So, you’ve probably heard “Uy, payat!” or “Ang taba mo na!” the moment you step outside your front door in the Philippines. It’s like a national sport, isn’t it? Your weight isn’t just your business; it’s the entire neighborhood’s business.
The Unsolicited Commentary
From the moment you’re a toddler until you’re rocking a gray mane, your dimensions are up for public debate. It’s a constant barrage of observations, suggestions, and sometimes, outright judgment.
It doesn’t matter if you just ate a mountain of rice or you’ve been subsisting on air and good intentions. Someone. Will. Comment.
“Uy, Payat!” – The Backhanded Compliment
Ah, the classic “Uy, payat!” This one sounds nice on the surface, right? But let’s be real, it often comes with a side of concern, like you’re about to float away on a gentle breeze.
It’s usually delivered by an auntie or a distant relative who hasn’t seen you in at least a month. “Naku, kumain ka ba? Mukha kang kulang sa pansin!” meaning, “Did you eat? You look like you’re lacking attention!”
The implication is that being thin is a sign of neglect, of not being taken care of. As if your sole purpose is to be plump and pampered, a walking advertisement for familial culinary prowess.
And if you are trying to lose weight? That “Uy, payat!” suddenly feels like a reprimand for failing to maintain the “ideal” Filipino physique – which, apparently, is a perpetual cycle of gaining and losing, much to everyone else’s amusement.
“Ang Taba Mo Na!” – The Direct Hit
Then we have the blunt instrument: “Ang taba mo na!” This one doesn’t mince words. It’s usually from someone who feels entitled to observe and critique your every physical fluctuation.
This isn’t a question; it’s a declaration of fact, delivered with the certainty of a meteorologist predicting rain. You could have just shed five pounds, and they’d still tell you you’re “taba.”
It’s the tita who pats your stomach and says, “Wow, malambot na ha?” accompanied by a knowing wink. It’s the beshie who, after not seeing you for a week, sighs dramatically and says, “Girl, ano nangyari sa iyo?”
The worst is when they follow it up with unsolicited advice that’s less about your health and more about fitting into society’s arbitrary beauty standards. “Bawal ‘yan, baka hindi ka na ma-choose ng lalaki!” (You shouldn’t eat that, men might not choose you!) Yes, because men are the ultimate arbiters of your caloric intake.
The Family Dinner Minefield
Family gatherings, oh boy. These are the apex of body-shaming tournaments. The dining table becomes a battlefield, and your plate is your weapon.
There’s Lolo who insists you need to “padamihin” (gain more) because “lalaki ka na” (you’re a man) or “lalaki ka pa” (you’re still a man, implying you should be bigger). Your muscles are irrelevant; your burgeoning belly is your sign of virility.
Then there’s Lola, who sees you skipping that second helping of lechon and immediately gasps. “Ubos na ba ang pagkain mo? Hindi ka na nakakain ng maayos?” (Is your food finished? Can’t you eat properly anymore?)
Your dietary choices are scrutinized like international treaties. You try to explain that you’re full, or perhaps trying to be healthier, and you’re met with blank stares or pitying shakes of the head.
“Huwag ka nang mag-diet-diet diyan. Mas masarap buhay ‘pag malusog ka.” (Stop dieting. Life is better when you’re healthy-looking.) The emphasis here is on “malusog,” which in Filipino culture often translates to “pleasantly plump.”
The “Concerned” Kwentuhan
It’s not just direct comments. It’s the subtle digs, the whispered conversations that you somehow always overhear. The “concern” that’s actually just gossip.
You’ll catch snippets like, “Nakita mo si Maria? Lumaki na siya diba?” (Did you see Maria? She’s gotten bigger, right?) delivered with a tone of mild shock, as if you’ve committed a minor felony.
Or the opposite: “Si Juan naman mukhang nalalanta na. Kailangan niyang kumain ng mas marami.” (Juan looks like he’s wilting. He needs to eat more.)
These conversations create an atmosphere where your body is constantly under review. Every pound gained or lost is a news item to be dissected and debated by your social circle.
The ‘Buti Pa Si Juan/Maria…’ Comparison
This is where it gets truly infuriating. The “buti pa si…” comparison is a classic Filipino move, designed to make you feel inadequate.
“Buti pa si cousin mo, ang payat na ulit!” (Your cousin, good thing she’s thin again!) This is said when you’ve gained a little weight, implying you’re failing compared to someone else.
Or, if you’re trying to get in shape: “Buti pa si neighbor mo, ang laki na ng tiyan, mukhang masaya!” (Your neighbor, his stomach is so big, he looks happy!) This implies your pursuit of health or fitness is robbing you of joy.
It’s a rhetorical trap. You can’t win. If you’re thin, you’re not eating enough. If you’re not thin, you’re too much. If you’re trying to change, you’re probably failing someone else’s standard.
Beyond the Obvious: When It’s Not About Weight
Sometimes, the comments aren’t even directly about your size. They’re about how your perceived size affects your life, your potential, your desirability.
“Dapat magka-boyfriend ka na. Baka mahuli ka ng panahon.” (You should get a boyfriend already. You might be left behind by time.) This is often said to women, implying their value is tied to romantic partnership, and that perhaps their current physique makes them less likely to find one.
Or, “Mag-asawa ka na kasi. Magkapamilya ka na.” (Get married already. Start a family.) The underlying assumption is often that a certain body type is required to fulfill these life roles effectively.
It’s a insidious form of shaming where your body is seen as a barrier to societal milestones, a reflection of your failure to meet unspoken expectations.
Navigating the Minefield: A (Sarcastic) Survival Guide
So, how do you survive this constant commentary? Honestly, the best way is to develop a thick skin, bordering on Teflon.
Response 1: The Non-Committal Nod and Smile. Just nod. Smile. Act like you didn’t hear them. This is your go-to for low-energy situations. They’ll eventually get bored.
Response 2: The Exaggerated Agreement. “Oo nga, tita! Feeling ko lalabas na ‘yung tiyan ko sa damit ko!” (Yes, auntie! I feel like my stomach is going to pop out of my clothes!) Lean into it. Make it so absurd they realize how ridiculous they sound.
Response 3: The “Health is Wealth” Diversion. “Actually, Tita, masaya ako sa pakiramdam ko ngayon. Malakas ako!” (Actually, Auntie, I feel happy right now. I’m strong!) This redirects the conversation to your well-being, which is harder for them to critique.
Response 4: The Sarcastic “Thank You.” “Talaga po? Maraming salamat sa pagpansin!” with a wide, slightly manic grin. Deploy this when you have the energy for a little passive-aggression.
Response 5: The Silent Treatment. Just… don’t respond. Look away. Change the subject. Sometimes, silence is the loudest answer.
Your Body, Your Rules (Even if They Don’t Agree)
Ultimately, their comments say more about their own insecurities and societal conditioning than they do about you. You are not a walking, talking billboard for their approval.
Your body is yours. Your health journey, whatever it looks like, is yours. The size of your waistline does not determine your worth, your intelligence, or your capacity to be loved.
It’s a tough fight, especially when it comes from people you love. But remember, you don’t owe anyone an explanation for your body. You are enough, exactly as you are.
FAQ: The Never-Ending Questions
Q: How do I stop my relatives from commenting on my weight?
A: Sadly, you can’t completely stop them. But you can control your reactions and set internal boundaries. Think of their comments as background noise from a broken radio – annoying, but ultimately not something you need to tune into.
Q: What if I want to lose weight, but everyone keeps telling me I’m already too thin?
A: This is tricky! If you are healthy and happy with your goals, gently explain that. “This is my health goal, and I feel better this way, thank you for your concern.” If they persist, the nod-and-smile technique is your friend.
Q: I hear people whispering about me. How do I deal with that?
A: Focus on your own journey. Those whispers are about them, not you. If it becomes unbearable, you can sometimes address it directly, but often, ignoring it is the most powerful move. Let their words be their burden.
Q: Is it ever okay for people to comment on my weight?
A: Only if you invite it, or if they are a medical professional giving you advice directly related to your health, and even then, it should be done with respect. Otherwise, no, it’s not okay. It’s a breach of personal boundaries.
Ready to Reclaim Your Space?
Tired of being the subject of everyone’s dietary deliberations? Ready to turn down the volume on those unsolicited opinions? It’s time to take back control of your narrative and your body image.
Start by practicing those responses. Find your inner Teflon. Surround yourself with people who lift you up, not drag you down. Your journey toward self-acceptance is a marathon, not a sprint, and you deserve to run it without being constantly nudged and judged.
So, the next time you hear “Uy, payat!” or “Ang taba mo na!”, take a deep breath, and remember your own truth. Your worth is not measured on a scale, and your body deserves respect, not commentary. Join us in celebrating bodies of all shapes and sizes, and let’s make weight the least interesting thing about us. Share your own survival tips in the comments below!
