Being an Overseas Filipino Worker (OFW) means making huge sacrifices, especially when it comes to family. One of the biggest worries is how to raise kids who are responsible, independent, and self-reliant, even when you’re miles away. It’s tough, but definitely doable! This article will explore ways to plant those seeds of responsibility, even from afar.
The OFW Parent’s Unique Challenge
Let’s face it: parenting is hard enough when you’re there 24/7. But being an OFW adds a whole new layer of complexity. You might feel guilty, worried, or even helpless at times. You miss birthdays, school events, and just everyday moments. The distance can create a feeling of disconnect, and you might wonder if you’re doing enough. You’re not alone in feeling this way! Many OFWs face these challenges. It’s important to acknowledge these feelings and find practical ways to overcome them.
Building a Strong Foundation: Communication is Key
Communication is the lifeline of any relationship, and especially important when you’re an OFW. Don’t just ask “How was your day?” Dig deeper! Ask about specific things that happened at school, with friends, or at home. Show genuine interest in their lives. Even simple video calls make a huge difference. Schedule regular calls or video chats (using apps like WhatsApp, Viber, or Messenger) to stay connected. Talk about your day too! Let them know what you’re working on and what your life is like abroad. This helps them understand your sacrifices and appreciate your efforts.
Consider creating a family group chat where everyone can share updates, photos, and videos. This is a great way to keep everyone in the loop, especially if you have older children who are tech-savvy. Make it a rule to respond to messages promptly, even if it’s just a quick emoji. Consistency is key! The more you communicate, the stronger your bond will be.
Empowering Your Kids: Assigning Responsibilities
One of the best ways to teach responsibility is by giving your kids age-appropriate chores. Even young children can help with simple tasks like setting the table, tidying their room, or feeding pets. As they get older, you can assign more challenging chores like doing laundry, grocery shopping (with supervision, of course!), or even managing a small budget. Make sure they understand why these chores are important. Explain that everyone needs to contribute to keep the household running smoothly. This instills a sense of ownership and responsibility.
A chore chart can be a helpful tool for keeping track of assignments. You can use a whiteboard, a poster board, or even a digital app. Make sure the chores are clearly defined and that everyone understands their responsibilities. You can also offer rewards for completing chores on time and without complaint. This doesn’t have to be anything extravagant – a simple “thank you,” extra playtime, or a small treat can go a long way. Remember it’s not about rewarding “good work,” but rather rewarding fulfilling one’s duties and responsibilities.
The Role of the Guardian: Choosing Wisely and Staying Involved
Choosing a guardian for your children is a crucial decision. It should be someone you trust implicitly and who shares your values. This could be a grandparent, an aunt or uncle, or a close family friend. Spend a lot of time talking to them before you leave, and be sure they understand your expectations and parenting style. Give them clear instructions on discipline, education, and healthcare. Make sure they have all the necessary information, such as emergency contacts, medical records, and insurance details. Regularly check in with the guardian to see how things are going. Ask about your children’s progress in school, their behavior at home, and any challenges they might be facing. Offer your support and guidance, and be prepared to address any issues that arise.
You can remain involved even from afar. Attend PTA meetings virtually. Use technology to participate in your child’s school activities. Coordinate with the guardian to ensure consistency in discipline and routines. Maintain a united front. Even though you’re physically apart, you need to work together to create a stable and supportive environment for your children. Remember, the guardian is there to support your parenting, not replace it.
Financial Literacy: Teaching the Value of Money
As an OFW, you know the value of hard-earned money. It’s important to teach your kids about financial literacy from a young age. Start with simple concepts like saving, spending, and giving. Explain where money comes from and how it is earned. Teach them the difference between needs and wants. Encourage them to save a portion of their allowance for something they really want. You can also involve them in family budgeting decisions. Show them how you plan your expenses and how you save for the future. Talk to them about the sacrifices you’re making as an OFW to provide for them. This will help them appreciate the value of money and develop responsible spending habits. Show them how to set financial goals!
Open a savings account for your children and encourage them to deposit a portion of their allowance or any money they receive as gifts. Celebrate their savings milestones and encourage them to reach for bigger goals. Teach them about compound interest and how it can help their money grow over time. Introduce the concept of investing (in a very basic way) and explain how they can potentially earn even more money. Resources like the Bangko Sentral ng Pilipinas (BSP) website offer useful information about financial literacy.
Fostering Independence: Problem-Solving Skills
One of the most important skills you can teach your children is how to solve problems on their own. Don’t always rush to their rescue! Encourage them to think critically and come up with their own solutions. When they come to you with a problem, resist the urge to immediately solve it for them. Instead, ask them questions: “What do you think you can do about this?” “Have you tried anything already?” “What are the possible consequences of each solution?” This will help them develop their problem-solving skills and build their confidence. Of course, you’re always there for guidance and support, but let them take the lead in finding solutions.
Start with small problems and gradually increase the complexity. For example, if your child is having trouble with homework, don’t just give them the answer. Instead, help them break down the problem into smaller steps and guide them through the process of finding the solution. If they’re having a disagreement with a friend, encourage them to talk it out and find a compromise. Role-playing can be a helpful tool for practicing problem-solving skills. You can act out different scenarios and help your child develop strategies for handling difficult situations.
Navigating Technology Responsibly
In today’s digital age, it’s essential to teach your children how to use technology responsibly. Set clear rules about screen time, internet usage, and social media. Talk to them about the dangers of online predators and cyberbullying. Teach them how to protect their privacy online and how to identify fake news. Monitor their online activity, but do it in a way that doesn’t feel like you’re spying on them. Have open and honest conversations about the risks and benefits of technology. Encourage them to use technology for good, such as for learning, creating, and connecting with others in a positive way. You can also use parental control apps and software to limit screen time, block inappropriate content, and monitor their online activity.
Lead by example. Be mindful of your own technology usage and set a positive example for your children. Avoid spending excessive amounts of time on your phone or computer when you’re with them. Use technology to connect with them and to learn together. Watch educational videos, play online games, and explore new apps together. Make technology a tool for learning and bonding, rather than a source of conflict.
Nurturing Emotional Intelligence
Emotional intelligence, or EQ, is the ability to understand and manage your own emotions and to understand and empathize with the emotions of others. It’s a crucial skill for success in life. Teach your children how to identify and express their emotions in a healthy way. Encourage them to talk about their feelings and to listen to the feelings of others. Help them develop empathy and compassion. Teach them how to resolve conflicts peacefully and how to handle difficult emotions like anger, sadness, and frustration. Model emotionally intelligent behavior yourself. Show them how to manage your own emotions in a healthy way and how to treat others with respect and kindness.
There are many ways to nurture emotional intelligence in children. Read books together that explore different emotions. Talk about the characters’ feelings and how they handle them. Play games that encourage empathy and communication. Practice active listening skills. Create a safe space where your children feel comfortable sharing their feelings without judgment. Teach them how to use “I” statements to express their feelings without blaming others. For example, instead of saying “You made me mad,” they can say “I feel angry when you do that.”
The Power of Positive Reinforcement
Positive reinforcement is a powerful tool for shaping behavior. Instead of focusing on what your children are doing wrong, focus on what they are doing right. Praise them for their efforts, their achievements, and their positive qualities. Let them know that you are proud of them and that you believe in them. When they make mistakes, don’t criticize them harshly. Instead, use it as an opportunity to teach them a lesson. Help them understand what they did wrong and how they can do better next time. Focus on the process, not just the outcome. Recognize and appreciate their effort, even if they don’t always succeed. Small notes left on their lunch bags sometimes make a big impact!
Avoid using negative reinforcement, such as punishment or threats. This can damage your relationship with your children and create fear and resentment. Instead, use positive reinforcement to encourage them to make good choices and to develop positive habits. Remember, raising responsible children is a long-term process that requires patience, consistency, and love.
Maintaining Cultural Identity
As an OFW, it’s crucial to help your children maintain their cultural identity despite being raised away from the Philippines. Encourage them to speak Filipino, learn about Filipino history and traditions, and appreciate Filipino culture. Celebrate Philippine holidays, cook Filipino food, and listen to Filipino music. Connect them with other Filipino families in your community or online. This will help them develop a strong sense of identity and pride in their heritage. Share stories and memories about the Philippines. Show them pictures and videos of your hometown and your family. Teach them about the values and customs that are important to Filipino culture. You might consider sending them to the Philippines for occasional visits to immerse them in the culture. Keep the Filipino spirit alive!
Seeking Support and Resources
Don’t be afraid to seek support from other OFWs, support groups, or organizations that specialize in helping OFW families. There are many resources available to help you navigate the challenges of raising children from a distance. Connect with other OFWs online or in your community to share experiences and advice. Join support groups or online forums where you can connect with other parents who understand what you’re going through. Take advantage of resources offered by government agencies, NGOs, and other organizations. Many offer counseling, training, and other services to help OFW families thrive. You can also seek advice from child psychologists or counselors if you’re facing specific challenges with your children. Remember, you’re not alone! There are many people who care about you and your family and who are willing to help.
Prioritizing Self-Care
Taking care of yourself is essential! It’s easy to get caught up in worrying about your family and working hard to provide for them, but prioritizing your own well-being is crucial. Make time for activities that you enjoy and that help you relax and recharge. Get enough sleep, eat healthy foods, and exercise regularly. Spend time with friends and family. Pursue your hobbies and interests. Take breaks when you need them. Remember, you can’t pour from an empty cup. When you take care of yourself, you’ll be better able to care for your children and your family. Taking care of yourself sets a good example for your kids! They learn the importance of self-care by seeing you prioritize your own well-being.
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ)
Here are some frequently asked questions about raising responsible children as an OFW:
How can I deal with the guilt of being away from my children?
It’s normal to feel guilty, but remember you’re working hard to provide a better future for them. Acknowledge the guilt, but focus on making the most of your time when you communicate with them. Plan regular video calls, send thoughtful gifts, and make sure they know you’re always thinking of them. Engage in activities to help you channel away the sense of guilt, such as working out, engaging with causes you strongly believe in, or simply taking the time to rest and relax, all of which lead to clearer mental clarity and a better mood for the better. You’re sacrificing for them, and the greatest manifestation of that sacrifice is that you are doing everything you can to still be there for them despite the distance.
What if my children resent me for being an OFW?
It’s possible for children to feel resentment if they feel abandoned or neglected. Have open and honest conversations with them about your reasons for working abroad. Explain that you miss them too and that you’re doing this for their future. Show them that you care by staying connected, being involved in their lives, and making the most of your time when you’re together. If the resentment persists, consider seeking professional help from a counselor or therapist.
How do I discipline my children from a distance?
Discipline should be consistent, fair, and age-appropriate. Work with the guardian to establish clear rules and consequences. Communicate with your children regularly about their behavior and provide guidance and support. Avoid harsh punishments or empty threats. Focus on teaching them responsibility, respect, and self-discipline. Positive reinforcement is key! Commend more often than criticizing—the secret lies in encouraging, not berating, them to perform better.
How can I ensure my children’s safety and well-being while I’m away?
Choose a trustworthy guardian and stay involved in their lives. Communicate with them regularly about their activities, their friends, and their concerns. Educate them about safety issues, such as stranger danger, online safety, and bullying. Make sure they have access to healthcare and mental health services. Create a support network of family, friends, and community members who can look out for them.
How can I encourage my children to pursue their dreams and goals?
Encourage them to explore their interests and talents. Provide them with opportunities to learn and grow. Support their efforts and celebrate their successes. Help them set realistic goals and develop a plan to achieve them. Be a positive role model and show them that you believe in them. Help them overcome difficulties instead of offering ready-built solutions.
How do I talk to my child about my work abroad?
Be honest and age-appropriate. Explain what you do, why you’re doing it, and how it benefits the family. Share stories about your experiences, both good and bad. Show them pictures and videos of your workplace and your life abroad. Keep the conversation open and encourage them to ask questions. Be there for them no matter what challenges.
What if my child starts isolating themselves from the rest of the family?
Reach out often and try to see how the family could solve this together. Maybe they don’t have much in common or perhaps there are feelings that are suppressed. Take the time to bond with them one-on-one, like having lunch together, or maybe play video games online together. Perhaps the child needs to be introduced to activities that can introduce them to friends. Talk to them and see what they think of how you can all come up with a solution together.
What if I can’t provide for all their material needs?
Communicate to them what you can and cannot do as of the moment. Let them know that perhaps later on you can get it for them, or perhaps you can all save up together so that they can buy it themselves. It’s important to be upfront because what matters most for children being raised by OFWs is emotional and physical security. Reassure them you will be there for them to work everything out together.
What’s the best way to help my kids get through the loneliness I experience as well?
Let them know you’re there for them, and let them know they are not alone. Tell them how you feel, and ask if they feel that way, too. Doing so gives them a signal that it is okay for them to feel that way, and not unusual. Talk to them and reassure them even if both of you are miles apart. Keep lines of communication open, and give them opportunities to talk to you when they need it.
Raising responsible children from afar is challenging, but it’s not impossible. With communication, consistency, and commitment, you can instill independence and self-reliance in your children, even when you’re an OFW. Your sacrifice is immense, but remember that your love and guidance can still shape their lives in profound ways. You have so much to give them even beyond material needs.
It’s time to take action! Don’t let the distance define your parenting. Start implementing these tips today. Strengthen your communication, assign responsibilities, nurture their emotional intelligence, teach them financial literacy, and maintain your cultural identity. Your children’s future is worth every effort. Start making a difference today. Call them. Message them. Talk to the guardian. And plan the next video chat! Every little step counts. It is never too late.
References:
Bangko Sentral ng Pilipinas
