Being an Overseas Filipino Worker (OFW) parent is tough. We often measure our success by the amount of money we send home, but what if true success is about more than just the paycheck? Let’s talk about how to define success as an OFW parent beyond the salary, focusing on your children’s well-being, your family’s emotional health, and your own personal growth.
Understanding the Real Cost of Separation
First things first, let’s acknowledge the elephant in the room: being away from your kids is hard. It’s not just hard on you; it’s hard on them. Studies have shown that children of OFWs can experience a range of emotions, from sadness and anxiety to feelings of abandonment, which can impact their academic performance and social relationships. A research made available by the Philippine Statistics Authority (PSA) offers more insights into the demographic profile of OFWs and their families.
Think about it this way: money can buy school supplies, nutritious food, and a comfortable home. But it can’t replace bedtime stories, attending school events, or just being there to listen when your child has a bad day. These are the things that build strong bonds and create lasting memories. We need to find ways to bridge that gap, even when we’re miles away.
The Communication Lifeline: Staying Connected Matters
Technology is your best friend here. While nothing beats face-to-face interaction, regular video calls, voice messages, and even just a simple text message can make a huge difference. Don’t just ask “How was your day?” Try to be specific. Ask about a particular test, a project they’re working on, or a friend they mentioned. Show them you’re really listening and that you care about the details of their lives.
Pro Tip: Schedule regular “dates” with your kids. It could be a weekly video call to watch a movie together (even if you’re watching it on separate screens) or playing an online game. Make it something they look forward to. Another idea is to send them letters or postcards. A handwritten note can feel extra special in this digital age. You can even include photos or small mementos from your host country.
My neighbor, Tita Marie, an OFW working in Singapore, makes it a point to read a bedtime story to her youngest daughter via video call every night. She told me that even though she’s not physically there, this helps her daughter feel connected and loved. She even sends her daughter small gifts related to the story, like a stuffed animal or a coloring book, to make it even more engaging.
Empowering the Caregiver: Working as a Team
You’re not the only one raising your children. Whether it’s your spouse, a grandparent, a sibling, or a guardian, they play a crucial role in your children’s lives. It’s essential to have open communication with them and work as a team. Discuss your parenting goals, your expectations for your children, and any concerns you have. Make sure everyone is on the same page.
Don’t just leave all the responsibility to them. Ask them how you can support them from afar. Perhaps you can help with research for school projects, offer advice on dealing with difficult situations, or simply be a listening ear when they need to vent. Show them that you appreciate their efforts and that you value their input.
Remember that the caregiver is also sacrificing a lot. They’re taking on extra responsibilities and dealing with the everyday challenges of raising your children. Express your gratitude and offer them support in any way you can. Maybe you can send them a small gift or arrange for them to have a day off to relax and recharge.
Building Resilience: Equipping Your Children for Life
Being the child of an OFW can be tough, but it can also build resilience. Help your children develop coping mechanisms to deal with the challenges of having a parent away. Encourage them to talk about their feelings, to seek support from friends and family, and to focus on their strengths.
Teach them the importance of independence and responsibility. Encourage them to take on age-appropriate tasks around the house, to manage their own schoolwork, and to make responsible decisions. This will not only help them become more self-sufficient but also build their self-esteem.
My friend, Kuya Ben, an OFW in Dubai, taught his teenage son how to manage the family budget. He would send him the money and then guide him through the process of paying bills, buying groceries, and saving for future expenses. This not only gave his son valuable life skills but also made him feel like he was contributing to the family.
Investing in Education and Personal Growth: It’s More Than Just Tuition
Education is undoubtedly important, but it’s not just about paying the tuition fees. It’s about being actively involved in your child’s education. Stay in touch with their teachers, attend school events (if possible, even virtually), and help them with their homework. Show them that you value their education and that you’re invested in their success.
Encourage them to pursue their passions and interests. Whether it’s sports, music, art, or anything else, support their endeavors and help them develop their talents. This will not only give them a sense of purpose but also build their confidence and creativity.
Don’t forget about your own personal growth. Being an OFW can be incredibly stressful, so it’s important to take care of your own physical and mental health. Make time for exercise, healthy eating, and relaxation. Pursue your own hobbies and interests. Remember that you need to be healthy and happy in order to be a good parent.
Online courses and webinars are a great way to learn new skills and expand your knowledge. Check out free resources available online, often offered by Philippine universities. Look into courses related to parenting, communication skills, or even financial literacy. These skills will not only benefit you as a parent but also help you in your career.
Financial Stability with a Purpose: Making Every Peso Count
Of course, money is important. It allows you to provide for your family and give them opportunities they might not otherwise have. But it’s important to be smart about your finances. Create a budget, track your expenses, and save for the future. Consider investing in assets that will provide long-term financial security for your family.
Teach your children the value of money. Encourage them to save, to spend wisely, and to appreciate what they have. Involve them in family financial decisions and let them see how their actions can impact the family budget. This will help them develop responsible financial habits that will serve them well in the future.
Consider investing in your own future as well. Start a retirement fund, invest in a business, or pursue further education. This will not only provide you with financial security in your old age but also give you a sense of purpose and fulfillment.
Remind yourself why you’re working abroad. Focus on the positive impact your work is having on your family’s lives. Celebrate your successes and acknowledge your hard work. Don’t let the challenges of being an OFW overshadow the reasons why you’re doing it in the first place.
Reintegration Planning: Preparing for Your Return Home
Think about your long-term goals and start planning for your eventual return home. What kind of life do you want to live when you come back? What kind of job do you want to have? What kind of community do you want to live in? Start making plans now so that you’re prepared for the transition.
Start saving for your retirement or for a business venture. Invest in real estate or other assets that will provide you with a steady income stream. The Overseas Workers Welfare Administration (OWWA) offers various programs and services, including livelihood training and financial assistance. Visit the OWWA website for more information about these programs.
Stay connected to your home community. Keep in touch with friends and family, participate in local events (even virtually), and contribute to community projects. This will help you maintain your roots and make the transition back home easier.
Defining Success: It’s About the Whole Picture
Ultimately, success as an OFW parent is not just about the money you send home. It’s about the love you share, the values you instill, and the future you build for your children. It’s about being present (even when you’re physically distant), being supportive, and being a good role model. It’s about raising happy, healthy, and well-adjusted children who are prepared to face the challenges of the world.
It’s about building a strong and loving family that can weather any storm. It’s about creating lasting memories that your children will cherish for a lifetime. It’s about being proud of the person you are and the sacrifices you’ve made. It’s about living a life of purpose and meaning, both for yourself and for your family.
Dealing with Guilt and Self-Care
Let’s be real, the guilt of being away often creeps in. “Am I doing enough?” we ask ourselves. “Are they missing out because I’m not there?” It’s normal to feel this way. Acknowledging the guilt is the first step. Don’t bottle it up. Talk to other OFWs who understand what you’re going through. Join online support groups or connect with OFW communities in your host country. Sharing your feelings can be incredibly therapeutic. Also, remind yourself that you’re making a sacrifice for your family’s future. You’re working hard to provide them with opportunities they might not otherwise have. This is an act of love.
Now, let’s talk about self-care. This isn’t selfish; it’s essential. Remember that airplane safety announcement? “Put your own oxygen mask on first before assisting others.” The same applies to parenting. If you’re not taking care of yourself, you can’t effectively take care of your children. Self-care looks different for everyone. It could be reading a book, taking a walk, listening to music, meditating, or simply spending time alone. Find activities that help you relax and recharge. Schedule these activities into your routine and treat them as non-negotiable appointments.
Practical Tips for Managing Loneliness
Loneliness is a common struggle for OFWs. Being away from your family and friends can be isolating. To combat loneliness, actively seek out social connections. Join social clubs or organizations related to your interests. Participate in community events or volunteer your time. Attend religious services or group meetings. Making new friends and building a support network can make a huge difference in your emotional well-being. Stay in touch with your friends and family back home. Schedule regular video calls or phone calls to catch up. Share your experiences and listen to theirs. Even a quick text message can help you feel connected.
Adopt a pet, if your living situation allows. Pets can provide companionship and unconditional love. Taking care of a pet can also give you a sense of purpose and routine. Learn a new skill or hobby. This can be a great way to distract yourself from loneliness and to meet new people with similar interests. Consider taking an online course, joining a cooking class, or learning a new language. Embrace new experiences. Explore your host country, try new foods, and learn about different cultures. This can help you broaden your horizons and create positive memories.
Encouraging Sibling Bonds from Afar
When one parent is absent, the bond between siblings becomes even more crucial. Encourage your children to support and care for each other. Remind them that they’re a team and that they can rely on each other. Facilitate activities that encourage sibling bonding. Suggest they play games together, watch movies together, or work on projects together. You can even organize virtual family game nights where everyone can participate, regardless of location. Avoid playing favorites. It’s important to treat all your children fairly and equally. Favoritism can create resentment and damage sibling relationships. Address conflicts constructively. Teach your children how to resolve conflicts peacefully and respectfully. Encourage them to listen to each other’s perspectives and to find solutions that work for everyone.
Making Visits Count: Quality Over Quantity
When you do get the chance to visit home, make it count. Focus on quality time rather than quantity. Plan activities that your children will enjoy and that will create lasting memories. Put away your phone and be fully present. Give your children your undivided attention. Listen to what they have to say, play with them, and simply enjoy their company. Don’t try to cram too much into your visit. It’s better to have a few meaningful experiences than a lot of superficial ones. Avoid focusing on discipline. Your visit should be a time for bonding and connection, not for lectures and punishments. Leave the disciplinary matters to the caregiver.
Celebrating Milestones from a Distance
Even when you can’t be there in person, you can still celebrate your children’s milestones from afar. Send a thoughtful gift or a handwritten card. Arrange for a special surprise, such as a delivery of flowers or a favorite meal. Schedule a video call to sing “Happy Birthday” or to congratulate them on their achievements. Create a scrapbook or a photo album documenting their milestones. This is a tangible reminder of your love and support. Ask the caregiver to take photos and videos of the celebration. Share these on social media or create a private online album so that you can feel like you’re part of the event.
Staying Involved in School Activities Virtually
Even if you can’t attend school events in person, there are still ways to stay involved. Communicate with your child’s teachers regularly. Ask for updates on their progress and express your interest in their education. Attend parent-teacher conferences virtually. Most schools now offer online platforms for parent-teacher conferences. Join the school’s online parent group. This is a great way to stay informed about school news and events. Volunteer to help with virtual school projects. Offer your skills and expertise to support the school community. For example, you could help with online tutoring or create educational materials. Watch live streams of school events. Many schools now broadcast events online, allowing parents to participate remotely.
The Importance of Open Communication About Your Work
Be honest with your children about your work. Explain why you’re working abroad and what you’re doing to provide for the family. Help them understand the challenges and rewards of your job. Answer their questions openly and honestly. Don’t try to sugarcoat the reality of your situation. Encourage them to share their feelings about your work. Listen to their concerns and address them to the best of your ability. Show them that you appreciate their sacrifices and that you value their understanding. Celebrate your successes at work and share them with your children. Let them know that your hard work is paying off and that you’re making a positive impact on their lives.
Remembering Your Own Dreams and Aspirations
While your children are your priority, it’s important to remember your own dreams and aspirations. Being an OFW doesn’t mean putting your own life on hold. Take time to pursue your own interests and goals. What are you passionate about? What do you want to achieve in your life? Set personal goals and create a plan to achieve them. This will give you a sense of purpose and fulfillment outside of your role as a parent. Invest in your own education and career development. Learn new skills, take online courses, or pursue certifications. This will increase your earning potential and open up new opportunities for you. Build a support network of friends and colleagues. Surround yourself with people who inspire and encourage you. Don’t be afraid to ask for help when you need it. Remember, you deserve to live a fulfilling and meaningful life, even while you’re working abroad. The Center for Migrant Advocacy (CMA) is a great resource for OFWs looking for support and assistance. You can visit their website for more information.
FAQ Section
What if my child refuses to talk to me on video calls?
This is a common challenge. Don’t force it. Try different approaches. Instead of directly calling, send a funny video message or a picture. Offer to play a game online together. Start by talking about something they’re interested in, like their favorite video game or TV show. Make the video calls fun and engaging, not just a boring check-in. Also, consider having the caregiver talk to them about the importance of communicating with you. Maybe there’s an underlying reason they’re hesitant to talk, and the caregiver can help you understand it.
How can I deal with the guilt of missing important events?
Acknowledge the guilt—it’s normal. Then, focus on what you can do. Send a heartfelt gift, arrange for a surprise, or schedule a special video call. Ask the caregiver to take lots of photos and videos so you can feel like you were there. Create a tradition to celebrate the event when you do get to visit. Remember that your sacrifices are for their future.
My child is struggling in school. How can I help from afar?
Stay in contact with their teachers. Ask for regular updates on their progress and offer to help in any way you can. Set up a regular study schedule and offer online tutoring assistance. Find out what subjects they’re struggling with and offer to find online resources or tutors. Enlist the help of family members or friends who can provide in-person tutoring or support. Encourage your child and praise their efforts, even if they’re not getting perfect grades. Focus on their progress and celebrate their achievements.
How can I ensure that the money I send home is being used wisely?
Have an open and honest conversation with the caregiver about the family budget. Create a detailed budget together and track expenses. Ask for receipts and keep records of how the money is being spent. Consider using a remittance service that allows you to track where your money is going. Involve your children in the financial planning process and teach them about responsible spending. Set financial goals together as a family.
What are some resources available to OFWs and their families?
OWWA (Overseas Workers Welfare Administration) offers various programs and services for OFWs, including livelihood training, financial assistance, and repatriation assistance. Check their website: OWWA. The Department of Migrant Workers (DMW) provides assistance to OFWs facing labor disputes or other issues abroad. Visit their website to learn more. Many NGOs and support groups offer counseling, legal assistance, and other forms of support to OFWs and their families.
How can I prepare for my return home after working abroad for many years?
Start saving early for your retirement or for a business venture. Invest in assets that will provide you with a steady income stream. Stay connected to your home community. Keep in touch with friends and family, participate in local events, and contribute to community projects. Re-evaluate your skills and experience and identify any skills gaps. Consider taking courses or training programs to update your skills. Research job opportunities in your desired field. Network with professionals in your industry. Seek advice from financial advisors and career counselors. Be prepared for the emotional challenges of reintegration. It may take time to adjust to life back in the Philippines. Be patient with yourself and your family.
Success as an OFW parent isn’t a number on a payslip; it’s the sum of every effort you make, big or small, to nurture your children’s growth and maintain strong family bonds. Keep communicating, keep investing, and keep loving. Your dedication makes a world of difference. By focusing on your children’s wellbeing and your family’s stability, you are already a successful OFW parent. Don’t stop now!
References
Philippine Statistics Authority (PSA)
Overseas Workers Welfare Administration (OWWA)
Center for Migrant Advocacy (CMA)
