This article is for Overseas Filipino Workers (OFWs) leaving their children behind and entrusting their care to someone else. It focuses on how to build a strong, healthy partnership with your child’s guardian, ensuring your child’s well-being and development even while you’re away.
Understanding the Guardian’s Role: More Than Just a Babysitter
The word “guardian” means much more than just someone who watches your child. Think of them as your co-parent while you’re working abroad. They’re responsible for your child’s daily needs – food, shelter, clothing – but also for their emotional well-being, education, and overall development. This is a huge responsibility, so choosing the right person is incredibly important. Consider this: according to a study about Filipino Families by the Philippine Statistics Authority(PSA), the role of caregiver is essential in ensuring the wellbeing of children especially from OFW families.
Choosing the Right Guardian: A Careful Decision
Selecting a guardian isn’t a decision you can rush. It should be someone you deeply trust, someone who shares your values, and someone who genuinely cares for your child. Think about family members first – a grandparent, aunt, uncle, or older sibling. These individuals usually have an existing bond with your child and understand your family’s traditions. However, if family isn’t an option, consider close friends or trusted neighbors. Prioritize someone who is reliable, patient, and has a proven track record of responsible behavior. Make the selection process include having your child spend time with the potential guardian so you can all see that they connect well. This observation period is critically to minimize adjustment concerns while you’re away.
Open Communication: The Key to a Successful Partnership
Communication is the glue that holds a strong partnership together, particularly when you’re separated by distance. Make sure you and the guardian have clear, open lines of communication. Schedule regular calls or video chats – not just to check on your child, but also to talk to the guardian. Ask about their day, their concerns, and any challenges they might be facing. Listen actively and offer support wherever you can. Remember, they’re taking on a big responsibility, and your encouragement will make a huge difference. Use technology to your advantage! Apps like WhatsApp, Messenger, and Viber make it easy to send messages, photos, and videos, keeping you connected to your child and the guardian in real-time. These apps can help bridge the emotional distance of not being there physically.
Clearly Defined Responsibilities: Avoiding Misunderstandings
Before you leave, sit down with the guardian and clearly outline their responsibilities. Discuss topics like: what is the approved daily schedule of your child? Who is allowed to pick your little one up in school? What are the emergency protocols? What are the house rules and disciplinary approaches? The more clarity you have upfront, the fewer misunderstandings you’ll encounter down the road. Don’t assume that the guardian knows what you expect – be specific and provide written instructions if necessary. For instance, if your child has allergies, provide the guardian with a detailed list of foods to avoid and instructions on how to administer medication. Having clear expectations reduces the ambiguity of the set-up and makes living overseas a lot less burdensome.
Financial Support: Fair Compensation and Budgeting
Being a guardian involves significant financial responsibility. It’s essential to provide them with adequate financial support to cover your child’s needs – food, clothing, school supplies, medical expenses, and extracurricular activities. Discuss the budget openly and honestly with the guardian. Work together to create a realistic budget that covers all necessary expenses. It’s also a good idea to set aside a contingency fund for unexpected costs, such as medical emergencies or home repairs. Don’t think of this as just paying a caregiver; view it as investing in your child’s well-being and future. Remember that the Bangko Sentral ng Pilipinas (BSP) promotes financial literacy, including budgeting and saving. Consider incorporating budgeting tips from the BSP into your family’s financial planning.
Respect and Appreciation: Showing Your Gratitude
Guardians are not just caregivers; they are important people in your child’s and your life. Show your gratitude and appreciation for their efforts. Simple gestures, like sending a thank-you card, a small gift, or even a heartfelt phone call, can go a long way. Acknowledge their hard work and dedication and let them know how much you appreciate their commitment to your child. Celebrate their birthdays and special occasions. You could even send pasalubong or bring them a special treat when you come home for a visit. Remember to include the guardian in family events and celebrations, even if you are attending virtually. Doing so recognizes their significant role in your family.
Empowering the Guardian: Involving Them in Decision-Making
Even though you’re abroad, it’s crucial to involve the guardian in important decisions related to your child’s life. Seek their input on matters like school choices, extracurricular activities, and medical treatments. They’re with your child every day and can provide valuable insights. Empowering the guardian sends the message that you trust their judgment and value their opinion. This collaborative approach fosters a stronger partnership and ensures that decisions are made in your child’s best interest. For example, if your child is struggling in a particular subject in school, consult the guardian about possible solutions, such as hiring a tutor or enrolling your child in a remedial class.
Consistency in Discipline: Maintaining a United Front
Discipline plays an important role in setting the right expectations to our kids. It is really important that parents and guardians share the same parenting and disciplinary styles for stability. Differences in disciplinary approaches can confuse kids and create conflicts. Discuss your disciplinary philosophies with the guardian beforehand and find common ground. What are the consequences for misbehavior? What rewards will the child receive for good behavior? How do you want the guardian to handle disagreements or conflicts? Be open to adjusting your approach based on the guardian’s experiences and observations. Above all, present a united front to your child, reinforcing the message that you and the guardian are working together as a team. Always prioritize the safety and the well-being of your children. Never tolerate any form of physical, emotional, or verbal abuse.
Monitoring and Adjusting: Staying Involved From Afar
Just because you’re working abroad doesn’t mean you can’t stay involved in your child’s life. Regularly check in with the guardian about your child’s progress in school, their social life, and their emotional well-being. Ask for report cards, photos, and videos. Attend school events virtually, if possible. Use technology to your advantage to stay connected and engaged. Be prepared to adjust your approach as your child grows and their needs change. What worked well when they were younger may not be as effective as they get older. Flexibility and adaptability are key to a successful long-distance parenting arrangement.
Addressing Conflicts: Resolving Issues Constructively
Disagreements are a normal part of any relationship, including the one you have with your child’s guardian. If conflicts arise, address them promptly and constructively. Listen to the guardian’s perspective and try to understand their point of view. Avoid blaming or criticizing, and instead focus on finding solutions that work for everyone. If you’re struggling to resolve a conflict on your own, consider seeking help from a trusted family member or friend. The goal is to maintain a healthy, respectful, and collaborative relationship with the guardian, for the sake of your child’s well-being.
Creating a Support System: Building a Network of Help
The guardian shouldn’t have to bear the entire responsibility of caring for your child alone. Help them build a support system. Connect them with other parents in the community, offer respite care, and encourage them to seek help when they need it. A strong support system can provide emotional support, practical assistance, and a sense of community. This can take a huge burden off the guardian’s shoulders and make it easier for them to provide the best possible care for your child. This could also include coordinating with other family members who are local to help out the guardian. It always takes a village to raise a child.
Celebrating Successes: Acknowledging Milestones
Don’t just focus on the challenges; also celebrate the successes. Acknowledge your child’s milestones, both big and small. Whether it’s getting a good grade in school, learning a new skill, or showing kindness to others, take the time to celebrate their achievements. Share these moments with the guardian and let them know how proud you are of both your child and their efforts. Celebrating successes reinforces positive behavior and strengthens the bond between you, your child, and the guardian.
Planning for Your Return: A Smooth Transition
As your contract abroad comes to an end, start planning for your return. Discuss the transition with the guardian and your child. Gradually resume more responsibilities and allow your child to adjust to your presence. This should not be an abrupt change, but a series of conversations and slow shifts that will provide a smooth transition. Be patient and understanding, as it may take some time for everyone to adapt to the new arrangement. A gradual transition helps to minimize disruption and maintain a sense of stability for your child. It’s important for guardians to also have an adjustment after your return.
Building Trust and Respect: The Foundation of a Strong Partnership
Trust and respect are the cornerstones of any successful relationship. Cultivate a relationship of trust with the guardian by being honest, reliable, and supportive. Respect their opinions, their time, and their commitment to your child. Show them that you value their contribution and appreciate their efforts. When there is confidence and faith, a solid foundation provides continuous, safe, and productive environment for your child to thrive. Remember, a strong partnership with your child’s guardian is a gift to your child to provide a safe and happy way to grow up.
Finding A Guardian: Where Do I Start?
When looking for the perfect guardian for your child, it can sometimes be an overwhelming task. Below are important considerations in finding the right guardian:
- Family ties: Starting with your immediate family is a good first step. This can guarantee that there’s already pre-existing trust, history, and love.
- Background: Always check the background and records of your potential guardian. You must seek at least two references, if possible.
- Qualifications and skills: If you prefer to hire a caregiver with a college education, that is a possibility as well. There are certified educators who can provide homework help and supplemental lessons for your kids.
The Importance of Child Safety
The welfare of your child is of utmost importance whenever we decide to build partnerships with a caregiver. Here are some things to consider:
- Safe Environment: Ensure a safe living atmosphere by removing potential dangers, such as harmful chemicals and uncovered electrical outlets.
- Emergency Plan: Develop a plan for emergencies that features contact details for nearby hospitals, fire departments, and relatives. Ensure the guardian knows it well.
- Online Safety: Keep track of your child’s activities on the internet. Talk about the dangers of social media. Set down rules about who they are allowed to speak with.
How To Make Your Child Feel Loved
OFW parents play a vital role in the lives of their children by nurturing, love, and care. Here are simple ways to show love to your children:
- Give quality time: No matter how busy life gets, make time for your children. Even spending 30 minutes per day can make them feel loved.
- Stay connected: Use messaging apps or create a family group chat to always stay connected with your child.
- Give words of affirmation: Shower your child by using encouraging words. Positive words will build their confidence.
Additional Resources for OFW Families
Here are some resources that will help you in parenting while working overseas:
- DSWD: The Department of Social Welfare and Development gives social assistance to children and families who are experiencing difficulties.
- OWWA: The Overseas Workers Welfare Administration provides services and programs to support the welfare and protection of OFWs and their families.
- Local Government Units (LGUs): Local municipalities and provinces have their own packages that also help OFW families. It would be best to check one’s town hall to get more information.
Our government prioritizes the well-being of OFW families. Please do not hesitate to seek help and guidance.
FAQ Section
What if the guardian and I disagree on how to raise my child?
Open communication is critical. Find a time to sit down and discuss your concerns. Listen to the guardian’s perspective and try to find common ground. Collaborate on a plan that works for both of you and is in your child’s best interest. If you can’t resolve the issue on your own, consider seeking help from a trusted family member or friend.
How do I handle discipline when I’m not physically present?
Establish clear rules and consequences with the guardian beforehand. Stay consistent with discipline, even when you’re abroad. Communicate with your child about their behavior and reinforce the importance of following the rules. Use technology to your advantage – video calls and messaging apps – to stay involved and address any disciplinary issues that arise.
How can I make sure my child doesn’t feel abandoned or neglected?
Regular communication is essential. Schedule frequent calls or video chats with your child. Send them messages, photos, and videos. Let them know that you’re thinking of them and that you love them very much. Share stories about your day and ask them about theirs. Remind them that you’re working hard to provide for their future and that you’ll be home as soon as you can.
What if I suspect the guardian is not providing adequate care for my child?
Trust your instincts. If you have concerns about your child’s well-being, address them immediately. Gather information and talk to the guardian directly. If you’re not satisfied with their response, consider seeking advice from a trusted family member or friend. If necessary, be prepared to make alternative care arrangements to ensure your child’s safety and well-being.
How do I prepare my child for my return?
Talk to your child about your return well in advance. Let them know how much you’re looking forward to seeing them again. Gradually resume more responsibilities and allow your child to adjust to your presence. Be patient and understanding, as it may take some time for everyone to adapt to the new arrangement. Focus on spending quality time with your child and rebuilding your relationship.
What if my child misses me too much?
It’s natural for them to miss you. Constantly assure your child that you’re doing this for the family’s future. Send letters and small gifts. If possible, let them speak to your workmates so that they see your friends and colleagues.
Is it okay to give the guardian a vacation?
Yes, guardians deserve a vacation as well! This is a great way to extend your gratitude for the support they are giving you. This will also alleviate stress and burnout.
Can I call the guardian any time of the day?
It is recommended to schedule calls to be respectful of the guardian’s rest periods. Avoid calling too late at night, which might also disrupt the child’s rest.
How do I deal with my guilt leaving my child behind?
Recognize that guilt is a normal and common emotion of being away from your child. Focus on the positive impact of your sacrifice. It’s okay to feel guilt at times, but this definitely must not be the defining emotion.
What activities can a guardian engage in to help my child while I am away?
Guardians can participate in various activities to support your child, such as helping with homework, playing educational games, attending school events, and encouraging hobbies and extracurricular activities. They should also maintain open communication with the child about their feelings and concerns and provide a supportive and nurturing environment.
References:
Philippine Statistics Authority. (n.d.). Statistics about Filipino Families.
Bangko Sentral ng Pilipinas. (n.d.). Financial Literacy Programs.
Department of Social Welfare and Development (DSWD).
Overseas Workers Welfare Administration (OWWA).
You’re doing a great job, OFW parent! It’s not easy being away from your child, but by building a strong partnership with their guardian, you can ensure their well-being and happiness, even from afar. Now, take the first step: pick up the phone and call your child’s guardian today. Start a conversation, express your gratitude, and work together to create a brighter future for your child. They deserve the best.
