Raising resilient kids is tough, period. Doing it as an Overseas Filipino Worker (OFW), separated by distance and time zones, adds another layer of complexity. This guide offers practical tips and insights to help you navigate this unique challenge and build strong, capable children, even from afar.
Understanding Resilience: What It Really Means for OFW Kids
Resilience isn’t about being invincible. It’s about bouncing back from tough times, learning from mistakes, and adapting to change. For kids of OFWs, this often means coping with parental absence, adjusting to different caregivers, and dealing with feelings of loneliness or anxiety. It’s about developing the inner strength to face these challenges head-on. Building resilience prepares our children for any circumstance, whether we are there or not. The World Bank, in its report on migration and development, highlights the significant emotional and psychological impacts on children left behind, emphasizing the need for targeted support to foster their resilience.
Think of it like this: imagine a bamboo tree. In a storm, a rigid tree might snap, but the flexible bamboo bends, survives, and thrives. We want our kids to be like that bamboo, able to weather any storm.
The Unique Challenges Faced by Children of OFWs
The struggles are real. You’re working hard to provide a better future, but the distance takes a toll. Children of OFWs often grapple with feelings of abandonment, even if they understand the reasons behind your absence. They might struggle with academic performance due to lack of direct parental guidance, experience social difficulties, or develop anxiety and low self-esteem.
Moreover, the absence of a parent can disrupt the family dynamic. The remaining parent or guardian may be overwhelmed with responsibilities, leading to inconsistent discipline or less time for emotional support. Sibling rivalry might intensify as children compete for attention. It’s crucial to acknowledge these challenges and address them proactively. It’s about understanding this reality and finding ways to compensate and fill this gap. The Asian Development Bank has noted that children of migrant workers sometimes struggle academically compared to their peers, highlighting the importance of educational support programs.
Building a Strong Foundation: Communication is Key
Even across oceans, communication is your lifeline. Here’s how to make it count:
Schedule regular calls or video chats. Don’t just call when you have time; make it a consistent part of your routine. Even 15-20 minutes of focused conversation can make a huge difference. Set specific times for calls so your child knows when to expect you, creating a sense of stability.
Be present, even virtually. When you’re on a call, put away distractions. Focus on your child, listen attentively, and ask open-ended questions. Show genuine interest in their lives, their friends, their schoolwork, and their hobbies. It makes them feel heard and valued.
Talk about your life too. Don’t just focus on their problems; share your experiences, your challenges, and your triumphs. Let them see you as a real person, not just a provider. This helps them understand your world and feel more connected to you.
Use technology creatively. Send voice notes, share photos and videos, or even play online games together. Find ways to bridge the distance and make your presence felt.
Write letters or send small care packages. These tangible expressions of love can be incredibly meaningful, especially for younger children. Include handwritten notes, photos, or small gifts that remind them of you. It doesn’t have to be expensive – the thought counts.
Choosing the Right Caregiver: A Critical Decision
The person you entrust your child to is a crucial piece of the resilience puzzle.
Consider a close family member. Grandparents, aunts, or uncles often provide a sense of stability and familiarity. They are more likely to share your values and parenting style.
Look for someone with experience and patience. Caring for children requires a special set of skills. Choose someone who is patient, understanding, and capable of handling the challenges of raising a child.
Communicate your expectations clearly. Discuss your parenting style, your rules, and your expectations for your child’s behavior. Make sure the caregiver understands and agrees to enforce them consistently.
Stay involved in the caregiver-child relationship. Check in regularly with both the caregiver and your child. Ask about their interactions, their challenges, and their successes.
Provide ongoing support and resources. Offer the caregiver financial support, emotional support, and access to resources or training that might be helpful. The better equipped they are, the better they can care for your child.
Create a support system. No one can do it alone. Enlist the help of other family members, friends, or neighbors to provide additional support and supervision. The more eyes and ears you have, the better.
Fostering Independence and Responsibility
Resilient children are independent and responsible. As an OFW, you can foster these qualities even from afar.
Assign age-appropriate chores. Giving your child responsibilities around the house teaches them valuable life skills and makes them feel like a contributing member of the family.
Encourage problem-solving. When your child comes to you with a problem, don’t just solve it for them. Guide them through the process of finding a solution themselves. Ask questions, offer suggestions, and empower them to take ownership of their challenges.
Set clear expectations and consequences. Children thrive when they have clear boundaries and understand the consequences of their actions. Be consistent in enforcing rules and providing rewards for good behavior.
Encourage them to pursue their interests. Nurture their talents and passions by providing opportunities for them to explore their interests. This helps them develop a sense of purpose and self-esteem.
Teach them about financial responsibility. As an OFW, you’re likely sending money home regularly. Involve your child in discussions about finances, teach them the importance of saving, and give them opportunities to manage their own money. This will prepare them for a financially secure future.
Building a Strong Support Network for Your Child
No child should feel alone. Help your child build a strong network of support.
Encourage them to participate in extracurricular activities. Sports, clubs, and other activities provide opportunities for children to make friends, develop new skills, and build self-confidence. Look for activities that align with their interests and talents.
Facilitate connections with other children of OFWs. Connecting with other children who understand their unique challenges can be incredibly validating and supportive. Look for support groups or online communities where they can share their experiences and connect with others.
Encourage relationships with positive role models. Surround your child with positive influences, such as teachers, coaches, or community leaders. These individuals can provide guidance, support, and encouragement.
Stay connected with your child’s school. Attend parent-teacher conferences, volunteer in the classroom, and communicate regularly with your child’s teachers. This shows your child that you value their education and are invested in their success.
Family gatherings can serve as emotional support. Encourage your children to engage often with positive family relations. Encourage family reunions, birthday celebrations, and other occasions when family members are present.
The Importance of Emotional Intelligence
Emotional intelligence is the ability to understand and manage your own emotions, as well as the emotions of others. It’s a critical skill for resilience.
Teach your child to identify and name their emotions. Help them develop a vocabulary for describing their feelings. When they’re feeling sad, angry, or frustrated, encourage them to talk about it and identify what’s causing those feelings.
Help them develop coping mechanisms. Teach them healthy ways to deal with difficult emotions. This might include deep breathing exercises, journaling, talking to a trusted adult, or engaging in a relaxing activity.
Model healthy emotional expression. Show your child how to express your own emotions in a healthy and constructive way. Talk about your feelings, your challenges, and your triumphs. Let them see you as a real person who experiences a range of emotions.
Encourage empathy and compassion. Teach your child to understand and appreciate the perspectives of others. Encourage them to treat others with kindness and respect, even when they disagree.
Practice active listening. When your child is talking to you, give them your full attention. Listen attentively, ask clarifying questions, and validate their feelings. This shows them that you care about what they have to say and that their emotions are important to you.
Addressing Feelings of Guilt and Loneliness
As an OFW, you might experience feelings of guilt and loneliness. It’s normal. Acknowledging these feelings and addressing them in a healthy way is important for both your well-being and your child’s.
Acknowledge your feelings. Don’t try to suppress or ignore your emotions. Acknowledge that it’s okay to feel guilty or lonely.
Talk to someone you trust. Share your feelings with a friend, family member, or counselor. Talking about your experiences can help you process your emotions and find healthy coping mechanisms.
Focus on the positive. Remind yourself of the reasons why you’re working abroad. Focus on the benefits that your work provides for your family.
Stay connected with your community. Join OFW support groups or online communities. Connecting with others who understand your experiences can be incredibly validating and supportive.
Practice self-care. Take care of your physical and emotional well-being. Get enough sleep, eat healthy foods, exercise regularly, and engage in activities that you enjoy.
Long-Term Planning: Preparing for Your Return
Your time as an OFW won’t last forever. Plan for your eventual return and how to reintegrate back into your family life.
Save wisely. Set financial goals and stick to them. Save a portion of your income each month so you can build a financial cushion for your return.
Invest in your skills. Take advantage of opportunities to learn new skills or improve your existing ones. This will make you more marketable when you return home.
Maintain close ties with your family. Stay connected with your family and participate in their lives as much as possible. This will make the transition back home easier.
Prepare your children for your return. Talk to them about your plans and help them understand what to expect. Reassure them that you’re coming home for good and that you’re excited to be reunited with them.
Seek professional guidance if needed. Consider seeking professional help from a therapist or counselor to address any emotional or psychological challenges that you or your children may be facing.
Dealing with Culture Shock Upon Returning Home
Returning home can be a shock, even if you’re excited. You and your children may experience culture shock as you readjust to life in the Philippines. Be patient and understanding with yourselves.
Be prepared for changes. The Philippines may have changed since you left. Be open to new experiences and be willing to adapt to new ways of doing things.
Give yourself time to adjust. Don’t expect to feel completely settled right away. It takes time to readjust to a new environment.
Connect with your community. Reconnect with old friends and family members. Get involved in community activities. This will help you feel more connected and supported.
Talk to someone you trust. Share your experiences with a friend, family member, or counselor. Talking about your feelings can help you process your emotions and find healthy coping mechanisms.
Focus on the positive. Remind yourself of the reasons why you returned home. Focus on the benefits of being reunited with your family and living in your own country.
FAQ Section
Q: How often should I call my child?
Consistency is key. Aim for daily short calls or video chats if possible. If that’s not feasible, schedule calls at least 3-4 times a week. The most important thing is to make it a regular part of your routine, so your child knows when to expect you.
Q: My child is angry with me for being away. What should I do?
Acknowledge their feelings. Let them know that you understand why they’re angry and that it’s okay for them to feel that way. Don’t dismiss their feelings or try to talk them out of them. Apologize for your absence and reassure them of your love. Spend quality time with them when you can, even if it’s just virtually.
Q: How can I help my child with their schoolwork from afar?
Stay in touch with their teachers, review their assignments online if possible, and encourage them to ask for help when they need it. Set up a designated study area and establish a routine for homework. Consider hiring a tutor or asking a family member to provide additional support.
Q: My child is being bullied. What should I do?
Listen to your child and validate their feelings. Reassure them that it’s not their fault and that you’re there to support them. Work with their school to address the bullying situation. Teach your child assertive communication skills and encourage them to seek help from a trusted adult.
Q: How can I create a stronger bond with my child despite the distance?
Focus on quality over quantity. Make every communication count. Be present, listen attentively, and show genuine interest in their lives. Share your own experiences and feelings. Send small gifts or handwritten letters. Plan special activities to do together when you do see them in person.
References
The World Bank
Asian Development Bank
Instead of concluding, let’s reframe this separation. You’re not just working abroad; you’re investing in your child’s future and, most importantly, the development of their resilient mindset. Think of the incredible stories you’ll share upon your return, the lessons you’ve learned that you can pass on. This journey, though challenging, is shaping you and your child into stronger human beings. Keep striving. Keep communicating. Keep loving. Your sacrifices are not in vain.
