Being an Overseas Filipino Worker (OFW) is a big sacrifice, especially when it means being away from your kids. But don’t worry, it’s still possible to have a strong and loving bond with them even if you’re miles apart. This article will give you practical tips and ideas on how to stay connected and involved in your children’s lives, no matter the distance.
Understanding the Challenges
Let’s be honest, being away from your kids is tough. You miss out on so many things: birthdays, school plays, and even just the everyday hugs and bedtime stories. Your kids might feel sad, angry, or even confused about why you’re not there. They might struggle with schoolwork, their emotions, or even feel isolated from their friends. According to a 2011 study by the Scalabrini Migration Center, children of OFWs sometimes experience psychosocial difficulties due to parental absence. Recognizing these challenges is the first step in overcoming them. It’s important to acknowledge their feelings and let them know that it’s okay to feel that way.
Communication is Key: Talking and Listening
Communication is the lifeline of any relationship, and it’s even more crucial when you’re far away. But it’s not just about talking at your kids; it’s about talking with them. Make time for regular calls or video chats. Don’t just ask “How was your day?” Dig deeper. Ask about their favorite part of the day, who they played with, and what they learned. Really listen to what they have to say. Show genuine interest in their lives. If your kids are younger, try reading them a bedtime story over video call. For older kids, talk about their hobbies, their friends, and their dreams for the future. Use messaging apps to send them photos, jokes, or just a simple “Thinking of you” during the day. Set aside specific times each week for dedicated family video calls, treating them like important appointments you wouldn’t miss. For instance, every Sunday at 7 PM could be family video call night. Make it fun! Play games online together, like charades or Pictionary.
Being Present, Even Remotely
Being physically absent doesn’t mean you can’t be emotionally present. Participate in their lives as much as possible, even from afar. If they have a school performance, ask for a video recording and watch it together later. Celebrate their birthdays with a video call and send them a special gift. Attend online parent-teacher conferences. Help them with their homework via video chat. If they are learning a new skill, have them show you their progress and cheer them on. Involve yourself in important decision-making, such as choosing their extracurricular activities or planning family vacations. Actively engage with their online world. Follow their social media accounts (if they have them) and comment on their posts in a supportive and encouraging way. Even small gestures, like sending a personalized email or postcard, can make a big difference. Find creative ways to participate in their daily routines. For example, if you usually read them a bedtime story, record yourself reading different stories and send them the recordings. This way, they can still hear your voice and feel your presence even when you’re not there.
Making the Most of Visits Home
When you finally get to come home, make the most of it! Plan fun activities that everyone will enjoy. Go to the beach, visit a theme park, or simply spend quality time together at home. Put away your phone and focus on your family. Listen to their stories, play games, and create new memories. Don’t try to make up for lost time by showering them with gifts. Instead, focus on spending quality time together and building a stronger connection. Take them on individual dates. A one-on-one outing can create a powerful bond, allowing them to share their thoughts and feelings without distractions. Prepare their favorite home-cooked meals. Food is a powerful way to show love and create a sense of comfort. Take lots of photos and videos to remember these special moments. These mementos will help you stay connected even when you’re apart again.
The Power of Shared Experiences
Even when you’re not physically together, you can still create shared experiences. Watch movies or TV shows together online and discuss them afterwards. Read the same book and talk about the characters and the plot. Listen to the same music and share your favorite songs. Play online games together. Even something as simple as watching the same sunset (and sharing photos) can create a sense of connection. This helps bridge the gap of distance. Participate in virtual tours. Many museums and historical sites offer virtual tours that you can enjoy together. This can be a fun and educational way to learn about different cultures and create shared memories. Create a family scrapbook or photo album together, either online or in print. This is a great way to reminisce about past experiences and create new ones. Learn a new language or skill together online. This can be a fun and rewarding way to bond and create a shared sense of accomplishment.
Dealing with Guilt and Homesickness
It’s normal to feel guilty or homesick when you’re away from your family. Acknowledge these feelings and don’t try to ignore them. Talk to your spouse or partner about how you’re feeling. Seek support from other OFWs who understand what you’re going through. Find healthy ways to cope with stress, such as exercise, meditation, or hobbies. Remember why you’re working abroad in the first place. You’re doing it to provide a better future for your family. Focus on the positive aspects of your situation, such as the opportunities you’re gaining and the skills you’re developing. Remind yourself that your sacrifice is making a difference in your children’s lives, even if they don’t always see it. Schedule video calls with your children on a regular basis to combat feelings of loneliness and isolation. Make sure you’re taking care of yourself, both physically and mentally. This will help you be a better parent, even from afar.
Using Technology to Your Advantage
Technology has made it easier than ever to stay connected with loved ones. Take advantage of the various communication tools available. Video calls, messaging apps, social media, and email can all help you stay in touch with your kids. Explore online educational resources together. Many websites and apps offer fun and engaging learning activities for kids of all ages. Use these resources to supplement their education and create shared learning experiences. Utilize cloud storage to share photos, videos, and documents with your family. This will help you stay organized and ensure that everyone has access to important information. Create a family blog or website to share your experiences and stay connected with extended family members. Utilize project management tools to coordinate tasks and responsibilities with your spouse or partner back home. This can help ensure that everything runs smoothly even when you’re not there.
Building Trust and Maintaining Discipline
Maintaining discipline from afar can be challenging. It’s important to work with your spouse or partner to establish clear rules and expectations. Be consistent with your discipline and follow through on consequences. Communicate with your children about your expectations and explain why they are important. Don’t undermine your spouse or partner’s authority. Present a united front to your children. Instead of focusing on punishment, emphasize positive reinforcement. Praise your children for their good behavior and accomplishments. Build trust and open communication with your children so they feel comfortable talking to you about their problems. Create a reward system to motivate your children to achieve their goals. Always explain the reasoning behind the rules and consequences to foster respect and understanding. This establishes a sense of fairness and consistency. Remind your children of your love and trust in them, even when they make mistakes. This reinforces the bond and helps them learn from their errors.
The Importance of Support Systems
Having a strong support system can make a big difference in your ability to cope with being an OFW. Connect with other OFWs in your community and share your experiences. Join online support groups for OFWs. Seek advice and support from friends and family back home. Utilize the resources and services offered by your employer or recruitment agency. Consider seeking professional counseling or therapy if you’re struggling to cope with the emotional challenges of being an OFW. Encourage your children to build strong relationships with their other family members, such as grandparents, aunts, and uncles. These relationships can provide them with additional support and guidance in your absence. Lean on religious or spiritual communities for guidance and support. Remember that you’re not alone. Many people understand what you’re going through. The Overseas Workers Welfare Administration (OWWA) provides support and resources for OFWs. Don’t hesitate to reach out to them.
Preparing Children for Your Return
Even the return can sometimes create challenges that may not be obvious. Preparing your kids for your return is just as important as preparing for your departure. Talk to them about your return and what they can expect. Be patient and understanding as they adjust to your presence back in their lives. Don’t expect things to go back to normal immediately. It will take time for everyone to adjust. Involve them in planning your homecoming celebration. This will help them feel excited and invested in your return. Gradually reintegrate yourself into their daily routines. Don’t try to take over everything at once. Spend quality time with each child individually to reconnect and rebuild your relationship. Be prepared for some initial resistance or awkwardness. Your children may have gotten used to a certain routine without you. Continue to communicate openly and honestly with your children after your return. This will help you address any challenges that may arise. Create new family traditions and routines that incorporate your presence. This will help create a sense of stability and togetherness. A 2004 study published in the Philippine Journal of Psychology suggested that successful reintegration of OFWs into their families requires adjustment on both sides, emphasizing the importance of open communication and understanding.
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ)
How can I deal with my child’s anger or resentment towards me for being away?
It’s understandable that your child might feel angry or resentful. Acknowledge their feelings and let them know that it’s okay to feel that way. Don’t dismiss their emotions or try to invalidate them. Instead, listen to what they have to say and try to understand their perspective. Explain to them why you’re working abroad in a way that they can understand. Let them know that you miss them too and that you’re doing it for their future. Schedule regular one-on-one time with them to rebuild your relationship. Show them that you care and that you’re there for them.
What if my child doesn’t want to talk to me on the phone or video call?
Don’t take it personally. Sometimes children are just busy or not in the mood to talk. Try different approaches. Instead of calling them at a specific time, send them a message and ask when would be a good time to talk. Offer to play a game online together or watch a movie together. If they still don’t want to talk, respect their wishes but let them know that you’re always there when they need you. Continue to send them messages and photos to let them know that you’re thinking of them. Over time, they may become more receptive to talking to you.
How can I make sure my child is staying on track with their studies?
Communicate with their teachers and school staff regularly to get updates on their progress. Help them with their homework via video chat. Encourage them to ask for help when they’re struggling. Provide them with resources and support to help them succeed in school. Celebrate their academic achievements and milestones. Emphasize the importance of education and encourage them to pursue their interests. Set up a dedicated study space for them that is free from distractions. Help to create a realistic study schedule.
How can I stay involved in my child’s extracurricular activities from afar?
Ask for videos or photos of their performances or games. Attend online parent meetings. Offer to help with fundraising or other volunteer activities remotely. Encourage them to share their experiences with you and celebrate their accomplishments. Send them messages of encouragement and support. If possible, try to attend some of their events in person when you come home. Stay informed about their activities and interests and discuss them together. Arrange a visit with a friend and you can watch together in a virtual event.
What can I do if my spouse and I disagree on how to raise our children while I’m away?
Communication is key. Schedule regular discussions with your spouse to discuss your parenting styles and goals. Try to find common ground and compromise on areas where you disagree. Respect each other’s opinions and perspectives. Don’t undermine each other’s authority in front of the children. Seek counseling or therapy together if you’re struggling to resolve your disagreements. Remember that you’re both working towards the same goal: to raise happy and healthy children. Set aside a time to set on a table to discuss the ways of parenting. Stay true to one another.
References
Scalabrini Migration Center. (2011). Children Left Behind: The Impact of Parental Migration on Children’s Education and Well-Being in the Philippines.
Tigno, J. V. (2004). Psychosocial well-being of children of overseas Filipino workers: A review of the literature. Philippine Journal of Psychology, 37(1), 67-93.
It’s not easy being an OFW, especially when it comes to raising your kids from afar. But with a little effort and creativity, you can still have a strong and loving bond with them. Use these tips to stay connected, be present in their lives, and make the most of your time together. Your sacrifice is making a difference, and your love will always be felt, no matter the distance. Don’t wait! Start implementing these tips today and strengthen your connection with your children.
