Deciding to work abroad as an Overseas Filipino Worker (OFW) is a huge step, especially when you have kids. It’s about providing a better future, but it also means leaving them behind for a while. The key is to prepare them – and yourself – emotionally and practically, so the transition is as smooth as possible. This guide dives into how to do just that, offering advice that’s easy to understand and put into action.
Being Honest and Open About Your Plans
Kids are smart, even the little ones. They can sense when something’s up, so it’s best to be upfront about your decision to work abroad. Don’t wait until the last minute to tell them. Sit them down, explain why you’re going, and emphasize that it’s because you love them and want to provide for them. Use simple language that they can understand. For example, instead of saying “I need to seek better economic opportunities,” you could say, “I’m going to work in another country so we can have a nicer house and you can have what you need for school.” Let them know that it’s not a decision you made lightly, and that you’ll miss them terribly.
Don’t sugarcoat it either. Be honest about the fact that you’ll be gone for a significant period. Explain how often you’ll be able to talk to them and visit, but manage their expectations. Promises you can’t keep will only lead to disappointment later on. Instead of saying “I’ll be home every weekend,” be realistic and say, “I’ll try to call you every week, and I’ll come home as soon as I can get time off.”
Age-Appropriate Explanations
How you explain your departure will depend a lot on your child’s age. For younger kids (preschoolers to early elementary), focus on the immediate impact: “Mommy/Daddy will be working far away, but Grandma/Grandpa will still be here to take care of you.” Reassure them that they’ll still get their meals, playtime, and bedtime stories. Use visuals like maps to show them where you’ll be working, making it less abstract and more real. You can also create a calendar with pictures of your return date to help them visualize how long you’ll be gone. Count down the days together, making the anticipation a shared experience.
For older kids and teenagers, you can provide more detail about the financial reasons behind your decision. Explain how your income will help with their education, family needs, and future goals. Listen to their concerns and anxieties, and address them honestly. They might worry about your safety, their own responsibilities at home, or the impact on their social lives. Acknowledge their feelings and validate their concerns. You might say, “I understand you’re worried about me being so far away. I’ll do my best to stay safe, and we’ll talk regularly so you know I’m okay.”
Creating a Support System at Home
Leaving your children in the care of a responsible caregiver is crucial. This could be your spouse, a trusted relative (like grandparents, siblings, or aunts/uncles), or a close family friend. Make sure this person is someone your children feel comfortable with and someone you trust implicitly. Before you leave, spend time with your children and the caregiver together, allowing them to bond and build a relationship. This will help ease your children’s anxiety and give them a sense of security.
Equip the caregiver with all the information they need: your children’s medical history, school schedules, extracurricular activities, dietary restrictions, and any other relevant details. Give them access to your emergency contacts and financial resources. Most importantly, empower them to make decisions on your behalf. Let your children know that the caregiver has your full trust and support, and that they should listen to and respect their decisions.
Communication is key. Establish clear communication channels between you, your children, and the caregiver. Set up regular video calls or phone calls to stay in touch. Encourage your children to share their thoughts and feelings with you and the caregiver. Create a system for tracking their progress in school and their overall well-being. If possible, consider assigning a trusted friend or neighbor as an additional support person. Someone who can check in on your children and the caregiver periodically, offer assistance when needed, and provide an extra layer of security.
Staying Connected While You’re Away
Technology makes it easier than ever to stay connected with your loved ones, no matter where you are in the world. Take advantage of video calls, instant messaging, social media, and email to maintain regular contact with your children. Schedule specific times for video calls to create a sense of routine and predictability. During these calls, focus on quality time. Listen actively to what your children have to say, ask them about their day, and share details about your own life.
Don’t just talk about the mundane things. Share your feelings, tell them you miss them, and remind them how much you love them. Send them photos and videos of your surroundings, your work, and your daily activities. This helps them feel like they’re a part of your life, even though you’re far away. Encourage them to send you photos and videos as well. Seeing their faces and hearing their voices will help you feel connected to them, too.
Consider creating a shared online journal or blog where you and your children can write about your experiences, thoughts, and feelings. This can be a great way to stay connected and create lasting memories. You can also send them handwritten letters or care packages with small gifts and mementos. These tangible reminders of your love and affection can mean a lot, especially during difficult times.
Addressing Feelings of Guilt and Sadness
It’s perfectly normal to feel guilty about leaving your children behind. You might worry that you’re not being a good parent, that you’re missing out on important moments in their lives, or that you’re causing them emotional distress. Acknowledge these feelings and allow yourself to grieve. Don’t try to suppress them or pretend they don’t exist. Talk to your spouse, family, friends, or a therapist about your feelings. Sharing your burdens with others can help you feel less alone and more supported.
Remind yourself why you made the decision to work abroad in the first place. Focus on the positive impact your income will have on your family’s future. Celebrate the small victories along the way, such as reaching financial goals or receiving positive feedback from your children’s teachers. Take care of yourself physically and emotionally. Eat healthy foods, get enough sleep, exercise regularly, and engage in activities you enjoy. When you’re feeling good, you’ll be better able to cope with the challenges of being an OFW and to support your children from afar.
Also, remember that your children are resilient. They will adapt to the situation and find ways to cope with your absence. Trust them to adjust and grow. Focus on building a strong and loving relationship with them, even from a distance. The quality of your relationship is more important than the quantity of time you spend together.
Preparing For Your Return: Reintegration
Your return home is a significant event, but it’s important to manage expectations and prepare for a period of readjustment. Things will have changed while you were away. Your children will have grown, your family dynamics may have shifted, and you may find it challenging to fit back into your old routines. Don’t expect everything to be perfect right away. Give yourself and your family time to adjust to the new normal.
Before you return, talk to your spouse or caregiver about what to expect. Find out about any significant changes that have occurred in your children’s lives, such as new friends, hobbies, or academic challenges. Prepare yourself for the possibility that your children might initially be ambivalent about your return. They might be happy to see you, but they might also be hesitant to disrupt the routines they’ve established in your absence.
When you arrive home, don’t try to take over everything at once. Gradually reintegrate yourself into family life. Spend quality time with your children, listen to their stories, and show them that you’re genuinely interested in their lives. Re-establish your role as a parent and work with your spouse or caregiver to create a consistent and supportive environment. Be patient and understanding, and remember that it takes time to rebuild relationships and establish new routines.
Consider seeking professional help if you’re struggling to adjust to life back home. A therapist or counselor can help you and your family navigate the challenges of reintegration and build stronger, healthier relationships. Remember, prioritizing your family’s well-being is the most important thing you can do.
Financial Planning and Management
One of the primary reasons for working abroad is to improve your family’s financial situation. It’s crucial to develop a sound financial plan and manage your money wisely. Start by setting clear financial goals, such as paying off debt, saving for your children’s education, investing in your own retirement, or purchasing a home. Create a budget that aligns with your goals and track your expenses regularly. Make sure you’re saving a significant portion of your income and investing it wisely. Consider seeking advice from a financial advisor to help you develop a personalized investment strategy.
Send money home regularly and ensure that it’s being used for its intended purpose. Communicate openly with your spouse or caregiver about your financial goals and expectations. Involve your children in the family’s financial planning, when appropriate. Teach them about the importance of saving, budgeting, and responsible spending. Help them understand the value of money and the sacrifices you’re making to provide for them.
Be wary of scams and fraudulent schemes that target OFWs. Never give money to strangers or invest in ventures that seem too good to be true. Do your research and seek advice from trusted sources before making any financial decisions. Remember, your hard-earned money is meant to secure your family’s future. Protect it wisely.
The Power of Positive Reinforcement
During your absence, your children might face challenges and temptations that could affect their behavior. Remember to use positive reinforcement as much as possible. Recognize and praise them for their achievements and good behavior. Write them letters of encouragement and give them small rewards when they reach their goals. Let them know that you are proud of them and that you believe in them.
Even from a distance, you can have a significant impact on your children’s lives. Be a role model for them by demonstrating hard work, perseverance, and a positive attitude. Teach them the importance of education, honesty, and respect for others. Show them that you value their opinions and that you are always there to support them, no matter what. Encourage them to pursue their dreams and to never give up on their goals.
Most importantly, let your children know that your love for them is unconditional. No matter what happens, you will always be their parent, and you will always be there for them. That love is the greatest gift you can give them, and it will help them through the toughest times.
Leveraging Technology For Remote Parenting
Beyond basic video calls, explore other technological tools that can help you be a more involved parent from afar. Consider using shared calendar apps to keep track of your children’s schedules, appointments, and activities. Utilize collaborative document platforms to help them with their homework or school projects. Use educational apps and games to make learning fun and engaging.
Take advantage of online resources and communities for parents of OFWs. Connect with other families in similar situations to share experiences, exchange advice, and offer support. Join online forums or social media groups dedicated to OFW parenting. Attend online workshops or webinars on topics related to child development, parenting skills, and family communication.
Be mindful of your children’s online safety. Monitor their internet usage and teach them about responsible online behavior. Discuss the risks of cyberbullying, online predators, and inappropriate content. Encourage them to communicate with you about any concerns or problems they encounter online. Use parental control software to filter content, block access to harmful websites, and monitor their online activities. Protect your children from the dangers of the internet, while still allowing them to benefit from its many educational and social opportunities.
Cultivating Independence and Responsibility
Your absence can actually be an opportunity for your children to develop greater independence and responsibility. Encourage them to take on age-appropriate chores and tasks around the house. Give them opportunities to make decisions and solve problems on their own. Teach them essential life skills, such as cooking, cleaning, laundry, and basic budgeting. Help them develop good study habits and time management skills.
Assign them specific responsibilities for their own well-being, such as managing their schoolwork, maintaining their personal hygiene, and taking care of their belongings. Empower them to take ownership of their lives and to become self-sufficient individuals. Provide them with the support and guidance they need to succeed, but avoid hovering or micromanaging their activities. Trust them to make good choices and to learn from their mistakes.
Remember that independence and responsibility are essential building blocks for future success. By encouraging these qualities in your children, you’re not only preparing them for life during your absence, but you’re also setting them up for a bright and prosperous future.
When Things Get Tough: Seeking Professional Guidance
Despite your best efforts, there may be times when your children struggle with your absence. They might exhibit behavioral problems, experience academic difficulties, or withdraw emotionally. Don’t hesitate to seek professional help if you’re concerned about your children’s well-being. Consult with a school counselor, pediatrician, or therapist to get an expert assessment of the situation.
Explain your concerns to them thoroughly. They can provide guidance and support to help you and your children overcome the challenges you’re facing. They may recommend individual therapy, family counseling, or support groups for children of OFWs. Follow their advice and be actively involved in the treatment process. Remember, seeking professional help is a sign of strength, not weakness. It shows that you care deeply about your children and that you’re willing to do whatever it takes to support them.
Also, consider seeking support for yourself. Being an OFW can be emotionally challenging, and it’s important to take care of your own mental health. Talk to a therapist or counselor about your feelings of guilt, sadness, or loneliness. Participate in support groups for OFWs. Connect with other people who understand your experiences and can offer encouragement and understanding. Remember, you can’t pour from an empty cup. Take care of yourself so you can better support your children.
Maintaining Cultural Connections
While working abroad, make a conscious effort to maintain your children’s connection to their Filipino heritage. Speak to them in your native language, teach them about Filipino traditions and customs, and celebrate Filipino holidays. Share stories about your own childhood and your experiences growing up in the Philippines. Cook traditional Filipino dishes and listen to Filipino music together. Send them books, movies, and other cultural materials from the Philippines.
Encourage them to connect with other Filipino families in your community or online. Join Filipino cultural organizations or participate in Filipino community events. Consider sending them to the Philippines for short visits to spend time with their relatives and experience Filipino culture firsthand. By maintaining their cultural connections, you’re helping your children develop a strong sense of identity and belonging. You’re also ensuring that they don’t lose touch with their roots and the values that are important to your family.
Planning for the Future: Long-Term Goals
Working abroad is often a temporary solution to a long-term problem. It’s important to have a plan for the future, including when you plan to return home permanently. Set a timeline for your return and work towards achieving your financial goals within that timeframe. Invest wisely and save diligently so you can build a secure financial foundation for your family’s future. Consider starting a business in the Philippines or pursuing other opportunities that will allow you to work closer to home.
Talk to your children about your long-term goals and involve them in the planning process. Explain to them why you’re working abroad and what you hope to achieve. Help them understand that your absence is temporary and that you’re working hard to create a better future for them. Reassure them that you will eventually return home and that you will always be a part of their lives.
By planning for the future, you’re not only providing for your family’s financial security, but you’re also giving them hope and something to look forward to. You’re demonstrating that you’re committed to their well-being and that you’re willing to make sacrifices to ensure their future success.
FAQ Section
Here are some frequently asked questions that aim to help you prepare your OFW journey concerning your kids:
Q: How do I explain to my very young child (3-5 years old) why I need to work abroad?
A: Keep it simple and focus on the positive. Say something like, “Mommy/Daddy is going to work far away to earn money so we can buy your favorite toys/food/clothes.” Reassure them that you’ll always love them and that you’ll come back to visit. Use pictures and calendars to help them visualize the time you’ll be gone.
Q: My teenager is angry and resentful about me leaving. How can I address their feelings?
A: Acknowledge their anger and validate their feelings. Let them know that it’s okay to be upset and that you understand their frustration. Listen to their concerns without interrupting or judging. Explain the financial reasons behind your decision and emphasize that it’s not a reflection of your love for them. Spend quality time with them before you leave and reassure them that you’ll stay connected.
Q: What if my child refuses to talk to me during video calls?
A: Don’t take it personally. They might be feeling overwhelmed or sad. Try different approaches to engage them. Ask simple, open-ended questions about their day. Show interest in their hobbies and activities. Read them a story or sing them a song. Be patient and persistent, and eventually, they’ll come around.
Q: How do I deal with the guilt of missing important events in my child’s life?
A: Acknowledge your feelings of guilt and remind yourself why you made the decision to work abroad. Focus on the positive impact your income will have on your family’s future. Celebrate the small victories along the way. Stay connected with your children’s lives as much as possible through photos, videos, and communication with their caregiver. Plan to attend important events whenever you can.
Q: What if I suspect my child is being neglected or mistreated by their caregiver?
A: Trust your instincts and take action immediately. Talk to your child and try to gather more information about what’s happening. If you have concerns about their safety or well-being, contact the authorities or a social worker. Consider making alternative arrangements for their care, such as sending them to live with another family member or hiring a different caregiver.
References
Bagasao, J. (2019). The Psychosocial Well-Being of Children of Overseas Filipino Workers (OFWs): A Systematic Review. Philippine Journal of Psychology, 52(2), 167-188.
Battistella, G., & Conaco, M. C. (1998). The impact of labour migration on the children left behind: A study of elementary school children in the Philippines. Scalabrini Migration Center.
Parrenas, R. S. (2005). Children of global migration: Transnational families and gendered woes. Stanford University Press.
It’s not just about working hard; it’s about making sure your family feels loved and supported every step of the way. Are you ready to take these steps and strengthen your bond with your children, even from afar? Reach out to support groups, build a plan with your family, and turn this challenge into a testament of your love and dedication. Because at the end of the day, what matters most is the well-being of your children and the strength of your family unit.
