Being an Overseas Filipino Worker (OFW) is tough. It’s not just about sending money home. It’s also about keeping the family strong and happy, even when you’re far away. This means giving them your time, love, and understanding – an emotional investment that’s just as important as the money you send.
The Loneliness Factor: It’s Not Just the OFW
Let’s face it: being away from your family is hard. You miss birthdays, graduations, and simple family dinners. But it’s easy to forget that your family back home is missing you just as much. They might feel lonely, sad, or even resentful that you’re not there. It’s important to acknowledge these feelings. One mom, Elena, who’s husband works in Dubai, mentioned that her youngest son started acting out in school a few months after his father left. Turns out, he was missing his dad’s bedtime stories and felt like he wasn’t getting enough attention. This underscores the need for consistent communication and emotional support.
Think about it: when you’re away, you make new friends, experience new things, and maybe even get to explore a different culture. Your family back home, especially if they’re young, might be stuck in the same routine, longing for those experiences with you. Their world shrinks while yours expands. This difference can sometimes lead to misunderstandings and feelings of isolation.
Communication Is Key (And It’s Not Just About Calling)
We all know that communication is important, but it’s not just about calling or texting “Hi, how are you?” every day. It’s about truly connecting with your family and showing them you care. This means listening actively when they talk, asking questions about their day, and sharing your own experiences (even if they seem boring!).
Technology has made it easier to stay in touch. Video calls are fantastic because they let you see each other’s faces and get a better sense of how everyone is doing. Tools like Viber, WhatsApp, and Facebook Messenger are readily available and mostly free, making staying connected easier than ever. Schedule regular video calls with different family members. Maybe a weekly call with your spouse to discuss finances and plans, another with your kids to help with homework, and another with your parents to check in on their well-being. Just hearing your voice and seeing your face can make a huge difference.
Don’t just talk about practical things like bills and school fees. Talk about their dreams, their worries, and their triumphs. Remember their favorite TV shows, their hobbies, and their friends’ names. Showing that you remember these details demonstrates that you’re genuinely interested in their lives.
The Importance of “Quality Time” (Even From Afar)
Quality time isn’t just about being physically present. You can create meaningful moments even when you’re miles apart. This might involve watching a movie together “virtually” by syncing up your screens and chatting about it afterwards. Or reading a bedtime story to your kids over video call. Playing online games together is a great way to bond and have fun. My friend, Marco, who works as a nurse in the UK, often plays Mobile Legends with his son every Saturday. It’s become their special bonding time.
Another important aspect is showing your family that you’re involved in their lives. Attend school events or family gatherings virtually. If your child has a school play, ask them to record it and send it to you. Or, if possible, arrange for a family member to video call you during the event. Staying informed about their activities and showing enthusiasm shows them you care.
Handling Finances: More Than Just Sending Money
Of course, sending money home is a big part of being an OFW. But it’s crucial to have open and honest conversations about how that money is being used. Don’t just send money without knowing where it’s going. One common issue is that families can be tempted to spend lavishly to show off to others when money is plenty. Work with your spouse or whoever manages the finances to create a budget and stick to it.
Many financial literacy programs exist specifically for OFWs. The Overseas Workers Welfare Administration (OWWA) offers financial education and entrepreneurship training programs to help OFWs and their families manage their finances effectively. These courses can provide invaluable knowledge about saving, investing, and avoiding scams. Participating in these programs will enable your family to make informed financial decisions and build a secure future.
Involve your children in the financial discussions, especially as they get older. Teach them the value of money and how to manage their own finances. This will help them develop responsible spending habits and appreciate the sacrifices you’re making for them. Remember, financial literacy is a life skill that will benefit them long after you return home.
Addressing Children’s Behavioral Changes
The absence of a parent can sometimes lead to behavioral changes in children. They might become more withdrawn, irritable, or have difficulty concentrating in school. These changes are often their way of expressing their sadness and frustration. It’s crucial to be patient and understanding during these times.
Create a safe space for your children to express their feelings. Encourage them to talk about their emotions without judgment. Listen actively and validate their feelings. Let them know that it’s okay to feel sad, angry, or confused. One effective technique is to write letters to each other. This allows children to express their feelings in a private and thoughtful way.
If you notice significant behavioral changes, consider seeking professional help. A child psychologist or counselor can provide guidance and support to help your child cope with your absence. Remember, seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness. It shows that you’re willing to do whatever it takes to support your child’s well-being.
Strengthening Your Relationship with Your Spouse
Maintaining a strong relationship with your spouse is one of the biggest challenges of being an OFW. Distance can create emotional barriers and lead to misunderstandings. It’s vital to make a conscious effort to nurture your relationship and keep the romance alive, even from afar.
Plan regular “date nights” over video call. Dress up, light some candles, and enjoy a meal together while chatting. This helps recreate the intimacy of a real date. Send each other thoughtful messages and gifts to show your love and appreciation. Small gestures can go a long way in keeping the spark alive.
Focus also on keeping the lines of communication wide open. Talk about your daily wins and losses. Make time to listen more than you speak. Talk about your individual expectations about each other and your family. Be each other’s cheerleaders and confidants. It’s easy for feelings of neglect to creep in; addressing them immediately is vital.
The Role of Family and Friends
Having a strong support system is vital for both the OFW and the family back home. Encourage your family to lean on trusted friends and relatives for support. These individuals can provide emotional support, practical assistance, and a sense of community.
Ask your friends and family to check in on your loved ones regularly. They can offer a listening ear, help with household chores, or simply provide companionship. This will help ease the burden on your spouse and ensure that your children have positive role models in your life. Also, stay connected with other OFWs to share experiences and seek advice.
Planning for Your Return: It Starts Now
While you’re working abroad, it’s important to start planning for your eventual return home. This means setting financial goals, developing a business plan, or thinking about your career options. Returning home without a clear plan can be stressful and overwhelming. Some OFWs find themselves struggling to reintegrate into their old lives if they don’t build up the social muscles of communicating in person and reading body language. Having a thoughtful return plan can address issues of this kind.
Discuss your plans with your family and involve them in the decision-making process. This will help them feel like they’re part of your future and ease the transition when you finally return home. Start networking with people in your field to explore job opportunities. Consider enrolling in training courses or workshops to update your skills and enhance your career prospects, and discuss these plans with your family so they know what to expect.
The Center for Migrant Advocacy Philippines provides resources and support for OFWs returning to the Philippines, including information on reintegration programs and employment opportunities. Preparing for the eventual return enables you to hit the ground running when that day comes.
Avoiding Common Pitfalls
Many OFWs and their families face common challenges that can strain their relationships. One common pitfall is allowing extended family members to become overly dependent on your financial support. While it’s natural to want to help your loved ones, it’s equally important to set boundaries and ensure that they’re not taking advantage of your generosity.
Another common issue is neglecting your own emotional well-being. Being an OFW can be incredibly stressful, and it’s crucial to prioritize your mental and physical health. Make time for exercise, relaxation, and social activities. Talk to a therapist or counselor if you’re feeling overwhelmed or struggling to cope with the demands of being an OFW.
The Power of Gratitude and Appreciation
Never underestimate the power of gratitude and appreciation. Regularly express your gratitude to your family for their sacrifices and support. Let them know how much you appreciate their understanding and patience. A simple “thank you” can go a long way in strengthening your bond and fostering a positive atmosphere within your family.
Small surprises and gestures of appreciation can also make a big difference. Send them unexpected gifts, write them heartfelt letters, or plan a special vacation when you return home. These acts of kindness will show them that you’re thinking of them and that you value their presence in your life.
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)
How can I deal with the guilt of being away from my family?
It’s normal to feel guilty about missing important events and milestones. Acknowledge your feelings and remind yourself that you’re working hard to provide for your family’s future. Focus on making the most of the time you do have together by creating meaningful memories and staying actively involved in their lives.
My spouse and I are constantly arguing about money. What can we do?
Open and honest communication is key. Work together to create a budget and set clear financial goals. Discuss your priorities and values, and find a compromise that works for both of you. Consider seeking financial counseling to get expert advice on managing your finances effectively.
My child is struggling in school. How can I help from afar?
Stay in close communication with your child’s teachers and make time to help them with their homework over video call. Provide encouragement and support, and celebrate their successes. If necessary, hire a tutor to provide additional academic support.
I’m feeling isolated and lonely. How can I cope?
Connect with other OFWs in your community and participate in social activities. Make time for your hobbies and interests, and stay in touch with friends and family back home. Prioritize your mental health by practicing self-care and seeking professional help if needed.
How can I prepare my children for my eventual return home?
Talk to them about your plans and involve them in the decision-making process. Reassure them that your love for them hasn’t changed and that you’re excited to be back. Plan fun activities and trips together to reconnect and rebuild your bond.
How can I prevent my family members from depending too much on my finances?
Have a frank conversation about financial expectations and limitations. Help them develop skills to become financially independent. Consider offering support for skills or business training so they can earn a living through their own efforts.
References
Overseas Workers Welfare Administration (OWWA)
Center for Migrant Advocacy Philippines
Your Emotional Investment Matters
Being an OFW is about more than just sending money back home. It’s about being there for your family, even when you’re not physically present. By making an emotional investment in their lives, you can strengthen your relationships, support their well-being, and build a brighter future for your family. Don’t delay sending that video call or writing a touching message to your family. Start showing them today how much you truly care.
