Being a family member of an Overseas Filipino Worker (OFW) can be tough. It’s a mix of pride and happiness knowing your loved one is working hard abroad, but also a constant worry and sadness because they’re not here with you. This article is all about understanding those feelings and finding healthy ways to cope.
Understanding the Emotional Challenges
So, what makes being the family of an OFW so emotionally challenging? Well, think about it: someone you love very much is far away, often in a completely different time zone and culture. You miss them, you worry about their safety, and you might feel lonely or even resentful. It’s a whole rollercoaster of emotions!
One of the biggest challenges is loneliness. The OFW is gone, and suddenly, you’re doing everything yourself. You’re taking care of the kids, managing the household, and dealing with any problems that arise—all without the help and support you’re used to. Imagine a mother handling everything from school runs to the car breaking down, all on her own. That’s the reality for many OFW families.
Another common emotion is worry. You hear stories about OFWs facing difficult working conditions, being mistreated, or even getting sick. The distance makes it harder to know exactly what’s going on, and that uncertainty can be incredibly stressful. You might find yourself constantly checking your phone, waiting for a call or message to reassure you that everything is okay. News about migration also cause anxiety. The International Labour Organization (ILO) provides relevant data and news about labor migration.
Then there’s the guilt. Sometimes, you might feel guilty for needing the OFW’s financial support. You might also feel guilty for enjoying certain things that their hard work makes possible. It’s important to remember that they’re working to provide a better life for the whole family, and there’s nothing wrong with appreciating that.
Lastly, resentment can creep in, especially if you feel like the OFW isn’t fully understanding your struggles back home. Or resentment can be felt by the OFW as well, especially if they feel the money they send isn’t being spent wisely. Open communication is very crucial here.
Practical Coping Strategies for Family Members
Okay, so we know it’s tough. But the good news is, there are things you can do to make it easier. Here are some practical coping strategies that can help you navigate the emotional challenges of being an OFW family member:
Strengthening Communication
This is absolutely key! Regular communication can bridge the distance and keep everyone connected. Schedule regular video calls, even if it’s just for a few minutes each day. Seeing and hearing your loved one’s voice can make a huge difference. Use messaging apps to share updates and photos throughout the day. It doesn’t have to be long chats. An “I love you” text goes a long way. Set up a family chat group where everyone can share their thoughts and feelings.
Building a Strong Support System
Don’t try to go it alone! Lean on your friends, family, and community for support. Talk to people who understand what you’re going through. Join a support group for OFW families – many communities have these. Even online communities dedicated to OFW’s families can be a good resource and source of encouragement. Attend church or other religious services for spiritual support and a sense of belonging. Having people you can rely on can make a world of difference. If you feel overwhelmed, consider seeking professional counseling from a therapist or counselor. This can provide you with a safe and supportive space to process your emotions.
Establishing Routines and Responsibilities
Having a routine can bring a sense of stability and control to your life. Create a daily or weekly schedule that includes time for work, family, and yourself. Clearly define each family member’s responsibilities. A child, for example, can be tasked to help in simple chores, while the other parent takes the lead in bigger responsibilities. This can help reduce stress and prevent misunderstandings. This can ease the burden on those left behind and make your loved one feel more connected to the home.
Managing Finances Wisely
Financial stress can be a major source of anxiety for OFW families. Create a budget and stick to it. It can’t be stressed enough to separate your savings and your daily expenses. Avoid unnecessary spending and save for the future. Discuss financial decisions with the OFW and involve them in the process. This can help prevent conflicts and ensure that everyone is on the same page. Seek financial advice from a trusted professional if needed. This is a good way to prepare for your loved one’s eventual return.
For example, instead of buying the latest gadgets, prioritize paying off debts or investing in your children’s education. This helps secure the future even with less cash to spend. Also, make sure everyone understands the value of money.
Taking Care of Your Physical and Mental Health
Don’t neglect your own well-being! It’s easy to get caught up in caring for others, but you need to prioritize your own health too. Eat a balanced diet, get enough sleep, and exercise regularly. Take time for activities you enjoy, such as reading, listening to music, or spending time with friends. Practice relaxation techniques such as deep breathing or meditation. Seek professional help if you’re struggling with depression, anxiety, or other mental health issues.
It can be as simple as dedicating 30 minutes a day to watching your favorite show or joining an exercise class. Even just walking around the community provides some benefits. Remember, a healthy you can contribute much more to the family!
Maintaining Family Traditions and Creating New Ones
Keep your family traditions alive, even if the OFW can’t be there in person. Celebrate holidays and birthdays together, even if it’s just virtually. Create new traditions that you can all enjoy, such as a weekly movie night or a family game night. This helps maintain a sense of continuity and strengthens family bonds. When the OFW returns, they will feel like they’re simply stepping back into regular family life.
Staying Positive and Focusing on the Future
It’s important to stay positive and focus on the future. Remember why the OFW is working abroad and what you’re all working towards. Celebrate small victories and milestones. Focus on the good things in your life and express gratitude for what you have. Have faith that things will get better. Visualize your goals. Instead of always thinking of the absence of the OFW, plan for a family vacation when they return. Having something to look forward to helps everyone stay positive.
Common Pitfalls to Avoid
Even with the best intentions, there are some common pitfalls that OFW families should try to avoid:
Overspending: It’s tempting to spend the money that the OFW sends, but it’s important to be responsible and save for the future. Discuss big purchases with each other.
Lack of Communication: Don’t let communication fall by the wayside. Make time to talk regularly, even when things are busy. It’s easy to slack off. Create a schedule and stick to it.
Neglecting Personal Needs: Don’t forget to take care of your own physical and mental health. You can’t pour from an empty cup. Always make time for yourself.
Unrealistic Expectations: Don’t expect the OFW to solve all your problems. Be realistic about what they can provide and manage your expectations.
Isolation: Don’t isolate yourself from friends and family. Stay connected and lean on your support system.
Not planning for the return: Starting to plan the return early is crucial, especially in regards to the expectation of the returning OFW, what his/her role will be, and the family’s finances after the income source is gone.
The Children of OFWs: Special Considerations
Children of OFWs experience a different set of challenges. They may feel abandoned, resentful, or insecure. It’s important to address their feelings and provide them with extra support. Here’s how:
Open Communication: Talk to your children about how they’re feeling. Answer their questions honestly and listen to their concerns. Avoid dismissive answers like “Don’t worry about it”. Instead, listen and try to understand their worries.
Extra Attention and Affection: Spend quality time with your children and show them plenty of love and affection. Make sure they still feel your affection.
Maintaining a Routine: Maintain a consistent routine and provide a stable home environment. Children feel secure when there is a sense of normalcy in the home.
Involving the OFW: Encourage the OFW to stay involved in their children’s lives, even from a distance. Schedule regular video calls, send letters and packages, and attend school events virtually. Be open about the OFW’s daily life as well, and involve them in decision-making.
Seeking Professional Help: If your children are struggling emotionally, consider seeking professional counseling. Children tend to not express their feelings. It’s a good idea to have them checked up professionally regularly.
Ensure that other caregivers (relatives, nannies) understand the importance of consistent discipline and affection. Talk to them about avoiding negative talk about the OFW in front of the child.
Emphasize the positive aspects of the OFW’s work, why their sacrifice is meaningful, and how it contributes to the family’s future.
Preparing for the OFW’s Return
The OFW’s return is a joyous occasion, but it can also be a time of adjustment. Here’s how to prepare:
Open Communication: Talk to each other about your expectations and concerns. Discuss how things will change once the OFW is back home.
Adjusting Roles and Responsibilities: Be prepared to adjust roles and responsibilities within the family. The OFW will need to re-integrate into the household and find their place. The other parent may also need to relinquish their responsibilities.
Addressing Financial Matters: Discuss financial matters and create a plan for managing the OFW’s income. How long can the OFW remain jobless? How will the OFW’s reintegration affect the family budget?
Re-establishing Intimacy: Be patient and understanding as you re-establish intimacy as a couple. You have been apart for a long time, give each other time to reconnect. You can also schedule regular date nights.
Seeking Professional Help: If you’re struggling to adjust to life with the OFW back home, consider seeking professional counseling. Don’t be afraid or ashamed of seeking guidance. An objective third party can provide valuable insights during the readjustment period.
Consider family counseling sessions to help facilitate communication and address any underlying issues.
Remind each other that adjusting takes time; celebrate the small victories and focus on building the family’s future together.
Embracing Technology for Connection
Technology can be a powerful tool for maintaining connection with OFWs. Beyond simple video calls, explore these options:
Online Games: Play online games together as a family. This can be a fun way to bond and stay connected.
Shared Photo Albums: Create a shared online photo album where everyone can upload photos and videos.
Virtual Tours: Take virtual tours of museums, zoos, or other attractions together.
Watch Parties: Use streaming services that allow you to watch movies or TV shows together, even when you’re apart.
Using Social Media Wisely: While social media can be a great way to stay connected, be mindful of how you use it. Avoid posting overly personal or negative content that could cause stress or anxiety.
Using collaborative tools for shared projects – recipe books, family trees, etc.
The Power of Community Support
Don’t underestimate the power of community support. OFW families often share similar experiences and challenges, and connecting with others can be incredibly helpful. Consider these options:
OFW Family Support Groups: Join a local OFW family support group. These groups provide a space for families to share their experiences, offer support, and learn from each other. Many churches and local government units (LGUs) have these.
Online Forums and Communities: Participate in online forums and communities for OFW families. These platforms can provide a sense of connection and belonging.
Community Events: Attend community events that celebrate Filipino culture and heritage. This can help you and your children feel more connected to your roots.
Getting involved in local volunteer activities, even simple roles, can provide a sense of purpose and community involvement.
Participate in local events and celebrations to foster a sense of belonging.
FAQ Section
Here are some frequently asked questions about the emotional toll of OFW life:
How do I deal with the loneliness of being apart from my spouse?
Loneliness is a common emotion for OFW families. To combat it, focus on building a strong support system. Spend time with friends and family, join a support group, or pursue hobbies and interests. Schedule regular video calls with your spouse and plan activities that you can do together virtually. Remember to prioritize your own well-being by eating well, exercising, and getting enough sleep.
My children are acting out since their father left. What should I do?
It’s normal for children to act out when a parent leaves. They may be feeling sad, angry, or insecure. Try to be patient and understanding. Talk to your children about their feelings and provide them with extra attention and affection. Maintain a consistent routine and provide a stable home environment. Encourage the OFW to stay involved in their children’s lives, even from a distance. If their behavior continues, then seek professional counseling.
How can I prevent arguments about money between my spouse and me?
Financial disagreements are a common source of conflict for OFW families. To prevent them, create a budget together and stick to it. Discuss financial decisions openly and honestly. Avoid unnecessary spending and save for the future. Be realistic about what the OFW can provide and manage your expectations. Seeking financial advice from a trusted professional like an accountant or bank advisor may also help sort out and resolve the issues in managing one’s income.
I feel guilty for spending the money my spouse sends home. Is this normal?
It’s normal to feel guilty about spending the money that your spouse sends home. However, it’s important to remember that they’re working to provide a better life for the whole family. Focus on using the money wisely and for important needs. Express gratitude for your spouse’s sacrifice and show them that you appreciate their hard work. Avoid overspending and make sure that you separate your funds between daily expenses and savings and investments. Remember to also save for your loved one’s retirement.
How can I stay positive when things get tough?
Staying positive can be challenging, but it’s important to focus on the good things in your life. Remember why the OFW is working abroad and what you’re all working towards. Celebrate small victories and milestones. Focus on the positive aspects of your relationship and your family life. Practice gratitude and express appreciation for what you have. Seek support from friends, family, and your community. Even taking a few minutes a day to meditate can help. Visualize a good outcome for yourself and your family.”
What if the OFW experiences abuse or unfair treatment while working abroad?
In cases where an OFW faces abuse or unfair treatment, it’s extremely important to report the case to appropriate authorities. OFWs can contact the Philippine Overseas Labor Office (POLO) in their host country for assistance. You can also contact the Overseas Workers Welfare Administration (OWWA) and the Department of Migrant Workers (DMW) in the Philippines for support and guidance. It’s essential to document the incidents of abuse and gather any evidence to support the case.
References
International Labour Organization (ILO)
The Overseas Workers Welfare Administration (OWWA)
Department of Migrant Workers (DMW)
Philippine Overseas Labor Office (POLO)
Ready to Take Control?
Being an OFW family member is a challenging journey, but it’s also a journey filled with love, resilience, and hope. By implementing these coping strategies, you can strengthen your family bonds, improve your well-being, and navigate the challenges with greater confidence. Start today by prioritizing communication, building a strong support system, and taking care of yourself. Remember, you’re not alone, and you have the strength to thrive.
The very first step you can take is to talk to your family—right now! Start an open conversation about how everyone is feeling and devise plans on how to face the challenges together. Don’t think about putting it off until tomorrow. Today is always the best day to start working towards improving your family’s happiness.
