It’s tough when a parent works far away, especially for kids. Being an OFW (Overseas Filipino Worker) is a big sacrifice, and one of the hardest parts is being away from your children. This article is all about helping you understand how your kids might be feeling and what you can do to help them cope with you being away.
Understanding Your Child’s Feelings
Let’s be honest, kids miss their moms and dads. It’s a normal feeling. But for children of OFWs, this missing can be stronger and last longer. It’s not just about wanting someone to play with; it’s about feeling secure, loved, and like their family is complete. Younger kids might not understand why you’re gone, while older kids might understand the reason but still feel sad and lonely. It’s important to remember that even if they seem okay on the outside, they might be struggling inside. A study by the Scalabrini Migration Center showed that children of migrant workers can experience higher rates of depression and anxiety. Recognizing these potential challenges is the first step in helping your child thrive.
Signs Your Child Might Be Missing You
Kids show they’re missing you in different ways. Some get quiet and withdrawn, while others become clingy with the caregiver who’s with them. Some might have trouble sleeping or suddenly start wetting the bed again, even if they haven’t done that in years. Watch out for changes in their behavior at school, too. Are they suddenly acting out, or are their grades dropping? Sometimes, they might even start complaining about physical things like tummy aches or headaches when there’s nothing actually wrong. These are all clues that they might be missing you and need some extra love and attention. Don’t dismiss these signs – they’re a way for your child to communicate their feelings.
Keeping the Connection Strong: Simple Ways to Stay in Touch
Even though you’re far away, there are lots of ways to stay connected with your kids. One of the best things you can do is schedule regular video calls. It’s not just about seeing each other; it’s about having real conversations. Ask them about their day, their friends, what they’re learning in school, and their hobbies. Make it personal and show them you’re really interested. Instead of just asking “How was your day?” try asking “What was the funniest thing that happened at school today?” or “What’s the coolest thing you learned?”
Sending letters and packages is another great way to make your child feel loved. A handwritten letter is special and shows you took the time to think about them. Include photos, stickers, or small toys to make it even more exciting. You can work with relatives back home to help facilitate letter exchange or video calls.UNICEF offers more insights on ways to strengthen parent-child relationships, even from a distance.
Making the Most of Your Time Together
When you do get to come home, make the most of it. Don’t just spend the whole time catching up on chores or visiting other relatives. Plan special activities with your kids, even if it’s just going to the park or watching a movie together. Let them choose what you do sometimes, so they feel like their voice matters. More importantly, be present and engaged. Put away your phone and focus on spending quality time with them. Make them feel like they are the most important thing in the world during that time. Create memories that will last long after you leave again.
Helping Your Child Cope with Your Absence: Practical Tips
One tip is to create a special “missing you” box. Fill it with things that remind your child of you, like photos, letters, a t-shirt that smells like you, or their favorite toy. They can look at it and hold onto it whenever they’re feeling sad. Another idea is to create a scrapbook together with pictures and stories about your life. It’s a great way to share yourself and make them feel more connected to you.
Talk openly with your child about your work and why you have to be away. Explain it in a way they can understand, and reassure them that it’s not their fault. Let them know that you miss them too, and that you’re doing it for their future. Acknowledge their feelings of sadness and loneliness, and let them know it’s okay to feel that way. Empathy is very important. Simply saying “I know it’s hard when I’m gone” can make a big difference.
The Role of the Caregiver: Staying Strong for Your Child
If you’re the caregiver back home (grandparent, spouse, sibling), you play a crucial role in helping the child cope with the OFW parent’s absence. First, encourage regular communication between the child and the OFW parent. Make sure the child knows when the next call will be and help them prepare things they want to share. Second, be a good listener. Allow the child to express their feelings, even if they are negative. Don’t dismiss their emotions or tell them to “be strong”. Validate their feelings by saying things like, “It’s okay to feel sad that your mom/dad is away.” Finally, create a stable and loving home environment. Maintain routines as much as possible, and provide plenty of affection and support. It will give the child a sense of security during a potentially unstable time.
Technology as a Bridge: Using Digital Tools to Connect
Technology is a powerful tool for connecting families separated by distance. Beyond just video calls, explore other digital tools to keep your child engaged. Play online games together, watch movies at the same time while video chatting, or even read bedtime stories virtually. Many apps also allow you to send voice messages or short videos, which can be a sweet way to say “I love you” throughout the day. The key is to find creative ways to use technology to make your child feel like you’re still part of their daily life. Just remember to set healthy boundaries and limitations on screen time, of course.
Celebrating Special Occasions from Afar
Birthdays, holidays, and other special occasions can be especially tough when you’re an OFW. Plan in advance how you will celebrate with your child, even if you can’t be there physically. Send a special package or care basket with gifts and decorations. Organize a virtual party with friends and family. Record a video message for them to watch. Get creative. What is most unique about your kid? Maybe they love drawing or singing or telling corny jokes! Incorporate their quirkiness in the celebration. You can also write a personalized song dedicated to them and play it during the virtual party. Make sure they feel loved and celebrated, even from a distance. You can connect relatives to help organize surprise gifts, a surprise greeting, or video recordings.
Addressing Loneliness in OFW Children
Loneliness is a common feeling among children of OFWs. They may miss having a parent around for everyday activities, special events, or simply to talk to. Encourage your child to participate in extracurricular activities, such as sports, music lessons, or clubs. These activities can provide opportunities to socialize with other kids and develop new interests. Help them to form strong friendships by inviting friends over to play or arranging playdates. The Child Mind Institute has advice about helping kids make friends.
The Importance of Family Traditions
Maintaining family traditions can help children of OFWs feel connected to their heritage and family identity, even when a parent is absent. Continue to celebrate holidays and other special occasions in the same way you always have. Even small customs, like eating dinner together or reading bedtime stories, can provide a sense of stability and continuity. When the OFW parent is able to come home, make a special effort to participate in these traditions and create new ones together. These shared experiences will strengthen family bonds and create lasting memories.
When to Seek Professional Help
While most children of OFWs are resilient and adapt well to the situation, some may struggle with more serious emotional or behavioral problems. If your child is exhibiting signs of depression, anxiety, or other mental health concerns, don’t hesitate to seek professional help. A therapist or counselor can provide a safe and supportive space for your child to process their feelings and develop coping strategies. Don’t view seeking professional help as a sign of weakness. It demonstrates you prioritize your child’s well-being.
Building Trust and Open Communication
For the OFW, It’s important to build a trusting connection between your caregiver. Discuss your expectations as a parent. Ensure your child knows what you discussed. In addition, talk to your children about age-appropriate updates about your work, life, and future. If there will be adjustments about your return, communicate beforehand. Openness will help the child trust you even more. They will understand the changes in your work and situation. This shows respect and transparency about your life and situation. It also prepares them emotionally especially when dealing with changes due to work.
Remittances Beyond Money: Investing in Your Child’s Future
As an OFW, you may be sending remittances to support your family’s financial needs. But it’s also important to invest in your child’s future in other ways. Save for their education, extracurricular activities, or future goals. Spend time teaching them important life skills, such as cooking, budgeting, or problem-solving, whether in person or through video calls. Showing your child that you are invested in their long-term well-being will give them hope and motivation to succeed. Your sacrifices as an OFW are not just about providing financial support, but also about creating a brighter future for your children.
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ)
Q: How can I deal with my child’s anger and resentment towards me for being away?
A: It’s important to acknowledge their feelings and validate that it’s okay. Acknowledge that you too feel bad being distant. Try your best to explain the reasons you are working abroad in simple terms. Try to empathize with them and apologize for your absence. However, make sure to explain to them how you contribute to them as well. Focus on building a trusting connection by being consistent in communication, being honest, and keeping promises whenever possible.
Q: My child refuses to talk to me during video calls. What should I do?
A: Don’t force them to if they don’t feel like it. Try different conversation starters and activities that might interest them. Instead of asking general questions, try asking specific questions about their interests or hobbies. You can try playing a game together, reading a book together, or asking them to show you their toys or drawings. If they still don’t want to talk, respect their feelings. Let them know you’re there for them when they are ready.
Q: How do I deal with the guilt of being an absent parent?
A: It’s normal to feel guilty, but remember you are making sacrifices for your family’s future. Do your best to stay connected, be present emotionally when you can, and focus on quality over quantity of time. Take care of yourself, both physically and emotionally. Prioritize open communication with your spouse, partner, or family who takes care of your child. Consider professional support to deal with difficulties.
Q: What are some activities I can do with my child during the short vacations or breaks when I’m home?
A: Plan activities that your child enjoys and that will create lasting memories. Consider special activities when you are around. The park, museum, zoo, or beach are all suitable. Make sure you are present without distractions from your gadgets. Play time for children is special. Ensure kids know that your gadgets or phones don’t come between you and them. Learn to listen to the children without judgment. You can include them in chores like doing the dishes or laundry.
Q: How can I balance my work responsibilities abroad with my responsibilities as a parent to my child back home?
A: It is a difficult thing to balance, but can be dealt with proper scheduling, priorities, and self-care. Set clear boundaries between work and family time. Schedule regular video calls with your child or other means of communication. Use technology to your advantage to stay connected, but also make sure gadgets don’t come between you and your child. Communicate responsibilities between your partner or those who take care of your child.
References
Scalabrini Migration Center. (n.d.). Impact of Migration on Children.
UNICEF. (n.d.). How to Strengthen Parent-Child Relationship.
Child Mind Institute. (n.d.). How to Help Kids Make Friends.
Being an OFW is never easy, but know that your love and effort can make a huge difference in your child’s life, even from afar. Don’t give up on staying connected, and remember that your sacrifices are appreciated. You can make a positive impact and build a strong family relationship despite the geographical distance.
Are you ready to start building a stronger connection with your child today? Schedule that video call, write that letter, and plan that special activity. Your child is waiting for you!
