Being an Overseas Filipino Worker (OFW) is a big sacrifice. You work hard to give your family a better life, but it means being away from your kids. One of the biggest worries for OFWs is how to raise strong, independent, and resilient children from a distance. This guide is here to help you navigate that journey. We’ll talk about ways to stay connected, teach responsibility, and build your child’s confidence, even when you’re miles apart.
Understanding Resilience: What Does It Really Mean?
Resilience isn’t just about being tough; it’s about being able to bounce back from tough times. It’s the ability to adapt, learn, and grow even when things get hard. For kids, this could mean dealing with a bad grade, a fight with a friend, or the sadness of missing you, their OFW parent. A resilient child doesn’t necessarily avoid problems, but they face them head-on, learn from their mistakes, and keep moving forward. Consider that a resilient child is built, not born. It is crafted little by little daily, through experiences—both good and bad.
Why is Resilience Important, Especially for OFW Kids?
Children of OFWs face unique challenges. They might feel lonely, miss having you around for important events, or even feel a sense of responsibility for their family. Building resilience helps them cope with these feelings and develop into well-adjusted individuals. They learn to solve problems on their own, manage their emotions, and build strong relationships, even when you aren’t physically present. A study from the Philippine Statistics Authority suggests that children of OFWs are more likely to experience psychological distress. Hence, resilience becomes a critical protective factor.
Staying Connected: Bridging the Distance
Technology is your best friend as an OFW. It allows you to be present in your child’s life, even when you’re thousands of miles away. Don’t just rely on short phone calls; make the most of the tools you have. Schedule regular video calls so you can see their faces and hear their stories. Video calls allow face-to-face interaction, which studies suggest is vital for children’s development of social skills.
Making the Most of Video Calls
Don’t just ask, “How was your day?” Dive deeper. Ask specific questions about their schoolwork, their friends, and their hobbies. Share stories about your day too. Let them know what you’re working on, what you’re learning, and even what you’re struggling with. It helps to build a genuine connection. For example, you might say, “I had a tough time with my boss today, but I figured out a solution. It made me feel proud of myself.” This shows them that even adults face challenges and learn to overcome them.
Beyond Video Calls: Other Ways to Stay in Touch
Think about other ways to connect. Send them handwritten letters or postcards. It might seem old-fashioned, but the personal touch can mean a lot. You can also use messaging apps to send them encouraging messages, funny memes, or even quick voice notes. Play online games together. Some OFWs organize weekly family game nights with their kids using online platforms. It’s a fun way to bond and create shared experiences. Share photos of your life where you are working so that they visualize where you are and the circumstances you’re in. Record yourself reading their favorite stories and send them the recordings. This can be especially helpful for younger children.
Creating a Consistent Communication Routine
Consistency is key. Set up a regular schedule for video calls or phone calls and stick to it as much as possible. This helps your child feel secure and know that you’re always there for them. Even if you can’t always be there physically, they know they can count on your presence in their lives. Put these communication schedules on a shared online calendar so everyone in the family knows when to expect these calls. Have backup plans in case something comes up on your end. For Instance, if you need to work overtime, assign another family member to keep in touch with your child to maintain the routine.
Fostering Independence: Building Self-Reliance
One of the best ways to build resilience is to teach your children to be independent. This doesn’t mean leaving them to fend for themselves; it means giving them the tools and opportunities to learn to solve problems and make decisions on their own.
Assigning Age-Appropriate Responsibilities
Start by giving them age-appropriate chores and responsibilities. Even young children can help with simple tasks like setting the table, sorting laundry, or feeding pets. Older children can take on bigger responsibilities like doing the grocery shopping, cooking meals, or managing their own schoolwork. When assigning responsibilities, take into account their workload and availability, and don’t overdo it.
Encouraging Problem-Solving Skills
When your child comes to you with a problem, resist the urge to immediately solve it for them. Instead, ask them questions and guide them to find their own solutions. For example, if they’re struggling with a math problem, don’t just give them the answer. Ask them, “What have you tried so far? What do you think the next step should be?” This helps them develop their problem-solving skills and build confidence in their abilities. Consider introducing board games and puzzles that help them utilize their problem-solving skill. These encourage them in a fun way.
Allowing Safe and Calculated Risks
Let your children take reasonable risks. This could mean trying a new sport, joining a school club, or even walking to school on their own. Allowing them to step outside their comfort zone helps them build confidence and learn to deal with failure. Of course, it’s important to have safety nets in place and to supervise them appropriately, especially when they’re trying something new. For example, before letting them walk to school alone, practice the route with them several times and make sure they know what to do in case of an emergency.
The Importance of Financial Literacy Early On
Incorporating basic financial lessons at a young age can set the stage for a lifetime of responsible money management. Many OFWs send remittances home, and teaching kids how to budget and save can show them how their parent’s hard work translates into tangible benefits for the family. Explain the difference between needs and wants. Help them create a simple budget for their allowance. Encourage them to save a portion of their allowance for a goal. You can even set up a small savings plan and offer to match their savings. Teach them the value of comparing price and looking for deals. Talk to them about the dangers of excessive spending and debt. By giving them a clear understanding of money, you’re teaching them about resourcefulness and discipline.
Building Confidence: Empowering Your Child
Confidence is essential for resilience. Children who believe in themselves are more likely to take risks, try new things, and bounce back from setbacks. As an OFW parent, you can play a big role in building your child’s confidence, even from afar.
Providing Unconditional Love and Support
Let your child know that you love them unconditionally, no matter what. This means accepting them for who they are, flaws and all. It also means being there for them when they make mistakes, offering encouragement, and helping them learn from their experiences. Use encouraging and positive affirmations. Remind them about their strengths and achievements to reinforce this, and make them feel loved. If they fail or make bad decisions, show that you love them nonetheless.
Focusing on Effort and Progress, Not Just Results
Praise your child for their effort and progress, rather than just focusing on their results. This helps them develop a growth mindset, where they believe that their abilities can be developed through hard work and dedication. For example, instead of just saying, “You got an A on your test,” say, “I’m so proud of how hard you studied for this test. Your hard work really paid off!” Celebrate small victories, not just big achievements. Acknowledging small milestones can motivate them.
Encouraging Their Interests and Talents
Support your child’s interests and talents, even if they’re different from your own. Encourage them to pursue their passions and provide them with opportunities to develop their skills. This could mean enrolling them in lessons, buying them supplies, or simply cheering them on from the sidelines. Remember, their passions may be their means of dealing with your absence.
Celebrating Their Uniqueness
Emphasize that everyone has unique talents and skills, and it’s not always about being “the best” at something. Teach your child to appreciate and embrace their own individuality. Celebrate their unique qualities. Focus on their individual strengths. This may be their passion for art, music or a particular sport. Celebrating their individuality can promote self-esteem and lessen the pressure to measure up and make them comfortable being themselves.
Working With the Caregiver: Creating a United Front
As an OFW, you rely heavily on the caregiver who’s taking care of your child in your absence. Whether it’s your spouse, a relative, or a nanny, it’s important to work together to create a consistent and supportive environment for your child.
Establishing Clear Communication Channels
Set up clear communication channels with the caregiver. This could mean regular phone calls, video calls, or messaging apps. Discuss your expectations, your child’s needs, and any concerns you have. By communicating regularly, you can stay informed about your child’s life and work together to address any challenges that arise.
Sharing Your Parenting Philosophy
Share your parenting philosophy with the caregiver. Explain your values, your discipline methods, and your goals for your child. This helps ensure that the caregiver is aligned with your parenting style and is reinforcing the same messages and values that you would if you were there.
Supporting the Caregiver
Remember that being a caregiver is a challenging job, especially when taking care of children who miss their OFW parent. Offer your support and appreciation to the caregiver. Acknowledge their hard work and offer to help in any way you can. This could mean sending them extra money, giving them time off, or simply expressing your gratitude for their dedication. A happy caregiver will translate to a happy and well-cared for child.
Setting Boundaries and House Rules
If you are not the primary caregiver at home, respect the authority that they may have on your children. Communicate that although you are working abroad, you support their decision and encourage them to discipline the kids regularly according to the house rules. This is to avoid undermining each other’s roles at home. The children might try to play one parent off the other to get what they want.
Addressing Common Challenges: OFW Family Dynamics
Being an OFW family comes with its own unique set of challenges. Understanding these challenges and having strategies to address them can help your family stay strong and resilient.
Dealing with Feelings of Guilt and Loneliness
It’s normal to feel guilty about being away from your child. Remind yourself that you’re doing it for their future. Focus on the positive impact you’re having on their lives. Seek support from other OFWs or from a therapist. Encourage your kids to keep in touch with you, but understand that they can also feel lonely. Acknowledge their feelings and support them.
Managing Expectations and Disappointments
Not everything will go according to plan. There may be times when you can’t make it home for important events, or when your child struggles with academic or social challenges. Manage your expectations and be prepared for disappointments. Focus on what you can control, and learn to let go of what you can’t. Talk about the realities of being an OFW family. Manage your kids expectations and make them understand the circumstances. Make them part of the decision, so they feel they have more control over their lives. Explain to them that you can’t make it to a birthday party, or any activity but you can make up for it at a later time.
Seeking Professional Help: When to Reach Out
Sometimes, the challenges of being an OFW family can be overwhelming. It’s important to recognize when you need professional help. It’s okay to ask for assistance, and it doesn’t make you a bad parent. Consult with a therapist or counselor if you or your child are struggling with anxiety, depression, or other mental health issues. Professional help can provide tools and strategies to cope with the difficulties encountered. It is crucial as well to consult with your healthcare provider should you experience challenges.
FAQ Section
What if my child refuses to talk to me during video calls?
Don’t take it personally. It could be that they’re tired, busy, or just not in the mood. Try to find a time that works better for them. Make the calls more engaging by playing games or reading stories together. Don’t pressure them, be patient and consistent. Continue to show interest and availability, and they’ll likely come around. Remind the children that you are there for them consistently.
How can I discipline my child from afar?
Work with the caregiver to enforce consistent discipline. Discuss your expectations and agreed-upon consequences for misbehavior. When addressing a problem, focus on the behavior, not the child. For example, instead of saying, “You’re a bad kid,” say, “That wasn’t a good choice.” Emphasize the need for discipline and teach them why it is necessary.
My child seems to be spending too much time on gadgets. What should I do?
Set limits on screen time and encourage other activities. Help them find hobbies and interests that they enjoy. Create a schedule for screen time and stick to it. Talk to them about the importance of balancing their time and the dangers of excessive gadget use.
How can I help my child cope with missing me during special occasions?
Acknowledge their feelings and let them know that it’s okay to be sad. Celebrate the occasion in a special way, even if you can’t be there in person. Send them a thoughtful gift or arrange a video call with the whole family. Plan a special activity for when you come home. Arrange a special video call with other relatives and friends so they feel loved and supported.
How can I make sure my child is making good friends?
Talk to your child about the qualities of a good friend. Encourage them to participate in activities where they can meet like-minded people. Get to know their friends and their families. Communicate with the caregiver about your concerns, and discuss strategies to encourage positive relationships.
References
- Philippine Statistics Authority. (Various Years). Special Release on Overseas Filipinos.
Raising resilient kids from afar is no easy task, but it’s definitely possible. By staying connected, fostering independence, building confidence, working with the caregiver, and addressing common challenges, you can help your child thrive, even when you’re miles apart. Your love, dedication, and guidance will make a huge difference in their lives. Start implementing these strategies today, and watch your child grow into a strong, independent, and resilient individual. They will truly appreciate all your hard work! Think of the bigger picture, always – that your sacrifices will pay off in the long run. Don’t give up!
