Being an Overseas Filipino Worker (OFW) is tough, especially when it comes to your kids. Explaining why you have to work far away can be confusing and emotional for them. This article will help you talk to your children about your OFW work in a way they understand, offering age-appropriate explanations and reassurance to ease their worries.
Explaining OFW Work: Why Mommy/Daddy Has To Go
The first and most important thing is to be honest. Don’t try to sugarcoat the situation entirely, but tailor your explanation to their age and understanding. Think about how they process information. A simple explanation for a toddler will be very different from what you tell a teenager.
Toddlers and Preschoolers (Ages 2-5): Simple Words and Lots of Love
At this age, kids don’t fully grasp time or distance. Focus on the basics: Mommy/Daddy has to go to work in another place. Use very simple words. “Mommy is going to a place far away so she can earn money to buy us good food and toys”. Avoid mentioning specific countries or long periods of time. It’s better to say, “Mommy will be back after many sleeps” than “Mommy will be back in a year”.
Focus on the love: Reassure them that your love for them doesn’t change, even when you’re far away. Tell them many times: “I love you very much!”. Show them pictures of you and their family.
Use visuals: Pictures, videos, and even simple drawings can help them understand. A world map might confuse them—use family photos instead.
Establish routines: Set up regular video calls and stick to them as much as possible. This builds a sense of predictability and connection. Singing a lullaby over video call is a great way to comfort them before bedtime.
Prepare a comfort item: A stuffed animal, a blanket, or a picture of you can be a source of comfort when you’re not there. Let them sleep with something that reminds them of you.
Elementary School Kids (Ages 6-12): More Details, But Keep It Simple
Older kids can understand the concept of money and work a little better. You can explain that you’re working abroad to earn more money to provide for the family’s needs and wants.
Explain the “why”: Talk about specific things you’re working to provide—a new house, better education, or enough food on the table. For example, “I’m working so we can afford to have a nice house with a bigger garden”.
Use examples: If you’re sending money for their school supplies, explain that directly. “The money I send helps buy your books and pencils for school.”
Answer their questions honestly: They might ask tough questions like, “Why can’t you work here?” or “When will you come back?”. Answer as honestly as you can, without overwhelming them with details.
Talk about your work: Describe your job in a way they can understand. If you’re a nurse, you can say, “I help sick people get better”. If you’re a construction worker, you can say, “I help build buildings where people can live and work.”
Address their feelings: It’s normal for them to feel sad, lonely, or angry. Acknowledge their feelings and let them know it’s okay to feel that way. “I know you miss me, and I miss you too. It’s okay to feel sad”.
Involve them in your plans: If you’re saving up for a specific goal, involve them in the process. For example, “We’re saving up for a trip to the beach. Every time I send money, we’ll put some in the ‘beach fund’ jar”.
Teenagers (Ages 13 and Up): Open and Honest Conversations
Teenagers are more capable of understanding the complexities of OFW work and the sacrifices involved. They might also be more aware of the challenges and hardships you face.
Be open and honest: Don’t hide the challenges of your job. Share your struggles and triumphs, but avoid burdening them with excessive details about your financial worries or work problems.
Explain the economic context: They’re old enough to understand the economic situation in the Philippines and why many Filipinos choose to work abroad. You could say, “Working abroad allows me to earn more money than I would in the Philippines, which helps us build a better future”.
Listen to their concerns: Teenagers often worry about their future, their relationships, and their place in the family. Listen to their concerns and address them with empathy and understanding.
Involve them in decision-making: If you’re considering extending your contract, involve them in the decision-making process. Ask for their opinions and take their feelings into consideration.
Respect their independence: Teenagers value their independence, but they still need your guidance and support. Find a balance between giving them space and staying involved in their lives.
Focus on the positive: Remind them of the positive aspects of your OFW work, such as the opportunities it provides for their education and future. You could emphasize “Because I’m working hard, you can have better access to education, something I didn’t have as easily”.
Addressing Common Concerns and Fears
Regardless of their age, kids will likely have worries and anxieties related to your OFW work. Addressing these concerns directly can help ease their fears and strengthen your bond.
“Will you ever come back?”
This is a common question, especially from younger children. Avoid giving vague answers like “Someday”. Give them a realistic timeframe, even if it’s a long time. For example, “I’ll come back for good when you finish high school” or “I’ll come back to visit during Christmas”. It’s essential to adhere to the timeframe you set—it builds trust significantly.
“What if something happens to you?”
This is a legitimate fear, especially if your work is dangerous or if you’re working in a country with political instability. Reassure them that you’re taking precautions to stay safe and that you have support systems in place. Explain that being safe is your top priority during all your activities; it isn’t just a cliché.
Share your safety measures: Briefly mention the steps you take to remain safe at work. “I always wear my safety gear,” or “I follow all the safety rules at work.”
Designate an emergency contact: Make sure they know who to contact in case of an emergency, such as a relative or family friend who lives nearby.
Maintain regular communication: Regular communication can help ease their anxieties. Check in with them as often as possible, even if it’s just for a few minutes.
Prepare them for unforeseen circumstances: While you don’t want to scare them, it’s important to have a plan in case of emergencies. Discuss what would happen if you were unable to work or if something happened to you. This includes having a will and insurance in place. Many OFWs utilize life insurance options offered specifically for overseas workers.
“Why can’t I go with you?”
This is a tricky question, especially if you’re living in difficult conditions or if your job doesn’t allow family members to join you. Explain the reasons why it’s not possible for them to live with you, but emphasize that you wish they could.
Explain the living conditions: If your living arrangements are not suitable for children, explain that in a simple way. “Where I live is small and doesn’t have enough space for you to play”.
Talk about school: If they need to stay in the Philippines for school, explain the importance of their education. “It’s important for you to stay in school so you can learn and have a bright future.”
Reassure them of your love: Let them know that you miss them terribly and that you’re working hard to provide them with a better life.
“Do you love your work more than me?”
This is a very sensitive question that requires a lot of reassurance. Emphatically tell them that you love them more than anything and that you’re working hard to provide for their future. Explain that your work allows you to show your love in a practical way. Reiterate that your love is constant, even when you’re far away. You might say, “Working hard is my way of showing you how much I love and care for you.”
Maintaining Connection Across the Distance
Staying connected is crucial for your child’s emotional well-being. Make an effort to bridge the distance through regular communication, shared activities, and meaningful interactions.
Regular Video Calls
Schedule regular video calls and stick to them as much as possible. Even short video calls can make a big difference. Use these calls to chat about their day, hear about their school activities, and simply connect on a personal level. Apps like Skype, Zoom, and WhatsApp make it easy to have video calls with your kids.
Letters and Packages
Sending letters and packages is a great way to show your kids that you’re thinking of them. Handwrite letters and include pictures, stickers, or small gifts. Sending a package with their favorite snacks or a toy they’ve been wanting can also brighten their day.
Shared Activities
Find ways to share activities even when you’re far away. Watch the same movies or TV shows and then discuss them during your video calls. Read the same books and then talk about the characters and plot. Play online games together. Look up virtual tours of places that would interest them.
Celebrating Special Occasions
Make an effort to celebrate special occasions like birthdays and holidays, even if you can’t be there in person. Send a gift, make a video call, or arrange for a special celebration with their loved ones. Consider technology that can bridge the gap.
Creating Special Memories
Even though you’re physically apart, you can still create special memories together. Make a collaborative scrapbook or photo album. Create a video montage of family memories. Plan a special activity to do together when you visit.
The Importance of the Caregiver
The person who takes care of your children while you’re away plays a crucial role in their emotional well-being. It’s important to choose a caregiver you trust and who is supportive of your role as an OFW.
Open Communication
Maintain open communication with the caregiver. Discuss your children’s needs, their concerns, and any challenges they may be facing. Ask for regular updates on their well-being and progress in school. This regular communication helps bridge the gap in observation.
Shared Values
Make sure the caregiver shares your values and beliefs. This will ensure that your children are raised in a consistent and supportive environment. It isn’t just about filling a babysitting void; it’s about nurturing the same values you uphold.
Support and Appreciation
Show your appreciation for the caregiver’s efforts. Recognize their sacrifices and provide them with the support they need. Remember, they’re helping shoulder the responsibility of raising your children in your absence. A simple thank you or a small token of appreciation can go a long way.
Empowering the Caregiver
Empower the caregiver to make decisions in your absence. Grant them the authority to handle everyday situations and emergencies. This will give them a sense of ownership and responsibility. Empowering ensures the seamless continuity of care.
Seeking Support for Yourself
Remember that you’re not alone. Many OFWs face similar challenges. Seeking support from other OFWs, support groups, and mental health professionals can help you cope with the emotional toll of working abroad.
OFW Support Groups
Join OFW support groups online or in your community. These groups provide a safe space to share your experiences, connect with others who understand what you’re going through, and gain valuable advice and support.
Mental Health Professionals
Don’t hesitate to seek help from a mental health professional if you’re struggling with anxiety, depression, or other mental health issues. Many organizations offer counseling services specifically for OFWs and their families. (https://www.owwa.gov.ph/) has programs that extend counseling assistance to OFWs.
Connecting with Family
Make time to connect with your own family and friends. Talk about your feelings, share your experiences, and seek their support. Maintaining strong connections with your loved ones can help you feel less isolated and more connected to your home.
Self-Care
Prioritize self-care. Make time for activities that you enjoy and that help you relax and de-stress. This could include reading, listening to music, exercising, or spending time in nature. Taking care of yourself will help you be a better parent and a more effective OFW.
FAQ Section
What if my child refuses to talk to me on video calls?
It’s not uncommon for kids to resist video calls, especially if they’re feeling sad or angry. Don’t force them. Instead, try sending a small gift or a handwritten letter. You can also ask the caregiver to help encourage them to talk to you. Sometimes, just knowing you’re thinking of them is enough. Offer to play a game or read a book together during the call to make it more engaging.
How do I deal with my guilt about working abroad?
Guilt is a common emotion among OFWs. Acknowledge your feelings and remind yourself that you’re working hard to provide a better future for your children. Focus on the positive aspects of your work, such as the opportunities it provides for their education and well-being. Talking to other OFWs and seeking professional counseling can also help you cope with your guilt.
What if my child is being bullied because I’m an OFW?
Bullying is unacceptable. Talk to your child about the situation and offer them your support. Work with the school to address the bullying and create a safe environment for your child. Remind your child that being the child of an OFW is something to be proud of.
How can I prepare my child for my homecoming?
Homecomings can be emotional for both you and your child. Start preparing them for your visit well in advance. Talk about the activities you want to do together and the places you want to visit. When you arrive, be patient and understanding, and give them time to adjust to your presence. Avoid overwhelming them with attention and affection. Remember, reintegration is a process.
My child is angry/resentful towards me because I’m an OFW. How do I fix this?
It’s important to acknowledge their anger and resentment without dismissing it. Listen to their complaints, validate their feelings (even if you don’t agree with them), and apologize for the hurt that your absence has caused. Assure them of your love and emphasize your dedication to making things better. Consistent effort to rebuild the relationship, combined with professional counseling if necessary, can help heal these wounds.
References
Overseas Workers Welfare Administration (OWWA)
Philippine Statistics Authority (PSA)
International Labour Organization (ILO)
Instead of a conclusion, consider this: Your commitment as an OFW shows amazing strength. By using these tips, you can make your time apart less painful for your kids and create a bond that distance can’t break. It takes dedication and hard work, but it is possible! Let’s work together, one step, one talk at a time, to minimize the impact of separation and maximize your presence, even from miles away. Don’t delay—start a conversation with your child today!
