When a parent leaves to work overseas, it can be a big change for kids. They might feel lonely, sad, or even a little confused. This article is all about helping understand those feelings and what we can do to make things a little easier.
Understanding Why Kids Feel Sad or Lonely
Imagine your favorite toy suddenly disappearing. That’s kind of how a kid feels when a parent, especially a mom or dad, goes away to work in another country. We call these parents Overseas Filipino Workers, or OFWs. It’s a really important job they’re doing, often to earn more money for the family, but it can still be hard on the kids they leave behind.
One of the biggest reasons kids feel down is because they miss their parent. They miss the hugs, the bedtime stories, the helping with homework, and just having them around. It’s like a piece of their heart is missing. Sometimes kids might not even understand why they’re feeling sad, they just do. They might be quieter than usual, not want to play with their friends as much, or even get angry easily. These are all normal reactions to missing someone they love. The Philippine Statistics Authority reports that millions of Filipinos work abroad to provide for their families, highlighting just how common this situation is, and therefore, how common these feelings are for children affected.
Another thing to consider is the change in routine. Maybe Dad always read you a story before bed, or Mom helped you get ready for school. When they’re gone, those routines change, and that can feel unsettling. Kids thrive on routines, it helps them feel safe and secure. When that’s disrupted, it’s like the ground beneath their feet has shifted a little.
How to Spot the Signs of Loneliness or Sadness
Kids don’t always say, “I’m lonely,” or “I’m sad.” They might show it in other ways. Here are some things to watch out for, as noted by Unicef’s reports on child well-being around the globe:
Changes in behavior: Is your child usually bubbly and outgoing but suddenly quiet and withdrawn? Or maybe they’re normally calm but have become easily irritated or throwing tantrums more often.
Trouble sleeping: Are they having nightmares, or having a hard time falling asleep or staying asleep?
Loss of interest in things they used to enjoy: Maybe they don’t want to play their favorite games, or watch their favorite TV shows anymore. It’s like their spark has dimmed.
Changes in appetite: Are they eating more or less than usual? Sometimes sadness can affect how hungry we feel.
Complaints of physical symptoms: Sometimes feelings can show up as tummy aches, headaches, or other physical complaints. It’s their body’s way of telling you something is wrong.
Clinginess: Are they suddenly extra clingy to the remaining parent or caregiver? This is a sign they’re craving connection and security.
Poor performance in school: Are their grades slipping? Are they having trouble focusing in class? Sadness can make it hard to concentrate.
If you notice any of these signs, it’s important to pay attention and try to understand what’s going on. Don’t dismiss it as “just a phase.”
Talking to Your Child About Their Feelings
Talking is super important! But it’s not always easy. Here are some tips to make it easier to have those conversations:
Create a safe space: Choose a time and place where you can talk without distractions. Turn off the TV, put away your phone, and really focus on your child. Let them know that you’re there to listen, no matter what.
Ask open-ended questions: Instead of asking “Are you okay?”, try asking “How are you feeling today?” or “What was the best/worst part of your day?”. These kinds of questions encourage them to share more than just a “yes” or “no” answer.
Listen actively: Really listen to what they’re saying, without interrupting or judging. Nod your head, make eye contact, and show them that you’re paying attention.
Validate their feelings: Let them know that their feelings are okay. Say things like “It’s okay to feel sad when you miss Mommy,” or “I understand why you’re feeling angry.” Knowing that their feelings are valid can make a big difference.
Share your own feelings: It’s okay to let your child see that you’re sad or miss their parent too. This shows them that they’re not alone, and that it’s okay to express their emotions.
Don’t pressure them to talk: If they’re not ready to talk, that’s okay too. Let them know that you’re there for them whenever they are ready. Sometimes just knowing you’re available is enough.
Remember, it might take time for your child to open up. Be patient and persistent. Keep creating those opportunities for connection and communication. Also, consider using tools like journaling or drawing to help them express themselves if they struggle with words.
Practical Tips for Dealing with Loneliness and Sadness
Besides talking, there are lots of other things you can do to help your child feel better. This includes things like:
Stay connected: Technology is your friend! Schedule regular video calls with the OFW parent. Make it a special time, where you can all chat, play games, or even just watch a movie together.
Create rituals: Establish routines and rituals that keep the OFW parent involved in the family life. Maybe they can read a bedtime story over video call every night, or help with homework on weekends using video conferencing.
Photos and reminders: Keep photos of the OFW parent around the house. Create a memory box filled with special things that remind you of them. These visual reminders can help keep them present in your child’s life.
Stay busy: Encourage your child to get involved in activities they enjoy, like sports, hobbies, or clubs. This can help them take their mind off their sadness and connect with other kids.
Maintain routines: As much as possible, try to keep the same routines and traditions that you had before the OFW parent left. This will help your child feel more secure and stable.
Seek support: Don’t be afraid to ask for help from family, friends, teachers, or support groups. Talking to other people who understand what you’re going through can be incredibly helpful. The Department of Social Welfare and Development (DSWD) sometimes offers programs to support families of OFWs, so it’s worth checking with them.
Spend quality time: Make sure you spend dedicated quality time with your child. Even if it’s just 15-20 minutes a day, make it count. Play a game, read a book, or just cuddle on the couch. It’s good to be physically close.
It’s important to remember that there’s no one-size-fits-all solution. What works for one child might not work for another. The key is to be patient, understanding, and flexible. Try different things and see what helps your child feel better.
The Role of the Remaining Parent or Caregiver
If you’re the parent or caregiver who’s staying behind, you’re a superhero! You’re juggling so many things – taking care of the kids, managing the household, and dealing with your own emotions. It’s important to remember to take care of yourself too. Here are some tips:
Take care of yourself: Make sure you’re getting enough sleep, eating healthy, and exercising regularly. It’s hard to take care of others if you’re not taking care of yourself.
Seek support: Don’t be afraid to ask for help from family, friends, or a therapist. Talking to someone can help you process your own emotions and find strategies for coping.
Be honest with your child: It’s okay to let your child see that you’re sad or struggling. This shows them that they’re not alone and that it’s okay to express their feelings. But be careful not to burden them with your problems. Find a balance between being honest and protecting them.
Be patient: It takes time to adjust to a new situation. Be patient with yourself and with your child. There will be good days and bad days. Just keep moving forward, one step at a time.
Reinforce the OFW parent’s love: Constantly reassure your child that the OFW parent loves them very much and that their absence is not a reflection of that love. Talk about the sacrifices being made for the family’s future. Show videos recorded by the OFW parent reinforcing their love.
Remember, you’re not alone in this. There are many other families going through the same thing. Reach out to them for support and encouragement. Together, you can help each other navigate the challenges of being an OFW family.
When to Seek Professional Help
Sometimes, despite our best efforts, kids might need a little extra help dealing with their emotions. If you’re concerned about your child’s well-being, don’t hesitate to seek professional help. Here are some signs that it might be time to talk to a therapist or counselor:
Persistent sadness or anxiety: If your child is consistently sad, anxious, or overwhelmed, and it’s interfering with their daily life.
Difficulty functioning: If they’re having trouble going to school, sleeping, or eating.
Self-harming behaviors: If they’re engaging in self-harming behaviors, such as cutting or burning. This requires immediate attention.
Thoughts of suicide: If they’re talking about wanting to die or harming themselves. This is a serious situation that requires immediate professional help.
Significant changes in behavior: If you notice sudden and dramatic changes in their behavior that are concerning.
A therapist can help your child process their emotions, develop coping strategies, and build resilience. They can also help you, as the parent or caregiver, learn how to support your child more effectively. The Psychological Association of the Philippines has a directory of licensed psychologists if you need assistance finding one.
Building Resilience in Children of OFWs
Resilience is like having a strong inner shield that helps us bounce back from difficult times. It’s not about being immune to sadness or loneliness, but about having the skills and resources to cope with those feelings in a healthy way. Here are some ways to help your child build resilience:
Foster a strong sense of identity: Help your child understand and appreciate their culture, values, and strengths. This will give them a sense of belonging and purpose.
Encourage problem-solving skills: Teach your child how to identify problems, brainstorm solutions, and make decisions. This will empower them to feel more in control of their lives.
Promote independence: Encourage your child to do things for themselves and take on age-appropriate responsibilities. This will help them develop confidence and self-reliance.
Build strong relationships: Help your child connect with supportive adults and peers. These relationships will provide them with a sense of belonging and support.
Teach coping skills: Teach your child healthy ways to cope with stress, such as exercise, meditation, or spending time in nature.
Model resilience: Show your child how you cope with challenges in your own life. This will teach them that it’s possible to overcome adversity.
Remember, building resilience is a process, not a destination. It takes time and effort, but it’s worth it. By helping your child develop these skills, you’re giving them the tools they need to thrive, even in the face of difficult circumstances. Supporting a child through the OFW experience also builds their resilience and flexibility later in life.
Resources for OFW Families
There are many resources available to support OFW families. Here are a few:
Overseas Workers Welfare Administration (OWWA): OWWA provides various programs and services for OFWs and their families, including counseling, scholarships, and livelihood assistance.
Department of Social Welfare and Development (DSWD): DSWD offers social services and programs to vulnerable families, including OFW families.
Non-governmental organizations (NGOs): Many NGOs provide support to OFW families, such as counseling, education, and financial assistance.
Online support groups: There are many online support groups for OFW families where you can connect with other families and share your experiences.
School counselors: School counselors can provide support to children who are struggling with the absence of a parent.
FAQ Section
Here are some frequently asked questions about dealing with loneliness and sadness in children of OFWs:
Q: How do I explain to my young child why their parent has to work overseas?
A: Keep it simple and honest. Explain that the parent is working hard to earn money to provide for the family’s needs, like food, clothes, and school. Emphasize that the parent loves them very much and misses them too. Use age-appropriate language and avoid overwhelming them with too much information. Highlight the positive aspects, like the opportunities the OFW parent is providing for the family’s future. Show your child or children the house, appliances, or school they are able to go to because of the sacrifice.
Q: My child is angry and resentful towards the OFW parent. What should I do?
A: Acknowledge their feelings and let them know that it’s okay to feel angry. Try to understand the reasons behind their anger. Are they feeling abandoned? Are they struggling with the added responsibilities? Encourage them to express their feelings in a healthy way, such as talking, writing, or drawing. Don’t try to minimize or dismiss their anger, but help them process it in a constructive way. This may sometimes include letting the child miss a video call when they’re not in the mood to speak nicely.
Q: How can I balance my own needs with the needs of my child?
A: It’s important to prioritize self-care. Make sure you’re getting enough sleep, eating healthy, and exercising regularly. Schedule time for activities that you enjoy. Don’t be afraid to ask for help from family, friends, or a therapist. Remember, you can’t pour from an empty cup. Taking care of yourself will help you to be a better parent. It’s okay to take breaks, even short ones, to recharge.
Q: My child is constantly comparing themselves to other children who have both parents at home. How can I address this?
A: Acknowledge their feelings and validate their experience. Let them know that it’s normal to feel envious sometimes. Help them focus on the positive aspects of their own family situation. Perhaps they have a stronger relationship with the remaining parent or caregiver. Remind them of the sacrifices the OFW parent is making and the benefits it brings to the family. Celebrate the unique dynamics of your family and the strength you’ve all shown. Consider having them speak to other families in a similar situation so they know that they are not alone.
Q: How can I keep the OFW parent involved in our child’s life even when they’re far away?
A: Use technology to stay connected. Schedule regular video calls, send photos and videos, and participate in online games or activities together. Encourage the OFW parent to send letters or postcards. Involve them in important decisions about your child’s life. Make them feel like they’re still an active part of the family, even from a distance. Don’t limit the communication to just the child; make time for the two parents to talk to maintain the overall family dynamic.
Q: What if my child refuses to communicate with the OFW parent?
A: This is a tough one. Don’t force it, but gently encourage communication. Try to understand the reason behind their reluctance. Are they angry? Sad? Feeling guilty? Start with small steps. Maybe just a quick text message or a shared photo. Let them know that the OFW parent misses them and wants to connect. Sometimes children harbor resentment toward the OFW parent, and might need some help adjusting these emotions.
References
Philippine Statistics Authority. (Various Reports on Overseas Filipino Workers).
UNICEF. (Various Reports on Child Well-being).
Psychological Association of the Philippines. (Directory of Licensed Psychologists).
It’s not always easy when a parent is working far away, but remember that you’re not alone. By talking to your kids, helping them stay in touch with their parent, and making sure they know how much they are loved, you can all get through this together. Take baby steps and use resources to assist where needed. With love and patience, your family can thrive through this challenging journey. Always remember why this sacrifice is being made; for the family and their future.
