Having a parent work overseas (OFW) can be tough on kids. It’s normal for them to feel sad, angry, or confused. This article provides practical ways to help your child understand and cope with the absence, focusing on building resilience and maintaining strong family bonds, even from afar.
Understanding Your Child’s Feelings
First off, know that your child’s feelings are valid. Don’t dismiss their sadness with phrases like “Don’t be sad, Daddy/Mommy will be back soon!” While your intention is good, it can make them feel like their emotions aren’t important. Instead, acknowledge their feelings. Say something like, “I know you miss Mommy, and it’s okay to feel sad. I miss her too.” Let them know it’s normal to feel this way when someone they love is far away.
Kids of different ages will react differently. Younger children (preschoolers and early elementary) might not fully understand the concept of time and distance. They might ask repeatedly when the OFW parent is coming home and have difficulty understanding why they can’t just come back. Older children (late elementary through teens) might understand the situation better, but they could still struggle with feelings of loneliness, resentment, or increased responsibility.
Common Emotional Challenges
Let’s look at some common emotional hurdles children with OFW parents face:
Sadness and Loneliness: This is probably the most common. They miss the physical presence and daily interaction with their parent.
Anxiety and Worry: They might worry about the OFW parent’s safety, especially if they’re working in a country with political instability or natural disasters. News reports can amplify these fears.
Anger and Resentment: Some kids might feel angry at the OFW parent for leaving, even though they understand it’s for the family’s benefit. They might also resent the remaining parent for not being able to provide everything the OFW parent did.
Guilt: Occasionally, a child may feel guilty, perhaps thinking they did something to cause the parent to leave. It’s important to reassure them that the decision to work abroad was not their fault.
Behavioral Changes: These can manifest in different ways. Some children might become withdrawn and quiet, while others might become more defiant or aggressive. Changes in appetite or sleep patterns can also be signs of distress.
Academic Decline: The emotional stress of having a parent away can affect a child’s concentration and motivation in school.
Feeling Different: It’s possible that a child with an OFW parent might feel different from their peers, especially if most of their friends have both parents present. This sense of isolation needs careful handling.
Open Communication is Key
Talk, talk, talk! Don’t avoid the topic of the OFW parent. Create an open and safe space where your child feels comfortable sharing their feelings. Ask them specific questions like, “What do you miss most about Mommy?” or “What are you worried about right now?” Listen actively and without judgment. Validate their emotions, as mentioned before. Let them express themselves without interruption (unless it becomes harmful, of course).
Making Communication Meaningful
It’s not just how often you communicate, but how you communicate that matters. Encourage the OFW parent to engage in meaningful conversations, not just perfunctory “How was your day?” exchanges. Here are some ideas:
Share stories: The OFW parent can share stories about their day, their work, and their experiences in the new country. This helps the child feel more connected to the parent’s life.
Ask about their life: The OFW parent should genuinely inquire about the child’s activities, friends, and schoolwork. Show genuine interest in their world.
Play games together: Even from afar, you can play online games or do puzzles together.
Read stories together: Use video calls to take turns reading a book aloud. This is especially effective for younger children.
Celebrate milestones: Don’t let distance prevent you from celebrating birthdays, graduations, and other important events. Use video calls, send gifts, and plan future reunions to mark these occasions.
Consider using technology to your advantage. Video calls (Skype, Zoom, Messenger) are a fantastic way to maintain visual contact. Encourage the OFW parent to call regularly, even if it’s just for a few minutes each day. If possible, schedule specific times for calls so the child knows when to expect to hear from the OFW parent. This provides a sense of predictability and security.
Addressing Hard Questions
Be prepared to answer difficult questions honestly and age-appropriately. Children might ask why the parent had to leave, if they will ever come back permanently, or if the remaining parent will also leave. Avoid sugarcoating the truth, but keep your answers simple and reassuring. For example, if your child asks, “Why did Mommy leave?” you could say, “Mommy went to work in so that we can have more money for . She misses us very much, and she’s working hard to take care of us.” If you don’t know the answer to a question, it’s okay to say, “I don’t know, but I’ll find out for you.” Then, make sure you follow through.
Strengthening Bonds Despite the Distance
Maintaining a strong connection with the OFW parent is crucial. One way to do this is to create shared rituals and traditions. These rituals could be as simple as having a weekly video call on Sunday evenings, writing letters or sending drawings back and forth, or celebrating holidays together virtually. These shared experiences, even from a distance, help maintain a sense of family unity.
Practical Tips for Staying Connected
Beyond video calls, think about creative ways to keep the bond strong:
Send Care Packages: These don’t have to be expensive. Include handmade cards, photos, small gifts, and favorite snacks from home. The personal touch is what matters.
Create a Photo Album or Scrapbook: Fill it with pictures of the OFW parent and the child together. Add captions and memories to spark conversations and remind the child of happy times.
Record Voice Messages: The OFW parent can record bedtime stories, songs, or encouraging messages for the child to listen to anytime.
Use a Shared Calendar: Mark important dates on the calendar (birthdays, holidays, school events, expected return date). This helps the child visualize the passage of time and anticipate future events.
Include the OFW Parent in Decision-Making: When possible, involve the OFW parent in important decisions related to the child’s life, such as choosing a school, selecting extracurricular activities, or making medical appointments.
Visit if Possible: Depending on financial and logistical constraints, plan visits to see the OFW parent. Even a short visit can do wonders for boosting morale and strengthening the family bond.
The Power of Routine
Establish consistent routines, both for communication and for daily life. A predictable schedule helps children feel safe and secure, especially during times of change. Maintain regular mealtimes, bedtimes, and homework routines. Consistency provides a sense of normalcy and stability, which can be very reassuring.
The Role of the Remaining Parent
The parent who stays behind carries a significant responsibility. Not only do they have to manage their own emotions, but they also have to provide emotional support and stability for their child. It’s important for the remaining parent to be strong and resilient, but also to acknowledge their own limitations. Don’t be afraid to seek help from family, friends, or professionals if you’re struggling. It’s okay to admit that you can’t do it all on your own. Self-care is key. Taking care of your own physical and emotional well-being will allow you to better support your child.
Balancing Roles and Responsibilities
The remaining parent often takes on multiple roles – mother and father, caregiver and provider. This can lead to overwhelm and burnout. Here are some tips for managing the workload:
Delegate tasks: Enlist the help of family members, friends, or neighbors for tasks like childcare, errands, or household chores.
Set realistic expectations: Don’t try to be perfect. It’s okay to let some things slide.
Prioritize: Focus on the most important tasks and let go of the less urgent ones.
Schedule “me time”: Even just 30 minutes a day to relax, exercise, or pursue a hobby can make a big difference.
Don’t be afraid to ask for help: Reach out to support groups, counselors, or therapists if you’re feeling overwhelmed or depressed.
Maintaining a Positive Attitude
Your child will pick up on your emotions. If you’re constantly stressed and negative, they will feel it too. Try to maintain a positive attitude, even when things are tough. Focus on the positive aspects of the situation, such as the opportunities the OFW parent’s work is providing for the family. Talk about the future and the exciting things you’re planning to do together when the OFW parent returns. Remember that the Filipino resilience trait called “pagiging optimistic” will always help.
Building a Support Network
No one can go through this alone. Create a strong support network for your child and yourself. This network can include family members, friends, teachers, counselors, and community organizations. Encourage your child to participate in activities that help them connect with others and build friendships. If your child is struggling emotionally, consider seeking professional help from a therapist or counselor. A professional can provide guidance and support to help your child cope with the challenges of having an OFW parent.
Finding the Right Support
Different types of support are available. Consider these options:
Family and Friends: Lean on your extended family and close friends for emotional support, practical assistance, and a sense of community.
School Counselors: School counselors can provide individual counseling, group support, and resources for students dealing with family challenges.
Support Groups: Look for support groups specifically for children of OFWs. These groups provide a safe space for children to share their experiences, connect with others who understand, and learn coping strategies.
Community Organizations: Many community organizations offer programs and services for OFW families, such as tutoring, mentoring, and social events.
Mental Health Professionals: If your child is experiencing significant emotional or behavioral problems, consult a mental health professional for assessment and treatment. Child psychologists, therapists, and counselors can provide specialized support to help your child cope with the challenges of having an OFW parent.
Empowering Your Child
Encourage your child to be proactive in managing their feelings and staying connected with the OFW parent. Teach them coping strategies for dealing with sadness, anxiety, and loneliness. Help them develop their own ways of communicating with the OFW parent, such as writing letters, creating videos, or sending photos. Empower them to take ownership of their experience and to find their own ways of staying connected to their family.
Preparing for the Return
The return of the OFW parent is a joyous occasion, but it can also be a time of adjustment. Prepare your child for the return by talking about it in advance. Discuss what things will be like when the OFW parent comes home. Be realistic about the transition. It may take some time for everyone to adjust to living together again. The OFW parent might have changed, and the family dynamic might have shifted. Be patient and understanding with each other. Communicate openly and honestly about your feelings. Celebrate the reunion, but also allow for a period of adjustment and readjustment.
Managing Expectations
It’s crucial to have realistic expectations about the return. Here are some points to consider:
Things will be different: The family may have developed new routines and roles in the OFW parent’s absence.
There may be challenges: Readjustment can be difficult for everyone. Expect some friction and disagreements.
Give it time: It takes time for the family to re-establish its rhythm and for everyone to adjust to the new dynamic.
Communicate openly: Talking about feelings and concerns is essential for navigating the transition.
Reintegrating the OFW Parent
Make the OFW parent feel welcome and included in the family. Encourage them to spend quality time with the child, engaging in activities they both enjoy. Create opportunities for them to reconnect and rebuild their relationship. Be patient and understanding as they readjust to life at home. Remember that it takes time to rebuild trust and intimacy after a period of separation.
FAQ Section
Here are some frequently asked questions about helping children cope with an OFW parent’s absence:
How do I explain to my young child why their parent has to work abroad?
Use simple, age-appropriate language. Focus on the positive aspects of the situation, such as providing for the family’s needs. For example, you could say, “Mommy/Daddy is working in another country to earn money so we can have a nicer house/better school/more food to eat.” Reassure them that the parent loves them and misses them very much.
What if my child is angry at the OFW parent for leaving?
Acknowledge and validate their feelings. Let them know it’s okay to feel angry. Don’t dismiss their anger or try to talk them out of it. Instead, listen to their concerns and try to understand their perspective. Reassure them that the OFW parent’s decision to work abroad was not a personal rejection and that they still love them very much. Help them find healthy ways to express their anger, such as talking to a trusted adult, writing in a journal, or engaging in physical activity.
How can I help my child stay connected with the OFW parent?
Encourage regular communication through video calls, phone calls, and letters. Create shared rituals and traditions, such as weekly family video chats or celebrating holidays virtually. Send care packages with photos, drawings, and small gifts. Involve the OFW parent in important decisions related to the child’s life. If possible, plan visits to see the OFW parent.
What are some signs that my child is not coping well with the OFW parent’s absence?
Look for changes in behavior, such as increased sadness, anxiety, or irritability. Other signs include changes in appetite or sleep patterns, withdrawal from social activities, decline in school performance, and physical complaints such as headaches or stomachaches. If you notice any of these signs, talk to your child and consider seeking professional help from a therapist or counselor.
How can I support myself as the remaining parent?
Prioritize self-care. Make time for activities that you enjoy and that help you relax and recharge. Build a strong support network of family, friends, and community organizations. Don’t be afraid to ask for help when you need it. Take care of your own physical and emotional well-being so you can better support your child.
My child is constantly asking when the OFW parent is coming home. How should I respond?
Be honest and consistent with your answer. Even if you don’t have a definite date, provide a general timeframe. For example, “Mommy will be home in a few months” or “Daddy will be back next year.” Use a calendar to mark the approximate return date and help your child visualize the passage of time. Acknowledge their longing for the parent and reassure them that the parent is also looking forward to coming home.
What if the OFW parent is having a difficult time adjusting to life abroad?
Recognize that adjusting to a new country and job can be challenging. Encourage the OFW parent to seek support from friends, colleagues, or support groups in their new location. Remind them of the reasons they chose to work abroad and the positive impact it will have on the family. Communicate openly and honestly about their feelings and concerns. Most importantly, maintain a positive and supportive attitude towards the OFW parent.
References
- “The Impact of Parental Migration on Children Left Behind in the Philippines: A Review of the Literature” – Philippine Institute for Development Studies
- “Children Left Behind: The Impact of Parental Labor Migration on Indonesian Families” – UNICEF
- “Transnational Families and the Well-being of Children” – University of Oxford
- “Overseas Filipino Workers and Their Families: A Literature Review” – Scalabrini Migration Center
Are you ready to put these tips into action? The challenges are real, but with consistent effort, mindful communication, and a strong support system, you can help your child thrive despite the distance. Don’t wait for the perfect moment to start. Begin today by scheduling a meaningful conversation with your child and the OFW parent. Explore online resources and connect with other OFW families. Remember, you are not alone, and your efforts will make a world of difference in your child’s life!
