Being an OFW (Overseas Filipino Worker) means making a huge sacrifice, and a big part of that is being away from your kids. It’s tough on you, but it’s also tough on them. This article is all about helping your children cope with your absence and thrive despite it. We’ll share practical tips and real stories to give you the support you need.
Understanding the Challenges
Let’s face it: growing up with a parent working abroad isn’t always easy. Kids can feel a range of emotions, from sadness and loneliness to anger and resentment. It’s important to remember that these feelings are normal. Younger children might have a harder time understanding why you have to leave. They might feel like you’re abandoning them and struggle with separation anxiety. Older kids and teenagers may understand the financial reasons better, but they might still miss you deeply and resent having to take on more responsibilities at home.
According to studies, children of OFWs may exhibit higher levels of internalizing problems, such as anxiety and depression, compared to children with both parents present. However, the impact varies depending on factors like the child’s age, personality, the quality of communication with the absent parent, and the support system available to them. It’s crucial to understand these nuances.
The Importance of Open Communication
Talking to your kids regularly is super important. It’s not just about asking “How was your day?” but really listening to their answers and showing them that you care. Schedule regular video calls so they can see your face and you can see theirs. Make those calls a priority, even when you’re tired or busy. It shows them they matter. Don’t just talk at them, talk with them. Ask about their friends, their schoolwork, their hobbies, and their worries. Let them know they can always come to you with anything, no matter how big or small. Make an effort to be fully present during these calls. Avoid distractions like checking your phone or multitasking. Your undivided attention will make them feel valued and loved.
Use language that they understand. For younger kids, you can explain your work in simple terms. If they ask when you’re coming home, give them a realistic timeframe, even if it’s months away. Avoid making promises you can’t keep, as this can lead to disappointment and distrust. Show them pictures of where you live and work. It can help them feel more connected to your life abroad. Consider creating a countdown calendar together to mark the days until your return. For older children, you can have more in-depth conversations about the financial benefits of your work, but also acknowledge the sacrifices involved.
Building a Strong Support System
You can’t be there physically, but you can make sure your kids have a strong support system around them. This means relying on family members, friends, teachers, and community leaders. Choose a reliable caregiver who will provide your children with love, care, and guidance in your absence. This could be your spouse, a grandparent, an aunt or uncle, or a trusted family friend. Make sure this person understands your parenting values and is aligned with your expectations.
Communicate regularly with the caregiver. Ask for updates on your children’s well-being, academics, and social activities. Be involved in important decisions regarding their upbringing. If possible, try to schedule regular visits with your children’s teachers or guidance counselors to stay informed about their progress at school. Encourage your children to participate in extracurricular activities, such as sports, clubs, or volunteer work. This can help them build confidence, develop their skills, and make new friends. Consider enrolling them in enrichment programs that focus on developing their social and emotional skills. These programs can provide them with tools to cope with challenges and build resilience.
Dealing with Difficult Emotions
Kids might not always be able to express their emotions directly. They might act out, withdraw, or have difficulty sleeping. It’s important to be patient and understanding. Don’t dismiss their feelings or tell them to “toughen up.” Instead, acknowledge their emotions and let them know that it’s okay to feel sad, angry, or lonely. Help them identify their feelings and find healthy ways to cope with them. This could involve talking to a trusted adult, writing in a journal, engaging in a hobby, or spending time with friends. For younger children, you can use books, games, or artwork to explore their emotions. For older children, you can encourage them to seek support from a counselor or therapist if needed.
Sometimes, kids might blame you for their problems or resent your absence. This is often a way for them to express their pain and frustration. Try not to take it personally. Instead, listen to their concerns and validate their feelings. Remind them that you love them and that you’re working hard to provide for them. Acknowledge the sacrifices they’re making and express your gratitude for their understanding. It might be beneficial for the whole family to have a discussion led by a family member who can facilitate the conversation.
Maintaining Family Traditions
Just because you’re far away doesn’t mean you can’t maintain family traditions. In fact, it’s even more important to do so! Continue celebrating birthdays, holidays, and other special occasions. Even if you can’t be there in person, you can still participate through video calls, online games, or by sending gifts and cards. Create new traditions that you can share together, such as reading a bedtime story over video chat or watching a movie “together” online. Plan special activities for when you come home, such as going on a family vacation or visiting a favorite place. Keeping traditions alive provides a sense of continuity and belonging, which can be especially important for children of OFWs. Remember to bake a cake for each birthday, even with technology present.
Leveraging Technology
Technology can be your best friend when you’re an OFW. Use it to your advantage to stay connected with your kids. Video calls are great, but there are other ways to connect, too. Play online games together, watch movies together, or even just send each other funny memes. Social media can also be a great way to stay in touch, but be mindful of your children’s online safety. Set clear guidelines for their use of social media and monitor their online activity. Explore educational apps and websites that can help your children with their studies. Consider using a shared online calendar to keep track of each other’s schedules and important events. Technology can never fully replace face-to-face interaction, but it can help bridge the distance and strengthen your bond with your children.
Taking Care of Yourself
It’s easy to get caught up in worrying about your kids, but don’t forget to take care of yourself, too. You can’t pour from an empty cup. Make sure you’re getting enough sleep, eating healthy, and exercising regularly. Find ways to relieve stress, such as spending time with friends, pursuing a hobby, or practicing mindfulness. It’s okay to ask for help when you need it. Talk to your friends, family, or a therapist about your challenges. Remember that you’re not alone. Many other OFWs are going through the same thing. Joining a support group or online community can provide you with a sense of connection and understanding. The Overseas Workers Welfare Administration (OWWA) offers various programs and services to support the well-being of OFWs and their families.
It directly impacts how your children cope with your absence. If you are struggling, they will feel it. Prioritize your well-being so you can be the best parent you can be, even from afar. Don’t feel bad for needing some time for yourself – it’s not selfish. It’s essential for your mental and emotional health, which, in turn, benefits your children. Explore resources specifically designed for OFW parents. Learn about strategies for managing guilt, loneliness, and other common challenges. Remember that seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness.
Making the Most of Your Visits
When you finally get to come home for a visit, make the most of it! Plan fun activities that everyone will enjoy. Spend quality time together, and be fully present. Put away your phone and focus on connecting with your kids. Create lasting memories that will sustain them until your next visit. Don’t just focus on grand gestures or expensive gifts. Often, it’s the simple things that matter most, such as cooking a meal together, playing a board game, or going for a walk in the park. Be patient if your children are hesitant to open up or show affection. It might take them some time to adjust to your presence again. Be consistent in your affection and attention, and they will eventually warm up to you. Talk to them about your experiences abroad and share your dreams for the future. Let them know that you’re working hard to provide them with a better life, and that you’re always thinking of them. Make sure that someone can take good care of you when you arrive home from your long journey.
Preparing for Your Departure
Saying goodbye is never easy, but you can make it a little less painful by preparing your children beforehand. Talk to them about your upcoming departure and explain why you have to leave again. Acknowledge their sadness and let them know that it’s okay to cry. Reassure them that you love them and that you’ll be back soon. Create a goodbye ritual, such as a special hug, a secret handshake, or a shared prayer. This can provide them with a sense of closure and comfort. Leave them with a small gift or memento to remember you by. This could be a photograph of you together, a handwritten letter, or a personalized item. Make sure they know how to reach you and that you’ll be available to talk whenever they need you. Remind them of all the good things that are happening in their lives and encourage them to focus on the positive. Emphasize that they are strong, capable, and loved.
Focusing on the Future
It’s important to remember that your time away from your children is not forever. You’re working hard to provide them with a better future. Keep that goal in mind and it will help you stay motivated and positive. Talk to your children about your plans for the future and involve them in the decision-making process. This will help them feel like they’re part of something bigger and give them something to look forward to. Save for their education, their future, and your eventual return. Dream together as a family and plan for the day when you can all be together again. Remember that your sacrifices are not in vain. You’re building a brighter future for your children and for yourselves. This is what defines being an OFW in the first place.
FAQ Section
Here are some frequently asked questions about helping children cope with parental absence:
How do I explain my absence to a very young child?
Use simple, concrete language. Focus on what they can understand. For example, “Mommy/Daddy is going to work far away to earn money for our family. I’ll miss you very much, but I’ll call you every day.” Show them pictures of where you’ll be working and explain what you’ll be doing. Avoid abstract concepts or complex explanations that they won’t be able to grasp. Focus on the positive aspects, such as the gifts you’ll bring home or the things you’ll do together when you return.
My child is angry and resentful towards me. What should I do?
Acknowledge their feelings and let them know that it’s okay to be angry. Listen to their concerns without interrupting or judging. Try to understand their perspective and validate their emotions. Avoid getting defensive or taking their anger personally. Remind them that you love them and that you’re working hard to provide for them. Explain that you understand their frustration, but that you’re doing the best you can. Encourage them to express their feelings in a healthy way, such as talking to a trusted adult, writing in a journal, or engaging in a hobby.
How can I stay involved in my child’s education from afar?
Communicate regularly with their teachers and guidance counselors. Ask for updates on their progress and any challenges they may be facing. Use technology to your advantage, such as video calls, email, and online learning platforms. Attend virtual school events, such as parent-teacher conferences and school performances. Provide support for their studies by helping them with their homework, reviewing their assignments, and encouraging them to do their best. Offer praise and encouragement for their accomplishments and provide support when they struggle.
What if my child is feeling lonely and isolated?
Encourage them to connect with friends and family members. Help them participate in extracurricular activities, such as sports, clubs, or volunteer work. Create opportunities for them to socialize with other children who have similar interests. Teach them how to make new friends and build meaningful relationships. Remind them that they are loved and valued, and that they are not alone. Encourage them to seek support from a trusted adult, such as a counselor or therapist, if needed.
How often should I communicate with my child?
There’s no one-size-fits-all answer to this question. The frequency of communication will depend on your children’s age, personality, and needs, as well as your own availability. However, it’s generally a good idea to communicate with them as often as possible. Aim for daily video calls or phone calls, especially if they are young. Send them regular text messages, emails, or social media messages. Let them know that you’re thinking of them and that you’re always there for them. Even a short message or quick phone call can make a big difference in their day.
References
Bernardo, A. B. I., & Mendoza, S. L. (2006). Adjustment and well-being of Filipino overseas workers’ children. International Journal of Psychology, 41(6), 482-491.
Parreñas, R. S. (2005). Children of global migration: Transnational families and gendered woes. Stanford University Press.
Scales, P. C., Benson, P. L., Leffert, N., & Blyth, D. A. (2000). Contribution of developmental assets to the prediction of thriving youth. Applied Developmental Science, 4(1), 27-46.
Instead of Conclusion:
Ready to Help Your Kids Thrive?
You’re already doing a fantastic job by even reading this article. Being an OFW parent is incredibly challenging, but your dedication shows how much you care. Don’t give up. Use these tips, stay connected, and remember that your efforts will pay off in the long run. Your children can thrive, even with you working abroad. You’re not alone on this journey – other parents are going through the same thing. Engage and join the online community of OFWs who are willing to help and share suggestions to make the journey easier for everyone. If you want more personalized support, consider connecting with a counselor or therapist who specializes in working with OFW families. You’ve got this! Keep communicating, keep loving, and keep supporting your kids – they’ll feel it, and they’ll thrive.
