Being a child of an Overseas Filipino Worker (OFW) can be tough. While it often means a better life financially, it can also affect how kids feel about themselves. This article is designed to help OFW parents understand the way their absence impacts their children’s self-esteem and provide practical tips to help them thrive.
Understanding Self-Esteem: What’s the Big Deal?
Self-esteem is basically how you feel about yourself. It’s your overall sense of worth and whether you like and respect yourself. For kids, having healthy self-esteem is super important. It affects everything from how they do in school to how they get along with friends and family. When kids feel good about themselves, they’re more likely to try new things, stick with challenges, and bounce back from setbacks. Low self-esteem, on the other hand, can lead to sadness, anxiety, and difficulty forming healthy relationships.
Why OFW Life Can Impact Self-Esteem
When a parent leaves to work abroad, it’s a huge change for the whole family. Kids might feel a mix of emotions like sadness, anger, confusion, and even guilt. They may miss their parent terribly and feel like something is missing in their lives. This absence can directly affect their self-esteem in several ways:
- Feelings of Abandonment: Even though kids know their parent left to provide for them, they might still feel abandoned, especially younger children. This can make them feel like they’re not good enough or lovable enough for their parent to stay. Imagine a young child constantly asking, “Why did Mama leave me?”. This child may not understand the economic necessity and personalize the situation, negatively affecting their self-esteem.
- Increased Responsibilities: Older kids might have to take on more responsibilities at home, like taking care of younger siblings or helping with household chores. While this can teach them valuable skills, it can also feel overwhelming and stressful. They might feel like they’re missing out on their childhood and that their needs aren’t being met. A teenage girl taking on the role of a parent for her younger siblings, for example, might feel burdened and resentful, leading to decreased self-worth.
- Social Stigma: Sadly, some kids of OFWs face social stigma or bullying. Other kids might tease them about their parent being away or assume they’re rich and spoiled. This can make them feel ashamed of their family situation and lower their self-esteem. Imagine a child being called “anak ng OFW” (child of an OFW) in a derogatory way, implying they are privileged or different. This negativity can significantly impact their self-perception.
- Lack of Parental Presence: Not having a parent around for important events like birthdays, graduations, or school performances can be really tough. Kids might feel like they’re missing out on important moments and that their parent doesn’t care. Research, like that in the Journal of Family Studies (example, no specific link available without a target URL), often cites the emotional impact of parental absence on child development. For example, attending parents conferences or giving them a simple hug when they need it.
- Communication Barriers: Even with technology, it’s not always easy to stay connected. Time zone differences, poor internet connections, and busy schedules can make communication difficult. Kids might feel like they’re not able to talk to their parent when they need them, leading to feelings of isolation and loneliness. If a parent only video calls briefly on weekends and rushes through because of work, the child might interpret this as disinterest.
Spotting the Signs of Low Self-Esteem
It’s important to be aware of the signs of low self-esteem in children. These can vary depending on the child’s age and personality, but some common signs include:
- Negative Self-Talk: Kids with low self-esteem often say negative things about themselves, like “I’m so stupid” or “I can’t do anything right.”
- Withdrawal: They might withdraw from activities they used to enjoy or isolate themselves from friends and family.
- Difficulty Accepting Compliments: They might brush off compliments or not believe them.
- Perfectionism: They might put a lot of pressure on themselves to be perfect and get upset when they make mistakes.
- Increased Anxiety or Depression: Low self-esteem can sometimes lead to anxiety or depression.
- Acting Out: Some children may act out in school or at home as a way of coping with low self-esteem.
- Changes in Eating or Sleeping Habits: Significant changes in appetite or sleep patterns can also be a sign of underlying emotional distress.
If you notice any of these signs in your child, it’s important to take them seriously and find ways to support them.
How OFW Parents Can Boost Their Children’s Self-Esteem
Even though you’re far away, there are many things you can do to help your child build healthy self-esteem. Here are some practical tips:
1. Prioritize Regular and Meaningful Communication
Make an effort to connect with your child regularly, even if it’s just for a few minutes each day. Schedule regular video calls and make sure the quality time counts. Talk about their day, their friends, their hobbies, and anything else that’s important to them. More importantly, really listen. Put down your phone, make eye contact (even via video), and focus on what they’re saying. Ask open-ended questions that encourage them to share their thoughts and feelings. For example, instead of asking “Did you have a good day?”, try asking “What was the best part of your day and why?”.
Technology can also help bridge the distance. Consider using apps that allow for shared activities, such as watching movies together online or playing games. Platforms like Skype, Zoom or even regular messaging apps can facilitate spontaneous connection, for example, while children are doing their homework, offering a helping hand, as if you are just next to them.
2. Show Unconditional Love and Support
Make sure your child knows that you love them unconditionally, no matter what. Tell them you’re proud of them for their efforts, not just their achievements. Focus on their strengths and talents. Encourage them to pursue their passions and interests. Remind them that it’s okay to make mistakes and that you’ll always be there for them. Some parents send their children “thinking of you” gifts, or even small tokens of love that show they have them on their mind. Postcards or letters can be a tangible way to convey your continued presence in their lives.
Regularly expressing affection and appreciation can significantly boost a child’s self-esteem. Saying “I love you” and “I’m proud of you” goes a long way. Even simple gestures, like sending a care package with their favorite snacks, can demonstrate your love and support.
3. Be Involved in Their Lives (Even from Afar)
Even though you’re not physically present, try to be as involved in your child’s life as possible. Attend school events virtually, help them with their homework, and stay in touch with their teachers. Be present at some of their online classes as if you are just sitting at the back of the classroom. Ask about their friends and their activities. This shows them that you care about what’s going on in their lives and that you’re still an important part of their world. Ask a trusted neighbor or family member to represent you at important school events if a virtual option isn’t available. This presence can provide a sense of continuity and support to your child, signaling that you are still involved in their lives despite the distance.
4. Empower Them and Build Their Confidence
Give your child opportunities to make decisions and take on responsibilities. This helps them feel capable and competent. Encourage them to try new things and challenge themselves. Praise their efforts and celebrate their successes, no matter how small. Let them experience the satisfaction of accomplishment. For example, assigning age-appropriate tasks around the house, such as grocery shopping (with supervision), preparing a simple meal, or managing their own allowance, can foster a sense of responsibility and competence. Always recognize and praise the effort they put in, not just the outcome.
5. Address Their Fears and Concerns
Be open and honest with your child about your work abroad. Explain why you had to leave and reassure them that you miss them too. Acknowledge their feelings and let them know that it’s okay to feel sad, angry, or lonely. Help them find healthy ways to cope with these emotions, such as talking to a trusted friend or family member, writing in a journal, or engaging in a hobby. Creating a safe space for them to share their fears and concerns can make a significant difference. Openly addressing their worries about your well-being can also alleviate anxiety. For instance, regularly sharing updates about your work and living situation can provide reassurance and reduce uncertainty.
6. Foster Positive Sibling Relationships
If your child has siblings, encourage them to support each other. Strong sibling relationships can provide a sense of belonging and security, especially when a parent is away. Create opportunities for them to bond and spend time together. Encourage them to resolve conflicts peacefully and to treat each other with respect. Sibling rivalry can be heightened by the stress of a parent’s absence, so actively fostering positive sibling relationships is essential. Organize shared activities, encourage teamwork, and provide opportunities for siblings to support each other’s interests and achievements can solidify bonds and promote resilience.
7. Work Closely with the Caregiver
Ensure that the person taking care of your child in your absence understands the importance of building their self-esteem. Communicate regularly with the caregiver and share your strategies for boosting your child’s confidence. Make sure the caregiver provides a stable and supportive environment. Explain how to handle discipline in a way that is firm but fair, avoiding harsh punishments that can damage their self-esteem. Coordinate on a weekly basis to discuss your child’s progress, any concerns you might have, and to reinforce your child’s positive behaviors. For example, talk with your child’s carer on how can you properly manage giving feedback—focusing on efforts, rather than outcomes.
8. Celebrate Filipino Culture and Identity
Help your child develop a strong sense of Filipino identity. Teach them about Filipino history, culture, and traditions. Encourage them to speak the Filipino language and celebrate Filipino holidays. This can help them feel proud of their heritage and build a sense of belonging, even when you’re working abroad. Sharing stories about your experiences as an OFW and the sacrifices you’re making can also instill a sense of pride in their family. These stories can also inspire them to value hard work and perseverance. Cooking and sharing Filipino food together also helps develop connections.
9. Seek Professional Help When Needed
If you’re concerned about your child’s self-esteem, don’t hesitate to seek professional help. A therapist or counselor can provide support and guidance to you and your child. They can help your child develop coping skills and address any underlying emotional issues. Many organizations offer free or low-cost counseling services to OFW families. The Overseas Workers Welfare Administration (OWWA) is a good starting point; they offer counselling services and programs to support OFW families. Check with your local government regarding similar counseling and social activities.
10. Be Mindful of Your Own Well-Being
Taking care of yourself is also essential. Being an OFW is stressful, and if you’re not taking care of your own emotional and mental health, it will be harder to support your child. Make sure you’re getting enough rest, eating healthy, and engaging in activities that you enjoy. Stay connected with friends and family and seek support when you need it. Remember, you can’t pour from an empty cup. Prioritizing self-care is not selfish; it’s necessary for being a good parent, even from a distance.
Real-World Examples: Success Stories
There are countless stories of OFW families who have successfully navigated the challenges of separation and raised confident, well-adjusted children. These stories often highlight the importance of strong communication, unwavering support, and a commitment to staying involved in the child’s life. For example, one OFW mother in Singapore made a point of reading bedtime stories to her children over video call every night, creating a sense of routine and closeness despite the distance. Another OFW father in Saudi Arabia organized weekly online game nights with his children, providing a fun and engaging way to connect and bond.
These examples demonstrate that with effort and dedication, it’s possible to maintain strong family relationships and foster healthy self-esteem in children, even when a parent is working abroad. The key is to be proactive, creative, and consistent in your efforts to stay connected and support your child’s emotional well-being.
FAQ: Common Questions from OFW Parents
Here are some frequently asked questions by OFW parents regarding their children’s self-esteem:
My child is constantly comparing themselves to other kids, especially those whose parents are both present. How can I help them?
It’s essential to acknowledge your child’s feelings and validate their experience. Remind them that everyone’s family situation is different and that comparing themselves to others is not fair or helpful. Focus on their unique strengths and accomplishments and help them appreciate what they have. Emphasize that material things and parental presence don’t define their value. Show them how the money you send is used for their good, and the good of the family. Encourage gratitude by having him/her acknowledge it.
My child is acting out in school and getting into trouble. Is this related to my being an OFW?
It’s possible. Changes in behavior, especially acting out, can often be a sign that a child is struggling emotionally. Your absence could be contributing to these feelings. It’s important to investigate the root cause of the behavior. Talk to your child and their teachers to understand what’s going on. Consider seeking professional help from a school counselor or therapist if the behavior persists. It might be the child’s way of seeking attention, so shower them with it, even if it’s through phone calls.
How do I handle discipline when I’m not physically present? Am I supposed to delegate everything to my partner or relative?
Discipline should be consistent and fair, even when you’re not there. Work with your partner or relative to establish clear rules and consequences. Communication is key. Discuss any disciplinary issues with your child and the caregiver. Avoid harsh punishments that can damage their self-esteem. Focus on teaching them responsibility and helping them learn from their mistakes. Delegate the act of discipline, but always share your involvement and decision-making on it.
My child says they don’t want me to work abroad anymore. How should I respond?
Acknowledge and validate their feelings. Let them know that you understand why they’re sad and that you miss them too. Explain why you had to leave and reassure them that you’re doing it for their future. Remind them that your love for them is unconditional and that you’ll always be there for them, even from afar. Discuss with them the timeframe of your work abroad, so that they can anticipate and prepare themselves.
How can I ensure that the money I send is used wisely and benefits my child’s well-being?
Open communication with the person managing the finances is crucial. Establish a clear budget and discuss how the money will be used. Involve your child in the decision-making process, especially when it comes to things that directly affect them, such as school supplies, extracurricular activities, or leisure activities. This will help them understand the value of money and the sacrifices you’re making. Ask for receipts and document everything so everybody is aware and it minimizes the mistrust between your partner/relative, and your children.
References
- Overseas Workers Welfare Administration (OWWA): No Links.
- Journal of Family Studies: No Specific Links or Notes.
- Department of Social Welfare and Development (DSWD): No Links.
Being an OFW parent is one of the hardest jobs in the world—it demands strength, sacrifice, and unwavering love across great distances. Are you ready to take practical steps to boost the self-esteem of your children beyond just providing for their financial well-being? Start today. Schedule a dedicated video call with your child, not just to ask about school, but to truly listen to their heart. Share a happy memory, and most importantly, shower them with genuine appreciation and love. Small actions, consistently applied, can make profound changes. Your child’s self-esteem is a precious gift—nurture it, protect it, and watch them bloom.
