Coming home after working abroad for years as an OFW is a huge step, especially when you have kids. While you might be excited to be back, your children who have spent a significant part of their lives in a different country might face some tough challenges adjusting to life back in the Philippines. This is called culture shock, and it’s completely normal. This article aims to help you understand what culture shock looks like in children and what you can do to help them navigate it, using real-world examples and actionable tips.
Understanding Culture Shock in Children
Culture shock isn’t just missing certain foods or customs. It’s a deep sense of disorientation and confusion when you’re suddenly immersed in a culture that feels different from what you’re used to. For kids, this can be even harder because they might not be able to understand or express what they’re feeling. The American Psychological Association defines culture shock as “the feelings of confusion and uncertainty sometimes caused by contact with an unfamiliar culture.” But how does this manifest in kids specifically?
One common sign is emotional changes. Your child might seem unusually irritable, sad, or anxious. They might have more tantrums, cry easily, or withdraw from family activities. Imagine a child who grew up in a country where public displays of affection are common. Coming back to the Philippines, where they might perceive people as reserved, could make them feel isolated and confused. Another sign is behavioral changes. They might have trouble sleeping, lose their appetite, or suddenly start acting out in school. They might also cling to you more than usual or resist going out. A child who was independent abroad might suddenly become very dependent on you at home. This dependence could be a sign of anxiety and a need for reassurance. There might also be physical symptoms. Like any kind of stress, the stress from culture shock can manifest physically. Headaches, stomach aches, and fatigue are all common. Your child might constantly complain about not feeling well, even if there’s no underlying medical reason.
Sometimes, the changes are subtler. Perhaps your child continuously compares things in the Philippines to what they had abroad, often negatively. They might say things like, “The schools were much better there” or “The food was so much tastier in .” They might also struggle to understand Filipino slang, humor, or social norms, leading to feelings of being different and left out. All these are common manifestations, so pay attention.
Common Challenges OFWs’ Children Face When Returning to the Philippines
Children of OFWs experience unique challenges when they return to the Philippines. These challenges often stem from the specific circumstances of having lived abroad and then transitioning back to their home country.
A big challenge is re-integrating into the Filipino school system. If your child has been studying in an international school overseas, the curriculum, teaching styles, and even the language of instruction might be very different in Philippine schools. They might struggle with Filipino language subjects, especially if they’ve been primarily speaking English or another language abroad. Imagine a child who excelled in math and science abroad suddenly finding themselves struggling because the approach to teaching these subjects is different. This isn’t about intelligence—it’s about adapting to a new system. The Department of Education (DepEd) has resources to help students transition, but it’s crucial to be proactive in seeking them out.
Social adjustments are also a major hurdle. Your child might find it difficult to make friends if they have different interests, perspectives, or communication styles from their Filipino peers. They might feel like an outsider or experience teasing or exclusion due to their accent, clothing, or mannerisms. Even simple things like understanding local games or slang can be challenging. This is especially true for teenagers, who are highly sensitive to fitting in. It is also possible they don’t share the same pop-culture preferences. As a parent, be open and supportive to understand them and help them bridge that gap for their age group.
Another tricky area is adjusting to Filipino customs and values. While you might be familiar with these, your child, especially if they were very young when you left, might find them confusing or even frustrating. For example, the concept of “pakikisama” (getting along with others) might feel very different from the more individualistic culture they experienced abroad. The common Filipino family structure, where extended family members often live together, can also be an adjustment if they were used to a smaller, more nuclear family setup. Be sure to explain how things work in the Philippines and why they are the way they are. Explain values like “respect for elders” (“po” and “opo“). Emphasize the beauty of these traditions without dismissing their previous experiences.
Sometimes, feelings of reverse culture shock can be unexpectedly difficult. Your child might romanticize their life abroad, comparing everything negatively to the Philippines. They might constantly talk about how much they miss their friends, their school, and their favorite activities from their previous home. This can lead to them feeling discontent and resentful about being back in the Philippines. A supportive attitude here is key. They can be missing their old life, while also embracing their new one. Explain the advantages of their new environment.
Practical Strategies to Ease Your Child’s Transition
Helping your child adjust to life back in the Philippines requires a combination of understanding, patience, and proactive strategies.
First, prepare them before the move. Don’t just spring the news on them. Talk to them about the move well in advance. Discuss what they can expect – the good and the challenging. Show them pictures and videos of the Philippines. Read books about Filipino culture together. If possible, connect them with relatives or friends who live in the Philippines so they can start building relationships before they even arrive. This helps them mentally prepare and reduce anxiety about the unknown. You can also buy them Filipino snacks! This helps them build familiarity. Even learning a few basic Filipino phrases before arriving can make a big difference. Consider also involving them in packing. This helps make them feel they’re part of this big change.
When you arrive, create a comfortable and familiar home environment. Bring familiar items from your previous home, such as favorite toys, books, or blankets. This will help your child feel more secure and at ease in their new surroundings. Decorate their room in a way that reflects their personality and interests. Continue to observe traditions and rituals that you established abroad, such as reading bedtime stories or having a family game night. This helps them maintain a sense of continuity and stability. If you can, arrange a video call with their friends and teachers abroad to keep the connection alive. It fosters a smooth transition for their emotional needs.
Encourage them to embrace Filipino culture. Involve them in Filipino activities and traditions, such as attending local festivals, learning Filipino dances, or cooking Filipino dishes. Take them to historical sites and museums to learn about the country’s rich history and culture. Encourage them to watch Filipino movies and TV shows. This will help them develop a sense of belonging and pride in their Filipino heritage. Start small by introducing to Filipino folk songs or classic children’s stories. This makes the transition more gradual and manageable.
Support their language development. If your child needs help with Filipino language, consider enrolling them in a language class or hiring a tutor. Encourage them to speak Filipino at home and with relatives. Make learning Filipino fun by playing games, singing songs, or reading books in Filipino. Don’t pressure them to be perfect. Focus on encouraging them to communicate and express themselves in Filipino, even if they make mistakes. You can also find Filipino-speaking pen pals or online language partners who can help them practice their skills. When they make mistakes, gently correct them and encourage to try it again. Consider looking for Filipino language resources online, such as websites, apps, and YouTube channels.
Facilitate social connections. Help your child make friends by enrolling them in extracurricular activities, sports, or clubs where they can meet other Filipino children who share their interests. Organize playdates or outings with other families who have children of similar ages. Encourage them to join school activities and events. Help them navigate social situations by teaching them about Filipino customs and etiquette. Be patient and understanding if they struggle to make friends at first. It takes time to build relationships. You can also involve them in community service projects. This allows them to meet new people who share their interest in helping others.
Be patient and understanding. Remember that adjusting to a new culture takes time and effort. Your child will likely experience ups and downs. Be patient and understanding of their feelings. Listen to their concerns and offer support and encouragement. Don’t dismiss their feelings or tell them to “just get over it.” Acknowledge their struggles and validate their emotions. Let them know that it’s okay to feel homesick, confused, or frustrated. Be a safe space for them to express their feelings without judgment. Consistently reassure them that you are there for them and that you will help them through the transition. Consider making available resources from the school and organizations about culture shock and guidance.
Addressing Specific Concerns and Fears
Often, kids have specific concerns and fears about moving back to the Philippines. Addressing these directly can significantly ease their anxiety.
One common fear is being different. Children, especially teenagers, worry about not fitting in or being accepted by their peers. You can address this by emphasizing that everyone is unique and that diversity is something to be celebrated. Help them focus on their strengths and talents, and remind them that they have a lot to offer. Encourage them to be themselves and not try to be someone they’re not. Remind them that having lived abroad has given them a unique perspective and experiences that others might find interesting. Explain that people respect them for who they are. Also note that many Filipinos speak English so even if they struggle with the Filipino language, they can definitely get their point across.
Another concern is fear of losing their friends. Moving back to the Philippines doesn’t mean they have to lose touch with their friends from abroad. Encourage them to stay connected through social media, video calls, and online gaming. Help them organize virtual get-togethers or plan trips to visit each other in the future. Remind them that true friendships can withstand distance. Keeping in touch with friends from abroad can help them maintain a sense of identity and continuity. Social Media has made connecting remotely easy and cost-effective. Explore together some ways to make this happen.
Many also worry about academic challenges. If your child is concerned about falling behind in school or struggling with Filipino subjects, reassure them that you will provide them with the support they need. Consider hiring a tutor, enrolling them in a review class, or working with them on their homework. Communicate with their teachers to understand their progress and any areas where they need extra help. Celebrate their successes, no matter how small, and encourage them to keep trying. Academic challenges may be lessened if you discuss these challenges with their respective teachers. Coordination and communication will be key.
Another is fear of safety and security. If your child is used to a certain level of safety and security abroad, they might be concerned about crime and violence in the Philippines. Address these concerns by talking about safety precautions, such as avoiding dangerous areas, being aware of their surroundings, and not talking to strangers. Explain that while there are risks, the vast majority of Filipinos are kind and helpful. Show them that you are taking measures to protect them, such as hiring a driver, installing security cameras, or living in a gated community. This creates a sense of security.
The Role of Schools and Communities
Schools and communities play a vital role in helping children of OFWs adjust to life back in the Philippines.
Schools can provide academic support to help students catch up on their studies. They can offer remedial classes, tutoring programs, or language assistance to students who are struggling. They can also provide counseling services to help students deal with emotional and social challenges. Teachers can create a welcoming and inclusive classroom environment where all students feel valued and respected. Schools can also organize orientation programs for returning students to help them learn about the school’s policies, procedures, and resources. Be sure to touch base with the school about the possibilities for your child.
Communities can offer social support and opportunities for children to connect with other Filipino children. They can organize community events, sports leagues, or cultural activities that promote integration and belonging. They can also provide mentorship programs where older children or adults can serve as role models and guides for younger children. Community organizations and NGOs can offer support groups for OFWs and their families, providing a safe space to share experiences, connect with others, and access resources. Look for those opportunities to help your child.
Parents too can actively engage with schools and communities. Attend school events, join parent-teacher associations, and volunteer in school activities. Participate in community events and activities. Connect with other OFW families and share experiences and resources. Advocate for policies and programs that support the needs of returning students and their families. Working together, schools, communities, and parents can create a supportive and welcoming environment for children of OFWs.
Long-Term Strategies for Success
Helping your child adjust to life back in the Philippines is not a one-time event. It’s an ongoing process that requires commitment and long-term strategies. This also means you can change and adapt your strategies over time as you discover what works best for your family
One key strategy is to maintain open communication. Create a culture of open communication in your family where your child feels comfortable sharing their thoughts and feelings. Regularly check in with them and ask them how they’re doing. Listen actively and without judgment. Encourage them to express their emotions and validate their experiences. Create a safe space where they know they can always come to you with their problems. Schedule regular family time where you can talk, play games, or simply spend quality time together. These small moments can create a big difference over time.
It is also important to foster a strong sense of identity. Help your child develop a strong sense of their Filipino identity. Encourage them to learn about their family history, traditions, and culture. Celebrate Filipino holidays and festivals together. Teach them about Filipino values and virtues. Help them connect with other Filipino children and adults who share their heritage. A strong sense of identity will give them a sense of belonging and pride. It also helps them navigate cultural differences with confidence.
Also, encourage resilience and adaptability. Teach your child how to cope with challenges and setbacks. Help them develop problem-solving skills and resilience. Encourage them to embrace change and adapt to new situations. Teach them the importance of perseverance and never giving up. Resilience and adaptability will help them navigate the challenges of life back in the Philippines. They also help them become well-rounded individuals.
And don’t forget to seek professional help if needed. If your child is struggling to adjust to life back in the Philippines, don’t hesitate to seek professional help. A therapist or counselor can provide support and guidance. They can help your child work through their emotional challenges and develop coping strategies. They can also provide you with strategies to support your child. Seeking professional help is a sign of strength, not weakness. It’s a way to ensure that your child receives the support they need to thrive. The Philippine government has some programs that also provide counseling. Look into those for affordable opportunities.
FAQ Section
What are the most common signs of culture shock in children?
Culture shock in children can manifest as emotional changes (irritability, sadness, anxiety), behavioral changes (trouble sleeping, loss of appetite, acting out), and physical symptoms (headaches, stomach aches). They might also negatively compare things in the Philippines to their previous experiences abroad.
How can I prepare my child for moving back to the Philippines?
Prepare your child by talking about the move well in advance, showing them pictures and videos of the Philippines, connecting them with relatives or friends, and learning basic Filipino phrases. Create a comfortable and familiar home environment when you arrive, and involve them in Filipino activities and traditions.
What can I do if my child is struggling with Filipino language?
Consider enrolling them in a language class or hiring a tutor. Encourage them to speak Filipino at home and with relatives. Make learning Filipino fun by playing games, singing songs, or reading books in Filipino. Don’t pressure them to be perfect.
How can I help my child make friends in the Philippines?
Enroll them in extracurricular activities, sports, or clubs where they can meet other Filipino children who share their interests. Organize playdates or outings with other families. Encourage them to join school activities and events. Help them navigate social situations by teaching them about Filipino customs and etiquette.
What if my child is constantly comparing the Philippines negatively to their life abroad?
Acknowledge their feelings and validate their experiences. Don’t dismiss their emotions or tell them to “just get over it.” Help them focus on the positive aspects of living in the Philippines, such as being closer to family, experiencing Filipino culture, and learning a new language. Remind them of the good memories they had abroad.
Where can I find professional help for my child if they are struggling?
Contact your child’s school counselor, a local therapist or psychologist, or a community mental health center. Some organizations and NGOs also offer counseling services for OFWs and their families. Enquire with your local Rural Health Center as well for more affordable opportunities.
References
American Psychological Association (APA)
Department of Education (DepEd), Philippines
Are you ready to make this transition a positive experience for your child? Don’t let culture shock steal the joy of returning home. Start implementing these strategies today. Reach out to support networks, connect with other OFW families, and most importantly, be present and supportive for your child. You have the power to help them embrace their Filipino heritage and build a bright future back in the Philippines. Take action now! Your child will thank you for it.
