Being an Overseas Filipino Worker (OFW) is a huge sacrifice, especially when it comes to family. You’re working hard to provide a better future for your children, but being away can make it tough to raise them into strong, independent, and resilient individuals. This guide provides practical tips and advice for OFWs on how to navigate the challenges of raising resilient kids from afar.
Understanding Resilience: More Than Just Bouncing Back
Resilience isn’t just about getting back on your feet after a fall; it’s about having the inner strength to face challenges head-on, learn from them, and grow stronger. For OFW children, who may experience feelings of abandonment, loneliness, or increased responsibility, resilience is crucial. It’s the shield that protects them from the emotional storms that come with having a parent working abroad. According to the American Psychological Association, resilience involves behaviors, thoughts, and actions that can be learned and developed in anyone. It’s not some magical quality people are born with.
Building a Strong Foundation: Communication is Key
The most vital tool you have as an OFW is communication. Just because you’re miles away doesn’t mean you can’t be present in your child’s life. Regular communication can significantly reduce feelings of abandonment and foster a sense of connection. Here’s how to make it effective:
- Schedule Regular Calls: Don’t just call when you have time; schedule specific days and times for video calls or phone chats. Make it a routine, like dinner time or after school. This gives your child something to look forward to and shows them they are a priority. When you schedule calls make sure it is at the most convenient time to talk without the child getting distracted.
- Be Present, Even Remotely: When you’re talking to your child, really listen. Put down your phone, turn off the TV, and focus on what they’re saying. Ask open-ended questions that encourage them to share their thoughts and feelings, such as “What was the best part of your day?” or “What are you looking forward to this week?”
- Use Technology Wisely: Utilize video calls, messaging apps, and even social media (if appropriate for their age) to stay connected. Share photos of your daily life, send funny memes, or even play online games together. These small gestures can make a big difference. For example, you can read them a bedtime story over video call.
- Celebrate Milestones, Big and Small: Even if you can’t be there in person, celebrate your child’s achievements. Send a card, a small gift, or arrange a special video call to acknowledge their hard work and success. This reinforces their self-esteem and motivates them to keep striving.
For example, Sarah, an OFW working in Dubai, makes it a point to video call her daughter every Sunday evening to help with her Math homework. This not only provides academic support but also creates a special bonding time. This is better than just calling to simply ask how they are doing – it creates a sense of purpose on your scheduled calls.
Empowering Independence: Assigning Age-Appropriate Responsibilities
One of the best ways to foster resilience is to empower your children with a sense of responsibility. This can be achieved by assigning them age-appropriate chores and tasks. When children contribute to the household, they feel valued and develop a sense of competence. They also learn important life skills that will serve them well in the future.
- Start Small: Begin with simple tasks that your child can easily manage, such as making their bed, setting the table, or feeding the pet. As they get older, you can gradually increase the complexity of their responsibilities.
- Provide Clear Instructions: Make sure your child understands exactly what is expected of them. Provide clear instructions and demonstrate how to do the task properly. You can even create a chore chart with visual aids for younger children.
- Offer Encouragement and Praise: Acknowledge your child’s efforts and praise their accomplishments, even if they’re not perfect. Focus on the process rather than the outcome, and celebrate their progress. For example, instead of saying “That’s a great job,” try saying “I noticed you took extra care to make sure the dishes were clean. Thank you!”
- Avoid Overloading: While it’s important to give your child responsibilities, be careful not to overload them. Make sure they still have time for schoolwork, extracurricular activities, and playtime.
Consider this: Maria, an OFW in Hong Kong, tasked her 10-year-old son with watering the plants and taking out the trash. Initially, he resisted, but Maria explained that these tasks were important for the family and that she trusted him to do them well. Over time, he became proud of his contributions and developed a sense of responsibility. Maria called this his “big boy” job, which he took enthusiastically.
Fostering Problem-Solving Skills: Letting Them Figure It Out
Resilient children are able to solve problems independently. As an OFW, you might feel tempted to step in and fix every issue for your child, but it’s important to resist this urge. Instead, encourage them to think critically and find solutions on their own. This doesn’t mean you leave them completely clueless to suffer. Rather, help them learn to find their own solutions.
- Encourage Critical Thinking: When your child comes to you with a problem, don’t immediately offer a solution. Instead, ask them questions like “What do you think you can do?” or “What are your options?” Help them brainstorm possible solutions and weigh the pros and cons of each one.
- Teach Them to Seek Help When Needed: Explain that it’s okay to ask for help when they’ve tried everything else. Encourage them to reach out to trusted adults, such as their grandparents, teachers, or older siblings.
- Let Them Make Mistakes (and Learn from Them): Mistakes are a natural part of learning. Don’t punish your child for making them; instead, help them analyze what went wrong and how they can avoid making the same mistake in the future. This is one of the most powerful ways children develop resilience.
- Role-Play Scenarios: Practice real-life scenarios with your child, such as dealing with a bully or resolving a conflict with a friend. This will give them the confidence and skills to handle similar situations on their own.
For instance, if your child says they have a hard time in school because of a teacher, instead of escalating the situation immediately with the teacher, ask the students what they can do themselves to solve the problem. This will create a habit that allows them to resolve solutions themselves. When they have no option, guide them on how to approach the teacher professionally.
Nurturing Self-Esteem: Focusing on Strengths and Celebrating Efforts
Children with high self-esteem are more likely to be resilient. They believe in themselves and their ability to overcome challenges. As an OFW, you can play a crucial role in nurturing your child’s self-esteem by focusing on their strengths and celebrating their efforts.
- Focus on Strengths: Identify your child’s talents and interests and encourage them to pursue those activities. Celebrate their successes and help them develop their skills further.
- Provide Specific Praise: Instead of giving generic praise like “You’re so smart,” offer specific praise that highlights their effort and accomplishments. For example, “I’m impressed with how hard you worked on that project. Your research was very thorough, and your presentation was excellent.”
- Encourage a Growth Mindset: Teach your child that intelligence and abilities are not fixed traits but can be developed through hard work and dedication. Encourage them to embrace challenges as opportunities for growth and learning. Carol Dweck’s research on Growth Mindset provides valuable insights into fostering this belief.
- Model Self-Compassion: Show your child how to be kind to themselves, especially when they make mistakes or face setbacks. Remind them that everyone makes mistakes and that it’s important to learn from them and move on.
Consider Jessa, an OFW in Qatar. Her son, Mark, struggled with math. Instead of focusing on his weaknesses, Jessa encouraged him to join the school’s robotics club, where he excelled. This boosted his confidence and helped him develop problem-solving skills that he could also apply to his math studies. She used to say “I know Math is a bit of a struggle, but robotics proves you have a great mind to solve complex problems. Maybe we can use the way you solve problems during robotics for math!”.
Building a Support Network: The Importance of Family and Community
No child can thrive in isolation. It’s crucial to build a strong support network for your child, consisting of family members, friends, teachers, and other trusted adults. While you’re away, these people can provide emotional support, guidance, and a sense of belonging.
- Involve Family Members: Enlist the help of your parents, siblings, or other relatives to provide care and support for your child. Encourage them to spend time with your child, attend school events, and provide a listening ear.
- Foster Friendships: Encourage your child to build friendships with peers who share their interests and values. Arrange playdates, outings, or group activities where they can interact with other children.
- Communicate with Teachers: Stay in regular communication with your child’s teachers. Ask for updates on their academic progress and behavior, and work together to address any challenges they may be facing.
- Consider Counseling: If your child is struggling with emotional or behavioral issues, consider seeking professional help from a counselor or therapist. A therapist can provide a safe and supportive environment for your child to explore their feelings and develop coping strategies.
Many OFWs would ask the grandparents to treat their grandchildren as their own so that the children don’t feel that they are missing a parent. Other OFWs would coordinate with their siblings who live close to their children.
Addressing the Unique Challenges of OFW Children
Children of OFWs face unique challenges that require special attention and understanding. Some common issues include feelings of abandonment, loneliness, increased responsibility, and difficulty adjusting to changes in caregivers. It’s important to acknowledge these challenges and provide your child with the support they need to cope with them.
- Acknowledge Their Feelings: Let your child know that it’s okay to feel sad, angry, or lonely about your absence. Validate their feelings and reassure them that you love them and are working hard to provide for their future.
- Address Their Concerns: Listen carefully to your child’s concerns and address them honestly and openly. If they’re worried about your safety, reassure them that you’re taking precautions and that you’re in regular contact with your family.
- Create a Sense of Stability: Try to create a sense of stability and routine in your child’s life. Maintain consistent rules and expectations, and provide them with a predictable schedule.
- Be Patient and Understanding: Remember that your child may need extra time and support to adjust to your absence. Be patient and understanding, and offer them unconditional love and acceptance.
For any child, it’s difficult to accept and understand that a parent has to leave them, especially at a young age.
Managing Guilt: It’s Okay to Take Care of Yourself Too
Many OFWs struggle with guilt about leaving their children behind. It’s important to remember that you’re working hard to provide a better future for your family, and that you deserve to take care of yourself too. When you’re physically and emotionally healthy, you’re better able to support your children from afar.
- Prioritize Self-Care: Make time for activities that help you relax, rejuvenate, and recharge. This could include exercising, reading, spending time with friends, or pursuing hobbies.
- Seek Support: Talk to other OFWs, friends, or family members about your feelings. Sharing your experiences with others can help you feel less alone and more understood.
- Focus on the Positive: Remind yourself of the reasons why you’re working abroad. Focus on the positive impact your work is having on your family’s life.
- Forgive Yourself: Accept that you’re not perfect and that you’re doing the best you can. Forgive yourself for any mistakes you’ve made and focus on moving forward.
A mentally and emotionally healthy parent can parent much better than a tired and overworked parent.
Leveraging Technology for Emotional Connection
Beyond basic communication, technology offers many ways to deepen emotional connection with your children. Think creatively about how you can use technology to participate in their lives, even from a distance.
- Virtual Field Trips: Explore museums, zoos, or historical sites together online. Many institutions offer virtual tours that you can experience together. Look for free or low-cost virtual tours that your child may be interested in.
- Collaborative Projects: Work on a shared project, such as writing a story, creating a digital scrapbook, or learning a new language together. This gives you a common goal and provides opportunities for interaction and bonding.
- Movie Nights: Schedule regular movie nights where you watch the same movie at the same time and then discuss it afterward. This creates a shared experience and allows you to connect over common interests.
- Online Games: Play online games together that encourage teamwork and communication. This can be a fun and engaging way to spend time together and strengthen your bond.
For example, an OFW family would play online games together to build memories together.
Working with the Caregiver: Establishing a United Front
The person primarily responsible for your child’s care in your absence plays a crucial role in their development. It’s essential to establish a strong working relationship with this caregiver and ensure you’re both on the same page regarding discipline, values, and expectations.
- Open Communication: Maintain open and honest communication with the caregiver. Regularly check in to discuss your child’s progress, behavior, and any concerns they may have.
- Shared Expectations: Clearly communicate your expectations regarding discipline, rules, and routines. Make sure the caregiver understands your values and is committed to upholding them.
- Mutual Support: Offer support and appreciation to the caregiver. Recognize the important role they’re playing in your child’s life and let them know that you value their efforts.
- Regular Meetings: If possible, schedule regular meetings with the caregiver to discuss your child’s development and address any issues that may arise. This can be done in person or via video call.
For example, an OFW mom always has a sit-down (virtual) with the child’s teacher and the relatives looking after the child to make sure everyone is aligned. This can be a good avenue to hear everyone’s perspective and make mutual agreements.
The Power of Storytelling: Sharing Your Journey and Values
Sharing your personal stories and values with your children can help them understand your choices and connect with you on a deeper level. Tell them about your journey as an OFW, the challenges you’ve faced, and the values that guide your decisions.
- Share Your “Why”: Explain to your children why you chose to work abroad. Help them understand that you’re doing it to provide a better future for them and the family.
- Share Your Experiences: Tell them about your life in the country where you’re working. Share stories about your work, your colleagues, and the culture you’re experiencing.
- Share Your Values: Talk to them about the values that are important to you, such as hard work, honesty, perseverance, and family. Explain how these values have shaped your life and why they’re important.
- Create a Family Legacy: Consider creating a written or video record of your family’s history and traditions. This can help your children connect with their heritage and develop a sense of identity.
OFWs can use storytelling as a way to keep their children close to their heart. An OFW dad would write his kids letters to send home.
Financial Literacy Starts Early
While you are sending money for the family, teach the children where all the finances come from. Educate them the value of things and money. Make sure to make them aware of how hard you are working, so they appreciate the things they have and are more careful about expenditures.
- Explain the Value of Money: Even young children can understand that money is earned through hard work and is used to pay for necessities and things they want.
- Involve Them in Budgeting: As they get older, involve them in family budgeting decisions. Show them how you allocate your income and explain the importance of saving and spending wisely.
- Teach Them About Saving: Encourage them to save a portion of their allowance or any money they receive as gifts. Help them set savings goals and track their progress.
- Model Responsible Spending: Demonstrate responsible spending habits yourself. Avoid impulse purchases and show them how to compare prices and make informed decisions.
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)
Here are some common questions OFWs have about raising resilient children from afar:
How can I deal with my child’s anger towards me for being away?
Acknowledge their feelings first. Let them know it’s okay to be angry and that you understand why. Don’t dismiss their emotions or try to brush them off. Instead, listen to their concerns and validate their feelings. Be patient and understanding, and reassure them that you love them and are doing this for the family. Create dedicated time for them, to have a place to vent or just to have the emotional support from you.
What if my child starts acting out or misbehaving when I am away?
First, try to figure out the underlying cause. Is it attention-seeking, frustration, or something else? Work with the caregiver to establish clear rules and consequences, and be consistent in enforcing them. Spend extra time talking to your child and addressing their concerns. If the behavior persists, consider seeking professional help from a counselor or therapist.
How do I ensure my child doesn’t feel lonely or abandoned?
Regular communication is key. Schedule frequent video calls, send messages and photos, and participate in their lives as much as possible from afar. Encourage them to build strong relationships with other family members, friends, and community members. Create a supportive environment where they feel loved, valued, and connected.
My child is being bullied. What can I do from abroad?
First, listen to your child and validate their feelings. Reassure them that it’s not their fault and that you’re there to help. Work with the caregiver and the school to address the bullying situation. Encourage your child to develop strategies for dealing with bullies, such as assertive communication and seeking help from trusted adults. If necessary, consider seeking professional help from a counselor or therapist.
How do I support my child’s education when I’m not there to help with homework?
Stay in regular communication with your child’s teachers and ask for updates on their academic progress. Utilize online resources and tutoring services to provide additional support. Designate a trusted adult, such as a grandparent or older sibling, to help with homework and provide guidance. Make sure that they know they can ask for your help even when you are far away.
How can I stay updated on my child’s life and activities when I’m far away?
Stay in close communication with the caregiver, teachers, and other family members. Utilize technology to stay connected, such as video calls, messaging apps, and social media. Ask for photos and videos of your child’s activities and attend school events virtually when possible. This way you still get to share your child’s important moment even though afar.
How can I help my child adjust to the culture of the country I am working in if they visit?
Talk to them about the culture before they arrive, including customs, traditions, and expectations. Learn a few basic phrases in the local language together. Be patient and understanding as they adjust to the new environment. Encourage them to try new things and explore the local culture. Support their curiosity and celebrate their efforts to adapt.
References
American Psychological Association. “Resilience.”
Dweck, Carol. “Mindset: The New Psychology of Success.”
While being an OFW is challenging, it doesn’t have to prevent you from raising resilient, independent children. By prioritizing communication, empowering them with responsibilities, fostering problem-solving skills, nurturing their self-esteem, and building a strong support network, you can equip your children with the tools they need to thrive, even in your absence. Your hard work abroad is an investment in their future—make sure you consciously invest in their character too. Let’s start today!
