Being an Overseas Filipino Worker (OFW) is tough. You work hard, often in demanding conditions, to send money home to your family. But while remittances are vital, money isn’t the only thing your family needs from you. They also need your emotional support, your presence (even from afar), and your active involvement in their lives. This article dives deep into why these emotional investments are just as, if not more, important than the money you send.
Why Emotional Investment Matters Just as Much as Money
Think about it: money can buy things, but it can’t buy love, happiness, or a strong family bond. Imagine a child growing up with all the latest gadgets and clothes, but without a parent present to guide them, celebrate their achievements, or comfort them during difficult times. According to a 2016 study by the Philippine Institute for Development Studies, children of OFWs often experience feelings of loneliness and abandonment despite having financial security. This highlights the crucial need for emotional connection.
These emotional needs can manifest in different ways for different family members. Your spouse might need reassurance and a listening ear. Your children might crave your attention and involvement in their daily lives. Your parents might long for your presence during important family events. Ignoring these needs can create distance, resentment, and even family conflict.
Practical Ways to Invest Emotionally in Your Family, Even From Afar
So, how can you invest emotionally in your family when you’re miles away? It’s about being creative, intentional, and making the most of the technology we have today.
Scheduling Regular Video Calls
Don’t just rely on quick text messages or sporadic phone calls. Schedule regular video calls with your family. Seeing your face and hearing your voice makes a huge difference. Agree on a time that works for everyone and stick to it as much as possible. Set aside a specific time and tell them that is your family’s time.
Actionable Tip: Make these video calls more engaging than just asking “How are you?”. Plan activities to do together virtually. Watch a movie together and discuss it afterwards, read a bedtime story to your children, celebrate achievements and events, or even just have a virtual “dinner” together.
Actively Participating in Important Decisions
Even though you’re not physically present, make sure you’re involved in important family decisions. Whether it’s related to your children’s education, family finances, or major purchases, your input matters. Being there to support decisions, especially for children, gives them security.
Real-World Example: Maria, an OFW in Singapore, made sure to participate in the decision of which high school her daughter would attend. She researched the schools online, talked to her daughter about her interests, and joined the online school orientation via video call. Her daughter felt supported and empowered by her mother’s involvement.
Sending Personalized Messages and Gifts
Show your family that you’re thinking about them by sending personalized messages or gifts. These don’t have to be expensive; a handwritten card, a small trinket, or even a thoughtful email can go a long way. A small, thoughtful gift goes a long way for your significant other, too.
Actionable Tip: Use apps or online services that allow you to send personalized cards or small gifts directly to your family. You can even set up recurring deliveries for special occasions.
Creating Shared Online Spaces
Create a shared online space where you can share photos, videos, and messages with your family. This could be a private Facebook group, a shared photo album on Google Photos, or even a collaborative document where you can all contribute. This creates a sense of togetherness and allows you to stay connected on a daily basis.
Example: The Santos family created a Google Photos album where they shared photos of their daily lives. The father, an OFW in Saudi Arabia, loved seeing photos of his children’s school activities, and the children enjoyed seeing photos of their father’s workplace and colleagues.
Planning Visits and Staycations
If possible, plan regular visits home to see your family. The anticipation of your arrival can be a huge boost for everyone’s morale. If you can’t visit often, plan virtual “staycations” where you dedicate a weekend to spending quality time with your family online. Take breaks and make sure to step away from your devices for your own mental rest, too!
Insight: When planning your visits, be mindful of your family’s needs and preferences. Don’t just focus on buying them things. Instead, focus on spending quality time together, engaging in activities they enjoy, and creating lasting memories.
Addressing Specific Emotional Needs of Family Members
Different family members have different emotional needs. Understanding and addressing these specific needs is crucial for building strong and healthy relationships.
For Your Spouse or Partner
Your spouse or partner is likely carrying a significant load while you’re away. They’re managing the household, raising the children, and often working a job as well. They may feel stressed, lonely, and overwhelmed. Show them your appreciation, offer your support, and make sure they know you value their hard work. It’s also important to remember that their feelings are valid.
Actionable Tip: Schedule regular “date nights” with your spouse or partner, even if it’s just a video call where you can dress up, light some candles, and enjoy a conversation without distractions. Use available resources such as relationship books or online courses on effective communication.
For Your Children
Children of OFWs often struggle with feelings of abandonment, resentment, and insecurity. They may miss your presence at important events, such as school plays, birthdays, and holidays. Make sure to validate their feelings, reassure them of your love, and find ways to be involved in their lives, even from afar.
Real-World Example: When Marco, an OFW in Canada, couldn’t attend his son’s graduation, he recorded a special video message for him, sent him a personalized gift, and scheduled a video call to celebrate his achievement. His son felt loved and appreciated despite his father’s absence.
Pay attention to what children respond to. Some children might appreciate regular phone calls and check-ins, while some might crave gifts as assurance. Other children respond to just knowing someone will always return, so let them know that you will come back, even if you move from country to country.
For Your Parents
Your parents may be struggling with feelings of loneliness, isolation, and concern for your well-being. They may worry about your safety, your health, and your happiness. Check in with them regularly, offer your support, and make sure they know you appreciate their sacrifices. Also, encourage them to stay active and engaged in their communities.
Actionable Tip: Help your parents learn how to use technology so they can stay connected with you and the rest of the family. Teach them how to use video calls, social media, and online messaging apps.
Overcoming Common Challenges to Emotional Investment
Investing emotionally in your family when you’re an OFW isn’t always easy. There are many challenges that can get in the way, such as time zone differences, language barriers, cultural differences, and financial constraints. However, with a little effort and creativity, you can overcome these challenges and build strong and lasting relationships with your family.
Time Zone Differences
Time zone differences can make it difficult to schedule regular video calls or phone calls. Choose a time that works for both you and your family, even if it means sacrificing some sleep. Communicate to each other the set family time.
Language Barriers
If you and your family speak different languages at home and where you’re working, it can be challenging to communicate effectively. Make an effort to learn your family’s language, and encourage them to learn yours. Use translators when needed and be patient with each other.
Cultural Differences
Cultural differences can create misunderstandings and conflicts. Learn about your family’s culture and be respectful of their values and traditions. Remember that differences in experience may lead to different ideas on what is best for the family.
Financial Constraints
Financial constraints can limit your ability to visit your family, send them gifts, or engage in other activities that foster emotional connection. Prioritize your spending and find ways to make the most of your resources. Remember that emotional investment doesn’t always require money; a heartfelt letter or a thoughtful conversation can be just as meaningful.
The Long-Term Benefits of Emotional Investment
Investing emotionally in your family is an investment in your future and theirs. It strengthens family bonds, improves communication, fosters trust, and creates a sense of belonging. It also helps your children develop into well-adjusted, responsible adults who are capable of forming healthy relationships of their own. Strong communication prevents or manages family conflict, and can even foster new family enterprises!
Furthermore, studies show a positive correlation between the emotional well-being of OFWs and their productivity and job satisfaction. Feeling connected to your family can reduce stress, improve your mental health, and boost your overall sense of happiness and fulfillment.
Seeking Support and Resources
If you’re struggling to invest emotionally in your family, don’t hesitate to seek support from friends, family, or professionals. There are many resources available to help OFWs cope with the challenges of being separated from their families. Talk to your loved ones, join support groups, or consult with a therapist or counselor. One study by the Scalabrini Migration Center found that OFWs who sought support from community organizations reported higher levels of emotional well-being. Don’t be afraid to be open and vulnerable with loved ones. Remember, you don’t have to go through this alone.
FAQ
My work schedule is very demanding. How can I find the time to connect with my family?
It’s definitely challenging, but even small pockets of time can make a difference. Try scheduling short video calls during your lunch break or after work. Dedicate one day a week to be your designated “family day” where you prioritize spending time with them, even virtually. Remember, consistency is key.
My children seem resentful of my absence. How can I repair our relationship?
Acknowledge their feelings and validate their emotions. Let them know you understand how difficult it is for them. Spend dedicated one-on-one time with each child, even if it’s just through video calls, to show them individual attention. Be patient and consistent in your efforts to rebuild trust and connection.
I’m worried that my spouse will feel neglected while I’m away. How can I keep our relationship strong?
Communication is crucial. Schedule regular “date nights” where you can talk and connect without distractions. Express your appreciation for their hard work and offer your support in any way you can. Send thoughtful messages or gifts to show them you’re thinking of them. Remember to listen actively and be understanding of their needs and concerns.
I feel guilty for leaving my family behind. How can I cope with this guilt?
Recognize that you made the decision to work abroad out of love and a desire to provide a better future for your family. Focus on the positive contributions you’re making and the sacrifices you’re willing to endure. Talk to your loved ones about your feelings and seek support from friends or a therapist if needed. Remember, it’s okay to feel guilty, but don’t let it consume you.
Are there any free resources available to help OFWs connect with their families?
Yes! Many organizations offer free counseling services, support groups, and online resources for OFWs and their families. Check with your local embassy or consulate for information on available programs. Several apps also offer free video calling and messaging services to help you stay connected with your loved ones.
Should I prioritize sending money over visiting the Philippines?
This is a personal decision that depends on your financial situation and your family’s needs. But emotional and family bonding can also contribute to the family’s overall well-being. Plan financial budgets and schedules ahead of time.
How much money should I allot in sending gifts to my family?
Set a fair budget, and set up a budget on a monthly basis if needed. It is recommended to send small and meaningful gifts instead, especially ones they can use on a day-to-day basis.
I struggle with keeping secrets from my family to protect them—what can I do?
It is recommended to be open to them as much as you can. Consider confiding in someone you trust as a start. Keeping too many secrets can lead to misunderstandings and potential conflict.
I am nervous about video chatting with my family, and it stresses me out. What can I do to relieve myself from the stress?
Create the most comfortable environment for yourself. Don’t think too much about how you look or what to say beforehand. Simply be yourself, and show your face. The less you think about it—the better. It is recommended to do it briefly but do it frequently.
References
Philippine Institute for Development Studies. (2016). “Impact of Migration on Children Left Behind.”
Scalabrini Migration Center. (2018). “Emotional Well-being of Overseas Filipino Workers.”
These references are provided for informational purposes only and do not constitute endorsement of the sources themselves.
Don’t just send money. Send yourself. Your family deserves your love, attention, and emotional support, even when you’re miles away. Start making those emotional investments today and watch your family bonds grow stronger than ever. Let’s turn remittances into real, lasting relationships.
