Being an Overseas Filipino Worker (OFW) is tough, especially when it means being away from your kids. But distance doesn’t have to mean disconnection. This article is packed with simple, real-life ideas to help you build strong, loving relationships with your children, even when you’re miles apart.
The Power of Consistent Communication
Think of communication as the lifeline of your relationship with your children. It’s not enough to just say “I love you” once in a while. Kids need to feel your presence in their lives, even if you’re not physically there. So, how can you make it happen?
Start with regular calls or video chats. Set a schedule that works for both of you. Maybe it’s every Sunday evening, or perhaps a quick chat before bedtime on weekdays. Consistency is key! When you call, really listen to what your kids are saying. Ask them about their day at school, their friends, their favorite games, or anything else they want to share. Avoid just asking perfunctory questions like “How’s school?”. Instead, try something like “What was the funniest thing that happened at school today?”. It shows you’re genuinely interested.
Don’t limit yourself to just verbal communication. Try sending handwritten letters or postcards. Yes, snail mail still exists, and kids love getting something in the mail addressed just to them! It’s a tangible reminder that you’re thinking of them. You can also send small care packages with their favorite treats, school supplies, or small toys showing you are thinking of their needs. A study on remittances shows that the educational attainment affects the children. The emotional component of support helps in the children’s overall development.
Using Technology to Bridge the Distance
We live in a digital age, so let’s use technology to our advantage! There are so many ways to connect with your children online beyond basic video calls.
Consider playing online games together. There are tons of games that are perfect for kids of all ages, from simple puzzle games to more complex strategy games. Gaming together can be a fun way to bond and spend quality time. Make the experience a happy one. You can also share your screen on video calls and watch movies or shows together. Just be sure to pick something that everyone will enjoy! Services like Netflix Party (now called Teleparty) make synced viewing easy, even when you’re far apart.
Create shared online photo albums or use cloud storage to share videos and pictures. This way, your children can see what you’re doing, and you can see what they’re up to as well. Services like Google Photos or Dropbox are great for this. You can even create a family blog or online journal where you share stories, photos, and videos. This is a wonderful way to document your lives and create a lasting legacy for your family.
Making the Most of Your Visits Home
Your visits home are precious, so make the most of them! Resist the urge to spend your entire time catching up on errands or visiting relatives. Carve out dedicated time to spend with your children, doing things they enjoy.
Plan special activities with your kids. This could be anything from going to the park or the zoo to baking cookies together or having a family movie night. Let your children help in selecting the activities, so they feel involved and excited. Put away your phone and give your children your undivided attention. When you’re with your kids, be really present. Listen to them, play with them, and just enjoy being together. Avoid distractions like checking your work emails or browsing social media. It’s about the quality of time, not just the quantity.
Establish traditions that you can continue even when you’re away. Maybe it’s reading a bedtime story every night, or having a special breakfast on Sundays. Traditions give children a sense of security and belonging, and they’re a wonderful way to stay connected, no matter the distance. Continue them on video calls when you’re back overseas. For example, read the bedtime story via video chat, or have everyone eat the same special breakfast (even if it’s at different times of the day) to maintain the sense of togetherness.
Supporting Their Education and Interests
Being an OFW often means sacrificing time with your children to provide for their future. Supporting their education and interests is a crucial part of being a parent, whether you’re near or far.
Stay involved in your children’s education. Talk to their teachers, help them with their homework (even if it’s via video call), and attend school events when you can. Show your kids that you value their education, and that you’re there to support them every step of the way. Explore online tutoring options if your child needs extra help. Many affordable online platforms can provide individualized instruction in various subjects.
Encourage their hobbies and passions. If your child loves to draw, send them art supplies. If they’re into sports, get them new equipment. Show them that you support their interests, even if you can’t always be there to watch them practice. Consider enrolling them in online courses or workshops related to their interests. This can give them a chance to learn new skills and connect with other kids who share their passions.
Building Trust and Open Communication
Trust is the foundation of any strong relationship, especially between parents and children. When you’re an OFW, it’s even more important to build trust and maintain open communication.
Always be honest with your children, even when it’s difficult. Don’t make promises you can’t keep. Be open and transparent about your work and your financial situation (in an age-appropriate way, of course). Kids are smart, and they can sense when you’re not being truthful. Honesty builds trust, and trust is essential for a healthy relationship.
Create a safe space for your children to share their feelings and concerns. Let them know that they can always come to you, no matter what. Listen to them without judgment, and offer support and guidance. Sometimes, all a child needs is someone to listen. Showing empathy can work wonders. For example, instead of dismissing their worries about an upcoming exam, try saying, “I understand you’re feeling stressed about this exam. That’s perfectly normal. How can I help you prepare?”.
Dealing with Difficult Emotions
Being separated from a parent can be tough on children. They may experience feelings of sadness, anger, or loneliness. It’s important to acknowledge these emotions and help them cope in healthy ways.
Validate your children’s feelings. Let them know that it’s okay to feel sad or angry about your absence. Don’t try to minimize their emotions or tell them to “just get over it.” Instead, say something like, “I know it’s hard when I’m not there. I miss you too.” Encourage them to express their emotions in healthy ways. This could be through talking, writing, drawing, or playing. Help them find healthy coping mechanisms to manage their feelings. This could be anything from spending time with friends and family to participating in hobbies or engaging in physical activity. You could even suggest seeking professional help from a therapist or counselor if their emotions are overwhelming. Many resources are available online and in local communities to help children cope with separation anxiety.
Involving Your Children in Your Life Overseas
While you may be physically separated, finding ways to include your children in your overseas life can strengthen your bond and make them feel more connected to you.
Share stories and photos of your life overseas. Tell them about your work, your colleagues, and the things you’re learning. Show them pictures of your apartment, your favorite restaurants, and the places you’ve visited. This helps them feel like they’re a part of your world. Send them souvenirs from your travels. Even small trinkets can be meaningful reminders of your love. These little gifts can spark conversations and create lasting memories. Teach them about the culture of the country where you’re working. Share facts about the food, the people, the customs, and the language. This can expand their horizons and foster a sense of connection to your life abroad.
The Role of the Caregiver Left Behind
The caregiver who is left behind to care for your children plays a vital role in maintaining family stability and fostering a strong connection with you. Their support is invaluable.
Maintain open communication with the caregiver. Discuss your children’s needs, their progress in school, and any concerns you may have. Work together as a team to provide the best possible care for your children. Encourage the caregiver to share photos and videos with you regularly. This helps you stay up-to-date on your children’s lives and feel more connected to them. Express your appreciation for the caregiver’s efforts. Let them know that you value their hard work and dedication. Even a simple “thank you” can go a long way.
Planning for the Future Together
Looking ahead and making plans for the future together can give your children something to look forward to and strengthen your bond.
Talk about your goals and dreams for the future. Discuss your plans for returning home, your children’s education, and your family’s financial security. Involve your children in the planning process, so they feel like they have a say in their future. This shows them that you value their opinions and that you’re working towards a common goal. Plan family vacations or reunions for when you return home. Give your children something to look forward to and create lasting memories. Mark special dates and milestones on a family calendar that everyone can access. Include birthdays, holidays, school events, and any other important dates. This helps everyone stay organized and feel connected.
Remembering Special Occasions
Even when you’re far away, remembering birthdays, holidays, and other special occasions can make a big difference in your children’s lives.
Send cards, gifts, and messages on special occasions. Make an effort to make each occasion feel special, even if you can’t be there in person. Schedule a video call on their birthday and sing “Happy Birthday.” This is a simple gesture that can make them feel loved and remembered. Plan virtual parties for holidays or other special occasions. This could be anything from decorating cookies together to watching a movie together online. Send a personalized video message expressing your love and support. This is a heartfelt way to connect with your children and let them know you’re thinking of them. Some OFWs create personalized storybooks for their kids, ensuring their presence is felt even when they’re not there, making birthdays and special holidays even more magical. It’s a way to make the child feel that they’re still spending quality time with their parent.
FAQ Section
Here are some frequently asked questions OFWs often have about connecting with their children:
How can I deal with the guilt of being away from my children?
It’s natural to feel guilty when you’re separated from your children. Remember that you’re working hard to provide for their future. Focus on the things you can do to stay connected, and try to be present and engaged during your visits home. Talk to other OFWs or a therapist about your feelings. Sharing your experience and knowing that you’re not alone can be very helpful.
My child is angry and resentful towards me. What should I do?
It’s understandable that your child may feel angry or resentful about your absence. Acknowledge their feelings and let them know that you understand why they’re upset. Create a safe space for them to express their emotions, and listen to them without judgment. Be patient and persistent in your efforts to rebuild your relationship. It may take time, but it’s possible to overcome these challenges.
What if I can’t afford expensive gifts or travel home frequently?
The most important thing is to show your children that you love and care about them. You don’t need to spend a lot of money to do that. Simple gestures like sending handwritten letters, making phone calls, or spending quality time together during your visits home can be just as meaningful. Focus on creating memories and building a strong emotional connection.
How do I talk to my children about my work and financial situation?
Be honest and open about your work and financial situation, but do so in an age-appropriate way. Explain to your children why you’re working overseas and how your efforts are helping the family. Involve them in the budgeting process, so they understand the value of money. Avoid burdening them with too much information or making them feel responsible for your financial situation. Always reassure them that you’re doing everything you can to provide for their needs.
My child is constantly glued to their phone. How can I get them to engage with me?
It’s common for children to spend a lot of time on their phones, but it’s important to find ways to engage with them. Try suggesting activities that you can do together, such as playing games, watching movies, or going for walks. Set boundaries around phone usage during family time. Create tech-free zones in your home, such as the dinner table or the bedrooms. Be a role model by limiting your own phone usage when you’re with your children. Show them that you’re interested in their lives by asking them about their online activities and sharing your own experiences.
References List
These are the sources that were used in the creation of this article:
Philippine Statistics Authority (PSA)
Take Action Today!
Don’t wait another day to start making those memories! Pick one or two ideas from this article and put them into practice this week. Send a handwritten letter to your child, schedule a regular video call, or plan a special activity for your next visit home. Remember, even small efforts can make a big difference in strengthening your connection and creating a loving, lasting relationship with your children. They deserve your love, presence (even from afar), and consistent support. Start creating your unforgettable memories now!
