When a Filipino parent works abroad, their children often feel homesick, a sadness for what they’re missing at home. This article guides Filipino parents working overseas (Overseas Filipino Workers or OFWs) on how to help their children cope with these feelings and stay emotionally healthy.
Understanding Homesickness in Children of OFWs
Homesickness isn’t just missing a place; it’s a mix of sadness, worry, and loneliness that kids feel when separated from the people, places, and routines they love. For children of OFWs, this can be especially hard. It’s not just missing their parents; it’s often missing a sense of stability and security. Imagine a young child whose mom always tucked them in at night suddenly having to rely on someone else. Or a teenager who used to confide everything in their dad now feeling like they have no one to talk to. These are the kinds of experiences that fuel homesickness.
It’s important to remember that homesickness manifests differently in each child. Some kids might become withdrawn and quiet, spending hours alone in their rooms. Others might become irritable and act out, arguing with relatives or siblings. Still others might complain of physical ailments like headaches or tummy aches, even though there’s nothing physically wrong. These are all signs that a child is struggling emotionally, and it’s crucial to address these issues with empathy and understanding. According to a study published by the United Nations Children’s Fund (UNICEF), children separated from their parents are more vulnerable to mental health issues, emphasizing the importance of proactive support from OFWs and their families back home.
Recognizing the Signs of Homesickness
Spotting homesickness early can make a big difference. Look out for these common signs:
- Changes in appetite (eating too much or too little)
- Difficulty sleeping or frequent nightmares
- Increased clinginess or withdrawal from family and friends
- Frequent crying or tearfulness
- Complaints of physical ailments like headaches or stomach aches
- Difficulty concentrating at school
- Loss of interest in activities they used to enjoy
- Constant comparing of the current situation to how things were before
Sometimes, children might not be able to express their homesickness directly. They might say things like, “I miss Nanay’s cooking” or “I wish Tatay was here to help me with my homework.” These seemingly simple statements are often cries for help, and it’s essential to acknowledge and address the underlying feelings of sadness and longing.
Why Homesickness is Tougher for Children of OFWs
The unique challenges of being a child of an OFW amplify the feeling of homesickness. It’s not just about missing “home”; it’s about missing a parent who plays a crucial role in their emotional and physical development. Here’s why it can be harder:
- The Absence of a Parent: This is the most obvious factor. The daily routines, guidance, and emotional support that the OFW parent provided are suddenly gone. Imagine a child’s fear of the dark being soothed by Nanay’s lullabies, now replaced with the quiet of an empty room.
- Changes in Caregivers: Often, children are left in the care of other relatives, such as grandparents, aunts, or uncles. While these relatives may be loving and well-intentioned, they might have different parenting styles or struggle to understand the child’s emotional needs. The change in the caregiver dynamics can create additional stress and anxiety, exacerbating feelings of homesickness.
- Financial Pressures: Sometimes, the money sent by the OFW parent can ease financial burdens but also bring new worries. Children might feel guilty about asking for things or worry about how their parent is doing financially. This added stress can contribute to their overall sense of unhappiness and disconnection.
- Communication Barriers: Even with modern technology, staying connected can be difficult. Time differences, unreliable internet access, and the cost of international calls can hinder regular communication. When children can’t easily talk to their parents, they may feel even more isolated and forgotten.
Practical Ways OFWs Can Support Their Children
Even from afar, you can do a lot to help your child feel loved, supported, and connected. These tips offer actionable ways to stay involved in your child’s life:
Regular and Meaningful Communication
This is the cornerstone of maintaining a strong parent-child relationship. Don’t just ask “How are you?” Dig deeper and show genuine interest in their lives. Schedule regular video calls, even if it’s just for a few minutes each day. Use these calls to talk about their day, their friends, their schoolwork, and their hobbies. If your child is shy, suggest playing a game online together or watching the same movie and discussing it afterward. It’s about creating shared experiences, even from a distance. According to a report by the International Labour Organization (ILO), consistent communication between migrant workers and their families significantly contributes to the well-being of children left behind. Consider creating a family online group chat where you all share photos, updates, and funny stories.
Creating a Sense of Routine and Predictability
Children thrive on routine. Work with the caregivers to establish consistent routines, such as meal times, bedtime rituals, and study schedules. This helps create a sense of stability and normalcy in their lives. Perhaps you can assign specific tasks or chores for your child each day, just like you would if you were there. You can even create a visual schedule together and decorate it, making them feel involved in the process. Remember to praise their efforts and celebrate their achievements, no matter how small. These little things can make a big difference in their overall sense of security.
Sending Care Packages and Letters
A care package filled with familiar treats, small toys, and handwritten letters can be a powerful reminder of your love and presence. Include items that remind them of home, such as their favorite candies, local delicacies, or souvenirs from your travels. A handwritten letter, filled with words of encouragement and love, can be especially meaningful. Talk about your memories together, share stories about your day, and express how much you miss them. Enclose pictures of yourself and your new surroundings as well; this helps them feel more connected to your life overseas. Consider inviting them to help you decorate the box before you send it. Involve them in the whole process.
Staying Involved in Their Education
Even from afar, you can stay involved in your child’s education. Communicate regularly with their teachers, attend parent-teacher conferences virtually, and help them with their homework. Show them that you value their education and are invested in their success. Ask them about what they’re learning in school, and encourage them to share their projects and assignments with you. If possible, set aside time each week to review their schoolwork together via video call. Offer encouragement and praise for their efforts, and help them find resources for learning challenges.
Creating Special Traditions
Establish traditions that you can maintain even when you’re far away. For example, you could read them a bedtime story over video call every night, sing them a birthday song on their special day, or send them a special gift for holidays. These traditions create a sense of connection and help them feel loved and remembered. Consider celebrating Filipino holidays together virtually, such as Christmas or birthdays, where you can decorate, sing carols, or share a virtual meal.
Open Communication About Your Life Abroad
Talk to your children about your life abroad, but be mindful of their age and understanding. Share positive experiences, but also be honest about the challenges you face. This helps them understand why you’re away and builds trust in your relationship. Avoid overloading them with details that might cause them unnecessary worry, but be open and honest about your experiences. If you are able to, show them photos and videos of your work or your new home country. Let them ask questions and feel like they are a part of your life, even from a distance.
Supporting the Caregiver
The caregiver, whether it’s a grandparent, aunt, or uncle, plays a crucial role in your child’s well-being. Make sure they have the resources and support they need to care for your child. Check in with them regularly to ask how they’re doing and offer assistance if needed. Recognize that being a substitute parent is demanding, and show your appreciation for their efforts. Communicate openly about your parenting philosophies and expectations so that the caregiver is aligned with your values. Send special gifts and messages of appreciation to the caregiver to show your regard.
Seek Professional Help When Needed
If your child is struggling significantly with homesickness or showing signs of emotional distress, don’t hesitate to seek professional help. A counselor or therapist can provide them with the support and guidance they need to cope with their feelings. Look for therapists who specialize in children of OFWs and understand the unique challenges they face. Teletherapy, where sessions are conducted virtually, can be a convenient option, especially if finding a therapist in your local area is difficult. Resources like the Department of Social Welfare and Development (DSWD) can provide guidance and referrals to mental health professionals in the Philippines.
Encouraging Independence and Resilience
While providing support and comfort is essential, it’s also important to encourage your child’s independence and resilience. Here’s how:
Encouraging Hobbies and Interests
Help your child explore new hobbies and interests. This can provide them with a sense of accomplishment and help them connect with others. Encourage them to join clubs, participate in sports, or pursue creative activities. These activities can serve as healthy distractions from their feelings of homesickness and help them build new friendships. Support them in developing skills and abilities that can boost their self-esteem and confidence.
Fostering Social Connections
Encourage your child to build strong relationships with their peers. Help them organize playdates, participate in group activities, and stay connected with their friends. Social connections can provide them with a sense of belonging and help them cope with feelings of loneliness. Remind them to be a good friend to others and to seek out supportive relationships. Create opportunities for them to interact with others, such as organizing outings or attending community events.
Teaching Problem-Solving Skills
Equip your child with the skills they need to solve problems and cope with challenges. Teach them how to identify problems, brainstorm solutions, and make decisions. Encourage them to take responsibility for their actions and learn from their mistakes. Help them develop a positive attitude and a resilient mindset, so they can handle setbacks and overcome obstacles successfully. When they come to you, don’t just solve problems; help them figure out solutions.
Promoting Self-Care
Teach your child the importance of self-care. Encourage them to take care of their physical and emotional well-being. Remind them to get enough sleep, eat healthy foods, exercise regularly, and engage in activities that bring them joy. Spend time talking to them about their feelings and encourage them to express themselves in healthy ways. Introduce them to mindfulness practices, such as deep breathing exercises or meditation, to help them manage stress and anxiety. Lead by example, sharing your own self-care routines and strategies with them.
Addressing Common Concerns and Challenges
Many OFWs worry about the impact of their absence on their children. Here are some solutions to common concerns:
Guilt and Regret
Many OFWs feel guilty about leaving their children behind. It’s essential to acknowledge these feelings and address them in a healthy way. Remind yourself that you’re working hard to provide a better future for your family. Focus on the positive impact your work has on their lives and take steps to stay connected and involved. Talk to a trusted friend, family member, or therapist about your feelings of guilt and regret. You can also use affirmations or journaling to process your emotions.
Resistance from Children
Some children may resist communication or express anger towards their OFW parent. It’s important to be patient and understanding. Acknowledge their feelings and let them know that it’s okay to be angry or upset. Continue to reach out and show them that you care, even if they push you away. Avoid getting defensive or taking their outbursts personally. Give them space to express their emotions and listen to their concerns without judgment. Ultimately, consistency is key.
Changes in Behavior
Changes in behavior, such as withdrawal or acting out, are common signs of homesickness. Address these changes with empathy and understanding. Talk to your child about their feelings and try to identify the underlying causes of their behavior. Work with the caregiver to create a supportive and nurturing environment. Seek professional help if needed. Try to understand the root cause of each behavior.
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ)
Here are some frequently asked questions about supporting children of OFWs experiencing homesickness:
Q: How can I tell if my child is really homesick, or just having a bad day?
A: It’s normal for children to have occasional bad days, but homesickness is more persistent. Look for a combination of symptoms that last for more than a few days, such as changes in appetite, difficulty sleeping, increased clinginess or withdrawal, and frequent crying.
Q: What if my child refuses to talk to me during our video calls?
A: Don’t take it personally. Your child might be feeling overwhelmed or unsure of how to express their feelings. Try to make the calls more engaging by playing games, watching videos together, or talking about shared interests. Let them know you’re there for them, even if they don’t want to talk. Just being present can provide comfort.
Q: How can I help my child cope with special occasions like birthdays or holidays when I can’t be there?
A: Plan ahead and make the occasion as special as possible. Send a care package with gifts and decorations, arrange a surprise video call, or ask family and friends to celebrate with your child. Focus on creating memories, even from afar. Maybe even plan a virtual tour of the place you are currently staying in as a way of letting them celebrate with you albeit virtually.
Q: My child is struggling in school since I left. What can I do?
A: Communicate with their teachers to understand the specific challenges they’re facing. Offer to help with homework via video call, and provide encouragement and support. Consider hiring a tutor if needed. Show your child that you value their education, even from a distance.
Q: How can I make sure the caregiver is providing the best possible care for my child?
A: Communicate with the caregiver regularly and build a strong, trusting relationship. Clearly communicate your parenting philosophies and expectations. Provide the caregiver with the resources and support they need, and show your appreciation for their efforts. Trust is important but never hesitate to visit unannounced if you can.
Q: What if I can’t afford professional counseling for my child?
A: Look for free or low-cost mental health resources in your community. The DSWD provides social services and referrals to mental health professionals. Some schools and organizations also offer free counseling services. Inquire about online support groups or self-help resources that may be helpful.
References
- UNICEF. (n.d.). Children and Migration.
- International Labour Organization. (n.d.). Labour Migration.
- Department of Social Welfare and Development (DSWD). (n.d.). Official website.
Instead of a conclusion, remember that your love and support, even from a distance, play a huge role. Stay connected, communicate often, and actively participate in your child’s life. By taking these steps, you can help them navigate the challenges of homesickness and grow into resilient, well-adjusted individuals. Take action today—schedule that video call, send that care package, and let your child know you’re always there for them. Your presence is invaluable to them. Start small, but start now.
