family Meetings: Hold regular family meetings to discuss important issues, plan activities, and address any conflicts. This provides a structured forum for everyone to voice their opinions and work together to find solutions. Set ground rules for the meetings, such as respecting each other’s opinions and avoiding interruptions. Family meetings can be a powerful tool for strengthening communication and building a sense of unity.
Step 4: Managing Finances: A Family Affair
How you manage your finances will have a big impact on your family’s well-being. Make sure everyone is on the same page and that your financial decisions reflect your family’s goals.
Transparency and Budgeting: Be transparent about your financial situation with your spouse. Create a budget together and track your spending. Discuss your financial goals and priorities. Are you saving for your children’s education, a new house, or retirement? Involve your children in age-appropriate discussions about money. Teach them the value of saving and budgeting. Transparency builds trust and ensures that everyone is working towards the same financial goals.
Investing Wisely: Don’t put all your eggs in one basket. Research different investment options and diversify your portfolio. Consider investing in real estate, stocks, mutual funds, or a small business. Seek advice from a financial advisor to help you make informed decisions. Be wary of get-rich-quick schemes that promise high returns with little risk. Investing wisely requires patience, discipline, and a long-term perspective. Many institutions such as the Securities and Exchange Commission (SEC) provide helpful information and warnings about potential investment scams.
Avoiding Debt: Avoid unnecessary debt, especially high-interest loans. Pay off your existing debts as quickly as possible. Be cautious about using credit cards, and always pay your balance in full each month. Debt can be a major source of stress and can derail your financial goals. Living within your means and avoiding debt will provide you with greater financial security and peace of mind.
Step 5: Finding Your Purpose and Contribution
After years of working abroad, you might be wondering what your purpose is now that you’re back home. Finding meaningful ways to contribute to your family and community can help you feel fulfilled and connected.
Career Options: Consider your career options. Do you want to return to your previous job, find a new job, or start your own business? Evaluate your skills, interests, and financial needs. Attend job fairs, network with professionals in your field, and explore entrepreneurial opportunities. If you’re starting a business, conduct thorough market research and develop a solid business plan. Remember that income isn’t everything. Choose a path that aligns with your values and allows you to make a positive impact. Many resources are also available to help returning OFWs in starting small business; the Department of Trade and Industry (DTI) provides training programs and resources specifically designed for entrepreneurs.
Community Involvement: Get involved in your community. Volunteer your time and skills to a cause you care about. Join a local organization or participate in community events. Helping others can give you a sense of purpose and belonging. It’s also a great way to meet new people and build relationships. Contributing to your community can have a positive impact on your well-being and give you a renewed sense of purpose.
Personal Growth: Continue to learn and grow as a person. Pursue your hobbies, take classes, or read books. Invest in your physical and mental health. Exercise regularly, eat a healthy diet, and get enough sleep. Take time for self-care and relaxation. Prioritizing your personal growth will help you stay motivated, resilient, and engaged in life.
FAQ Section
Q: How can I deal with my children’s resentment towards me for being away for so long?
A: This is a common issue for OFWs. The key is patience and understanding. Acknowledge their feelings and validate their experiences. Don’t dismiss their resentment. Spend quality time with them, actively listen to their concerns, and show genuine interest in their lives. Explain your motivations for working abroad in a way they can understand. Consistency is crucial. Show them through your actions that you’re committed to being present in their lives now. Consider family counseling if the resentment is deeply rooted.
Q: My spouse and I have grown apart. How can we rebuild our intimacy?
A: Rebuilding intimacy takes time and effort. Communication is essential. Schedule regular date nights, even if it’s just a quiet evening at home. Talk openly about your feelings, desires, and expectations. Reconnect emotionally by sharing your dreams and fears. Physical affection is also important. Hold hands, hug, and cuddle. Consider professional counseling if you’re struggling to communicate effectively or if there are underlying issues that need to be addressed.
Q: I feel guilty about spending the money I earned abroad. How can I overcome this guilt?
A: Many OFWs experience guilt about spending their hard-earned money. Remind yourself that you worked hard for it and you deserve to enjoy the fruits of your labor. Focus on spending wisely and investing in your family’s future. Create a budget and track your spending. Avoid impulsive purchases and unnecessary expenses. Share your financial blessings with others, but don’t feel obligated to give away all your money. Remember that financial security is important for your family’s well-being.
Q: How can I adjust to the slower pace of life in the Philippines after being used to the fast-paced lifestyle abroad?
A: Adjusting to a slower pace of life can be challenging. Embrace the change and find ways to appreciate the simple things. Spend time with loved ones, enjoy nature, and indulge in your hobbies. Avoid comparing your life in the Philippines to your life abroad. Focus on the positive aspects of being back home, such as the strong family ties, the vibrant culture, and the delicious food. Be patient with yourself and allow yourself time to adjust to the new pace of life.
Q: What if my family expects me to instantly solve all their financial problems?
A: This is a difficult situation. It’s important to set realistic expectations from the beginning. Explain your financial situation and how you plan to use your savings. Be clear about what you can and cannot afford to do. Help your family develop a budget and learn how to manage their finances. Encourage them to find their own sources of income. Avoid enabling irresponsible spending habits. Remember, you’re there to support them, not to be their personal ATM.
References
International Labour Organization. (n.d.). Labour Migration.
Bangko Sentral ng Pilipinas. (n.d.). Financial Literacy.
Securities and Exchange Commission. (n.d.). Investor Education.
Department of Trade and Industry. (n.d.). SME Development.
You’ve come so far, and the journey back home is the start of a beautiful new chapter with your family. Don’t let the challenges of reintegration overwhelm you. Take it one step at a time, communicate openly with your loved ones, and remember why you worked so hard in the first place: for them. Now, take that first step. Reconnect with your family today. Plan a simple activity, have a heartfelt conversation, and start building those strong, lasting bonds. You’ve got this!
