Being an OFW family is tough. One of the biggest challenges is separation anxiety – that feeling of worry and sadness when a loved one (like a mom, dad, brother, or sister) goes abroad to work. It’s normal to feel this way, but it’s important to find healthy ways to cope so everyone in the family can stay strong and connected. This article is here to help you understand separation anxiety and give you practical tips to manage it.
Understanding Separation Anxiety in OFW Families
Separation anxiety is more than just missing someone. It’s a real emotional response that can affect your thoughts, feelings, and even your body. For children, it might show up as clinginess, crying, or trouble sleeping. Teens may become withdrawn, irritable, or anxious about school. Adults, including the OFW themselves and the family members left behind, could experience sadness, loneliness, and worry about finances or the well-being of their loved ones. Knowing what signs to look for is the first step in dealing with it effectively.
Think about it like this: when a parent leaves to work overseas, the child’s world changes. The familiar routine is disrupted, and the child may feel insecure. They might worry, “Will Mommy come back?” or “Who will take care of me like Daddy did?” These are valid fears. The same goes for the spouse left behind. They’re now responsible for everything – the kids, the house, the bills – and they might feel overwhelmed and alone. According to a study reported by the Philippine Statistics Authority on Overseas Workers (PSA), a significant portion of Filipino households rely on remittances from OFWs, highlighting the economic impact of their absence, but often overlooking the emotional costs.
Causes and Triggers of Separation Anxiety
Several things can trigger separation anxiety in OFW families. Of course, the initial departure is a big one but other causes include:
- Anniversaries and Holidays: Times like birthdays, Christmas, and anniversaries can be particularly hard because everyone feels the absence more keenly.
- Difficult Events: If someone in the family gets sick, has problems at school, or experiences any kind of crisis, the OFW’s absence can feel even more painful.
- Financial Worries: Uncertainty about money can add to the stress and anxiety, especially if the OFW is the main breadwinner.
- Changes in Routine: Any changes to the family’s usual schedule or lifestyle can disrupt equilibrium and trigger feelings of insecurity.
- Communication Problems: Difficulties in communicating with the OFW (e.g., spotty internet, different time zones) can increase anxiety about their safety and well-being.
Imagine a child whose birthday is coming up. They might be excited, but also sad that their parent won’t be there to celebrate with them. Or picture a mother who’s struggling to help her child with their schoolwork while also managing the household. She might wish her husband were there to share the load. These are just some of the real-life scenarios that can trigger separation anxiety in OFW families.
Practical Tips for Managing Separation Anxiety
Okay, so what can you do to help? Here are some practical, easy-to-understand tips:
1. Open and Honest Communication
Talk, talk, talk! Don’t keep your feelings bottled up. Whether you’re a child, a teenager, or an adult, it’s important to express what you’re feeling. Encourage everyone in the family to share their worries, fears, and sadness. Create a safe space where no one feels judged for expressing their emotions. A simple “How are you feeling today?” can go a long way.
For example, instead of saying, “I’m fine,” when you’re clearly not, try saying, “I’m feeling a bit lonely today because I miss Dad. But I know he’s working hard for us.” This opens the door for a conversation and allows others to offer support. Don’t forget to use technology to stay connected. Video calls, messaging apps, and social media can help bridge the distance and make the OFW feel like they’re still part of everyday life. Schedule regular video calls so everyone can see each other and stay updated on what’s happening. Even short, daily check-ins can make a big difference.
2. Establish and Maintain Routines
Routines are your friends! They bring a sense of stability and predictability, which can be very comforting during times of separation. Stick to regular mealtimes, bedtimes, and school schedules. Continue family traditions, even if the OFW can’t physically be there. Perhaps you can find ways to include them virtually, like having them participate in family movie night via video call. Consistency helps everyone feel more secure and reduces anxiety.
Think about it: if a child knows that every Saturday is movie night, they have something to look forward to. It gives them a sense of normalcy and helps them feel connected to the family. And if the OFW can join via video call, even better! This creates a feeling of togetherness despite the distance.
3. Create a Visual Connection
Out of sight doesn’t have to mean out of mind. Display photos of the OFW prominently in the house. Create a scrapbook or photo album filled with memories. Make a “countdown calendar” for when the OFW will be home. These visual reminders help keep the connection alive and provide a sense of comfort. Some families even create a special “OFW corner” in the house, filled with photos, souvenirs, and other reminders of their loved one.
Another idea is to record video messages for each other. The OFW can record a bedtime story for the kids, or family members can record messages of support and encouragement. These videos can be watched and re-watched whenever someone is feeling down.
4. Finding Ways to Occupy Your Time
Idle hands (and minds) can lead to anxious thoughts. Find healthy ways to keep yourself busy and distracted. Engage in hobbies, volunteer work, exercise, or social activities. Join a support group for OFW families. This is a great way to connect with others who understand what you’re going through and share tips and advice. Being active and engaged helps take your mind off your worries and boosts your mood.
Instead of sitting at home feeling sad, consider joining a book club, taking a cooking class, or volunteering at a local charity. These activities not only keep you busy but also help you meet new people and build a support network. Exercise is also a fantastic way to reduce stress and improve your overall well-being. Even a simple walk in the park can do wonders for your mood.
5. Celebrate Milestones Together (Even Virtually)
Don’t let the distance stop you from celebrating important milestones together. Use technology to participate in birthdays, graduations, holidays, and other special events. Send gifts, cards, and messages of support. Plan a virtual party or gathering. Even though you can’t be physically together, you can still create meaningful memories and celebrate each other’s accomplishments. Set up a video call, send a heartfelt message, or even coordinate a surprise delivery to make the OFW feel loved and appreciated.
Imagine a child graduating from elementary school. The OFW parent can’t be there in person, but they can participate in the ceremony via video call. They can even prepare a speech or message to be read aloud. This shows the child that their parent is still involved and invested in their life. Or maybe the OFW can coordinate with family and friends to send a surprise gift or card to the graduate.
6. Take Care of Your Physical Health
When you’re stressed and anxious, it’s easy to neglect your physical health. But it’s important to eat healthy, get enough sleep, and exercise regularly. These things can have a big impact on your mood and energy levels. Avoid unhealthy coping mechanisms like excessive drinking or overeating. Prioritize self-care and make time for activities that help you relax and recharge. A good night’s sleep, a nutritious meal, and a brisk walk can do wonders for your mental and emotional state. It’s hard to be there for others when you are yourself run down and depleted.
7. Be Patient and Understanding
Dealing with separation anxiety takes time and effort. There will be good days and bad days. Be patient with yourself and with your family members. Acknowledge that it’s okay to feel sad, lonely, or anxious. Remember that everyone is doing their best to cope with a difficult situation. Offer support and encouragement to each other. Forgive yourselves and each other for any mistakes or shortcomings.
8. Seek Professional Help When Needed
Sometimes, despite your best efforts, separation anxiety can become overwhelming and difficult to manage on your own. If you’re experiencing severe symptoms like panic attacks, depression, or persistent anxiety, don’t hesitate to seek professional help. A therapist or counselor can provide you with tools and strategies to cope with your emotions and improve your overall well-being. There are many resources available, including online therapy, support groups, and mental health hotlines.
For the OFWs: Taking Care of Yourself
It’s easy to focus on the family back home, but OFWs also need to take care of themselves. Here are some tips to stay emotionally healthy while working abroad:
- Stay Connected: As we’ve mentioned, regular communication is key. But beyond just talking, try to be present and engaged during conversations. Really listen to what your family is saying and show them that you care.
- Build a Support System: Find friends and colleagues in your new country who you can confide in and spend time with. Combat loneliness by actively participating in communities.
- Maintain a Routine: Just like at home, a routine can provide stability and comfort. Try to eat healthy meals, get enough sleep, and exercise. Set aside time for things you enjoy.
- Manage Expectations: Remember that you can’t solve every problem from afar. Focus on what you can control and let go of what you can’t.
- Set Realistic Financial Goals: Financial pressure can add to your stress. Create a budget and stick to it. Don’t feel pressured to send more money home than you can afford. Consider consulting a financial advisor like the Bangko Sentral ng Pilipinas (BSP) for financial planning.
- Prioritize Self-Care: Just like your family back home, you deserve to feel good. You can’t pour from an empty cup.
The Role of Community and Support Groups
Being part of a community can make a huge difference in managing separation anxiety. Sharing experiences with other OFW families, participating in local Filipino organizations, or joining online support groups through trusted organizations could help, since this can foster a sense of belonging and reduce feelings of isolation. These groups provide a safe space to share your feelings, learn coping strategies, and receive support from others who understand what you’re going through. You’re not alone in this journey; many others are experiencing the same challenges. Consider attending community events, volunteering your time, or simply connecting with other Filipinos in your area.
There are many Filipino cultural organizations and community centers worldwide that offer programs and services specifically for OFW families. These organizations can provide emotional support, language assistance, cultural events, and other resources. Check for legitimate groups in your locality that promote the welfare of OFWs for valuable information and guidance.
Addressing Children’s Specific Needs
Children’s emotional resilience should be prioritized by the guardians. Remember that children experience separation anxiety differently depending on their age. Younger children may not fully understand why their parent is gone and may become clingy or irritable. Older children and teenagers may feel embarrassed or resentful. It depends on how the child processes information, and the way to process these feelings is largely dependent on the adults around them.
Here are some tips for addressing children’s specific needs:
- Young Children: Use simple language to explain why their parent is away. Reassure them that they are loved and safe/ Read books about separation anxiety or find age-appropriate videos that can address their fears. Provide extra attention and cuddles to help them feel secure.
- Older Children and Teenagers: Acknowledge their feelings and validate their experiences. Encourage them to express their emotions through writing, drawing, or talking to a trusted adult. Provide them with opportunities to connect with their parent through video calls or messages. Help them develop coping skills, such as engaging in hobbies or spending time with friends. As the older one, guide them with your own experience in terms of processing emotions.
Ultimately, open communication is essential. Talk to your children regularly about how they are feeling and address their concerns. Reassure them that their parent loves them and will always be there for them, even from afar. Encourage them to maintain a positive attitude and focus on the good things in their lives.
Potential Long-Term Effects of Separation Anxiety
It is important to be aware of the potential long-term effects of separation anxiety if it is not addressed properly. Prolonged periods of separation can have a negative impact on the emotional well-being of both the OFW and their family members. Children may experience difficulties with attachment, self-esteem, and social development. Adults may struggle with loneliness, depression, and relationship problems. To mitigate these risks, prioritize open communication, create strong support networks, and seek professional help when needed. Regularly assess the emotional well-being of all family members and address any concerns promptly.
Long term separation also can lead to resentment and miscommunication regarding finances or time allocation when the OFW parent returns. Ensure to speak about these potential issues before they get out of hand. Some OFWs struggle with feelings of guilt, isolation, or even feeling alienated because of the experiences they gained away from immediate family. Having a family support system can help the OFW be re-integrated back to “normal” life.
Consider family therapy to address the underlying issues contributing to their emotional responses. Focus on creating a supportive and understanding environment where everyone feels comfortable expressing their feelings and needs.
FAQ Section
Here are some frequently asked questions about separation anxiety in OFW families:
Q: How can I tell if my child is experiencing separation anxiety?
A: Look for signs like clinginess, crying, difficulty sleeping, stomach aches, headaches, irritability, withdrawal, or changes in appetite. If you notice these symptoms consistently, talk to your child and seek professional help if needed.
Q: What can I do if my spouse is feeling lonely and depressed while working abroad?
A: Encourage them to stay connected with family and friends, engage in hobbies, and seek professional help if needed. Remind them of their value and support their efforts to take care of their mental and physical health.
Q: How can I cope with the financial stress of being an OFW family?
A: Create a budget, track your expenses, and save for the future. Seek financial advice from a trusted source. Explore opportunities to increase your income, such as taking on a part-time job or starting a small business. Prioritize needs over wants and avoid unnecessary spending.
Q: What are some healthy coping mechanisms for separation anxiety?
A: Engage in activities you enjoy, such as reading, listening to music, spending time in nature, or practicing relaxation techniques. Connect with friends and family, join a support group, or volunteer in your community. Prioritize self-care and make time for activities that help you relax and recharge.
Q: How can I maintain a strong relationship with my spouse while they are working abroad?
A: Prioritize communication, make time for regular video calls and messages, and express your love and appreciation. Find ways to connect emotionally, such as sharing your thoughts and feelings, reminiscing about good times, and planning for the future. Trust each other and support each other’s goals and dreams.
Q: My child blames me for my OFW Parent’s decision. What should I do?
A: Validate your child and allow them to express their feelings, without judgement. Remind them that the decision to work overseas was made together for the family’s benefit. However, do not force the decision; instead, empathize with their experience. Help them see the bigger picture and reassure them that you are there for them no matter what.
Q: What should I do if I suspect my partner OFW abroad is having an affair?
A: Address the situation with open communication and calm discussion. Address these issues with trust, even if it feels difficult. Share your concerns and encourage them to express themselves honestly. If the relationship is suffering, consider counselling to address the problems constructively.
References
Philippine Statistics Authority. (n.d.). Labor Force Survey.
Bangko Sentral ng Pilipinas.
Note: This section is only for reference purposes. Do not include links. Consult a health professional for a full treatment diagnosis.
A Final Thought
Dealing with separation anxiety as an OFW family isn’t easy, but it’s definitely possible to thrive. By communicating openly, establishing routines, staying connected, and taking care of yourselves, you can build a strong and resilient family. Remember, you’re not alone. There are many resources available to support you. Now is the perfect time to start implementing these tips and strategies in your own life. Talk to your family, make a plan, and take action. You’ve got this!
