Missing your kids while working abroad is tough, but it doesn’t mean your connection has to fade. This article gives you easy ways to rebuild and strengthen your bond with your children, even from a distance.
Understanding the Challenges: Why Bonding Feels Difficult
Let’s be honest, being apart is hard on everyone. For OFWs, the biggest challenge is the physical distance. You miss out on everyday moments, like tucking them into bed, cheering them on at school events, or simply sharing a meal together. This absence can create a feeling of detachment, both for you and your kids. They might feel like you’re not part of their daily lives, leading to misunderstandings and communication gaps. Research shows that children of OFWs sometimes experience emotional distress due to parental absence. This makes consistent effort from your end crucial to maintain a healthy dynamic.
Making Time for Meaningful Communication: Beyond the Quick Call
A quick “Hello” and “How are you?” isn’t enough. You need to create opportunities for real conversations. Schedule regular video calls, not just when you have time, but at a time that works for your child’s schedule. Make sure your child knows you’re prioritizing them. Instead of just asking generic questions, try these:
- “What was the best thing that happened to you today?”
- “What are you looking forward to this week?”
- “Tell me about your friends. Who are you hanging out with?”
Encourage your children to shares their fears and struggles. When you do, be present. Resist the urge to interrupt or offer unsolicited advice immediately. Listen, empathize, and let them know you understand. It will make your children feel safe, respected, and heard. Read about active listening techniques; it can make a huge difference.
Leveraging Technology: Getting Creative with Connection
Technology is your best friend. Video calls are great, but explore other options, too. Play online games together. Watch a movie simultaneously using a Netflix Party or similar extension. Share funny memes or videos. The key is to find activities you both enjoy. Another great way to bond is reading them bedtime stories. Even though you’re far, you can still read aloud for them. Record yourself telling classic tales, or even better, read new short stories over Skype or Zoom. If you keep it up every night, it’ll become a valued tradition.
The Power of Letters and Packages: Going the Extra Mile
In the age of instant messaging, a handwritten letter or a carefully chosen package feels extra special. Send letters or cards regularly, even if it’s just a short note. Include photos, drawings, or small gifts related to their interests. Nothing beats receiving a tangible reminder of your love and care. When preparing a package, think about unique items they might not find locally. A souvenir from your host country, a snack they’ve been curious about, or a book in a language you’re learning together can be exciting and thoughtful. Consider sending postcards with messages to show them different places you’ve been to.
Involving Yourself in Their Lives: Staying in the Loop
Show them you’re interested in their school, hobbies, and friends. Ask about their assignments, projects, and extracurricular activities. Attend virtual school events or parent-teacher conferences if possible. Connect with their teachers or coaches to stay informed about their progress and challenges. If your children are old enough to have social media, respectfully follow their online activities. Don’t be intrusive, but showing that you’re aware of their online world can help them feel understood and supported. Also arrange video calls with their closest friends. It’s a good way to feel connected to their social life and better understand the kind of people they spend time with.
Celebrating Special Occasions: Making Memories from Afar
Birthdays, holidays, and other special occasions are even more important when you’re apart. Plan ahead and make sure they feel celebrated. Send gifts, cards, or flowers. Schedule a special video call with family and friends. Consider planning a surprise virtual party, with relatives and friends joining online to offer their well wishes and greetings. Consider coordinating with the family back home on how to celebrate these special occassions. Have the house decorated. Prepare their favorite meals. This is one way to let the children know that you remember and value these occasions.
Creating Shared Experiences: Building a Shared History
Find ways to create shared experiences, even from a distance. Start a book club together, where you both read the same book and discuss it online. Learn a new language together using online resources like Duolingo. Watch the same TV show or movie and talk about it afterward. Plan a virtual “trip” to a museum or historical site together using online tours. While a physical trip is preferable, this gives children a preview of what to look forward to. These shared experiences create memories and strengthen your bond.
The Importance of Consistency: Making it a Habit
Rebuilding a bond takes time and effort. Don’t expect immediate results. Be patient, consistent, and understanding. Stick to your schedule for calls and messages. Follow through on your promises. Let children know that you’re prioritizing your relationship with them. Even small, consistent gestures can make a big difference. If you are having a bad day at work, resist the temptation to cut short or cancel your scheduled call. If you have to, explain to your child why your call has to be rescheduled to a later time. This will teach children that you respect commitments and that you value their time.
Addressing Feelings of Guilt: It’s Okay to Seek Support
Many OFWs feel guilty about being away from their children. This is normal, but it’s important to address these feelings in a healthy way. Talk to a therapist or counselor if you’re struggling. Connect with other OFWs who understand your situation. Remember that you’re working hard to provide a better future for your family. Don’t let guilt consume you. Focus on building a strong connection with your children, despite the distance. Remind yourself and your children the reason why you have to work abroad. When children can understand this, they are less likely to resent your absence.
Planning Your Return: A Goal to Look Forward To
Having a concrete plan for your return can provide a sense of hope and anticipation. Discuss your plans with your children and involve them in the decision-making process. Talk about the things you’ll do together when you’re back home. Make a countdown calendar or a visual representation of your return date. This will help them feel like you’re working towards a common goal. Consider setting milestones. When you achieve a savings goal, make sure they know. When you are halfway through your contract, celebrate with them. These gives them something to look forward to and reduces negative feelings about your absence.
The Role of the Caregiver Back Home: Teamwork Makes the Dream Work
Your family member or caregiver back home plays a crucial role in maintaining your connection with your children. Communicate regularly with them. Make sure they understand your goals and priorities. Ask them to encourage your children to talk to you openly and honestly. Work together to create a supportive and nurturing environment. Maintain a positive relationship with the caregiver. Make sure that they feel appreciated for the work that they do. If you can, send them gifts or bonuses to show your appreciation. This will go a long way in motivating the caregiver and ensuring quality care for your children.
Staying Positive and Encouraging: Helping Your Child Achieve Their Dreams
Even when you’re not physically present day-to-day to encourage your children, you can still do so through regular communication. Let them know how proud you are of their academic and non-academic achievements. Be their cheerleader and consistently remind them you believe in their dreams. Showing you’re proud even from a distance will do wonders for your child’s confidence and motivation. It’s very tempting to always be on the lookout for what you think your child needs to improve. However, building rapport involves focusing on your children’s strengths and encouraging their progress. When you show your children that you support them and believe in them, the more they’ll be open and confident in sharing their lives with you.
Age-Appropriate Bonding: Activities To Consider
What works for a toddler will be different from what works for a teenager. Tailor your bonding activities to your child’s age and interests. For younger children, focus on simple activities like reading stories, singing songs, or playing pretend games during video calls. As children get older, you can try online games, shared hobbies, or more in-depth conversations about their lives. Remember, the goal is to connect on their level and show them that you care. Some suggestions are as follows:
Preschoolers: Reading aloud during video calls, virtual peek-a-boo, sending personalized drawings or stickers in the mail.
Elementary schoolers: Playing online games together (age-appropriate!), watching the same kids’ shows and discussing them, creating art projects “together” – you work on one part, they work on another, then you combine them.
Teenagers: More in-depth conversations about their interests, music, movies, and friends. Sharing funny memes, playing online games designed for an older age group, or starting a shared blog or journal.
Handling Disciplinary Issues: Balancing Discipline and Distance
Disciplining children from a distance can be tough. It’s important to establish clear rules and expectations with your children and their caregiver. Avoid trying to micromanage their behavior from afar. Instead, focus on open communication and understanding. If there are disciplinary issues, discuss them calmly and respectfully. Work together with the caregiver. Try to find solutions that are fair and effective. Remember to be patient and understanding. Disciplining a child from a distance can be difficult and confusing. Don’t be afraid to seek guidance from a parenting expert or counselor. While you may not be physically present, you can still impart discipline on your child via lessons and by establishing goals.
Open Communication with Your Spouse/Partner: On the Same Page
If you have a partner, ensure you’re both aligned in your parenting efforts. Regularly check in with each other about how the children are doing, any challenges they’re facing, and how you can both better support them. Consistent communication with your partner not only strengthens your relationship but also provides a unified front for your children, ensuring they receive consistent guidance and support. When on the same page, you’ll both be more effective in ensuring children are well behaved, grounded, and respectful.
When You Visit Home: Making the Most of Your Time
When you finally get to visit home, plan activities that will let you reconnect. If possible, don’t just stay home but explore new places. Take them to a theme park, a local festival, or on a hiking trip. These types of activities are memorable and can create unique bonding experiences. It’s also important to have one-on-one time with each child. Make sure you give each of them individual time so you get to know each of them better. Make sure that they feel like you’re making an effort to connect with them. While extravagant trips and activities are great, sometimes, just being present and engaging in their daily routines can be just as meaningful. Attend their school events, help them with their homework, or simply join them for a meal. These moments of normalcy can remind them of your presence in their lives.
Preparing the Children for Your Return Abroad: Making It Easier for Them
Make sure to prepare them as your departure gets closer. A frank conversation about how long you’re going to be gone can help them prepare better emotionally. Openly acknowledge their emotions and ensure them it’s okay to feel sad or upset. More importantly, remind them that your love for them doesn’t change even when you’re far away. You may also want to take this opportune time to establish a predictable routine for when you leave. If you get them used to a certain number of video calls per week, they’ll feel assured that you’re still part of their lives and that your bond isn’t broken.
FAQ Section
How often should I call my children?
It depends on the age of your child and your schedule, but aim for at least a few times a week. Short, frequent calls are better than long, infrequent ones. Talk to your children and find a schedule that works for everyone.
What if my child doesn’t want to talk to me?
Don’t take it personally. Children sometimes have their own reasons for not wanting to talk. Be patient and persistent. Continue to reach out and offer your support. Eventually, they may open up. In the meantime, communicate with the caregiver to see what might be happening outside of your calls.
How can I handle discipline from a distance?
Establish clear rules and expectations with your children and their caregiver. Communicate regularly with the caregiver to stay informed about their behavior. Discuss any disciplinary issues calmly and respectfully. Avoid trying to micromanage their behavior from afar. See if you can set up a reward system with the caregiver so the children remain motivated to work towards good behavior.
I feel guilty about being away from my children. What can I do?
It’s normal to feel guilty. Talk to a therapist or counselor, connect with other OFWs, and focus on building a strong connection with your children, despite the distance. It’s also important to remind yourself that you’re providing a better future for them.
What are some good gifts to send my children?
Think about their interests and hobbies. Consider sending books, games, clothes, or souvenirs from your host country. Personalized gifts are always a good idea. Don’t discount the joy of receiving a hand-written letter, too!
How can I stay involved in my child’s schooling?
Ask about their assignments, projects, and extracurricular activities. Attend virtual school events or parent-teacher conferences if possible. Connect with their teachers or coaches to stay informed about their progress and challenges. Check if you can access their grades online. You may also want to keep in touch with their teachers directly through email or video call.
What if my child is angry at me?
Acknowledge their feelings and listen to what they have to say. Try not to get defensive. Apologize if you’ve done something wrong. Let them know that you love them and that you’re there for them, even if you’re far away. You may also want to seek advice from a counselor on how to handle your child’s anger and frustrations.
My child doesn’t seem interested in my culture. How can I get them interested?
Share stories about your childhood. Cook traditional meals together via video call. Talk about your family history. Show them photos and videos of your hometown. The key is to make it fun and engaging. For older kids, you can show them films featuring your culture.
How do I deal with jealousy between siblings when I’m away?
Make sure you give each child individual attention. Recognize their unique achievements during video calls. Send personalized gifts. You could try scheduling private time with each child. This can create a one-on-one bonding experience.
How do I maintain open communication if I don’t communicate well in Filipino?
Use translation apps if necessary to aid your communication. Your child will surely appreciate the effort. You may want to enroll in classes, either online or in person, so you can better converse with them. It could also be a learning opportunity for your child for languages you are fluent in.
References
- Carandang, C.P. (2005). Filipino children under stress: Family dynamics and therapy. Ateneo de Manila University Press.
- Parreñas, R.S. (2005). Children of global migration: Transnational families and gendered woes. Stanford University Press.
- Scales, P. C., Benson, P. L., Leffert, N., & Blyth, D. A. (2000). The contribution of developmental assets to the prediction of thriving among adolescents. Applied Developmental Science, 4(1), 27-46.
It’s not easy being an OFW parent. You sacrifice so much and work hard to provide your children with a better life. By making an effort to rebuild your relationship and bond, you can ensure that your love and support continue to guide your children’s lives, even from afar. Start small, be consistent, and never give up on the connection. Show them you are there for them. Reach out to those children of yours—call, write, or send a care package today.
