So, you’re back home! After years of being an OFW (Overseas Filipino Worker) mom, you are now ready to be a full-time parent. That’s fantastic! This guide is all about helping you transition smoothly, reconnect deeply with your kids, and create a fulfilling family life post-OFW. We will tackle some of the common issues OFW moms face when they finally come home and offer practical tips to make this adjustment period a really happy one.
Understanding the Transition: It’s a Big Change for Everyone
Coming home after being an OFW is both wonderful and a bit tricky. You’re excited to be with your family, but things at home might have changed while you were away. Your kids have grown, developed new habits and routines. Your spouse, if you have one, has been managing things on their own. Understand that this transition takes time and patience – for everyone. It’s not just you adjusting; it’s the whole family figuring out a new normal together.
Acknowledging the Emotional Impact
First off, acknowledge the emotions everyone is feeling. Your kids might be delighted but also a little hesitant. They might have gotten used to a certain level of independence while you were away. You, on the other hand, might feel a mix of joy, guilt (for being away), and maybe even a bit of overwhelm. Don’t suppress these feelings. Talk about them openly and honestly with your family. According to a study about the psychological challenges faced by OFW families , communication is key during this transition. Being honest about how you are feeling is an act of vulnerability that can open lines of communication within the family.
The Shifting Family Roles
While you were away, someone else stepped into your roles – maybe your spouse, a grandparent, or an older sibling. You need to work with them, not against them. Don’t try to take over immediately. Instead, observe how things have been running and gradually offer your support. A helpful approach is to ask questions. For example, instead of saying “I’ll handle the cooking from now on,” try asking, “How have you been managing meals? Is there anything I can help with in that area?” This shows respect for the efforts of who has been handling things in your absence, and it opens the door for collaborative solutions.”
Reconnecting With Your Children: Building Stronger Bonds
This is probably the most important part. After being apart for so long, rebuilding a strong connection with your children takes time and effort. But it’s absolutely worth it. It’s about more than just being physically present; it’s about truly being present and engaged in their lives.
Quality Time Over Quantity
Spending hours in the same room doesn’t necessarily mean you’re connecting. Focus on quality time. That means putting away your phone, turning off the TV, and giving your child your undivided attention. Plan activities you can do together – maybe playing games, going for walks, cooking a meal, or simply talking about their day. Remember what their interests were before you left? Maybe they don’t apply now. So ask. If they love video games, spend an hour learning how to play with them. If they watch Youtube videos, watch with them and ask them questions about their favorite shows. Showing genuine interest, at their level, helps bridge the gap.
Active Listening: Hearing Their Hearts
One of the best ways to connect with your children is to listen to them – really listen. That means paying attention, making eye contact, and avoiding interrupting. Ask open-ended questions that encourage them to share their thoughts and feelings. For example, instead of asking, “Did you have a good day at school?” try asking, “What was the most interesting thing that happened at school today?” or “What are you most excited about right now?” Really listen to the answers, and follow up with relevant questions. This shows them that you value their opinions and experiences. Be aware of their non-verbal ques like body language and tone. They might have hard time expressing themselves in the beginning.
Creating New Traditions
Establish new family traditions that you can all look forward to. This could be anything from a weekly movie night to a Sunday brunch to a yearly family vacation. Traditions create a sense of belonging and provide opportunities for bonding. Get your kids involved in planning these traditions to make them even more meaningful. Maybe every Friday, you have a special “themed” dinner night. One week it’s Italian, the next it’s Mexican. Get everyone involved in choosing the theme and preparing the meal. It makes it fun to cook and more memorable to eat!
Understanding Their Love Languages
Gary Chapman’s book, The 5 Love Languages, explains how everyone expresses and experiences love differently. The five love languages are: Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts, Quality Time, and Physical Touch. Figure out your children’s love languages and make an effort to communicate your love in ways that they understand. Maybe one child values words of affirmation, so you make a point of telling them how proud you are of them. Another child might appreciate acts of service, so you offer to help them with their chores (or simply do them without being asked). Showing love in ways that resonate with them is crucial to building strong relationships.
Supporting Your Child’s Education And Development
Coming back home means you now have the opportunity to be more directly involved in your children’s education and overall development. But this also requires you to be aware of how the education system might have changed since you last interacted with it, and to be more involved and collaborate with teachers and school staff. Remember, you’re now part of the team supporting your child.
Getting Involved in School Activities
Attend school events, parent-teacher conferences, and volunteering opportunities. This shows your children that you value their education and are invested in their success. Building a strong relationship with your children’s teachers can also help you stay informed about their progress and any challenges they might be facing. If you can’t physically be at school events, try to be virtually present. Many schools now offer online options for meetings and events. Or, if possible, ask a trusted relative or friend to represent you.
Creating a Supportive Learning Environment at Home
Make sure your children have a quiet and comfortable space to study at home. Help them establish good study habits and routines. Be available to answer their questions and provide support when they need it. But, don’t do their homework for them! Instead, guide them through the process and help them develop critical thinking skills. Have a dedicated homework corner free from distractions, that shows your children you care about their studying is really important and a must for a more effective approach to study time during the transition.
Encouraging Their Interests And Talents
Support your children’s hobbies and interests, even if they seem unusual or impractical. Encourage them to explore their talents and pursue their passions. This could involve enrolling them in extracurricular activities, providing them with resources to learn new skills, or simply cheering them on from the sidelines. Celebrating their passions is incredibly powerful, and validates their personal growth. Consider their individual gifts and encourage them and motivate them to explore.
Fostering a Love for Learning
Make learning fun and engaging. Take your children to museums, libraries, and historical sites. Read books together and discuss them. Watch educational documentaries and TV shows. Encourage them to ask questions and explore new ideas. The goal is to instill a lifelong love of learning that will serve them well throughout their lives. One unique idea is to have a “Question of the Week” at home. Each week, choose a random question (it can be anything!). Then, allocate a set time that week to help kids research the specific questions they have. The questions can be something simple to understand the new learning for the kids.
Rebuilding Your Relationship With Your Spouse (If Applicable)
If you have a spouse or partner, your relationship likely went through changes while you were working abroad. Reconnecting with your spouse requires effort, communication, and understanding. When transitioning, you both need to understand and be patient with each other because your family is undergoing a change, and adapting to this change requires a lot of work.
Open and Honest Communication
Talk openly and honestly about your feelings, expectations, and needs. Listen to your spouse’s perspective and try to understand where they’re coming from. Be willing to compromise and work together to find solutions that work for both of you. It is helpful to check in with each other (and individually) so you can continue to address issues or resolve problems easier. It is also equally helpful to share ideas, especially in a conversation where you have the chance to hear from the other person what challenges they encounter in the family so you can help them out better.
Date Nights and Quality Time
Make time for dates and quality time together. Go out for dinner, see a movie, or simply spend an evening talking. Reconnect as a couple and reignite the romance and friendship that brought you together in the first place. Even simple gestures like holding hands, cuddling on the couch, or leaving each other love notes can make a big difference. Prioritizing your relationship sends a positive message to your children as well. Try to incorporate simple things like having a date night at home that you can always look forward to.
Shared Responsibilities
Divide household chores and parenting responsibilities fairly. Discuss who will handle what tasks and work together to create a system that works for both of you. Don’t assume that you know what your spouse wants or needs. Ask them directly and listen to their response. Remember you are working as a team.
Seeking Counseling (If Needed)
If you’re struggling to reconnect with your spouse, consider seeking counseling from a therapist or counselor. A professional can provide guidance and support to help you navigate challenges and build a stronger relationship. Seeing a professional is always a good choice. Counseling can help you open up lines of communication and address deeper issues that might need clarity and guidance.
Your Well-being Matters: Self-Care is Essential
Taking care of yourself is not selfish; it’s essential. You can’t pour from an empty cup. Make time for activities that help you relax, recharge, and feel good about yourself. Because as you strive to improve your connection with your children, you have to remember that your personal well-being is important as well. Self-care is equally important to ensure that you can focus on your family even as you transitioned to full-time parent.
Physical Health
Eat a healthy diet, exercise regularly, and get enough sleep. These basic habits can have a huge impact on your physical and mental well-being. Find an exercise routine that you enjoy, whether it’s walking, swimming, dancing, or yoga. Make sure you’re scheduling regular doctor’s visits and check-ups. If you have old medical records bring them to your first appointment. Prioritize your overall wellness.
Mental and Emotional Health
Practice mindfulness, meditation, or journaling to manage stress and anxiety. Connect with friends and family for social support. Engage in hobbies and activities that bring you joy. If you’re feeling overwhelmed or depressed, seek professional help from a therapist or counselor. Even taking just an hour a day to have a good night sleep will help you regulate your mental health. This means putting your phone completely away and letting your mind and body rest.
Personal Growth and Development
Set goals for yourself and work towards achieving them. Learn new skills, take classes, or pursue a new hobby. Investing in your personal growth can boost your confidence and give you a sense of purpose. When setting a goal, make sure it’s realistic, achievable and with a timeline. This will help you manage your goals step by step. Every time you complete a goal, don’t forget to reward yourself. It’s important to celebrate short-term wins because it motivates you to work on more goals.
Addressing Common Challenges
Coming home as an OFW mom isn’t always easy. Here’s how to tackle some common hurdles you might face. Dealing with emotional challenges takes a lot of hard work and patience, not only for you but also for your entire family.
Guilt and Regret
Many OFW moms feel guilty about being away from their children for so long. Acknowledge these feelings and allow yourself to grieve the time you missed. But, focus on the present and future. You’re home now, and you have the opportunity to create new memories and strengthen your bond with your children. Reframe any negative self-talk into something positive. For example, instead of saying “I missed years of my child’s life,” try saying “I’m home now, and I’m committed to making the most of the time we have together.”
Financial Adjustments
Your income might be different now that you’re no longer working abroad. Create a budget and adjust your spending habits accordingly. Consider seeking financial advice from a professional. Explore new income opportunities, such as starting a small business or freelancing. This is a good time to sit down with your spouse and review income and expenses in the household so to make an informed decision of how to adjust your lifestyle as needed.
Culture Shock (Reverse Culture Shock)
You might experience culture shock when you return home, even though you’re in your own country. Things might have changed while you were away. Be patient with yourself and allow yourself time to adjust. Reconnect with your local community and participate in cultural activities. Find your tribe and hang out with them. Your friends will embrace your new changes and listen to the story you have about your journey.
Children’s Resistance
Your children might resist your attempts to reconnect with them or re-establish your role as a parent. Don’t take it personally. Be patient, understanding, and persistent. Show them that you’re there for them and that you love them unconditionally. Consistency is key. Don’t give up easily, even if you face challenges and resistance in the beginning. Consistency builds trust, and time heals wounds and bridges gaps between family members.
Practical Tips For a Smooth Transition
Here are some actionable steps you can take to make your transition easier:
Plan ahead. Before you come home, discuss your plans with your family. Talk about your expectations and theirs. Acknowledge that it will take time to adjust.
Be patient. Don’t expect everything to fall into place immediately. Give yourself and your family time to adjust to the new normal.
Communicate openly. Talk to your children, your spouse, and other family members about your feelings and concerns.
Seek support. Connect with other OFW moms who have gone through the same experience. Share your experiences and learn from theirs. Social media groups and online forums can be invaluable sources of support and information.
Celebrate small victories. Acknowledge and celebrate every step forward, no matter how small. This will help you stay motivated and positive. Celebrate your wins (big or small), and treat your family to a nice dinner or travel—that way they will feel special and know that you are thankful to have them around.
Don’t forget the importance or your mental health. If needed do see a counselor. Having someone to talk to about your challenges can help.
FAQ Section
Here are some frequently asked questions about transitioning from an OFW mom to a full-time parent:
How do I deal with the guilt of being away from my children for so long?
Acknowledge your feelings of guilt and allow yourself to grieve the time you missed. Focus on the present and the future. Make the most of the time you have with your children now. Engage in quality time, listen to their concerns, and be there for them emotionally. Re-frame your past decision and view it as a sacrifice you made for their future.
How can I rebuild my relationship with my spouse after being apart for so long?
Communicate openly and honestly about your feelings and expectations. Make time for dates and quality time together. Divide household chores and parenting responsibilities fairly. Seek counseling if needed. Be patient and understanding. Create activities together as a family, like going on trips or joining family events, so that you can spend quality time together while still prioritizing family time.
What if my children resist my attempts to reconnect with them?
Don’t take it personally. Be patient, understanding, and persistent. Show them that you’re there for them and that you love them unconditionally. Give them time to adjust to your presence. Find common interests and activities that you can enjoy together. Show that you care by participating in their interests. Let them know that you always prioritize them by putting yourself in their shoes and empathizing with them. Always be there for them.
How can I manage my finances now that I’m no longer working abroad?
Create a budget and track your spending. Identify areas where you can cut back. Consider seeking financial advice from a professional. Explore new income opportunities, such as starting a small business or freelancing. Being an OFW might also qualify you for certain programs like OWWA programs, explore those options as well. Consider if real-estate may be a good option for you to invest in.
What if I experience culture shock when I return home?
Be patient with yourself and allow yourself time to adjust. Reconnect with your local community and participate in cultural activities. Talk to friends and family about your feelings. Seek support from other OFW moms who have gone through the same experience. Try to explore the new trending restaurants and spots while you were away to help you catch up with your circle of friends. The goal is to connect back to where you were and blend back into society and adjust to the new changes.
References
These sources were consulted in the creation of this guide:
- Chapman, G. D. (2015). The 5 love languages: The secret to love that lasts. Northfield Publishing.
- Official Website of Overseas Workers Welfare Administration (OWWA)
You’ve worked hard, sacrificed greatly, and now you’re finally home. Embrace this new chapter with open arms and an open heart. It won’t always be perfect, but with patience, love, and effort, you can create a fulfilling and joyful family life as a full-time parent. Remember, you’ve got this! Now go out there and build those beautiful, lasting connections with your loved ones. They’ve been waiting for you, and you’ve been waiting for them. Don’t delay start planning that family trip today!
