Being an Overseas Filipino Worker (OFW) is tough, especially when it comes to raising kids from afar. It’s a balancing act of providing for your family financially while making sure your children grow up with the right values, a strong sense of identity, and a close connection to you, even across the miles. This article is packed with practical tips and advice to help you navigate this unique parenting journey.
Understanding the Challenges: OFWs and Their Children
One of the biggest hurdles OFWs face is the distance. You’re not there for everyday moments – the school plays, the scraped knees, the bedtime stories. This can lead to feelings of guilt for you and feelings of abandonment for your children. A study by the Scalabrini Migration Center shows that children of OFWs sometimes experience emotional and psychological challenges due to parental absence. Many kids of OFWs feel a sense of sadness and longing because they don’t have their parents to guide guidance and love in person. It’s important to acknowledge these feelings and find ways to bridge that gap.
Another challenge is maintaining Filipino culture and values. When children grow up in a different environment, they might be more influenced by their peers and the culture around them. It’s vital to make a conscious effort to teach them about Filipino traditions, language, and history, so they stay connected to their roots.
Building Strong Connections from Afar: Communication is Key
Regular communication is the lifeline of any relationship, especially when distance is involved. Thanks to technology, we have more ways than ever to connect with our loved ones. Video calls, messaging apps, and even social media can help you stay in touch. But it’s not just about how often you communicate, but the quality of that communication. According to a research from the International Labour Organization (ILO), maintaining regular and meaningful communication is essential for OFWs to mitigate the impacts of separation on their families.
Make it a Routine: Schedule regular video calls with your kids. It could be daily, weekly, or even a few times a week, depending on your schedule and their availability. Treat these calls like important appointments that you wouldn’t miss. This sets a routine and shows your kids that they are a priority. During these calls, don’t just ask about school. Ask about their friends, their hobbies, their dreams, and their worries. Be a good listener.
Share Your Life: Don’t just talk to them; talk with them. Share stories about your life abroad – your work, your colleagues, your experiences. This helps them understand your world and feel more connected to you. Send pictures and videos of your surroundings. Let them see your apartment, your workplace, and the places you visit. This can help them visualize your life and feel like they are a part of it.
Write Letters: In the age of instant messaging, a handwritten letter can be a powerful gesture. It’s a tangible reminder of your love and care. You can send postcards, drawings, or even small gifts along with your letters. It shows that you took the time and effort to create something special for them.
Instilling Filipino Values: Keeping the Culture Alive
Raising your children with a strong sense of Filipino identity is crucial. It gives them a sense of belonging and helps them understand their heritage. This is especially important when they are growing up in a foreign culture. Here are some ways to maintain your Filipino culture.
Speak the Language: Encourage your children to speak Tagalog or your regional dialect. Even if they are not fluent, teaching them basic phrases and vocabulary can help them connect with their roots. Watch Filipino movies and TV shows together. Listen to Filipino music. Read Filipino books and stories. This exposes them to the language and culture in a fun and engaging way. The Commission on Filipinos Overseas (CFO) has resources available online to help promote Filipino language and culture among overseas Filipinos.
Celebrate Filipino Holidays: Even if you’re not in the Philippines, you can still celebrate Filipino holidays like Christmas, New Year, and Independence Day. Cook traditional Filipino dishes, decorate your home with Filipino symbols, and share the stories behind these holidays. This helps your kids understand and appreciate their cultural heritage. You also create meaningful family traditions that they will cherish for years to come.
Share Filipino Stories: Tell your children stories about your childhood in the Philippines, your family’s history, and Filipino folklore. This helps them connect with their past and understand where they come from. Share stories about Filipino heroes and historical events. This instills a sense of pride and patriotism. Share your own experiences and stories about the Philippines. Let them know the challenges and triumphs that define your Filipino experience.
The Role of the Guardian: Strengthening the Support System
While you’re away, your children are being cared for by a guardian – a grandparent, relative, or family friend. It’s essential to build a strong relationship with this person and work together as a parenting team. The guardian is the person who stands in for you in your physical absence, so it is important to involve them in your parenting decisions.
Open Communication: Maintain open and honest communication with the guardian. Discuss your parenting values, your expectations for your children, and any concerns you might have. Make sure you’re on the same page when it comes to discipline, education, and other important matters. Regular check-ins are essential. Discuss your children’s progress, any challenges they might be facing, and how you can work together to support them. Use video calls to involve the guardian in your conversations with your children. This helps them feel like they are a part of the family.
Recognize Their Effort: Being a guardian is a difficult job. Show your appreciation for their hard work and dedication. Send them gifts, offer to help with household chores when you visit, and let them know how grateful you are for their support. Consider providing financial assistance to the guardian, especially if they are sacrificing their own time and resources to care for your children. This shows that you value their contribution and helps them provide the best possible care for your kids.
Empower the Guardian: Trust the guardian to make decisions on your behalf when you’re not available. Give them the authority to discipline your children, attend school meetings, and handle emergencies. This empowers them to act as a parent figure and provides stability and consistency for your kids. Remember, the guardian is your partner in raising your children. By working together, you can create a loving and supportive environment for them, even when you’re miles away.
Financial Literacy: Teaching the Value of Money
As an OFW, you work hard to provide for your family. It’s important to teach your children the value of money and how to manage it responsibly. Financial literacy is a crucial life skill that will benefit them in the long run. A study by the Bangko Sentral ng Pilipinas (BSP) reveals that financial literacy among Filipinos is relatively low. It’s important to start teaching your kids about money early on.
Start Early: Even young children can understand the concept of saving and spending. Give them a small allowance and teach them how to budget. Encourage them to save a portion of their allowance for something they want. This teaches them the importance of delayed gratification and helps them develop good saving habits. Involve them in family finances. Let them see how much things cost and how you make financial decisions.
Lead by Example: Show your children how you manage your money responsibly. Let them see you saving, budgeting, and investing. This is the best way to teach them good financial habits. Avoid impulsive purchases and demonstrate the value of making informed financial decisions. Explain your financial goals and how you are working towards them. This helps them understand the importance of planning for the future.
Teach them to Earn: Encourage your children to earn their own money through chores or part-time jobs. This teaches them the value of hard work and helps them appreciate the money they earn. Help them find age-appropriate jobs or opportunities to earn money. This could be anything from doing household chores to tutoring younger students. This teaches them valuable skills and helps them become more responsible.
Discipline and Guidance: Setting Boundaries from Afar
Disciplining children from afar can be challenging, but it’s not impossible. It’s crucial to have clear rules and expectations and to be consistent with enforcing them. Consistency is essential when it comes to discipline. Make sure the guardian is enforcing the same rules and following the same disciplinary methods as you would. This provides stability and consistency for your children.
Establish Clear Rules: Work with the guardian to establish clear and consistent rules. Make sure your children understand these rules and the consequences of breaking them. Involve your children in the rule-making process. This helps them feel ownership of the rules and makes them more likely to follow them. Post the rules in a visible place, such as the refrigerator or a bulletin board. This serves as a constant reminder of the expectations.
Use Positive Reinforcement: Reward good behavior and achievements. This is more effective than punishment in the long run. Praise your children for their efforts and accomplishments. Let them know how proud you are of them. Offer small rewards for good behavior, such as extra playtime or a special treat.
Address Problems Directly: When problems arise, address them directly with your children. Don’t rely solely on the guardian to handle discipline. Talk to them about their behavior, explain why it’s wrong, and help them understand the consequences. Use video calls to discuss disciplinary issues with your children. This allows you to see their reactions and have a more personal conversation. Work with the guardian to develop a consistent disciplinary plan. This ensures that your children are receiving the same message from both of you.
Technology and Social Media: Navigating the Digital World
In today’s world, technology and social media play a significant role in our lives, especially for young people. As an OFW parent, it’s important to guide your children in using these tools responsibly and safely. The Internet Watch Foundation provides resources and information about online safety for children.
Set Boundaries: Establish clear rules about screen time and social media use. Monitor your children’s online activity and talk to them about the dangers of cyberbullying and online predators. Help them understand the importance of protecting their privacy and avoiding risky online behavior. Regularly check their social media accounts and online activity. This helps you identify any potential problems and address them before they escalate.
Promote Critical Thinking: Teach your children to be critical thinkers when it comes to online information. Help them understand how to identify fake news, misinformation, and scams. Encourage them to verify information from multiple sources before believing it. Teach them to be skeptical of online information and to question the sources of information they encounter. This helps them develop critical thinking skills and avoid falling prey to misinformation.
Encourage Real-World Connections: Encourage your children to spend time offline and to engage in real-world activities. This helps them develop social skills, build relationships, and explore their interests. Encourage them to participate in sports, hobbies, and other activities that they enjoy. This helps them build social connections and develop a well-rounded personality. Limit screen time and encourage them to spend time with family and friends in person.
Addressing Emotional Needs: Being There When It Matters Most
Children of OFWs often experience a range of emotions, including sadness, loneliness, and anxiety. It’s important to be there for them emotionally and to provide them with the support they need. Empathy and understanding are crucial. Try to understand the challenges your children face and be supportive of their feelings. The National Research Council (US) and Institute of Medicine (US) report highlights the emotional challenges faced by children in single-parent families which also applies to OFW families.
Validate Their Feelings: Let your children know that it’s okay to feel sad, angry, or frustrated. Validate their feelings and let them know that you understand what they’re going through. Listen to their concerns and provide them with comfort and reassurance. Avoid dismissing their feelings or telling them to “get over it.” This can make them feel like their emotions are not important. Instead, acknowledge their feelings and let them know that you are there for them.
Be Available: Make yourself available to your children, even when you’re busy. Set aside time each day to talk to them and listen to their concerns. Let them know that they can always come to you with their problems. Be present and attentive when you are talking to them. Put away your phone, turn off the TV, and give them your undivided attention. This shows them that you value their thoughts and feelings.
Seek Professional Help: If your children are struggling with emotional or psychological problems, don’t hesitate to seek professional help. A therapist or counselor can provide them with the support and guidance they need. Talk to the guardian about your concerns and work together to find a qualified professional. Be supportive of your children throughout the therapy process and let them know that you are there for them. There are Teletherapy options available that could serve as alternatives for children of OFWs.
Preparing for Your Return: Making the Transition Smooth
Returning home after a long period of working abroad can be an exciting but also challenging time for both you and your children. It’s important to prepare for this transition and to make the adjustments as smooth as possible. The Department of Social Welfare and Development (DSWD) offers programs and services to help returning OFWs reintegrate into Philippine society.
Open Communication: Talk to your children about your return and what they can expect. Discuss any changes that might occur in their lives, such as a new school or a new routine. Be honest and transparent about your expectations and your hopes for the future. Involve them in the planning process and let them voice their opinions and concerns. This helps them feel prepared and reduces anxiety.
Gradual Transition: Don’t try to change everything overnight. Give your children time to adjust to your presence and to get used to your new role in their lives. Start with small changes and gradually introduce new routines and expectations. Be patient and understanding and avoid putting too much pressure on them. Let them know that you are there to support them throughout the transition.
Re-establish Your Role: Gradually re-establish your role as a parent and take on more responsibilities. Attend school events, help with homework, and participate in family activities. Be present and involved in your children’s lives and let them know that you are committed to being there for them. This helps them feel secure and loved and strengthens your bond with them.
Frequently Asked Questions
How can I deal with the guilt of being away from my children?
Acknowledge your feelings and remind yourself that you are working hard to provide for your family’s future. Focus on the quality of your interactions with your children, even if you can’t be there physically. Seek support from other OFWs or family members who understand what you’re going through.
How can I ensure that my children are safe online?
Set clear rules about screen time and social media use. Monitor your children’s online activity and talk to them about the dangers of cyberbullying and online predators. Install parental control software and teach them how to protect their privacy online.
What if my children resent me for being away?
Acknowledge their feelings and let them know that you understand why they might be upset. Spend quality time with them when you can and show them that you care. Be patient and understanding and try to rebuild your relationship over time. Seek professional help if necessary.
How can I maintain my Filipino culture and traditions while living abroad?
Speak Tagalog or your regional dialect at home. Celebrate Filipino holidays and traditions. Cook Filipino food and share stories about your heritage. Connect with other Filipinos in your community and participate in cultural events.
What are some resources available to help OFWs and their families?
The Overseas Workers Welfare Administration (OWWA), Commission on Filipinos Overseas (CFO), Department of Social Welfare and Development (DSWD), and various non-governmental organizations offer programs and services to support OFWs and their families. These resources can provide financial assistance, counseling, training, and other forms of support.
References
Scalabrini Migration Center. Children Left Behind: The Impact of Migration on the Family.
International Labour Organization (ILO). Impact of Labour Migration on Households: A Review of Evidence.
Bangko Sentral ng Pilipinas (BSP). National Strategy for Financial Inclusion.
National Research Council (US) and Institute of Medicine (US). Parenting Matters: Supporting Parents of Children Ages 0-8. Washington (DC): National Academies Press (US); 2016.
Raising global Filipinos from afar is a challenging but incredibly rewarding journey. It requires dedication, creativity, and a lot of love. By implementing these strategies and staying connected, you can ensure that your children grow up to be well-rounded, successful, and proud of their Filipino heritage. You’ve worked hard to provide for your family! It’s time to equip yourself with the strategies, tips, and insights you need to raise globally-minded, emotionally secure, and culturally connected children. Start implementing these tips today and witness the positive impact on your family. Let’s celebrate your efforts and create a stronger, brighter future for our global Filipinos!
