Being an Overseas Filipino Worker (OFW) is tough. You’re working far away from your kids, sacrificing time with them to provide a better future. But absence doesn’t have to mean disconnection. This guide is about helping you, an OFW parent, build resilient kids who can thrive even when you’re miles away. We’ll talk about practical ways to support their emotional well-being, strengthen your bond, and ensure they grow up secure and happy, despite the distance.
Understanding Resilience: What Does It Really Mean?
Resilience isn’t about being unbreakable. It’s about bouncing back from tough times, like having a bad day at school, arguing with a sibling, or missing you terribly. Resilient kids are able to cope with stress, solve problems, and learn from their mistakes. They understand that setbacks are a normal part of life and they have the inner strength to keep going. It’s like a tree bending in the wind – it might sway, but it doesn’t break. It’s important to understand that resilience is not a trait someone is born with; it is something that can be developed. According to the American Psychological Association, resilience involves behaviors, thoughts, and actions that can be learned and developed in anyone APA definition of resilience.
The OFW Factor: Unique Challenges and Opportunities
Being an OFW adds extra layers to the parenting challenge. Your kids are dealing with your absence, which can lead to feelings of sadness, anxiety, or even resentment. They might feel left out when they see other kids with their parents, and they might struggle to understand why you have to be away. However, being an OFW also presents unique opportunities to build resilience. Your kids can learn independence, responsibility, and resourcefulness. They can develop a strong sense of family as they support each other while you’re away. Your sacrifices can also teach them the value of hard work and perseverance. The key is to acknowledge the challenges and actively work to turn them into opportunities for growth.
Building a Strong Foundation: Nurturing Emotional Well-being from Afar
Emotional well-being is the bedrock of resilience. When kids feel safe, loved, and understood, they’re better equipped to handle whatever life throws their way. As an OFW, you play a crucial role in fostering this sense of security, even from a distance.
Communication is Key: Staying Connected Despite the Miles
Regular communication is absolutely vital. It’s more than just saying “hi” and “how are you?” It’s about truly connecting with your kids and showing them that you’re present in their lives, even if you’re not physically there. Schedule regular video calls – make it a ritual. It could be a weekly family dinner over Skype, a bedtime story read over video, or even just a quick chat during their school break. Make sure these are times when you can give them your undivided attention. Avoid distractions and really listen to what they have to say. Ask open-ended questions that encourage them to share their thoughts and feelings. Avoid interrupting and rushing conversations. Sometimes, just listening is enough. The frequency of these calls is also important. Daily quick chats might be better for younger kids, while older children might appreciate longer catch-ups a few times a week.
And don’t underestimate the power of a simple text message or email. A quick “Thinking of you! Have a great day!” can go a long way in making your child feel loved and remembered. You can even send them funny memes or articles related to subjects they enjoy to show you are thinking of them – this shows you are paying attention! If possible, keep up-to-date with the latest apps and trends your children enjoy. Having a shared understanding of online culture and social events can open up new ways to bond and communicate.
Here’s an example: Instead of just asking, “How was school today?” try asking, “What was the most interesting thing you learned today?” or “Who did you play with at recess?”. These types of questions encourage your child to think and share more details. A helpful tip is to vary your questions between general “How are you?” inquires, and more specific questions like “What kind of books do you enjoy reading lately?” This method can help you understand your child’s life in greater detail.
Active Listening: Really Hearing What Your Child Has to Say
Communication isn’t just about talking; it’s also about listening. And I mean really listening. Put down your phone, turn off the TV, and give your child your full attention. Pay attention to their body language and tone of voice. Are they excited? Sad? Frustrated? Don’t interrupt them or offer unsolicited advice. Just listen and let them know you’re there for them. Sometimes, a simple “That sounds tough” or “I’m here for you” is all they need to feel heard and understood. Be patient. It may take time for your child to open up, especially if they’ve been bottling up their feelings. Let them know that you’re a safe space where they can share anything without judgment. Reflect their feelings back to them. For example, if your child says, “I’m so angry with my brother,” you can say, “It sounds like you’re really upset with him.” This shows that you’re paying attention and that you understand how they’re feeling.
Remember that it’s okay if you don’t have all the answers. Your role isn’t to fix their problems (although you may need to sometimes). Your role is to be a supportive and understanding presence in their lives. Being present is a gift. If you are on the phone during calls or distracted by something else, a child will notice. Be sure to give each communication your full attention!
Let’s consider a very practical way to showcase active listening: When your child says something important, repeat it back in your own words. For instance, if they say, “I failed my math test,” you could say, “So, you’re feeling disappointed because you didn’t do well on the math test.” This confirms that you’ve understood their message and allows them to clarify if you’ve missed anything.
Creating a Supportive Home Environment: Working with Caregivers
You’re not the only one raising your kids. You have a team – whether that’s your spouse, a grandparent, an aunt, or a nanny. It’s crucial that you’re all on the same page when it comes to parenting. Talk to your caregivers regularly about your child’s emotional well-being. Share your concerns, and listen to their observations. Establish clear expectations and guidelines for discipline and behavior. Make sure everyone understands the importance of creating a loving, supportive, and consistent environment. Encourage caregivers to create routines and rituals that help your child feel secure. This could be anything from a regular bedtime story to a weekly family game night. Empower caregivers to make decisions and handle everyday challenges. This will not only lighten their load but also teach your child responsibility and independence. Most importantly, show your appreciation for your caregivers. They’re doing a tough job, and your support will make a huge difference in their lives and in the lives of your children.
Consider setting up a weekly video call with the caregiver to discuss the child’s progress, any challenges they might be facing, and coordinate parenting strategies. During these calls, you can also subtly reinforce your parenting values and address any concerns you might have raised by observing your child, such as changes in behavior.
Fostering Independence and Resilience: Practical Strategies
Resilient kids are often independent kids. They know how to take care of themselves, solve problems, and make responsible decisions. Here’s how you can foster these qualities, even from afar:
Assigning Age-Appropriate Responsibilities: Building Confidence and Competence
Give your kids chores and responsibilities that are appropriate for their age and abilities. Even young children can help with simple tasks like setting the table or putting away their toys. Older children can take on more complex responsibilities like doing laundry, cooking simple meals, or managing their own allowance. Make sure the tasks are clearly defined and achievable. Don’t expect perfection; focus on effort and progress which you can praise and encourage. Celebrate successes and offer support when they struggle. Talk to the caregiver about dividing up responsibilities at home appropriately, also depending on each specific child’s interests and abilities. For example, if one sibling enjoys gardening, they could be responsible for the plant care while another sibling manages recycling. By matching tasks with interests, you make the entire process feel less like a chore and more like a proactive initiative.
Explain to your children why they are doing these chores. A simple “This helps the family” might be enough for younger children, but teens will appreciate a more thorough explanation of the responsibilities towards shared obligations. Knowing their actions make a noticeable contribution to the household fosters a deeper sense of responsibility and independence. Here is a quick example of age-appropriate responsibilities: 5-7 years old – picking up toys; 8-10 years old – setting the table; 11-13 years old – doing laundry; 14+ years old – cooking meals.
Encouraging Problem-Solving Skills: Empowering Them to Find Solutions
Instead of always swooping in to solve your child’s problems, encourage them to find their own solutions. When they come to you with a problem, resist the urge to immediately give them the answer. Instead, ask them questions that will help them think through the problem themselves. For example, “What have you already tried?” or “What are some possible solutions?”. Brainstorming is a useful exercise. Help them weigh the pros and cons of each option and make a decision. Let them know that it’s okay to make mistakes. Mistakes are opportunities to learn and grow. If their solution doesn’t work out, help them analyze what went wrong and try again. Consider role-playing with your kids to practice problem-solving. You can create scenarios based on common challenges they face, like dealing with bullies or resolving conflicts with friends. This will give them a safe and supportive environment to develop their problem-solving skills. Also, ensure the caregiver allows the child to try to figure out a small problem instead of readily solving it themselves.
Let’s say your child is having trouble with their homework. Instead of explaining the concept to them, you can say, “Where have you looked for help with this problem so far?” or “What resources do you have available?”. This prompts them to think about their current strategies and identify alternative approaches.
Promoting Goal-Setting: Instilling a Sense of Purpose and Achievement
Help your kids set goals for themselves, both big and small. Goals give them something to strive for and a sense of purpose. Start with small, attainable goals and gradually increase the challenge as they gain confidence. Help them break down big goals into smaller, more manageable steps. This will make them feel less overwhelming. Celebrate their achievements, no matter how small. This will motivate them to keep going. Ensure you have a consistent way to track each child’s goal achievement to help follow up on their progress, whether it’s a spreadsheet or discussion during weekly calls. Celebrate success, and do not be afraid to address plans that did not pan out; focus on what can be improved.
Encourage your child to set realistic goals by asking them what steps are involved and how long it will take; for instance, you could start by assisting children in creating a visual chart to keep track of their daily tasks. Creating a process will help solidify habits and routines necessary to achieve the overall goal. For example, a child wanting to improve their reading skills could set a goal to read for 30 minutes every day. Each day they complete this target, they mark it on the chart. This visual representation of their progress could be very motivating.
Coping with Your Absence: Addressing the Emotional Impact
Your absence is a reality, and it’s important to acknowledge the emotional impact it has on your kids. This isn’t about feeling guilty; it’s about being proactive in supporting their emotional needs.
Acknowledging and Validating Their Feelings: Letting Them Know It’s Okay to Miss You
It’s okay for your kids to miss you. It’s okay for them to feel sad, angry, or confused. The worst thing you can do is dismiss their feelings or tell them to “be strong”. Instead, acknowledge their feelings and let them know that it’s okay to feel that way. Say things like, “I know it’s hard that I’m not there” or “It’s okay to feel sad that you miss me”. Validate their feelings by letting them know that their emotions are normal and understandable. Be patient and understanding. It may take time for them to process their feelings. Listen without judgment and offer your support. Let them know that you love them and that you’re always there for them, even when you’re not physically present. You can share details about how you miss them too, which helps validate their feeling of missing you. Sharing how you deal with missing them can also provide a valuable insight. For example, you could say “I miss you too. Tonight, after work, I will look at pictures of us together – That helps with the sadness.”
If your child is having a tough time, avoid statements like “Don’t worry, it will be okay” – this can invalidate their current feelings. Instead, try saying, “I see you’re feeling really sad about this. It’s okay to feel that way.” This acknowledges their emotions and creates a safe space for them to express themselves.
Creating Rituals and Traditions: Maintaining a Sense of Connection
Even though you’re not physically present, you can still create rituals and traditions that help maintain a sense of connection. This could be anything from a weekly video call to a special gift for every birthday or holiday. Create a family memory box where you and your kids can store photos, letters, and souvenirs. This will help you reminisce about happy times together. Celebrate special occasions together, even if you can’t be there in person. Send cards, gifts, or even arrange for a surprise visit. Maintain family traditions that you can participate in remotely. This could be anything from singing a special song on birthdays to watching a favorite movie together online. Consider creating a digital scrapbook where your child can contribute photos, stories, and artwork about their life and experiences. You can then add your own comments and memories, creating a shared family narrative.
For example, consider initiating a tradition of reading a chapter of a book together every Sunday evening. Even if you’re in different time zones, you can coordinate the reading and discuss the characters and plotline during your video call. This strengthens your bond while fostering a love of reading.
Seeking Professional Help: When to Reach Out for Support
Sometimes, despite your best efforts, your child may need professional help to cope with your absence. Don’t be afraid to seek therapy if you notice signs of emotional distress, such as: Persistent sadness or anxiety, changes in sleep or appetite, difficulty concentrating, withdrawal from social activities, or self-harming behaviors. A therapist can provide your child with a safe space to process their feelings and develop coping strategies. A therapist can also offer guidance and support to you and your caregivers. Remember that seeking professional help is a sign of strength, not weakness. It shows that you’re committed to your child’s emotional well-being. It is vitally important to choose a professional that the child is comfortable with and trusts. Often it is recommended to have an introductory conversation between the child and the professional to ensure they feel comfortable. If their chemistry does not align, keep searching for the right professional. Don’t give up!
If your child displays sudden change in behavior, such as increased irritability and aggression – or they continuously talk about feelings of hopelessness and suicide – it’s important to seek immediate professional assistance. A trained therapist can assess whether these behaviors are the product of typical development, or symptoms of something more serious and help your child cope.
Working with Schools and Community: Building a Network of Support
You’re not alone in raising your kids. The school and community can be valuable resources for support. Connect with your child’s teachers and school counselors. Let them know that you’re an OFW and that your child may need extra support. Keep in touch with school events and activities, even if you can’t physically be there. This will show your child that you’re interested in their education and their life at school. Encourage your child to participate in extracurricular activities. These activities can provide them with opportunities to socialize, develop new skills, and build confidence. Connect with other OFW families in your community. Sharing experiences and supporting each other can make the journey feel less lonely. Seek out community resources for children and families. These resources may include after-school programs, tutoring services, or support groups.
Being involved in your child’s education will allow you to stay connected with your child’s academic performance, social relationships and general well-being. By maintaining open communication, you are able to coordinate strategies at home and in school to support the child. It’s helpful to encourage the child to get active in after-school events – this is another way to build relationships with their peers and to foster a sense of belonging.
Prioritizing Self-Care: You Can’t Pour from an Empty Cup
As an OFW, you’re often so focused on providing for your family that you forget to take care of yourself. But you can’t pour from an empty cup. If you’re stressed, exhausted, and overwhelmed, you won’t be able to effectively support your kids. Make time for self-care activities that help you relax and recharge. This could be anything from reading a book to taking a walk to spending time with friends. Maintain a healthy lifestyle by eating nutritious foods, getting enough sleep, and exercising regularly. Seek support from other OFWs, friends, or family members. Talking about your challenges can help you cope with stress and feel less alone. Remember that taking care of yourself is not selfish. It’s essential for your own well-being and for the well-being of your children. When an airplane instructs you to put your own oxygen mask on first before helping others that is good advice. If you take care of yourself, you can also take care of your children, and you need to take care of yourself as an OFW to be able to provide for your family’s needs.
One effective self-care strategy is regular exercise. Exercise is proven to relieve stress and boost one’s mood. Even a 30 minute walk each day helps an OFW feel refreshed and better equipped to handle everyday problems. Schedule this into your daily routine and stick to it, just like any other important event.
FAQ Section
Here are some frequently asked questions from OFW parents:
How can I deal with the guilt of being away from my child?
Guilt is a common emotion for OFW parents. Acknowledge the guilt is there, but don’t let it consume you. Focus on the positive impact you’re having on your child’s life by providing for their future. Make the most of the time you do have with them, both physically and virtually; don’t just be present, be involved. Practice self-compassion and remember that you’re doing the best you can in a difficult situation. Talk to other OFW parents or a therapist about your feelings; this can help you find ways to manage your guilt.
My child is angry with me for being away. What can I do?
It’s understandable that your child would feel angry. Acknowledge and validate their anger, but set clear boundaries about acceptable behavior. Don’t take their anger personally; it’s a sign that they miss you and are struggling with your absence. Create opportunities for them to express their anger in healthy ways, such as talking about their feelings or engaging in physical activity. Be patient and understanding, and continue to show them love and support. Seek help from a therapist or counselor if the anger persists or becomes destructive.
How can I stay involved in my child’s education from afar?
Communicate regularly with your child’s teachers and school counselors to stay informed about their progress. Take advantage of online resources, such as school websites and parent portals. Attend school events virtually whenever possible through online live streams. Help with homework and projects by providing guidance and support remotely. Encourage your child to talk about their school day and their learning experiences and schedule virtual study sessions. Discuss educational goals and long term plans with your child.
What if my child starts acting out or misbehaving?
Acting out can be a sign that your child is struggling emotionally. Try to get to the root of the problem. Are they feeling sad, anxious, or lonely? Don’t immediately punish them; instead, try to understand what’s going on. Talk to them about their behavior and explain why it’s not acceptable. Enforce consistent consequences, in line with your family’s disciplinary approach. Seek help from a therapist or counselor if the misbehavior persists.
How can I make our reunion special when I come home?
Plan your arrival with your child and don’t make too much of a surprise out of the event. Being mindful and involved in preparing for your return helps make the event smoother and makes returning home less stressful for everyone. Focus on spending quality time with each other. Put away distractions like your phone and work; be present together. Doing things as a family, like visiting places, cooking meals, playing sport, or watching movies are great activities. Be patient with your child’s adjustment to your return. It may take some time for them to get used to you being home. Just be present and patient.
References
- American Psychological Association. (n.d.). Resilience.
You’ve got this, OFW parent! It’s not easy being far away, but with these strategies, you can build strong, resilient kids who know they are loved and supported, no matter the distance. Take the first step today: schedule a special video call with your child, ask them meaningful questions, listen with your heart, and let them know how much they mean to you. Your actions today will shape their tomorrow. Don’t wait – start building that connection stronger, right now.
