Being an Overseas Filipino Worker (OFW) is a sacrifice. You work hard in a foreign land to provide a better future for your family, but you also miss out on precious moments with your children. The biggest worry for many OFWs is how to raise good kids from afar. It’s tough, but definitely possible with the right strategies and dedication.
Understanding the Challenges
Let’s face it, raising kids remotely comes with its own set of unique challenges. The physical distance can create a feeling of disconnection, both for you and your children. They might feel like you’re not present enough, while you might worry about not knowing what’s really going on in their lives. Communication gaps can easily arise, leading to misunderstandings and potential emotional distance. This is why consistent and meaningful communication is paramount.
Another challenge is the shift in family dynamics. Back home, often a spouse, grandparent or sibling steps into the primary caregiver role. While this provides stability, it can also lead to a power imbalance or inconsistent discipline. Your children might listen more to the caregiver than to you, especially if you’re only around for short periods. This requires establishing clear roles and responsibilities with the caregiver before you even leave.
The emotional toll on both parents and children is often underestimated. Children might experience feelings of abandonment, loneliness, or resentment. OFWs, on the other hand, often grapple with guilt, anxiety, and the constant worry about their children’s well-being. It’s essential to acknowledge these emotions and find healthy ways to cope, such as seeking support from other OFWs, joining online support groups, or even considering professional counseling if needed.
Building a Strong Foundation: Communication Is Key
In the age of technology, there’s really no excuse for poor communication. Make use of video calls, instant messaging, and social media to stay connected. Schedule regular video calls with your children, even if it’s just for a few minutes each day. Seeing your face and hearing your voice can make a huge difference in their sense of connection. Initiate conversations, ask about their day, their friends, their favorite subjects, and anything that matters to them. Don’t just talk at them; talk with them.
Beyond regular chats, actively listen to your children. Put away distractions and truly focus on what they’re saying. Pay attention not just to their words but also to their tone of voice and body language during video calls. This helps you understand their emotions and identify any potential issues early on. Encourage them to share their problems and reassure them that you’re always there to listen, even from afar. Ask open-ended questions that require more than just a “yes” or “no” answer, like “What was the best thing that happened to you today?” or “What are you looking forward to this week?”
It’s also important to be honest and open about your own experiences as an OFW. Share your struggles, your triumphs, and your reasons for working abroad. This helps your children understand the sacrifices you’re making and appreciate the opportunities they have. However, be mindful of their age and avoid burdening them with adult problems they can’t handle. The goal is to foster empathy and understanding, not to make them feel responsible for your burdens.
Establishing Clear Rules and Expectations
Consistency is crucial when it comes to discipline, even when you’re miles away. Work with the caregiver to establish clear rules and expectations for your children. These rules should be age-appropriate, reasonable, and consistently enforced. Discuss the consequences of breaking the rules and ensure that everyone is on the same page.
When you’re home on vacation, resist the urge to become the “fun parent” who lets everything slide. While it’s tempting to spoil your children after being away for so long, it’s important to maintain consistency and reinforce the established rules. This doesn’t mean you can’t have fun and enjoy quality time with them, but it does mean setting healthy boundaries and avoiding the temptation to undo all the hard work the caregiver has been doing. Remember, your goal is to raise responsible and well-behaved children, not to become their best friend.
Consider using technology to monitor your children’s activities, especially their online behavior. There are parental control apps that can help you track their screen time, filter inappropriate content, and monitor their social media activity. While it’s important to respect their privacy, it’s also your responsibility to protect them from the dangers of the internet. Talk to your children about online safety and encourage them to be responsible digital citizens. Be sure to have open conversations about cyberbullying, inappropriate content, and online predators.
The Caregiver: A Vital Partner in Your Child’s Upbringing
Your child’s caregiver plays a pivotal role in their life while you’re away. It could be your spouse, a relative, or a hired nanny. Choosing the right caregiver is one of the most important decisions you’ll make as an OFW. Look for someone who is reliable, trustworthy, patient, and compatible with your parenting style. Conduct thorough interviews, check references, and observe them interacting with your children before making a final decision.
Once you’ve chosen a caregiver, establish clear communication channels and maintain regular contact. Schedule weekly or bi-weekly meetings to discuss your children’s progress, address any concerns, and coordinate your parenting efforts. Listen to their insights and feedback, as they are the ones who spend the most time with your children. Treat them with respect and acknowledge their hard work and dedication. Remember that they are an extension of your parenting arm, and a strong partnership will benefit your children greatly.
It’s also important to provide the caregiver with adequate support and resources. Ensure they have the necessary tools and information to care for your children effectively. This might include providing them with training on child development, first aid, or specific parenting techniques. Offer them opportunities for rest and relaxation, as caregiving can be a demanding job. Consider providing them with financial incentives or bonuses to show your appreciation for their hard work. This will not only motivate them but also foster a sense of loyalty and commitment.
Fostering Independence and Responsibility
Even from afar, you can instill independence and responsibilities in your children. Assign them age-appropriate chores around the house. This teaches them valuable life skills and helps them contribute to the family. It can be something as simple as making their bed, setting the table, or taking out the trash. The key is to start small and gradually increase their responsibilities as they grow older.
Encourage your children to make their own decisions and take ownership of their actions. Let them choose their own clothes, plan their own activities, and manage their own time (within reasonable limits). This helps them develop critical thinking skills and learn to take responsibility for their choices. When they make mistakes, avoid being overly critical. Instead, use it as an opportunity for learning and growth. Help them analyze what went wrong and come up with solutions for future situations.
Promote financial literacy by teaching your children about budgeting, saving, and spending wisely. Give them a small allowance and encourage them to save a portion of it. Help them understand the value of money and the importance of making informed financial decisions. This will prepare them for a more financially secure future. Consider opening a savings account in their name and teaching them about the concept of interest and compound growth. You may also read some books about it like financial literacy to help deepen their understanding of money and finances.
Making the Most of Your Visits Home
Your visits home are precious opportunities to reconnect with your children and reinforce your bond. Make the most of these visits by prioritizing quality time over quantity. Put away your phone and other distractions and be fully present with your children. Engage in activities that you all enjoy, such as playing games, watching movies, going for walks, or eating meals together.
Use your visits to reinforce the values and principles you want to instill in your children. Talk to them about the importance of education, honesty, hard work, and respect for others. Share your own experiences and lessons learned. Be a role model for them and demonstrate the values you want them to adopt. Your actions speak louder than words, so make sure your behavior aligns with your teachings.
Before you leave to go back abroad, take the time to have a heart-to-heart conversation with your children. Express your love and appreciation for them, and reassure them that you’re always there for them, even from afar. Promise to stay in touch and make an effort to fulfill your promises. Remind them that your sacrifices are for their benefit and that you believe in their potential. Leave them with a positive and encouraging message that will carry them through until your next visit.
Addressing Behavioral Issues
It’s no secret that children raised by parents working overseas are more likely to have behavioral issues, stemming from feelings of abandonment, or lack of guidance. If you observe any sudden or concerning changes in your child’s behavior, such as excessive anger, withdrawal, or academic decline, don’t ignore it. Address the issue promptly and seek professional help if needed. A child psychologist or counselor can provide guidance and support to help your child cope with their emotions and behaviors.
It’s also important to rule out any underlying medical or psychological conditions. Sometimes, behavioral issues can be a symptom of a more serious problem, such as depression, anxiety, or ADHD. A thorough evaluation by a qualified healthcare professional can help identify any underlying issues and develop an appropriate treatment plan. Never self-diagnose or treat your child’s behavioral issues without professional guidance. Also be mindful of your child’s social media consumption. According to a research conducted, excessive social media is related to mental health concerns and problems in psychological well-being.
Collaborate with the school and other adults in your child’s life to provide a consistent and supportive environment. Attend parent-teacher conferences, stay in touch with your child’s teachers, and communicate regularly with the caregiver. Work together to develop a consistent approach to discipline and behavior management. The more support your child has from the adults in their life, the better equipped they will be to overcome their challenges.
Utilizing Technology to Your Advantage
Technology is your best friend when it comes to staying connected with your children. We’ve talked about video calls, but there are other ways technology can help you be a more present parent from afar. Consider using educational apps to help your children with their studies, especially if they’re struggling in a particular subject. There are many online resources available that can supplement their learning and provide them with personalized instruction.
You can also use technology to participate in your children’s activities, even when you’re not physically present. Watch their sports games, school plays, or other events via live stream. Join online parent groups or forums to connect with other parents and share tips and advice. Technology can help you stay informed about what’s going on in your children’s lives and feel more connected to their world.
Share photos and videos of your life abroad with your children. This helps them understand what you’re doing and where you’re living. It can also help them feel closer to you and alleviate their feelings of missing you. Send them care packages with small gifts, letters, and photos. These small gestures can make a big difference in their sense of connection and security.
Remembering Self-Care
Being an OFW is incredibly demanding, both physically and emotionally. It’s easy to get caught up in the demands of work and family and neglect your own needs. However, it’s essential to prioritize self-care to maintain your own well-being and be the best parent you can be. Make sure you’re getting enough sleep, eating healthy, and exercising regularly. These basic self-care practices can have a huge impact on your mood, energy level, and overall health.
Find healthy ways to cope with stress, such as practicing relaxation techniques, spending time in nature, or engaging in hobbies you enjoy. Connect with other OFWs and build a support network. Sharing your experiences and challenges with others who understand what you’re going through can be incredibly helpful. Don’t be afraid to seek professional help if you’re struggling with anxiety, depression, or other mental health issues. Taking care of your own well-being is not selfish; it’s essential for your ability to care for your children effectively.
Set realistic expectations for yourself. You can’t be everything to everyone, and you can’t control everything that happens in your children’s lives. Focus on what you can control and let go of what you can’t. Practice self-compassion and be kind to yourself. You’re doing the best you can in a challenging situation, and that’s enough. Embrace the imperfections and celebrate the small victories along the way.
FAQ Section
Q: My child is always asking when I’m coming home. What should I say?
A: It’s tough when your child is constantly asking when you’re coming home. Be honest about when your next visit is, but also emphasize that you’re working hard so they can have a better future. Involve them in counting down the days until your arrival. Creating a visual calendar can also help. Focus on specific things you’ll do together when you’re back, building excitement and anticipation.
Q: How can I deal with the guilt of being away from my children?
A: Guilt is a common emotion for OFWs. Acknowledge those feelings, but don’t let them consume you. Remind yourself why you chose this path: to provide a better life for your family. Focus on what you can do, such as staying in constant communication and making the most of your visits. Seek support from other OFWs who understand what you’re going through. If the guilt becomes overwhelming, consider talking to a therapist or counselor.
Q: My child is having trouble in school. How can I help from abroad?
A: Stay in close contact with your child’s teachers and the caregiver. Find out what specific areas they are struggling with. Explore online tutoring options or educational apps that can provide extra support. Set aside specific times to help with homework via video call. Let your child know that you’re invested in their education, even if you’re not physically present.
Q: How do I deal with conflicting parenting advice from my caregiver?
A: This is a common challenge. It is vital that at the beginning you establish clear parenting guidelines set by you. When contradictory ideas come up, discuss them calmly and respectfully. Remind your caregiver of the importance of consistency. If disagreements persist, consider a family meeting (via video call) to address the issue together. Ultimately, your decisions as the parent should be respected.
Q: What if my child starts resenting me for working abroad?
A: Resentment can happen. Acknowledge their feelings and validate their emotions. Don’t dismiss their frustration. Explain, in age-appropriate terms, why you’re working abroad and the benefits it brings to the entire family. Focus on the positive aspects of your relationship and find ways to connect with them emotionally. Regular, heartfelt conversations are key to bridging the gap.
References
National Institutes of Health. (2018). Social Media Use and Its Impact on Adolescent Mental Health. National Center for Biotechnology Information (NCBI).
Investopedia Team. (2023). Financial Literacy. Investopedia.
It’s a tough journey, being an OFW parent, but you’re not alone. You’re sacrificing so much for your children’s future, and with these tips, you can ensure they grow up to be happy, well-adjusted, and successful individuals. Start today – strengthen your communication, reinforce your values, and remember to take care of yourself. Your efforts will make a world of difference!
