When a parent works abroad as an OFW (Overseas Filipino Worker), the relationship between siblings can change a lot. This means some challenges, but also a chance for them to become even closer. This article will explore the common issues faced by siblings when a parent is away and offer simple tips and advice to help them support each other and keep their family strong.
Understanding the Changes: What Happens When Mom or Dad is Away?
Okay, so Mom or Dad isn’t here. That changes things, right? And it doesn’t just change things for you; it changes things for your siblings too. Think of it like a puzzle where one big piece is missing. Everyone has to adjust to fill that space. Maybe the older sibling suddenly needs to help more around the house. Maybe the youngest sibling feels a bit lost without a parent readily available. The key thing to remember is that everyone feels the absence in their own way, and those feelings can affect how they interact with each other.
Sometimes, kids might start arguing more often. Small things that didn’t use to bother them now seem like huge problems. This can happen because they’re all stressed, and they don’t always know how to deal with it. It’s like a volcano building pressure inside – eventually, it erupts, and usually, it’s on the person closest by – your sibling!
On the other hand, sometimes, siblings become super close. They might start relying on each other more, sharing secrets, and just being there for each other. This is like forming your own little team to face the challenges together. It strengthens their bond and creates memories they’ll cherish forever.
The impact on each child can also be different depending on their age. For example, teenagers might feel a greater responsibility to help with household chores and to look after the younger siblings. Younger children may feel confused and lost because one of their parents is no longer around. For example, a seven-year-old might ask a lot about when Mom is coming home while a 16-year-old might resent having to do all the cooking and cleaning. Each child needs to be addressed and understood.
Research by the Scalabrini Migration Center shows that children of OFWs can experience both negative and positive outcomes. While some may show signs of emotional distress, others develop resilience and independence. Understanding these potential impacts is the first step towards creating a supportive environment. You can find more information regarding the challenges (and opportunities) of left-behind children. Scalabrini Migration Center has good insight into this.
The Role of the Older Sibling: Big Brother/Sister to the Rescue!
If you’re the older sibling, you might suddenly feel like you’re almost a parent. You’re expected to help with everything – cooking, cleaning, taking care of the younger ones, and even making important decisions. That’s a lot to handle! It’s easy to get stressed and feel like your own life is on hold.
But here’s the thing: you don’t have to do it all alone. It’s okay to ask for help from other family members, like grandparents, aunts, or uncles. Remember, you’re still a kid, and you deserve to have your own time and your own life too. Talk to your remaining parent or guardian about how you’re feeling. They might not realize how much you’re taking on.
One of the most important things you can do is to be a good role model and friend to your younger siblings. Be patient with them, listen to their problems, and try to understand their point of view. If they’re fighting or being difficult, try to mediate and help them find a solution. This may involve asking older relatives for guidance.
Don’t be afraid to have fun with your siblings! Watch movies together, play games, go for walks – do things that will help you bond and create positive memories. This is especially important when things get tough. Having fun together will help everyone feel more connected and supported.
The Younger Sibling’s Perspective: Navigating Change and Finding Support
If you’re the younger sibling, you might miss your parent a lot. You might feel confused, scared, or even angry that they’re not around. It’s okay to feel these things. They’re normal. It’s also common for younger siblings to act out by behaving badly or by getting jealous when older brothers or sisters receive attention from caretakers.
Talk to your older siblings about how you’re feeling. They might not always understand, but it’s important to let them know what’s going on in your head. They might have felt the same way when they were your age.
Try to find activities that you enjoy, even without your parent around. This could be anything from playing sports to reading books to drawing pictures. Having something to look forward to can help you feel more positive and less lonely.
Remember that your older siblings are there for you. They might seem bossy sometimes, but they care about you and want to help. Try to be understanding of their situation too. They’re going through a lot as well.
Communication is Key: Talking it Out Makes a Big Difference
Whether you’re the older or younger sibling, communication is super important. It’s like the glue that holds the family together when one parent is away. If you don’t talk to each other, misunderstandings can happen, and things can get even more complicated.
Make time to talk to each other regularly. This doesn’t have to be a formal sit-down meeting. It could be during dinner, while doing chores, or even just before bed. Talk about your day, your feelings, your worries, and your joys.
If there’s a problem, don’t bottle it up. Talk about it openly and honestly. Try to listen to each other’s point of view and find a solution together. Remember, you’re a team. It is also sometimes worthwhile to communicate to the working parent when possible to get their input and hear their perspectives. Their advice may carry more weight and feel more comforting.
When you are communicating, try to:
- Listen actively: Pay attention to what your sibling is saying and try to understand their perspective.
- Be respectful: Even if you disagree, treat your sibling with respect. Avoid name-calling or yelling.
- Be honest: Share your feelings openly and honestly.
- Be specific: Avoid generalizations. Talk about specific behaviors or situations that are bothering you.
- Be solution-oriented: Focus on finding a solution to the problem.
Technology to the Rescue: Staying Connected with Mom/Dad and Each Other
Thank goodness for technology! It allows us to stay connected with our loved ones even when they’re far away. Use video calls, messaging apps, and social media to stay in touch with your parent who’s working abroad. Schedule regular video calls so everyone in the family can chat and catch up.
Don’t just talk about the serious stuff. Share funny stories, jokes, and pictures. This will help you feel more connected and make your parent feel like they’re still a part of your everyday life.
Technology can also help siblings stay connected with each other. Create a group chat where you can share memes, videos, and updates. Play online games together. Watch movies together online. Find ways to use technology to strengthen your bond and have fun.
Remember, however, that technology is not a replacement for face-to-face interactions. Make sure to spend quality time together without distractions. Put away your phones and focus on each other.
Creating a United Front: Working Together as a Team
When a parent is away, it’s more important than ever for siblings to work together as a team. This means supporting each other, helping each other out, and being there for each other when things get tough. This unity can create a strong foundation to mitigate feelings of loneliness or abandonment.
Divide chores fairly. Don’t let one sibling do all the work. Make a list of chores and assign them to each person. Be flexible and willing to help each other out when needed.
Support each other’s interests and hobbies. Attend each other’s games, concerts, or recitals. Encourage each other to pursue their passions. When possible, ask the OFW parent to send funds to help support the child’s interests or hobbies if this is financially viable.
Celebrate each other’s successes. When one sibling achieves something, celebrate it as a family. This will help everyone feel appreciated and valued.
Remember, you’re all in this together. By working together as a team, you can overcome any challenge that comes your way.
Dealing with Conflict: Resolving Sibling Rivalry in a Healthy Way
Let’s face it, even the closest siblings argue sometimes. It’s normal! But it’s important to learn how to resolve conflicts in a healthy way. Ignoring the conflict is not the solution. It will be like putting dirt under the rug! Eventually, things will get worse.
When you’re arguing, try to:
- Stay calm: Take a deep breath and try not to get too emotional.
- Listen to each other: Try to understand your sibling’s point of view.
- Avoid name-calling or yelling: This will only make the situation worse.
- Focus on the issue, not the person: Attack the problem, not your sibling.
- Find a compromise: Try to find a solution that works for both of you.
If you can’t resolve the conflict on your own, ask for help from another family member or a trusted adult. They can help you see things from a different perspective and find a solution that everyone can agree on.
After the argument, don’t hold a grudge. Forgive your sibling and move on. Holding onto anger will only hurt you in the long run.
Seeking External Support: When to Ask for Help
Sometimes, the challenges of having a parent working abroad can be too much to handle on your own. It’s okay to ask for help from external sources. Don’t feel ashamed or embarrassed about seeking out counselling or other psychological advice. Oftentimes, just talking to a professional, non-judgmental person can alleviate a great deal of stress.
Here are some resources that can help:
- School counselors: They can provide emotional support and guidance.
- Community centers: They often offer programs and activities for children and families.
- Support groups: Connecting with other children who are in similar situations can be helpful.
- Mental health professionals: If you’re struggling with anxiety, depression, or other mental health issues, seek professional help.
Remember, seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness. It’s important to take care of your mental and emotional health, especially when you’re facing challenges.
Building Resilience: Growing Stronger Through Adversity
Having a parent working abroad can be tough, but it can also be an opportunity to grow stronger and more resilient. Resilience is the ability to bounce back from difficult experiences.
Here are some ways to build resilience:
- Develop a positive attitude: Focus on the good things in your life.
- Build strong relationships: Connect with family, friends, and mentors.
- Learn from your challenges: See challenges as opportunities for growth.
- Set goals: Having goals gives you something to strive for.
- Take care of yourself: Get enough sleep, eat healthy, and exercise regularly.
Remember, you are stronger than you think.” The experiences you have now will help you grow into confident and capable adults. Each challenge is a stepping stone to greater strength and understanding.
FAQ Section
What if my sibling resents me because I’m getting more attention from our remaining parent or relatives?
It’s normal for siblings to feel jealous sometimes. Try to understand why your sibling is feeling this way. Maybe they feel neglected or overlooked. Make an effort to spend quality time with them and show them that you care. Share the attention you are receiving and encourage relatives to do the same. For example, when a relative takes you to the mall, be sure to ask if your sibling can come or receive a trinket.
How do I deal with a sibling who is constantly angry or irritable?
Constant anger or irritability can be a sign of underlying stress or emotional issues. Try to talk to your sibling about how they’re feeling. Listen to them with empathy and without judgment. If the behavior continues, encourage them to seek professional help.
What if my sibling is spending too much time online and neglecting their responsibilities?
Excessive screen time can be a problem, especially when it interferes with responsibilities. Try to have a calm and honest conversation with your sibling about their online habits. Set boundaries and create a schedule that balances online time with other activities. In some cases, parental control apps or tech limits may be useful. If this is not working, involve your guardians or trusted adults to help moderate internet and gadget use.
How can I encourage my sibling to communicate better with our parent who is abroad?
Suggest different ways they can connect, such as video calls, sending messages, or sharing photos. Remind them of the importance of staying connected and sharing their lives with their parent. Maybe plan a special call where they can share good news or a funny story.
What if I feel like I’m taking on too much responsibility and I’m burnt out?
It’s important to recognize and address burnout. Talk to your remaining parent or guardian about how you’re feeling. Delegate some tasks to others and prioritize your own well-being. Don’t be afraid to say no to extra responsibilities. Also, make sure to set aside time for yourself.
References
Scalabrini Migration Center
This family journey is challenging. But by understanding each other, communicating openly, and supporting one another, you can not only survive but thrive during this period. Now, go and put these strategies into action! Have a family meeting, show some love to your siblings, and create a plan for making the most of this unique experience. Your family can be stronger than ever, and you can build memories and skills that will last a lifetime. Start making a difference today!
