Being an Overseas Filipino Worker (OFW) is tough. Leaving your family behind to work in a different country is a huge sacrifice. But it doesn’t mean your family bonds have to weaken. You can still build a strong family, even when you’re miles apart. This article will show you how.
Understanding the OFW Family Challenge
Let’s be honest, distance creates challenges. Missing birthdays, graduations, and even everyday moments like sharing dinner or helping with homework. These are all things an OFW misses out on. And it’s not just the OFW who feels the strain. The family back home also deals with loneliness, stress, and the added responsibility of managing everything without their loved one. The Center for Migrant Advocacy Philippines highlights the importance of family support for OFWs’ well-being.
Think about it. The parent left behind has to juggle work, kids, household chores, and often, managing the OFW’s finances. Kids might feel abandoned, even if they understand why their parent is away. Communication can also be a problem. Different time zones, unreliable internet, and simply being too tired to talk can lead to misunderstandings and feelings of isolation. The emotional toll on everyone is real, and it’s important to acknowledge it.
The Building Blocks of a Strong OFW Family
So, how do you fight against these challenges and build a family that’s strong despite the distance? It starts with these key ingredients:
- Open and Honest Communication: Talk, really talk. Don’t just ask “How was your day?” Dig deeper. Share your feelings, your worries, your joys, and your frustrations.
- Quality Time, No Matter the Distance: It’s not just about how much you talk, but how you talk. Make your online conversations meaningful.
- Trust and Respect: This is crucial. Trust your partner and children to make good decisions. Respect their opinions and feelings, even if you don’t always agree.
- Shared Goals and Dreams: Remember why you’re doing this. Keep your family goals in mind – building a house, saving for education, or investing in a business. Work towards these goals together.
- Showing Love and Appreciation: Little gestures can go a long way. Send a thoughtful message, a small gift, or simply say “I love you.”
Communication is King (or Queen!)
Let’s talk more about communication. It’s the lifeline of any relationship, and it’s especially important for OFW families. Start with regular schedules. Even if it’s just for 15 minutes a day, make time for a video call. Consider different time zones and agree on a time that works for everyone. Use technology to your advantage – apps like WhatsApp, Viber, Messenger, and Skype make it easy to stay connected.
But remember, communication is more than just talking. Listen actively. Pay attention to what your family members are saying, both verbally and non-verbally. Ask follow-up questions. Show that you care about what they’re going through. Don’t interrupt, and don’t just wait for your turn to talk. Really listen and try to understand their perspective.
Be open and honest, even when it’s difficult. Don’t hide your struggles or pretend that everything is perfect. Share your worries and your fears with your family. This will help them understand you better and offer support. But also, don’t just focus on the negative. Share your positive experiences too. Tell them about your successes at work, the interesting people you’ve met, and the things you’re learning. This will help them feel more connected to your life abroad.
Avoid nagging or criticizing. This will only create resentment and distance. Instead, focus on encouraging and supporting your family. Offer them praise and encouragement, and let them know that you believe in them. Even if you disagree with something, try to express your feelings in a respectful and constructive way. For example, instead of saying “You’re wasting your money,” try saying “I’m concerned about your spending habits. Can we talk about how we can manage our finances better?”
Example: Maria, an OFW in Dubai, makes it a point to call her daughter every evening before bedtime. She doesn’t just ask about her day; she helps her with her homework, reads her a story, and sings her a lullaby. This helps Maria feel like she’s still a part of her daughter’s life, even though she’s thousands of miles away.
Creating Quality Time Across the Miles
Quality time is essential for maintaining strong family bonds. Just because you’re apart doesn’t mean you can’t spend time together. Get creative! Video calls can be more than just talking. You can:
- Watch a movie together: Use a streaming service like Netflix Party or Disney+ GroupWatch to watch a movie or TV show at the same time.
- Play online games: There are tons of online games that you can play together as a family.
- Cook a meal together: Choose a recipe and cook it together over video call.
- Read a book together: Take turns reading aloud to each other.
- Celebrate birthdays and holidays online: Decorate your home, sing “Happy Birthday,” and open gifts together via video call.
Pro Tip: Schedule “date nights” with your spouse. Dress up, order takeout, and have a romantic dinner over video call. It’s important to keep the romance alive, even when you’re apart.
Example: Jose, an OFW in Saudi Arabia, sends his wife a bouquet of flowers every month. He also plans a “virtual date night” every other week, where they dress up, order their favorite food, and watch a movie together online. These little gestures help them stay connected and keep their relationship strong.
Building Trust and Respect: The Cornerstone of a Strong Family
Trust and respect are the foundation of any healthy relationship, especially for OFW families. When you’re apart, it’s even more important to trust your partner and children to make good decisions. Don’t micromanage their lives from afar. Give them the freedom to make their own choices, even if you don’t always agree with them. This shows that you respect their autonomy and that you believe in their ability to handle things.
Avoid jealousy or suspicion. Trust your partner’s loyalty and commitment. If you have doubts or concerns, talk to them openly and honestly. Don’t let insecurities ruin your relationship. Remember, communication is key to building trust.
Respect each other’s opinions and feelings, even when you disagree. It’s okay to have different perspectives, but it’s important to listen to each other and try to understand where the other person is coming from. Avoid personal attacks or name-calling. Focus on the issue at hand and try to find a solution that works for everyone. Teach your children to respect others as well. Encourage them to listen to different points of view and to treat everyone with kindness and compassion.
Example: Linda, an OFW in Canada, fully trusts her husband to manage their finances back home. She gives him the freedom to make investment decisions and to handle the household budget. She trusts his judgment and knows that he has the best interests of their family at heart. This trust has strengthened their relationship and made them feel more like a team.
Shared Goals and Dreams: Keeping the Family Vision Alive
Having shared goals and dreams is essential for keeping your family united, even when you’re apart. Remember why you decided to become an OFW in the first place. What are you working towards? Is it to build a house, save for your children’s education, or start a business? Keep these goals in mind and work towards them together as a family. Talk about your progress and celebrate your successes.
Involve your children in the planning process. Ask them about their dreams and aspirations. What do they want to achieve in life? Help them set goals and work towards them. This will make them feel like they’re a part of the bigger picture and that their contributions are valued.
Create a vision board together. Cut out pictures and words that represent your goals and dreams. Display the vision board in a prominent place where everyone can see it. This will serve as a constant reminder of what you’re working towards and keep you motivated.
Example: The Reyes family, with the father working in Singapore, has a shared goal of building their dream house. They regularly discuss the progress of the construction, make decisions together about the design and materials, and celebrate each milestone as a family. This shared goal keeps them connected and motivated.
Showing Love and Appreciation: Small Gestures, Big Impact
Don’t underestimate the power of small gestures. Even when you’re apart, you can still show your family how much you love and appreciate them. Send a thoughtful message, a small gift, or simply say “I love you.” These little things can make a big difference in their day and remind them that you’re thinking of them.
Surprise your loved ones with unexpected gifts. Send flowers to your spouse, a new toy to your child, or a care package filled with their favorite snacks. These surprises will show them that you care and that you’re thinking of them, even when you’re not physically present.
Express your gratitude regularly. Thank your spouse for taking care of the family back home. Thank your children for their hard work in school. Let them know that you appreciate their efforts and that you’re proud of them. A simple “thank you” can go a long way in strengthening your relationships.
Celebrate special occasions, even from afar. Send a birthday card, a anniversary gift, or a holiday greeting. Make an effort to be there for your loved ones, even if you can’t be there in person. Technology makes it easy to connect and celebrate together, no matter the distance.
Example: Elena, an OFW in Hong Kong, sends her daughter a handwritten letter every week. She writes about her life in Hong Kong, her work, and her experiences. She also includes words of encouragement and love. Her daughter treasures these letters and reads them over and over again. These letters are a tangible reminder of her mother’s love and help them stay connected.
Addressing the Emotional Needs of Children
Children of OFWs often experience unique emotional challenges. They may feel lonely, abandoned, or resentful towards the parent who is away. It’s important to address these feelings and provide them with the support they need. Talk to your children about your decision to work abroad. Explain why you have to leave and reassure them that you love them very much. Let them know that your absence is not their fault and that you’re doing this for their future.
Make sure your children have a strong support system. Encourage them to talk to a trusted relative, friend, or teacher about their feelings. Provide them with opportunities to connect with other children who are in similar situations. Support groups can be a great way for them to share their experiences and learn coping strategies.
Be present in their lives, even from afar. Attend their school events online, help them with their homework via video call, and celebrate their achievements. Let them know that you’re always there for them, even if you’re not physically present. Schedule regular video calls and make them fun and engaging. Play games, read stories, or just chat about their day. The key is to make them feel loved and connected.
Example: The Santos family, with the father working in Italy, makes sure to involve their children in the planning process for his visits home. The children help decide what activities they will do together, and they create a countdown calendar leading up to his arrival. This helps them feel excited about his visit and makes it a special occasion for the whole family.
Managing Finances Effectively
Financial management is a crucial aspect of being an OFW. It’s important to have a clear plan for how you’ll manage your money and ensure that it’s being used wisely. Create a budget and stick to it. Track your income and expenses, and identify areas where you can save money. Prioritize your spending and focus on essential needs, such as food, shelter, education, and healthcare.
Avoid unnecessary debt. Don’t be tempted to take out loans for things you don’t need. Pay off your existing debts as quickly as possible. High interest rates can eat away at your savings and make it difficult to achieve your financial goals.
Invest wisely. Don’t put all your eggs in one basket. Diversify your investments and consider different options, such as stocks, bonds, mutual funds, and real estate. Seek advice from a financial advisor to help you make informed decisions.
Send remittances regularly. Make sure your family back home has enough money to cover their expenses. Automate your remittances to ensure that they’re sent on time, every time. Consider using a reliable remittance service that offers competitive exchange rates and low fees.
Prepare for your return home. Start saving money for your retirement and other future expenses. Develop a plan for how you’ll reintegrate back into your community. Consider starting a business or pursuing further education to improve your job prospects.
Example: The Garcia family, with the mother working in Japan, has a detailed budget that they follow closely. They track their income and expenses using a spreadsheet, and they meet regularly to review their progress. They have also consulted with a financial advisor to help them invest their money wisely and plan for their future.
Planning for the Future: Reintegration and Beyond
While working abroad, it’s important to start planning for your eventual return home. Think about what you want to do when you come back. Do you want to retire, start a business, or pursue further education? Develop a plan for how you’ll achieve your goals and start taking steps to make them a reality. Begin researching possible business ventures that align with your skills and interests. Attend seminars or workshops to learn more about entrepreneurship. Start saving money for your business startup costs.
If you plan to pursue further education, research different schools and programs. Apply for scholarships or financial aid. Start taking online courses to prepare for your studies. Start thinking about where you want to live. Do you want to stay in your hometown, move to a different city, or retire in the countryside? Build relationships with organizations or potential employers. The Philippine government offers reintegration programs for returning OFWs, details of which can be found on the Overseas Workers Welfare Administration (OWWA) website.
Make sure your family is also prepared for your return. Talk to them about your plans and expectations. Give them time to adjust to the idea of you being back home. Be patient and understanding as you reintegrate back into their lives. Reintegration can be challenging, but with careful planning and communication, it can be a smooth and positive experience for everyone.
Example: Before returning permanently to the Philippines after spending a decade working in Qatar, Mr. Cruz enrolled in a vocational training program to learn about organic farming. Upon arriving home, he used his savings to start a small farm and is now a successful organic farmer, providing a sustainable income for his family.
Seeking Support When Needed
It’s also important to remember that it’s okay to ask for help. Being an OFW and maintaining strong family ties from afar is a demanding task. If you are struggling, don’t hesitate to seek support from friends, family, community organizations, or professional counselors. There are numerous resources available to help OFWs and their families cope with the challenges of distance.
The Philippine Overseas Employment Administration (POEA) provides information and assistance to OFWs, while organizations like OWWA offer various programs focused on welfare and development, including counseling services.
Connecting with other OFW families can also provide emotional support and a sense of community. Sharing experiences and coping strategies with others who understand can be incredibly beneficial. Remember, you are not alone, and seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness.
FAQ
Q: How can I make video calls more engaging for my young children?
A: Try playing games, reading interactive books, or singing songs together. Use puppets or props to make the calls more fun. Keep the calls short and focused to maintain their attention. Regularly change the format and type of interactions to continuously pique and hold your child’s interest during virtual calls.
Q: What can I do if my spouse and I are constantly arguing due to the distance?
A: Schedule regular “check-in” conversations to discuss your feelings and concerns. Practice active listening and try to understand each other’s perspectives. If necessary, consider seeking couples counseling. Avoid emotionally charged conversations when you are tired or stressed.
Q: How do I handle my children’s resentment towards me for working abroad?
A: Acknowledge their feelings and validate their emotions. Spend quality time with them during your visits home. Explain your reasons for working abroad and reassure them of your love and commitment. Never dismiss their feelings, no matter how trivial they seem to you, and actively show empathy and understanding.
Q: What are some ways to save more money as an OFW?
A: Create a budget and track your expenses. Avoid unnecessary spending and focus on your financial goals. Cook your own meals instead of eating out. Look for affordable housing and transportation options. Take advantage of free or low-cost entertainment options. Stay connected with family in the Philippines and avoid unnecessary spending on material items.
Q: Where can I find resources and support for OFW families?
A: You can find information and assistance from organizations like OWWA, POEA, and various non-profit organizations that support OFWs and their families. Online support groups and communities can also provide valuable resources and emotional support. Reach out to the Philippine Embassy or Consulate in your host country for assistance and guidance for the resources that may be available.
References
Center for Migrant Advocacy Philippines
Overseas Workers Welfare Administration (OWWA)
Philippine Overseas Employment Administration (POEA)
Your family deserves the best you can offer, and that means building something strong that lasts, no matter the distance. Start implementing these strategies today. Have open conversations, schedule quality time, show love and appreciation, and work towards your shared goals. You can build an unbreakable bond with your family, creating a supportive and loving environment for everyone. Don’t wait—strengthen your family ties today and ensure a brighter future for yourselves, together.
