Leaving your family behind as an Overseas Filipino Worker (OFW) is one of the hardest decisions you’ll ever make. The guilt can be overwhelming, but it’s important to remember you’re doing this for their future. This guide is here to help you navigate those tough goodbyes and make the most of your limited hellos, helping you build strong family bonds even when you’re miles apart.
Understanding the Guilt: You Are Not Alone!
Let’s be honest, that gnawing guilt feeling is a constant companion for many OFW parents. It’s that little voice whispering, “Am I doing the right thing? Am I missing out on too much?” It’s completely normal. Thousands of Filipino parents face this every single day. According to the Philippine Statistics Authority, a significant portion of the workforce are OFWs, and a large percentage of them have families back home. Knowing you’re not alone can actually be quite comforting. This shared experience means there’s a wealth of support and advice available – you just need to find it.
The first step to managing this guilt is recognizing its source. Is it the fear of your children feeling abandoned? Is it the worry that you’re missing important milestones like first steps, school plays, or birthday parties? Is it the pressure from family members who might not fully understand your sacrifices? Pinpointing the root cause allows you to address it directly. For example, if you’re worried about missing milestones, think about ways to actively participate in them remotely. We’ll talk about some ideas later on.
Resist the urge to compare yourself to other parents, especially those who are physically present. Their circumstances are different, and what works for them might not work for you. Focus on what you can do, not what you can’t. Remember, you’re providing for your family in a way that wouldn’t be possible otherwise. Your sacrifice is an act of love, even if it doesn’t always feel like it.
Preparing Meaningful Goodbyes: Making it Count
Goodbyes are never easy, but preparing for them can make a huge difference in easing the pain for both you and your children. Don’t just pack your bags and disappear. Plan a special “departure day” filled with activities everyone will enjoy. This could be a family picnic, a trip to the park, or even just a board game night at home. The key is to create positive memories that your children can hold onto while you’re away.
Before you leave, have an open and honest conversation with your kids, age-appropriate of course. For younger children, keep it simple: “Mommy/Daddy is going to work far away for a little while so we can buy you nice things and have a good life. I’ll miss you very much, and I’ll call you every day.” For teenagers, you can be more direct and explain the financial reasons behind your decision. Acknowledge their feelings of sadness or anger and let them know it’s okay to feel that way. Assure them that your love for them hasn’t changed and that you’ll be back.
Create a visual reminder of your presence. This could be a photo album, a collage of family pictures, or even a personalized calendar with important dates marked on it. Leave behind a small, meaningful gift for each child – a favorite stuffed animal, a piece of jewelry, or a handwritten letter. These tangible reminders will help them feel connected to you even when you’re not physically there.
Involve your children in the preparations for your departure. Let them help you pack your bags, choose a special item to take with you, or even write you a letter to read when you arrive at your destination. This will make them feel like they’re part of the process and not just being left behind. If you are going to work abroad, ensure all your documents are in order.
Staying Connected While Away: Bridging the Distance
Technology has made it easier than ever for OFWs to stay connected with their families. Video calls are a lifesaver. Schedule regular video calls with your children, even if it’s just for a few minutes each day. Make it a routine, like calling them before they go to bed or after they come home from school. Use video calls to help them with their homework, read them a bedtime story, or just chat about their day. Don’t just focus on serious conversations; be silly, tell jokes, and play games! Even a simple “peek-a-boo” can brighten a young child’s day. Remember the quality of interaction is important. Be present. Eliminate distraction while talking to your child or loved ones.
Social media can also be a great way to stay connected, but be mindful of how you use it. Share photos and videos of your life abroad, but also focus on engaging with your children’s posts and activities. Leave comments on their photos, send them messages on their birthdays, and congratulate them on their achievements. However, remember to prioritize direct communication through calls and messages over solely relying on social media, especially for important conversations.
Write letters or send postcards. Believe it or not, in the age of digital communication, a handwritten letter can be incredibly meaningful. Send your children postcards from the places you visit, write them letters telling them how much you miss them, or even just send them a funny card to make them laugh. The physicality of a written letter shows that you took the time and effort to think of them.
Consider collaborative activities. Watch the same movies or TV shows together (even asynchronously) and discuss them afterward. Play online games together. Read the same book and talk about it in your next video call. These shared experiences will help you maintain a sense of connection and build lasting memories.
Making Hellos Meaningful: Quality Over Quantity
When you finally get to come home for a visit, make the most of it. Don’t just spend your time catching up on chores or running errands. Focus on spending quality time with your children. Plan fun activities that everyone will enjoy, like going to the beach, visiting a theme park, or even just having a picnic in the backyard. Put away your phone and be fully present in the moment.
Before you arrive, ask your children what they want to do with you. Let them plan the activities and choose the restaurants. This will make them feel valued and appreciated. Don’t try to cram everything into one visit. Prioritize the activities that are most important to them and pace yourself. It is important not to burn out because you tried to do everything.
Take the time to listen to your children and really hear what they have to say. Ask them about their school, their friends, and their hobbies. Show genuine interest in their lives and let them know that you care about what’s important to them. Be a good listener. Avoid using judgmental language with your children and loved ones. Give them a safe space to express themselves.
Don’t be afraid to be silly and have fun. Play games, tell jokes, and just be yourself. Your children will appreciate seeing your playful side. Remember, you’re not just a provider; you’re also a parent who loves and cares for them.
Prepare for the transition back to your work. As much as possible, try to ease back into routine, and explain calmly, if needed, why you still have to leave. Don’t just disappear without saying goodbye.
Delegating Responsibilities: Building a Support System
You can’t do it all alone. It’s important to build a strong support system that can help you care for your children while you’re away. This could be your spouse, your parents, your siblings, or even trusted friends. Communicate regularly with your support system and let them know what your expectations are. Provide them with the resources they need to care for your children, such as money, transportation, and access to medical care.
Establish clear roles and responsibilities. Who will be responsible for taking the children to school? Who will help them with their homework? Who will handle medical emergencies? Having clear lines of communication and accountability will prevent confusion and ensure that your children are well-cared for.
Trust your support system. You’ve chosen them for a reason. Let them do their job and resist the urge to micromanage. Remember, they’re doing their best to help you and your children. Avoid being overly critical, instead, offer support and guidance.
Show appreciation to your support system. Thank them for their help, offer to pay them for their services, or even just bring them a small gift to show your gratitude. A little appreciation goes a long way.
Addressing Loneliness and Self-Care: You Matter, Too!
Being an OFW can be incredibly lonely. It’s important to take care of your own emotional and mental well-being. Don’t neglect your own needs. Make time for activities that you enjoy, such as reading, watching movies, or exercising. Stay connected with friends and family back home and make new friends in your host country.
Join a support group for OFWs. Connecting with others who are going through the same experiences can be incredibly helpful. Share your challenges, offer support, and learn from each other. There are many online and offline support groups available for OFWs.
Seek professional help if you’re struggling with anxiety or depression. There’s no shame in asking for help. A therapist or counselor can provide you with the tools and support you need to manage your emotions and cope with the challenges of being an OFW. Taking care of your own mental health is essential for your well-being and also helps you be a better, more supportive parent.
Remember your why. Reflect on the reasons you chose to work abroad. Remind yourself of the benefits you’re providing for your family. This will help you stay motivated and overcome the challenges you face.
Financial Planning for the Future: Securing Their Future
Proper financial planning is essential for making the most of your earnings as an OFW. Create a budget and track your expenses. Identify areas where you can save money and allocate those savings towards your family’s future. Consider investing in your children’s education, healthcare, and future.
Set financial goals. What do you want to achieve with your earnings as an OFW? Do you want to buy a house? Do you want to start a business? Do you want to save for your retirement? Having clear financial goals will help you stay focused and motivated.
Learn about investment options. There are many different investment options available, such as stocks, bonds, mutual funds, and real estate. Research these options and choose the ones that are right for your risk tolerance and financial goals. If possible, consult a trusted financial advisor.
Protect your finances. Be wary of scams and fraudulent investment schemes. Don’t give out your personal or financial information to anyone you don’t trust. Consider purchasing insurance to protect yourself and your family from unexpected financial losses.
FAQ Section
How can I deal with my child’s anger or resentment towards me for leaving?
Acknowledging their feelings is the first step. Let them know it’s okay to feel angry or sad. Don’t dismiss their emotions. Consistently show your love and care through regular communication, meaningful gifts, and making the most of your visits. Be patient and understanding; it takes time to rebuild trust and strengthen the bond.
What if my spouse and I have different parenting styles? How can we ensure consistency for our children?
Open communication is key. Discuss your parenting philosophies and try to find common ground. Recognize each other’s strengths and weaknesses and work together as a team. If disagreements arise, address them privately and avoid arguing in front of the children. It is also helpful to set house rules and guidelines for both you and your spouse.
How can I prevent my children from feeling entitled or spoiled just because I’m working abroad and sending money home?
Teach them the value of hard work and money. Involve them in age-appropriate chores and responsibilities. Explain the sacrifices you’re making to provide for them. Emphasize gratitude and generosity. Encourage them to save and budget their own money. Model responsible financial behavior. Reinforce this teaching on money through actions and not just words.
What if I can’t afford to come home as often as I’d like?
Prioritize quality over quantity. Even short, frequent calls and video chats can make a big difference. During your visits, focus on creating meaningful memories and spending quality time with your children. Technology provides other ways to stay connected even if you can’t afford airplane tickets often.
How do I handle gossiping relatives or neighbors who judge my decision to work abroad?
Focus on your family’s well-being and ignore the negativity. Don’t let their judgments affect your self-esteem or your parenting. Surround yourself with positive and supportive people who understand your circumstances. You can’t control the actions of others, but you can control how to react.
References
Philippine Statistics Authority
OFW Guide
You’ve taken the first step by reading this guide. Now, take action! Schedule that video call, send that letter, and start making those meaningful connections today. Your children deserve your love and support and you deserve to feel good about the sacrifices you’re making. Embrace the journey, focus on the positive, and create a family bond that transcends distance. You’ve got this!
