Being an Overseas Filipino Worker (OFW) means making huge sacrifices, one of the biggest being time with your children. But even with the distance, you can still raise kids who are strong, independent, and kind. This isn’t about replacing your presence, it’s about making your influence felt, no matter how far away you are.
Understanding Resilience: What It Means for OFW Kids
Resilience is like a bouncing ball. When something tough happens, a resilient person can bounce back up. For kids in OFW families, this is super important because they face unique challenges. Think about it: missing a parent, dealing with changes in caregivers, and sometimes even moving to a new place if the working parent decides to bring them along. According to a study by the Philippine Statistics Authority, millions of Filipinos work abroad, leaving behind families who need to adapt. Resilience helps these kids cope with these changes, manage their feelings, and keep moving forward even when things get hard. It’s not about being fearless, but about having the tools to face fears and keep trying. Being resilient also means that children can learn to adapt to changes more effectively, and develop a more positive outlook on life despite the challenges of parental absence due to overseas work.
Building Independence: Skills for Self-Sufficiency
Independence is all about being able to do things on your own. Now, we’re not talking about kids living completely alone! We mean giving them age-appropriate tasks and responsibilities so they can learn to handle things without constant help. For younger children, this could be picking up their toys, getting dressed, or packing their own snacks for school. For older kids, it could be doing chores like laundry or cooking simple meals, managing their allowance, or even helping younger siblings with their homework. It’s about giving them the chance to make choices and see the consequences of those choices (within safe boundaries, of course!). Don’t swoop in to fix everything immediately. Let them try to solve problems themselves, even if it takes longer or they make mistakes. Mistakes are actually great teachers!
For example, let’s say your child is struggling with a math problem. Instead of giving them the answer, ask them questions like, “What have you tried so far?” or “Can you show me how you started solving it?” This helps them think through the problem and find the solution themselves. If you’re an OFW, you might not be physically there to help, but you can still guide them over video call or by sending them helpful resources online. Websites like Khan Academy offer free lessons and tutorials on a wide range of subjects. Encourage them to seek out these resources and learn independently.
Nurturing Empathy: Seeing the World Through Others’ Eyes
Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of others. It’s about putting yourself in someone else’s shoes and imagining what it’s like to be them. This is especially important for children in OFW families, as they may be dealing with their own feelings of sadness or loneliness, and it’s crucial for them to also be aware of and sensitive to the feelings of others around them, including those of the remaining parent or guardians. One way to teach empathy is by talking about feelings openly. When your child is upset, ask them to explain why they’re feeling that way. Listen without judgment and validate their feelings, even if you don’t agree with them. You can say things like, “I understand why you’re feeling sad” or “It’s okay to be angry.” Also, encourage them to consider how their actions affect others. For instance, if they’re fighting with a sibling, ask them, “How do you think your sister feels when you say those things to her?”
Reading books and watching movies together can also be a great way to develop empathy. Choose stories that feature characters from different backgrounds or who are facing challenges. Talk about the characters’ feelings and motivations. Ask your child questions like, “Why do you think she did that?” or “How do you think he felt in that situation?” You can even use real-life situations as teachable moments. If you see someone being bullied at school, talk to your child about how that person might be feeling and what they could do to help. Remember, empathy is a skill that takes time and practice to develop, but it’s one of the most important things you can teach your child.
The Role of the Remaining Parent or Guardian
The parent or guardian who stays behind plays a vital role in your child’s development. They are the rock, the constant presence, and the primary caregiver. It’s incredibly important that they are supported and empowered to do their job effectively. As an OFW, you can do this by: Maintaining open and frequent communication. Schedule regular video calls with your child and the remaining parent or guardian. Use this time to check in with them, offer encouragement, and provide support. Be understanding and flexible. Recognize that the remaining parent or guardian is likely juggling many responsibilities. Be patient and understanding when things don’t go exactly as planned. Offer practical assistance. If possible, send money for household expenses or hire help with chores like cleaning or cooking. Show your appreciation to your family by sending gifts when you can. It can be a small token for when you miss important occasions to show you are thinking of them. Most importantly, remind your family of the reasons why you’re working abroad. Remind them that it’s for your family’s better future and to support their dreams. Emphasize that you are a team. Let the children know you are all sacrificing for each other.
Communicating Effectively Across the Distance
Communication is key to maintaining strong family relationships when you’re working abroad. But it’s not enough to just talk at your child; you need to talk with them. This means actively listening, asking open-ended questions, and being present in the moment, even if you’re miles away. Make time for regular video calls. Seeing your face and hearing your voice can make a big difference to a child who’s missing you. During these calls, focus on connecting emotionally. Talk about your day, ask about their day, and share your thoughts and feelings. Avoid distractions. When you’re on a video call with your child, put away your phone and give them your undivided attention. This shows them that you value their time and that you’re truly interested in what they have to say. Be patient and understanding. It’s not always easy for children to express their feelings, especially when they’re dealing with the absence of a parent. Be patient and give them time to open up. Use different communication methods. In addition to video calls, you can also communicate with your child through text messages, emails, or even handwritten letters. This can help you stay connected in different ways and make them feel loved and supported.
For example, instead of just asking “How was your day?”, try asking “What was the best thing that happened today?” or “What was something challenging that you faced today?”. This encourages them to think more deeply about their experiences and share more details with you. It’s also important to actively listen to what they have to say. Don’t interrupt them or try to solve their problems immediately. Just listen and let them know that you’re there for them.
Addressing Feelings of Loss and Grief
It’s normal for children in OFW families to experience feelings of loss and grief due to the absence of a parent. These feelings can manifest in different ways, such as sadness, anger, anxiety, or even behavioral problems. It’s important to acknowledge these feelings and provide your child with a safe space to express them. Never dismiss their feelings. Don’t tell them to “stop being sad” or “just be happy.” Instead, validate their feelings by saying things like, “I understand why you’re feeling sad” or “It’s okay to be angry.” Listen without judgment. Let your child talk about their feelings without interrupting or criticizing them. Just listen and let them know that you’re there for them. Encourage healthy coping mechanisms. Help your child find healthy ways to cope with their feelings, such as talking to a trusted adult, writing in a journal, playing sports, or engaging in creative activities. Seek professional help if needed. If your child is struggling to cope with their feelings, consider seeking professional help from a therapist or counselor. They can provide your child with the support and guidance they need to navigate these difficult emotions. Explain why you have to work away from home and reassure kids that it is not their fault. Tell them how much you miss them and talk about the things you would do together when you will be back, and make sure you do them.
For instance, if your child is feeling anxious about your absence, try to reassure them that you’re safe and that you’ll be home soon. You can also talk about the things you’re looking forward to doing together when you return. If your child is feeling angry, help them find healthy ways to express their anger, such as talking to a therapist, exercising or doing art. You can also try to set up regular virtual calls where you can play and have fun together, helping to alleviate some of the stress and loneliness. It is a good example of showing them you care.
Celebrating Cultural Identity and Heritage
Being an OFW family often means being exposed to different cultures and traditions, but it’s important to also celebrate your own cultural identity and heritage. This can help your child develop a strong sense of self and feel connected to their roots. Share your traditions and customs. Teach your child about Filipino traditions, customs, and values. Celebrate Filipino holidays together, even if you’re abroad. Speak your native language. Encourage your child to speak Filipino, either at home or in school. This will help them maintain their connection to their cultural heritage. Share Filipino food, music, and art. Introduce your child to Filipino cuisine, music, and art. This can be a fun and engaging way to learn about their culture. Connect with other Filipino families. Seek out other Filipino families in your community or online. This can provide your child with a sense of belonging and help them connect with others who share their cultural background.
Think about cooking Filipino dishes together, listening to Filipino music, or watching Filipino movies. You can also share stories about your childhood and your own experiences growing up in the Philippines. If you’re living abroad, consider joining a Filipino community group or attending Filipino cultural events. This can help your child connect with other Filipinos and learn more about their culture. Participating in Filipino Community events such as Sinulog (Cebu), Ati-Atihan (Aklan), Panagbenga (Baguio) helps children and families stay actively involved.
Building a Support Network
No one can do it all alone, especially when raising children in an OFW family. It’s important to build a strong support network of family, friends, and community members who can provide assistance and guidance. Identify your support system. Think about the people in your life who can offer you support, such as your spouse, parents, siblings, friends, neighbors, and colleagues. Communicate your needs. Let your support network know what kind of help you need, whether it’s help with childcare, errands, or emotional support. Reciprocate. Be willing to offer support to others in your network as well. This will help strengthen your relationships and create a sense of community. Seek out community resources. There are many community resources available to OFW families, such as support groups, counseling services, and financial assistance programs. Don’t be afraid to reach out for help. It takes strength to ask for help, and you don’t have to go through this alone. Most importantly, ask for reliable help. The remaining parent who may be working as well needs someone they can trust. Consider the children’s needs too, especially someone the child is both comfortable and happy with.
For example, if you’re struggling with childcare, ask a trusted friend or family member to watch your child for a few hours a week. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, talk to a therapist or counselor. If you’re having financial difficulties, contact a social service agency for assistance. There are many people who care about you and want to help you succeed. Reach out and let them know what you need.
Financial Literacy: Teaching Kids About Money
Teaching your children about financial literacy is crucial; it is a key life skill that will serve them well, especially in the context of OFW families where financial sacrifices are often made. Explain the value of money. Help your children understand where money comes from and how it’s earned. Talk about your job and the hard work you do to provide for the family. Teach them about budgeting. Show your children how to create a budget and track their spending. This will help them understand where their money is going and how to make informed financial decisions. Encourage saving. Teach your children the importance of saving money for future goals, such as college, a car or travel. Help them set up a savings account and track their progress. Discuss debt. Explain the concept of debt and the importance of avoiding it. Talk about the potential consequences of taking on too much debt. Differentiate between needs and wants. It is important for children to know the difference between the things they need and want. This will help them make responsible spending decisions.
For instance, instead of just giving your child money whenever they ask for it, try giving them an allowance and letting them manage their own spending. You can also involve them in family budgeting discussions and show them how you make financial decisions. A good example is sitting with your child when paying bills. Help explain to them how much things cost, like electricity, education, or food, and why paying on time is so important. You can also assign them chores with an associated reward. This promotes financial responsibility.
The Importance of Routine and Structure
When a parent is away, children often thrive on routine and structure. It provides a sense of stability and predictability, which can be especially important during times of change. Create a daily schedule. Establish a consistent daily schedule for your child, including mealtimes, bedtime, schoolwork, and playtime. This will help them feel more secure and in control. Set clear expectations. Make sure your child understands what is expected of them in terms of behavior and responsibilities. This will help them avoid confusion and reduce conflict. Enforce rules consistently. Apply rules consistently and fairly. This will help your child understand the consequences of their actions and learn to make responsible choices. Provide opportunities for fun and relaxation. Make sure your child has opportunities to relax and enjoy themselves. This can help them relieve stress and maintain a positive attitude. The remaining parent should also maintain healthy sleeping habits given the stress involved with taking care of the family. Avoid caffeine when possible.
For example, create a visual schedule for younger children, using pictures to represent different activities. For older children, create a written schedule and post it in a central location. Make sure the schedule is realistic and flexible, so it can be adjusted as needed. It helps to have the children help create the schedule, too. Talk about how to deal with conflicts such as missed call schedules due to work. Consider making adjustments to the existing schedule.
Leveraging Technology Responsibly
Technology can be a powerful tool for connecting with loved ones and accessing information, but it’s important to use it responsibly. It offers both temptations and potential pitfalls. Establish screen time limits. Set limits on how much time your child spends using electronic devices each day. This will help them avoid screen addiction and promote healthy habits. Monitor their online activity. Keep track of your child’s online activity and make sure they are not accessing inappropriate content or engaging in cyberbullying. Educate them about online safety. Teach your child about online safety, including how to protect their personal information and how to avoid scams. Encourage them to use technology for learning and creativity. Help your child find educational apps, websites, and programs that can support their learning and development. Promote face-to-face interaction. Encourage your child to spend time with friends and family in person. This will help them develop social skills and build strong relationships. Most importantly, it’s important to be present when the child is using technology. Parents should check the people they’re talking to online and become familiar with mobile and online activities. A great example is playing online games with your kids.
For example, set up parental controls on your child’s devices to block inappropriate content. Talk to them about the dangers of sharing personal information online and teach them how to identify and avoid scams. Encourage them to use technology to create art, music or videos. Most importantly, take an active interest in their online activities and be there to support them if they encounter any problems.
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ)
How can I deal with my child’s separation anxiety when I leave for work abroad?
It’s understandable for a child to feel anxious when a parent leaves. Start preparing them for your departure well in advance. Talk about it openly and honestly, explaining why you need to work abroad. Reassure them that you love them very much and that you’ll be in regular contact. Create a special ritual that you can do together before you leave, such as reading a favorite book or singing a song. During this difficult time, offer them a transitional object like a stuffed animal or shirt with the parent’s scent to help them feel at ease.
My child is acting out and misbehaving since I left. What should I do?
Acting out is often a sign that a child is struggling to cope with their emotions. Try to understand what’s causing their behavior. Are they feeling sad, angry, or anxious? Talk to them about their feelings and validate their emotions. Set clear expectations and consequences for their behavior. Be consistent and fair in your discipline. Spend quality time with them, even if it’s just for a few minutes each day. Focus on connecting with them emotionally and letting them know that you care. It also helps to talk to their teachers or anyone who interacts with the child outside the house. This can help to give insights on how to care for the child better.
How can I stay involved in my child’s education while I’m working abroad?
There are many ways to stay involved in your child’s education, even when you’re far away. Communicate regularly with their teachers and school administrators. Attend school events virtually if possible. Help your child with their homework and projects remotely. Use technology to stay connected with them and monitor their progress. Encourage them to read and learn about different subjects. Show them that you value their education and that you’re invested in their success. Celebrate education-related milestones and accomplishments.
What can I do if my child starts to resent me for working abroad?
It’s natural for a child to feel resentful if they feel like you’re putting work before them. Acknowledge their feelings and validate their emotions. Explain to them why you’re working abroad in a way that they can understand. Emphasize that you’re doing it for the family’s benefit and that you love them very much. Spend quality time with them whenever possible, even if it’s just for a few minutes each day. Focus on connecting with them emotionally and letting them know that you care. Remind them of special occasions and milestones.
How do I ensure my child grows up with a strong sense of Filipino culture and values despite being raised abroad?
Immerse your child in Filipino culture wherever you are. Speak Filipino at home, cook Filipino food, celebrate Filipino holidays, and share stories about your heritage. Connect with other Filipino families in your community or online. Encourage your child to learn about Filipino history, art, and music. Visit the Philippines whenever you have the opportunity. By exposing your child to Filipino culture and values, you can help them develop a strong sense of identity and pride in their roots. You can also send them to the Philippines for a short time to learn about their heritage.
References
Philippine Statistics Authority. (various years). Survey on Overseas Filipinos.
Ready to Take Action?
You’re already doing an amazing job by providing for your family. Now, take that dedication a step further. Start by setting aside just 30 minutes this week for a dedicated video call with your child, focused solely on their feelings and experiences. Then, try implementing one small change from this article, like involving them in a simple budgeting activity or creating a visual schedule together. Remember, even small steps can make a big difference in raising resilient, independent, and empathetic children. You’ve got this!
