Raising emotionally resilient kids when you’re an Overseas Filipino Worker (OFW) is tough, but absolutely doable. It’s all about understanding their feelings, building strong connections even from afar, and teaching them how to bounce back from challenges. This article will give you easy-to-understand tips and examples to help your children thrive, even with the distance.
Understanding Emotional Resilience
Think of emotional resilience like a superhero’s shield. It’s not about never feeling sad or angry; it’s about having the strength to face those feelings, learn from them, and get back on your feet. Kids with good emotional resilience are better at handling stress, dealing with changes, and navigating tough situations. They don’t fall apart at the first sign of trouble; instead, they find ways to cope and overcome. A study published in the American Psychological Association highlights that resilience is not a rare quality, but can be learned and developed in anyone.
The OFW Parent’s Unique Challenge
Being an OFW parent brings a whole new layer of complexity. You’re working hard to provide for your family, but you’re also physically absent. This absence can lead to feelings of sadness, loneliness, and even resentment in your children. They might feel like you’re missing out on important events, or that you don’t understand their daily struggles. The tricky part is balancing the financial security you provide with the emotional support they need. It’s a tightrope walk, but definitely not impossible. Consider the findings in a report from the Philippine Statistics Authority (PSA), which indicates the significant contribution of OFW remittances to the Philippine economy, yet also points to the social costs associated with family separation.
Also, remember that your children’s emotional resilience is affected by other people in the family too. If the guardian or even the younger siblings have negative feelings toward you being away, a child’s emotional resilience can be undermined. To overcome this, focus on strategies that engage the whole family, not just the children.
Building Strong Connections From Afar
So, how do you build strong connections with your kids when you’re miles away? Here are some practical tips:
Schedule Regular Video Calls: Don’t just rely on quick text messages. Set up regular video calls – think weekly or even a few times a week– where you can really see and talk to your kids. Make it a dedicated time, free from distractions, where you can focus on each other. Ask them about their day, their friends, their worries, and their dreams.
Be Present, Even When You’re Not Physically There: Even if you can’t be there for every school event or birthday, find ways to participate virtually. Watch their recitals online, send them personalized video messages, or even plan a “virtual movie night” where you watch a movie together while video chatting.
“Surprise” them from time to time: It does not always have to be gifts. Send them pictures of the place where you work, show them your meals, your daily routines, or anything about your current life abroad. This keeps them in the loop even though you are far away.
Keep the Lines of Communication Open: Encourage your kids to talk to you about anything and everything. Let them know that you’re always there to listen, even if you can’t physically be there to hold their hand. Create a safe space where they feel comfortable sharing their feelings without judgment.
Send Care Packages: A little something to remind them of you can go a long way. Send care packages with their favorite snacks, small gifts, or even handwritten letters. These small gestures can make a big difference in their emotional well-being.
Schedule a Visit: Try to plan regular visits home, even if it’s just for a short period. This gives you a chance to reconnect with your kids in person and create lasting memories. Plan activities that you can do together, like going to the park, visiting a museum, or simply spending quality time at home.
Teaching Kids to Understand and Manage Their Emotions
Emotional resilience starts with understanding your own emotions. Help your kids learn to identify and name their feelings. Here’s how:
The Feelings Chart: Create a simple chart with different faces representing different emotions (happy, sad, angry, scared, etc.). Encourage your kids to point to the face that matches how they’re feeling.
Talking About Feelings: Talk about your own feelings in an age-appropriate way. For example, “I’m feeling a little stressed today because I have a lot of work to do.” This shows your kids that it’s okay to feel emotions and that it’s important to acknowledge them.
Making it a point to let them name their feelings: When your child shows tantrums, ask them what they are feeling. Say: “Are you sad? Are you angry? Are you frustrated?” Let them identify it.
Role-Playing Scenarios: Act out different scenarios that might trigger strong emotions, such as dealing with a bully or losing a game. This helps your kids practice how to respond in a healthy way.
Reading Books About Emotions: There are many children’s books that explore different emotions and how to manage them. Read these books together and discuss the characters’ feelings and how they deal with them.
Encourage Healthy Coping Mechanisms: Deep breaths, asking for hugs, or even writing in a journal are some of the ways your kids can manage their feelings.
Building Self-Esteem and Confidence
Kids with high self-esteem are more likely to be emotionally resilient. When they believe in themselves, they’re better able to handle setbacks and challenges. Here are some ways to build your kids’ self-esteem:
Give Praise and Recognition: Acknowledge their efforts and accomplishments, no matter how small. Focus on praising their effort and progress, rather than just their talent or intelligence.
Encourage Their Interests: Support their hobbies and interests, even if they’re not something you’re particularly interested in. This shows them that you value their passions and that you believe in their abilities.
Give Responsibilities: Give your kids age-appropriate responsibilities around the house. This helps them feel like they’re contributing to the family and that they’re capable of handling tasks on their own.
Spend Quality Time Together: Make time for activities that you and your kids enjoy together. This strengthens your bond and shows them that you value their company.
“I can” Jar: Have them write small accomplishments on small pieces of paper, then put it inside a jar. Encourage them to randomly pick one item from the jar, and reread it. This gives them a sense of self-esteem and confidence.
Dealing with Difficult Situations
Life throws curveballs. Here’s how to help your kids navigate tough times:
Listen and Validate: When your kids are struggling, listen to their concerns without judgment. Let them know that you understand how they’re feeling and that it’s okay to be upset.
Teach problem-solving skills: Help them break down the problem into smaller, more manageable steps. Encourage them to brainstorm solutions and evaluate the pros and cons of each option.
Finding Solutions: Sometimes, kids want comfort and validation more than solutions. However, you can also help them see that there are answers to difficult situations. The solutions aren’t going to be obvious at all times, but it would be helpful if you model how to look for answers.
Focus on What They Can Control: Instead of dwelling on things they can’t change, encourage them to focus on what they can control. For example, if they’re feeling anxious about an upcoming test, they can focus on studying and preparing.
Seek Support: Don’t be afraid to reach out to others for help. Talk to teachers, counselors, or other trusted adults who can provide support and guidance.
Model Healthy Coping Strategies: Show your kids how you deal with difficult situations in a healthy way. This could involve exercising, meditating, spending time with loved ones, or engaging in hobbies.
The Role of the Guardian (Lola, Tito, or Auntie)
The person who takes care of your children while you’re away plays a huge role in their emotional well-being. Here’s how to ensure they’re providing the best possible support:
Open Communication: Maintain open and honest communication with the guardian. Discuss your parenting values and expectations, and work together to create a consistent and supportive environment for your children.
Regular Check-ins: Schedule regular check-ins with the guardian to discuss your children’s progress, challenges, and emotional well-being.
Provide Support: Offer the guardian support and assistance in caring for your children. This could involve providing financial assistance, helping with household chores, or simply offering a listening ear.
Recognize Their Efforts: Acknowledge and appreciate the guardian’s efforts in caring for your children. Let them know that you value their contribution and that you’re grateful for their support.
Consider offering them “rewards” or incentives: This boosts morale, especially if they are family members. Taking care of kids, especially those who are missing one parent, can be very challenging.
Taking Care of Yourself
You can’t pour from an empty cup. Remember to take care of your own emotional well-being. Finding ways to manage your own stress and maintain a positive outlook is very important to your children, as it sets an example for them.
Making time for relaxation: Engage in exercise, hobbies, or mindful practices.
Connecting with other OFWs: Find others who are in similar situations, so that you can get emotional support. A support system will go a long way.
Set goals for yourself: While it’s not always feasible to take a vacation or spend time with friends, make sure that you have other goals in mind. They don’t have to be related to your work. You can focus on improving your physique, writing stories, or learning a new skillset.
Remember Your “Why”: When things get tough, remember why you chose to work abroad. Focus on the long-term benefits for your family and celebrate your accomplishments along the way. Reminding yourself of your purpose can help you stay motivated and resilient.
The Power of Storytelling
Sharing your stories from abroad can be a powerful way to connect with your kids and teach them about resilience.
Share Your Challenges: Talk about the challenges you’ve faced as an OFW, and how you’ve overcome them. This shows your kids that it’s okay to struggle and that it’s possible to bounce back from setbacks.
Share Your Successes: Celebrate your successes, both big and small. This helps your kids see that hard work and perseverance can lead to positive outcomes.
Share Your Culture: Share stories about your culture and traditions. This helps your kids connect with their heritage and develop a sense of identity.
Don’t sugarcoat the truth: Your kids are smart enough to see that life is not always candy. It’s important that you show them how you feel, how you react, and how you handle tough situations. That way, they are seeing a real-life model of emotional resilience.
Seeking Professional Help
Sometimes, kids need extra support to develop emotional resilience. If you’re concerned about your child’s emotional well-being, don’t hesitate to seek professional help.
Counselors: School counselors or therapists can provide support and guidance to kids who are struggling with their emotions.
Support Groups: Support groups for children of OFWs can provide a safe space for kids to share their experiences and connect with others who understand what they’re going through.
Other Adults: An adult that the children respect can be a confidante during difficult times.
FAQ Section
How can I tell if my child is struggling emotionally?
Look out for changes in behavior, such as increased irritability, withdrawal from social activities, difficulty sleeping, or changes in appetite. If you notice any of these signs, talk to your child and try to understand what’s going on. If you’re concerned, seek professional help.
What if my child resents me for working abroad?
Acknowledge their feelings and let them know that you understand why they’re upset. Spend quality time with them when you can, and try to make them feel valued and loved. Don’t take their resentment personally, and be patient as they adjust to the situation. Communicate with them, and express that you are also sacrificing a family life; however, it is for the betterment of the whole family.
How can I make sure my child feels loved and supported when I’m not there?
Focus on building strong connections from afar, through regular video calls, care packages, and frequent communication. Enlist the help of the guardian to provide emotional support and create a loving and supportive environment. If needed, find a professional that could help you build the bridge to your children.
What if my child is being bullied at school?
Work with the school to address the bullying issue. Teach your child how to stand up for themselves and seek help from trusted adults. Help your child build a strong support system of friends and family.
What are some activities I can do with my child during my visits home?
Plan activities that you both enjoy, such as going to the park, visiting a museum, cooking together, or simply spending quality time at home. The key is to be present and engaged, and to create lasting memories together.
References
American Psychological Association. (n.d.). Resilience.
Philippine Statistics Authority (PSA). (n.d.). Reports and Statistics.
You’ve got this! Raising emotionally resilient kids as an OFW parent is definitely challenging, but it’s also incredibly rewarding. Remember that your love, support, and guidance are the most important ingredients for their success. Keep communicating, keep connecting, and keep believing in them – and in yourself. Don’t wait! Start implementing these tips today and watch your children thrive, no matter the distance. Take that first step towards a stronger, more resilient family!
