Coming home after years of working overseas is a big deal for every Overseas Filipino Worker (OFW). It’s more than just physically returning; it’s about preparing for a huge emotional and mental shift as you transition into retirement life back in the Philippines.
The Longing for Home: It’s More Than Just a Place
For many years, your dreams have kept you going, fueled by the vision of finally returning home for good. You’ve imagined the reunions, the relaxed days, and being close to your loved ones. But sometimes, reality doesn’t quite match the dream. It’s important to remember that home isn’t just a place; it’s a feeling, a connection, and a set of expectations. Understanding this is the first step in preparing for your return.
Think about what you truly missed about home. Was it your family’s cooking? The sound of your native language being spoken around you? The familiar streets of your hometown? Write these things down. Understanding why you longed for home so deeply will help you appreciate those aspects when you finally return and also help you manage expectations when other aspects of home don’t live up to your memories.
The Double-Edged Sword of Anticipation
Anticipation can be a powerful motivator, but it can also set you up for disappointment. Years of thinking about your return can create an idealized version of home in your mind. You might expect everything to be exactly as you remember it, or even better. However, things change. People change. Your hometown might not be the same bustling place you left behind. Your children might be grown up with their own lives and priorities.
To manage these expectations, engage in realistic conversations with your family. Ask about their current lives, their challenges, and their perspectives. Don’t assume you know everything that’s been happening. This will help you get a clearer picture of what life is like back home and adjust your expectations accordingly. Find online communities or groups of returning OFWs to share experiences and learn from others who have already gone through the transition. The Philippine Statistics Authority (PSA) provides demographic data that you can use. Check their website for updated population and migration statistics related to OFWs, which may help contextualize trends and realities.
Grief and Loss: Leaving a Life Behind
Even though you’re excited to come home, it’s okay to feel a sense of grief and loss for the life you’re leaving behind. You’ve built a life overseas, created routines, made friends, and learned new skills. You might miss your colleagues, your favorite coffee shop, or the sense of independence you had abroad. These feelings are normal and valid.
Acknowledge these feelings instead of pushing them aside. Allow yourself time to mourn the loss of your old life. Write in a journal, talk to a trusted friend, or seek counseling if needed. Think about the positive aspects of your experience abroad. What did you learn? What did you achieve? How did you grow as a person? Focusing on these positive aspects can help you feel grateful for your time overseas and ease the transition back home. In addition to talking through things by yourself, consider connecting with a mental health professional who is accustomed to cross-cultural challenges. Many national governments such as through the Department of Migrant Workers provide resources for OFWs, make sure to use legitimate resources.
The Identity Shift: Who Am I Now?
Working overseas often becomes a big part of your identity. You’re “the OFW,” the one who sends money home, the one who’s seen the world, the one who’s worked hard to provide for your family. But what happens when you’re no longer an OFW? Who are you now?
This is a question that many returning OFWs struggle with. Redefining your identity takes time and effort. Explore new hobbies, reconnect with old friends, volunteer in your community, or start a small business. Find activities that give you a sense of purpose and fulfillment. Your value does not solely lie upon your status as an OFW. It’s tied to your humanity, relationships, and experiences. Allow yourself time to figure this out. Don’t rush the process.
Reintegrating into Family Life: Roles and Responsibilities
Family dynamics can change significantly while you’re away. Your spouse might have taken on new responsibilities, your children might have grown up without you, and your parents might need more care. Reintegrating into family life can be challenging, especially if you expect things to be the same as when you left.
Communicate openly and honestly with your family. Discuss your expectations and theirs. Be prepared to compromise and adjust your role within the family. Don’t assume you can simply pick up where you left off. You may need to learn to navigate new family dynamics. Your children may have their own way of living that differs from your perception. Instead of trying to impose your will, try to listen and understand. Seek common ground and establish healthy boundaries.
Financial Realities: Managing Your Savings
One of the biggest concerns for returning OFWs is managing their finances. You’ve worked hard to save money, and you want to make sure it lasts. This requires careful planning and a realistic assessment of your financial situation.
Create a budget and track your expenses. Differentiate between your needs and wants. Consider investing your money wisely. Seek financial counseling from a reputable source. Be wary of scams and get-rich-quick schemes. It’s not just about having money, but having it work for you. Many OFWs also start businesses; the Small Business Corporation, or SB Corporation, is a way to get access to capital assistance and is worth looking into for those trying to start up something. Remember that time is valuable too, so it may be worth investing in time-saving appliances or hiring someone. Consult with your family, especially your spouse about the best options. Remember this is a collaborative process. It’s easy for others to want access to the money, but you need to be firm about boundaries.
Building a Support System: You Are Not Alone
Returning home can be isolating, especially if you don’t have a strong support system. It’s important to connect with other returning OFWs, join community groups, and seek professional help if needed.
Talk to other OFWs who have gone through the same experience. Share your challenges and learn from their successes. Join support groups or online forums. Seek counseling or therapy if you’re struggling with depression, anxiety, or other mental health issues. Remember, you are not alone. The Overseas Workers Welfare Administration (OWWA) provides support services, including counseling and reintegration programs.
Finding Purpose and Meaning: Life After Work
Retirement shouldn’t be the end of your journey; it should be the beginning of a new chapter. Explore new interests, develop new skills, and find ways to contribute to your community. This is your chance to pursue your passions and live life to the fullest.
Think about what you’ve always wanted to do but never had the time for. Perhaps you’ve always dreamed of learning to play a musical instrument, writing a book, or traveling the world. Now is the time to pursue those dreams. Volunteering can be a great way to give back to your community and find a sense of purpose. Think about what you’re passionate about and find an organization that aligns with your values. It’s also a way to meet similar-minded people. Staying physically and mentally active is crucial for maintaining your health and well-being. Exercise regularly, eat a healthy diet, and engage in activities that challenge your mind. This might mean taking up painting, chess, or learning a new language. Don’t undervalue the role that simple activities like visiting local tourist spots, having lunch with old classmates can do for your emotional wellbeing.
Addressing Potential Family Conflicts (The “Pamanas” Issue)
This often happens, so let’s talk about it frankly. The issue of inheritance (“pamanas” in some dialects) can be a sensitive and potentially conflict-ridden topic among siblings and family members, especially after an OFW’s return. Years of hard work overseas, significant financial contributions to the family, and the anticipation of shared wealth can sometimes lead to misunderstandings, resentment, and even legal disputes.
Proactive communication is the key to navigating this. Instead of avoiding the topic, initiate open and honest conversations with your family about your wishes and intentions regarding your assets. It’s best to be transparent and clarify any potential ambiguities before problems arise. It is ideal to prepare a written will. Consulting with a lawyer can help you draft a legally sound document that reflects your wishes and minimizes the risk of future disputes. This provides clarity and ensures that your assets are distributed according to your specific instructions, minimizing the chances of misunderstandings among your family members. Focus on fairness rather than strict equality. Each family member has unique needs and circumstances. Consider these factors when planning your inheritance distribution. For example, a sibling who has sacrificed career opportunities to care for elderly parents may deserve additional consideration. While you can’t control how others behave, having open conversations can mitigate misunderstandings.
The Importance of Seeking Professional Help
There are times when seeking professional is important. It’s not a sign of weakness but rather a sign of strength. Mental healthcare is healthcare. Many can benefit from mental health resources, but have trouble availing of them. Here are common scenarios:
- Persistent feelings of sadness or hopelessness. If you’re experiencing these feelings most of the time for more than a few weeks, it’s important to seek help.
- Difficulty adjusting to life back in the Philippines. If you’re struggling to cope with the changes and challenges of returning home, a therapist can provide support and guidance.
- Relationship problems. If you’re experiencing conflicts with your spouse, children, or other family members, a therapist can help you improve communication and resolve issues.
- Grief and loss. If you’re mourning the loss of your life overseas, a therapist can help you process your emotions and find healthy coping mechanisms.
- Financial stress. If you’re struggling to manage your finances, a financial counselor can help you create a budget, invest wisely, and avoid scams.
Remember, there is no shame in seeking help. Taking care of your mental health is just as important as taking care of your physical health. Many organizations offer affordable or free mental health services. The DMW and OWWA are good places to start. You’ve worked hard your whole life. Taking care of your mental health is like maintenance to ensure that you can make the most out of your later years.
Specific Challenges for Female OFWs
There are unique challenges that female OFWs encounter as pertains going home. As providers, women in some countries get less recognition and support. In the Philippines where patriarchal systems dominate, female OFWs face the expectation that they return to traditional roles and can have their opinions devalued. Additionally, there are some female OFWs who experience social isolation. Sometimes they’re branded as “different” or that they become targets for gossip. Some women may have also experienced cultural assimilation, which presents its own set of re-entry adjustments that family members may not understand.
A good starting point is to reconnect with family and friends by seeking emotional support from other supportive women. It can also be a good move to assert personal boundaries. Sometimes people may overstep either because they think they know more than you know, or simply out of disrespect. In order to ease your transition back, it must be a priority to advocate for your point of view, especially if you truly disagree. Finally, there is absolutely nothing wrong about seeking out a professional therapist so you can talk through sensitive issues without being judged.
Specific Challenges for Male OFWs
The struggles that male OFWs face are distinct from those of women. Although there is improving societal awareness, in some cultures, it is still not acceptable for men to showcase any vulnerabilities. Thus, some men have a harder time expressing their feelings and asking for help, which results in emotional suppression and poor mental wellbeing. Male OFWs can also feel emasculated if they are not immediately seen as financially productive, especially if there is an expectation that they should be the head of the household. Many male OFWs may have the impulse to return home as ‘somebody’, which results in trying to gain status through material possessions.
It is important for male OFWs to acknowledge and accept their emotional vulnerability, and to seek support from trusted sources. It will not make you less of a person, and in fact it can help make you a better person. It is also important to focus on intrinsic value and contributions rather than attaching value to money or material assets. Recognize the value of your experiences as an OFW, and acknowledge to yourself that you are more than just what you own. It will make coming home less pressured. Sometimes people can expect too much, setting reasonable boundaries is important. Don’t be afraid to say no when you are uncomfortable or when something does not align with your wishes or values.
Taking Care of Your Physical Health
We often neglect this as we focus on work, but taking care of your physical health can affect your mental wellbeing just as much. It’s important to address potential health issues while abroad and to create healthy routines back home.
- Schedule a comprehensive checkup before you leave. Get a thorough physical exam, dental checkup, and eye exam. Address any health issues before you return home, as healthcare systems and access may differ.
- Transition to a healthier diet closer to coming home. Many OFWs often rely on processed foods due to convenience or availability. Gradually incorporate more fresh fruits, vegetables, and whole grains into your diet. This will help your body adjust to the types of food available in the Philippines.
- Create a daily exercise routine.Regular physical activity can improve your mood, reduce stress, and boost your energy levels. Look to incorporate activities you are likely to enjoy, like swimming, walking, gardening, or dancing. As long as you’re moving, that’s what matters.
- Make sure you have health insurance. Healthcare can be expensive, so ensure you have adequate health insurance coverage after you return home. PhilHealth is the Filipino national health insurance program. Research your healthcare options by talking to other doctors or friends.
FAQ Section
Here are some frequently asked questions about the emotional journey of returning home after working as an OFW:
Q: Is it normal to feel sad or depressed after coming home?
A: Yes, it’s perfectly normal. You’ve gone through a significant life change, and it takes time to adjust. It can also be tough realizing that the “home” you’ve idealized in your mind also comes with less pleasant realities. Allow yourself time to grieve the life you left behind and embrace the new chapter ahead. If these feelings persist or become overwhelming, seek professional help.
Q: How can I deal with family members who have unrealistic expectations of me financially?
A: This is a common challenge. Be honest about your financial situation and set clear boundaries. Explain that you need to manage your savings wisely for your retirement and cannot fulfill every request. It is a good first step to have a conversation with your spouse to come up with a consensus, rather than making a decision right away.
Q: What can I do if I feel like I’ve lost my sense of purpose after retiring?
A: Explore new hobbies, volunteer in your community, or start a small business. Find activities that give you a sense of fulfillment and allow you to contribute to something meaningful. A simple search online for community events could lead you to find a new passion.
Q: How can I reconnect with my children after being away for so long?
A: Spend quality time with them, listen to their stories, and show genuine interest in their lives. Be patient and understanding, and don’t try to force a connection. Shared bonding experiences can help such as doing things you liked as a family before leaving or experimenting with new activities with each other.
Q: Where can I find support groups for returning OFWs?
A: Check with OWWA for their reintegration programs. Search online for OFW support groups in your area. Connect with other returning OFWs through social media or community organizations to share experiences and find support.
References
Department of Migrant Workers
Overseas Workers Welfare Administration (OWWA)
Philippine Statistics Authority (PSA)
Small Business Corporation (SB Corporation)
Instead of concluding, let’s look forward. Are you ready to embrace your homecoming with open arms and a prepared heart? Don’t let the emotional challenges overshadow the joy of being back home. Start planning today. Talk to your family, explore your options, and build a support system. Your retirement can be the best chapter of your life. Take control of your emotional wellbeing and create a future filled with purpose and happiness. Remember, you’ve earned this.
