Working abroad as an Overseas Filipino Worker (OFW) is a big responsibility, especially when it comes to supporting your parents back home. But it can be tricky to balance your own life with their needs, especially when different generations have different ideas about money, communication, and what it means to be happy. This article will help you understand those generational differences and give you practical tips on how to best support your parents while living and working so far away.
Understanding Generational Differences: Why It Matters
Understanding the different generations, like your parents and yourself, is super important. You might be a Millennial or Gen Z, comfortable with technology and having grown up in a changing world. Your parents likely belong to the Baby Boomer or Gen X generation, with different experiences and expectations. These differences in values and perspectives can cause misunderstanding, especially when it comes to money, career, and family roles. For example, your parents might believe in saving every penny and working at the same job for life, while you might prioritize experiences, career growth, and investing.
Knowing these differences helps you anticipate potential conflicts and communicate more effectively. It’s like having a map before you start a long journey – you’re better prepared for the road ahead. It also allows you to appreciate their perspective and find common ground. Think about it: your parents grew up in a different Philippines, maybe with less opportunity and more hardship. Their values are shaped by those experiences, and that’s something to respect.
Common Generational Gaps Between OFWs and Their Parents
Let’s dive into some of the most common gaps you might face when supporting your parents from abroad.
Money Matters: Saving vs. Spending. One of the biggest points of tension is often money. Your parents might come from a generation that learned to save every single peso due to scarcity and economic uncertainty. They may have seen times where jobs were hard to come by and appreciate value in long-term stability. You, on the other hand, may have a different approach. You may be more open to investments, or spending on experiences, or using credit for convenience – things that might seem risky to your parents. They may also have different priorities, like home improvements or medical expenses, that you might not fully understand from your current situation. According to a study by the Philippine Statistics Authority, remittances are often used for basic necessities, education, and healthcare. This highlights the crucial role OFWs play in supporting their families’ well-being.
Communication Styles: Face-to-Face vs. Online. For many older Filipinos, nothing beats face-to-face interaction. They grew up in a time when phone calls were a luxury and visits were the norm. You, however, are probably used to communicating through messaging apps, video calls, and social media. This can lead to misunderstandings. Your parents might feel neglected if you don’t call them regularly, even if you’re sending them money and messages. They might not be comfortable with video calls or online banking, even if it’s much easier for you. Try teaching them simple tricks of using apps. Patience is key!
Ideal of Success: Stability vs. Opportunity. The idea of success is also different across generations. For your parents, success might mean having a stable job, owning a home, and raising a family in the Philippines. They may find it difficult to understand your decision to work abroad and might worry about your long-term security. They might also have certain expectations about your career path or how you should use your money. You, on the other hand, might define success differently. It might be about career advancement, travel, personal growth, or building wealth. Maybe you want to eventually invest in a business rather than simply buying a house back home. This difference in perspective can lead to friction, especially if they pressure you to conform to their expectations.
Healthcare Expectations: Traditional vs. Modern. Healthcare beliefs and expectations can also vary greatly. Your parents might prefer traditional remedies or be hesitant to trust modern medicine. They might also be resistant to going to the doctor, even when they’re sick. You, on the other hand, might be more open to seeking professional medical help and following doctors’ recommendations. This can be a sensitive issue, especially when dealing with your parents’ health. It’s worth remembering that older generations have different beliefs about healthcare.
Bridging the Gap: Practical Tips for OFWs
Okay, so we know the gaps exist. How do we bridge them? Here are practical tips tailored for OFWs:
Open and Honest Communication is Key. This sounds basic, but it’s the foundation of everything. Talk to your parents regularly! Don’t just send money and assume everything is okay. Schedule weekly video calls. Ask about their daily lives, their health, and their concerns. Be patient and listen without interrupting. Even if you disagree with them, try to understand their perspective. Explain your decisions clearly and respectfully. If you’re investing your money instead of buying a house, explain your investment strategy and why you believe it’s a good option for the future. The point is to keep the lines of communication open and avoid letting misunderstandings fester.
Financial Transparency and Joint Planning. Money is often a sensitive topic, so be transparent about your finances and involve your parents in financial planning. Don’t just send them money without any context. Discuss their needs and priorities with them. Ask them what they need the money for and how they plan to use it. Create a budget together. This will help you understand their needs and manage your resources effectively. You can even use budgeting apps together using technology. Consider using apps like Mint or YNAB (You Need A Budget), which allows both of you to track transactions and plan better. Remember, it’s not just about sending money; it’s about empowering them to manage their finances responsibly. Consider talking openly and honestly about how much is coming in (your salary), how much regular expenses are, and how much is for long-term savings.
Tech Support and Digital Literacy. Help your parents navigate the digital world. Teach them how to use messaging apps, video calls, and online banking. This will not only make communication easier but also empower them to manage their finances and stay connected with the world. Be patient and understanding. Remember, they didn’t grow up with technology, so it might take them a while to learn. Start with the basics and gradually introduce them to more advanced features. There are plenty of tutorials online – find some in Tagalog or their local dialect to make it easier. This will help reduce their feeling of being “left behind” and increase their sense of independence.
Respect Their Values and Beliefs. Even if you don’t agree with your parents’ beliefs and values, respect them. They have a lifetime of experiences that have shaped their perspectives. Don’t try to change them or impose your own values on them. Instead, try to understand where they’re coming from. Acknowledge their experiences and appreciate their wisdom. This doesn’t mean you have to agree with everything they say, but it does mean treating them with respect and dignity. Maybe they want to celebrate a particular feast in a certain way – respecting that tradition is a way of showing love and appreciation.
Involve Them in Your Life. Just because you are working abroad doesn’t mean they don’t want to know what’s happening in your life. Share your experiences with them – your work, your friends, your travels. This will help them feel connected to you and understand your life better. Send them photos and videos. Tell them stories about your day. They want to know that you are happy and healthy. It keeps your relationship strong and prevents them from feeling worried and alone. Set aside time each week, however frequently, to talk to them.
Plan Your Visits Back Home. Nothing beats spending time with your parents in person. Plan regular visits back home, even if they are short. This will give you the opportunity to reconnect with them, show them your love and appreciation, and address any concerns they may have. During your visits, be present and engaged. Put away your phone and focus on spending quality time with them. Go out for meals, visit family and friends, and do things they enjoy. It might be a good idea to plan a trip in a way that they can look forward to it and prepare for it (e.g., having something to prepare for your arrival).
Healthcare Planning and Support. Talk to your parents about their healthcare needs and preferences. Help them find reliable doctors and make sure they have access to quality medical care. Encourage them to get regular checkups and follow doctors’ recommendations. If they’re hesitant to go to the doctor, offer to go with them. Explore health insurance options for seniors in the Philippines. SSS even offers healthcare coverage for retired members. Make sure someone locally is able to help them with their healthcare needs.
Seek Support from Family and Friends. You don’t have to do it all alone. Enlist the help of other family members and friends to support your parents. Ask them to check in on them regularly, run errands for them, and provide companionship. Having a strong support system can make a big difference in your parents’ well-being and reduce your stress. Perhaps you have siblings or relatives who live closer to your parents; coordinate with them to share responsibilities. It is okay to rely on others and work together.
Professional Psychological Support. If you notice signs of depression or isolation, consider connecting your parents with appropriate psychological services for support. They might be going through some emotional turmoil in life and require assistance from qualified professionals who are skilled in providing mental support.
Real-Life Examples
Let’s look at some examples of how these tips can work in real life:
Example 1: The Case of Aling Nena and her son, Ben. Aling Nena is hesitant to go to the doctor even when she’s not feeling well. Ben, her son working in Dubai, regularly calls her and encourages her to get checkups. He found her a reliable doctor and even schedules appointments for her. He also arranges for his sister, who lives nearby, to accompany Aling Nena to the doctor.
Example 2: The Case of Mang Jose and his daughter, Maria. Mang Jose is used to saving every peso and doesn’t understand Maria’s investment in stocks. Maria patiently explained her investment strategy to him and showed him how it would benefit them in the long run. She also involves him in financial planning and seeks his advice on important decisions.
Example 3: The Case of Aling Ester and her son, Carlos. Aling Ester feels isolated and disconnected from her son, Carlos, who’s working in Canada. Carlos makes an effort to call her regularly and shares stories about his life. He also sends her photos and videos. During his visits back home, he dedicates all his time to his mother.
These examples show that with patience, communication, and understanding, it’s possible to bridge generational gaps and provide the best support for your parents while working abroad.
Addressing Specific Concerns
Let’s tackle some specific concerns OFWs often face:
Dealing with Guilt. It’s common to feel guilty about leaving your parents behind to work abroad. Remind yourself that you’re doing it for their well-being. Focus on what you can do to support them from afar. This is not always easy and may require professional guidance. Consult a psychologist or therapist to give you the right guidance and advice without feeling guilty.
Managing Expectations. Your parents might have unrealistic expectations about how much money you can send them or what you can do for them. Be realistic about your capabilities and set clear boundaries. Don’t be afraid to say no, but do so respectfully and explain your reasons.
Preventing Financial Dependence. While it’s important to support your parents, you also want to avoid creating financial dependence. Encourage them to be independent and responsible with their finances. Help them explore income-generating opportunities, such as starting a small business or renting out a room in their house. This will help improve their sense of self-worth and create long-term financial stability.
Handling Emergencies. Have a plan in place for handling emergencies. Make sure your parents have access to emergency funds and know how to contact you. Designate a trusted family member or friend to assist them in case of an emergency.
The Importance of Self-Care
In all of this, don’t forget to take care of yourself! Working abroad is stressful enough without adding the burden of worrying about your parents. Make sure you’re getting enough rest, eating healthy, and exercising regularly. Connect with other OFWs for support and share your experiences. Taking care of yourself will enable you to be a better support for your parents. This is essential for your overall well-being and will prevent burnout and stress.
FAQ Section
Here are some frequently asked questions about supporting your parents while working abroad:
How much money should I send my parents each month? This depends on your financial situation and your parents’ needs. Create a budget together and determine a realistic amount that you can afford to send regularly. It also depends on how many siblings are around to assist and support the whole family.
What if my parents refuse to accept my help? Be patient and persistent. Explain to them that you want to help them and that it’s your way of showing your love and appreciation. If they still refuse, consider offering to pay for specific expenses, such as their medical bills or groceries.
How can I deal with disagreements about money? Communicate openly and respectfully. Try to understand your parents’ perspective and explain your own. Create a budget together and agree on how the money will be used.
What if my parents are constantly asking for more money? Be firm but compassionate. Explain to them that you have limitations and that you can only provide a certain amount. Help them explore other sources of income.
How can I stay connected with my parents when I’m so far away? Schedule regular video calls, send messages, and share photos and videos. Plan regular visits back home.
References
Philippine Statistics Authority. (n.d.). Survey on Overseas Filipinos.
Social Security System (SSS). (n.d.). Healthcare Coverage for Retired Members.
But here’s the thing: information can only take you so far. Now, it’s time to take the first step. Start a conversation. Pick up the phone. Send a message. Bridge that generational gap, one word, one gesture, one act of love at a time. Your parents are waiting, and the rewards of a stronger, more understanding relationship are immeasurable.
