Having a parent working far away, especially in another country (an Overseas Filipino Worker or OFW), can be tough on kids. They face unique emotional challenges that need understanding and care. This article explores the feelings these children often have, and what we can do to help them thrive.
Understanding the Emotional Challenges
Imagine your mom or dad suddenly living thousands of miles away. It’s not easy, right? For OFW children, this separation can bring a mix of feelings. Let’s break down some of the most common ones.
Loneliness & Sadness
This is probably the most obvious. Imagine holidays, birthdays, or even just regular weekdays without your mom or dad around. It’s natural to feel lonely and miss them terribly. Studies have shown that children in absent-parent families often report higher rates of loneliness and emotional distress. It’s not just about the physical absence; it’s about missing shared experiences, bedtime stories, and simply having them there for comfort.
Anxiety & Fear
When a parent is far away, kids might start worrying about their safety. What if something happens to them? What if they can’t come home? This anxiety can show up in different ways, like trouble sleeping, stomach aches, or becoming extra clingy to the remaining parent or caregiver. Some children might even develop separation anxiety, fearing abandonment. This anxiety can also be exacerbated by news reports or stories about dangers faced by OFWs. You can help ease this fear by constantly assuring them that you can always communicate with their parents.
Resentment & Anger
Sometimes, kids get angry. They might be angry at the parent who left, even though they understand why. They might feel like their parent chose work over them. This anger can be directed inwards, leading to feelings of guilt or worthlessness, or outwards, resulting in behavioral problems at school or at home. It’s valid to feel angry, and it’s important to acknowledge those feelings. A child feeling angry might say, “Why did Mom/Dad have to leave? Why couldn’t they find a job here?”
Guilt & Responsibility
Some kids feel guilty, thinking they did something to make their parent leave. Even if they know logically that it wasn’t their fault, the feeling can still be there. They might also feel an increased sense of responsibility to help around the house or take care of younger siblings. While responsibility can be good, too much pressure can be overwhelming. For example, an elder sibling might feel pressured to perform well academically to make up for the absent parent.
Identity Confusion
Growing up without a parent can sometimes lead to identity confusion, especially during adolescence. They might struggle with questions like “Who am I without my mom/dad here to guide me?” or “What kind of future do I want?” This can manifest as difficulty making decisions, experimenting with different identities (e.g., changing their style drastically), or struggling with self-esteem. Some may feel disconnected from their culture, especially if their parent working abroad is highly connected to their culture.
What Can We Do To Help?
Knowing the challenges is the first step. Now, let’s talk about what family, friends, and the community can do to support OFW children.
Open Communication is Key
Create a safe space where kids can talk about their feelings without judgment. Let them know it’s okay to be sad, angry, or confused. Listen actively, showing empathy and understanding. Avoid dismissing their feelings or telling them to “be strong.” Instead, validate their emotions by saying things like, “I understand why you’re feeling sad. It’s hard not having your mom here.” Encourage them to express themselves through journaling, art, or talking to a trusted adult like a teacher, counselor, or relative. Regular communication with the OFW parent is also crucial, using video calls, messaging, or even handwritten letters.
Maintaining Strong Family Bonds
Make sure the remaining parent or caregiver is actively involved in the child’s life. This includes attending school events, helping with homework, and spending quality time together. Strong family bonds provide a sense of stability and security, counteracting the feelings of abandonment. If the remaining parent is also working, it’s essential to find reliable and trustworthy caregivers. Grandparents, aunts, and uncles can play a vital role in providing emotional support and a sense of continuity. Regular family activities, even simple things like eating dinner together or watching a movie, can strengthen connections. Create rituals and traditions to maintain a sense of normalcy.
Encouraging Social Connections
Encourage the child to participate in extracurricular activities, join clubs, or play sports. These activities provide opportunities to connect with peers, build friendships, and develop social skills. Strong social connections can buffer against feelings of loneliness and isolation. Support their friendships by inviting friends over for playdates or sleepovers. If the child is shy, help them find activities that align with their interests, making it easier to connect with like-minded peers. Also, teach them social skills like initiating conversations and resolving conflicts. This promotes self-confidence and feelings of belonging.
Leveraging Technology for Connection
Technology can play a huge role in keeping OFWs connected with their children. Regular video calls are essential. But beyond just talking, try incorporating fun activities into these calls. Share stories, play games online, or even do homework together. Ensure the child has access to reliable internet and devices. Teach them how to use communication apps safely and responsibly. Furthermore, explore other virtual activities like watching movies together online or visiting virtual museums. Be aware of the time difference and schedule calls at times that work for both the OFW and the child.
Seeking Professional Help When Needed
Sometimes, the emotional challenges are too much for a child to handle alone. Don’t hesitate to seek professional help from a therapist or counselor. A professional can provide a safe and supportive space for the child to process their feelings and develop coping mechanisms. Look for therapists who specialize in working with children from OFW families. Be open and honest with the therapist about the challenges the child is facing. Furthermore, consider family therapy sessions involving both the child and the remaining parent or caregiver. A school counselor can also provide initial support and guidance.
Addressing Financial Concerns Openly
Children are often aware of the financial sacrifices their parents are making. Openly discuss the family’s financial situation in an age-appropriate way, avoiding overwhelming them with details. Explain why the OFW parent is working abroad and how their income benefits the family. Involve them in small financial decisions, such as saving for a specific goal. For example, let them help choose between buying a new toy or putting the money towards a family vacation. This gives them a sense of control and understanding. Also, emphasize that their parent’s love is not measured by financial contributions. Remind them that their parent works hard to improve the family’s lives because they love them.
Celebrating Cultural Identity
Ensure the child maintains a strong connection to their cultural heritage. This can be achieved through food, language, traditions, and celebrations. If the OFW parent is from a different culture, incorporate that culture into the child’s life as well. Learning the OFW parent’s language, attending cultural events, and cooking traditional dishes can foster a sense of pride and belonging. Read stories and watch movies that celebrate the child’s heritage. Connect with other families from the same cultural background to create a supportive community. This can help the child feel a sense of identity and belonging, especially during times of separation.
Encouraging Independence and Resilience
Help the child develop independence and resilience by giving them age-appropriate responsibilities. Encourage them to solve problems on their own and to learn from their mistakes. Praise their efforts and accomplishments, even small ones. Teach them coping mechanisms for dealing with stress and disappointment, such as deep breathing exercises, mindfulness techniques, or engaging in hobbies. Celebrate their successes and remind them of their strengths. Help them develop a positive self-image and a belief in their ability to overcome challenges. This is important since they will be without the full time presence of one parent figure.
Involving OFWs in Key Decisions Even While Abroad
As much as possible, consider involving OFWs in important decisions related to the children’s lives. The OFW has the right to be involved even when away. It can be as simple as which books to purchase, or more important decisions that affect their future. Keeping the OFW’s insight will help the child maintain a sense of connection and that their parent still cares.
Real-World Examples
Let’s look at some examples of how these strategies can be applied in real life.
- Example 1: Maria, a 10-year-old, started having nightmares after her mother left to work in Singapore. Her grandmother, who was caring for her, started a nightly ritual of reading Maria’s favorite stories and talking about happy memories with her mother. They also started video calling Maria’s mother every evening for a few minutes to say goodnight. This helped Maria feel more secure and reduced her nightmares.
- Example 2: Jose, a teenager, became withdrawn and started skipping school after his father left to work in Saudi Arabia. His aunt, a guidance counselor, noticed the change in his behavior and encouraged him to join the school basketball team. Jose initially resisted, but eventually agreed. He thrived on the team, making new friends and regaining his motivation.
- Example 3: Elena, a 6-year-old, frequently asked her mother, who worked in Hong Kong, when she was coming home. Her father created a visual calendar with pictures representing important events, like birthdays and holidays. He marked the day her mother was scheduled to return with a big heart. This helped Elena understand the passage of time and reduced her anxiety.
The Importance of Community Support
Supporting OFW children is not solely the responsibility of their families. Communities play a crucial role in providing support and creating a sense of belonging. Schools, churches, and community organizations can offer programs and activities designed to address the unique needs of these children. This can include support groups, mentorship programs, and academic tutoring.
Local government units can also implement policies and programs to support OFW families, such as providing financial assistance for education or healthcare. Furthermore, raising awareness about the emotional challenges faced by OFW children can help reduce stigma and encourage greater empathy and understanding. Building a supportive and inclusive community for OFW children is essential for their well-being and success.
FAQ Section
Here are some frequently asked questions about OFW children and their emotional needs.
What if my child refuses to talk about their feelings?
Don’t force them. Instead, create opportunities for them to express themselves indirectly, through activities like drawing, writing, or playing. You can also try talking about your own feelings to model vulnerability. The point is to be patient and persistent. With time, they may feel more comfortable opening up.
How do I deal with my child’s anger towards the OFW parent?
Acknowledge their anger and validate their feelings. Let them know it’s okay to be angry. Avoid defending the OFW parent or telling them to “forgive” them. Encourage them to express their anger in a healthy way, such as through exercise, creative activities, or talking to a trusted adult. Eventually, they may feel better after they come to terms with it.
My child is constantly asking when the OFW parent is coming home. What should I say?
Be honest and realistic. Avoid making promises you can’t keep. Give them a concrete timeline if possible, but also explain that plans can change. Focus on what you can do together in the meantime to stay connected with the OFW parent. Create a visual calendar or countdown to help them understand the passage of time.
How can I help my child maintain a strong relationship with the OFW parent?
Encourage regular communication through video calls, messages, and letters. Suggest activities they can do together virtually, such as playing games, watching movies, or reading stories. Share photos and updates about the OFW parent’s life and work. Celebrate special occasions together, even from a distance.
My child is struggling academically after the OFW parent left. What should I do?
Talk to their teacher or school counselor to identify any learning difficulties or emotional challenges. Provide extra support with homework and studying. Create a quiet and distraction-free study environment. Encourage them to participate in extracurricular activities to boost their confidence and motivation. If necessary, consider tutoring or other academic interventions.
How can I balance my own needs as a parent/caregiver with the needs of the OFW child?
It’s important to prioritize your own well-being. Take time for yourself to relax and recharge. Seek support from friends, family, or a therapist. Set realistic expectations for yourself and don’t be afraid to ask for help. Remember that taking care of yourself will enable you to better care for your child.
What resources are available for OFW children and families?
Many organizations offer support services for OFW families, including counseling, financial assistance, and educational programs. Local government units may also have programs and services available. A good starting point to search could be the Overseas Workers Welfare Administration (OWWA). Additionally, you can join online communities and support groups to connect with other OFW families and share experiences and resources.
What can teachers do to support OFW children in the classroom?
Teachers can create a supportive and understanding classroom environment. Be aware of the emotional challenges OFW children may face and be sensitive to their needs. Promote open communication and provide opportunities for them to share their experiences. Offer extra support with academic work and encourage peer support. Communicate regularly with the child’s caregiver to coordinate support efforts.
References
- Scales, P. C., Benson, P. L., Leffert, N., & Blyth, D. A. (2000). Contribution of developmental assets to the prediction of thriving among adolescents. Applied Developmental Science, 4(1), 27-46.
- Amato, P. R. (2000). The consequences of divorce for adults and children. Journal of Marriage and the Family, 62(4), 1269-1287.
- Bhugra, D., & Becker, M. A. (2005). Migration, cultural bereavement and cultural identity. World Psychiatry, 4(1), 18.
- Parreñas, R. S. (2005). Children of global migration: Transnational families and gendered woes. Stanford University Press.
The information provided in this article is intended for general knowledge and informational purposes only, and does not constitute medical, legal, or other professional advice. It is essential to consult with qualified professionals for specific guidance tailored to individual circumstances.
If you are an OFW parent or caregiver, you can also find free resources online, such as guides, checklists, and workshops. These guides contain helpful information on ways you can support your child from abroad.
Want to Make a Real Difference in an OFW Child’s Life?
The separation caused by OFW work is a reality for many Filipino families. As you’ve read, it presents unique emotional challenges for children. But understanding these challenges is just the first step. Will you take the next step and become a source of support and strength for these kids? You can make a lasting difference, by showing them they are not alone, by actively listening to their experiences, and by creating a safe and supportive environment. Every act of kindness, every word of encouragement, and every moment of presence can have a profound impact. Let’s work together to ensure that OFW children not only survive but thrive, despite the distance. Start today by reaching out to an OFW family in your community or sharing this article with others. Together, we can build a brighter future for these resilient children.
