We know it’s tough when your parents are working far away to give you a better life. It’s completely normal to feel a mix of emotions: sadness, loneliness, even anger sometimes. But you’re stronger than you think! This article is here to help you understand those feelings and give you some practical ways to build your emotional strength while your parents are OFWs (Overseas Filipino Workers). You’re not alone in this, and you can thrive despite the distance.
Understanding Your Feelings: It’s Okay to Feel This Way
First, let’s talk about feelings. It’s important to know that whatever you’re feeling is valid. There’s no right or wrong way to feel when your parents are away. Many OFW kids experience similar emotions. A study by the Scalabrini Migration Center states the social costs of migration include the psychological and emotional impact on children left behind. You might feel sad because you miss them, angry because you wish they were here, or anxious about their safety. These are all normal reactions. Don’t try to bottle up your emotions. Acknowledge them. Name them. Saying to yourself, “I feel sad today because I miss my mom,” is the first step to dealing with it.
It’s also useful to unpack what specific parts of your parents’ absence create these emotions. For example, are you sad when you have school programs and they’re not there? Are you angry when you need help with homework and you have to rely on someone else? Identifying the specific trigger makes it easier to address the emotion.
Talk It Out: Don’t Keep It All Inside
One of the best things you can do is talk about how you feel. Find someone you trust – a grandparent, an aunt or uncle, an older sibling, a teacher, or a school counselor. Don’t be afraid to open up and share your thoughts and feelings. Sometimes just saying things out loud can make them feel less overwhelming. Think of it like letting air out of a balloon – it releases some of the pressure. If you’re worried about burdening your family members, remember that they want to support you. They might not know exactly how you’re feeling unless you tell them.
You could start by saying something like, “I’ve been feeling a little down lately because…” or “I miss Mom/Dad a lot. Can we talk about it?” Even a short conversation can make a big difference. If you are feeling hesitant to speak with family members, consider talking to your family member’s close friends. Your parents made the decision to work abroad with great consideration for the family unit; these friends may contain insight you have not considered.
Stay Connected: Making the Distance Feel Smaller
Technology has made it easier than ever to stay connected with your parents. Make the most of it! Schedule regular video calls. Plan a specific time each week when you can chat and catch up. It doesn’t have to be a long call, even 15-20 minutes can make a difference. Talk about your day, your schoolwork, your friends, anything that’s on your mind. Seeing their faces and hearing their voices can help you feel closer, even though they’re far away.
Don’t just limit your conversations to important things. Talk about silly things too, like funny memes, TV shows you both enjoy, or even just what you ate for lunch. Regular interaction helps maintain a sense of normalcy and strengthens your bond. Consider making a shared online photo album or starting a shared journal where you can write messages to each other. You can also use video chat to play games together remotely. There are tons of apps and websites that offer online versions of classic board games and card games.
Build a Strong Support System: Your Extended Family is Your Rock
Your extended family – your grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins – can be a huge source of support. Spend time with them. Participate in family gatherings. Let them know that you appreciate their presence in your life. Having strong relationships with your relatives can help you feel less lonely and more connected.
If your parents left behind a caregiver (like a grandparent or aunt), make sure to communicate your needs to them. Be specific about what you need help with, whether it’s homework, a ride to a friend’s house, or just someone to talk to. And don’t forget to show your appreciation for their efforts. A simple “thank you” can go a long way. Create traditions with the caregiver, too, reinforcing the support system such as a movie night or a once-per-week special dinner.
Take Care of Yourself: You are Important
When you’re feeling down, it’s easy to neglect your physical and mental health. But taking care of yourself is crucial. Make sure you’re eating healthy foods, getting enough sleep, and exercising regularly. Physical activity can be a great stress reliever. Go for a walk, play a sport, dance to your favorite music – anything that gets you moving.
Also, don’t forget to make time for activities you enjoy. Read a book, watch a movie, listen to music, draw, paint, write in a journal – do something that makes you happy and helps you relax. It’s also important to establish a good routine. Set a regular bedtime and wake-up time, and stick to it as much as possible. This can help you feel more grounded and in control. Engage with hobbies or groups related to your hobbies. Find a peer group to share common experiences with.
Set Goals and Focus on the Future: Dream Big!
Having goals can give you something to strive for and help you stay motivated. Think about what you want to achieve in school, in your hobbies, or in other areas of your life. Set realistic goals and break them down into smaller, manageable steps. Celebrate your accomplishments, no matter how small. Each step you take brings you closer to your dreams.
Your parents are working hard to give you a better future, so honoring their sacrifice by investing in your education and personal growth is key. Look at available scholarships or tutoring if you’re struggling, and connect with teachers to ensure you’re leveraging all possible resources.
Find Positive Role Models: Learn from Others
Look for positive role models in your life – people who inspire you and who you admire. This could be a family member, a teacher, a coach, or even a public figure. Observe their behavior, learn from their experiences, and try to emulate their positive qualities.
Read biographies of successful people who have overcome challenges. Their stories can inspire you and give you hope. You can find numerous examples of successful Filipinos, including OFWs and children of OFWs, who have achieved remarkable things despite facing adversity. Knowing their stories can help you see that anything is possible with hard work and determination. Even those who stayed put and achieved success through focus and determination can serve as positive role models for direction.
Limit Social Media Use: Avoid Unnecessary Comparisons
Social media can be a great way to stay connected, but it can also be a source of stress and anxiety. Seeing other people’s seemingly perfect lives can make you feel inadequate or envious. Limit your time on social media and focus on real-life interactions. When you are on social media, be mindful of the content you’re consuming. Focus on accounts that inspire you and make you feel good, and unfollow or mute those that trigger negative emotions. Understand that people usually only post their best moments, and what you see online is not always an accurate reflection of reality.
Learn to Manage Conflict: Develop Healthy Communication Skills
Sometimes, conflicts arise with the people you’re living with while your parents are away. It’s important to learn how to manage these conflicts in a healthy way. Communicate your needs and feelings clearly and respectfully. Listen to the other person’s point of view. Try to find a compromise that works for both of you.
Avoid yelling, name-calling, or other forms of aggressive behavior, as it leads to escalated conflict. Focus on the specific issue at hand and avoid bringing up past grievances. Learning to manage conflict effectively can help you build stronger relationships and create a more peaceful home environment. If problems get too overwhelming, seek help from a counselor or mediator.
Practice Gratitude: Focus on the Good Things in Your Life
Even when things are tough, there are always things to be grateful for. Focus on the good things in your life – your health, your family, your friends, your opportunities. Keep a gratitude journal and write down things you’re thankful for each day. Practicing gratitude can help you feel more positive and optimistic.
It’s easy to focus on what you’re missing when your parents are away. Instead, consider the sacrifices they’re making and the opportunities their hard work is providing you. Recognizing this sacrifices can give perspective during difficult times.
Remember You’re Not Alone: Many Others Understand
It’s important to remember that you’re not alone. There are many other OFW kids who are going through the same thing. Connect with them. Share your experiences. Support each other. Knowing that you’re not the only one facing these challenges can make you feel less isolated and more hopeful. Your school’s guidance counselor may be able to assist in connecting you with other OFW children. Look for peer support groups, either online or in your community. Sharing your experiences with others who understand can be incredibly validating and empowering.
Consider Professional Help: When to Seek Guidance
If you are struggling to cope with your emotions or if you are experiencing symptoms of depression or anxiety, it’s important to seek professional help. Talk to a trusted adult, such as a teacher, counselor, or family member, and ask for a referral to a therapist or psychologist.
Therapy can provide you with a safe and supportive space to process your emotions and develop coping strategies. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. It takes courage to reach out, and it’s a sign of strength, not weakness. Many organizations offer free or low-cost mental health services to OFW families; research what’s available in your community. This can involve family therapy, allowing communication between you, any caregiver, and even your parents (remotely).
Stay Positive About the Future Reunion: The Goal to Look Forward To
Even with the struggles that are present, focus on the reunion with your parents. Imagine the exciting moment they return home for good. Picture all the fun activities you’ll do together and how strong your family bond will be after conquering this distance. This vision can be a source of strength and motivation during tough times. Plan activities you can do together when they come home. This gives you something to look forward to and helps reinforce the idea of a future reunion.
Remember, your parents are working hard to create a better life for you. While their absence is difficult, their love and support are with you. Focus on building your emotional strength and making the most of your current situation. You are strong, resilient, and capable of overcoming challenges.
FAQ Section
Why do I feel so angry when my parents are not here?
Anger is often a secondary emotion, meaning it can mask underlying feelings like sadness, loneliness, or fear. You might be angry because you miss your parents, because you feel abandoned, or because you feel overwhelmed by their absence. It’s important to acknowledge these feelings and try to understand the root of your anger. Talking to someone you trust can help you process these emotions in a healthy way.
How can I stay connected with my parents who are working abroad with limited internet access?
Even with limited internet access, there are still ways to stay connected. Try to schedule regular phone calls, even if they’re short. Write letters or emails and send them when possible. Share photos and videos through messaging apps. Even a small effort to connect can make a big difference. Coordinate with your parents to find the best times to communicate based on their availability and internet access. You can send audio messages too, as they often require less bandwidth than video calls.
What should I do if I feel lonely all the time?
Loneliness is a common emotion for OFW kids. Try to engage in activities that bring you joy and connect with others. Join a club or sports team, volunteer in your community, or spend time with friends and family. Talk to someone you trust about how you’re feeling. Don’t isolate yourself. Remember, you’re not alone, and there are people who care about you. You can also try journaling, as it’s a productive way to vent and express your inner emotions.
How can I deal with the added responsibilities at home while my parents are away?
It’s common to have more responsibilities when your parents are working abroad. Talk to your caregiver or other family members about how you’re feeling. If you feel overwhelmed, ask for help or delegate tasks. Set realistic expectations for yourself. Don’t try to do everything perfectly. Remember, it’s okay to ask for support. Create a schedule to manage your time effectively. Allocate specific times for studying, chores, and leisure activities. This can help you feel more organized and in control.
What if I feel I am not doing well at school?
If you’re struggling in school, don’t hesitate to ask for help. Talk to your teachers. Seek tutoring. Form a study group with your classmates. Your parents want you to succeed, and they would be proud of you for taking initiative and seeking support. Remember that everyone learns at their own pace, and it is alright to struggle at times. Be kind to yourself.
How can I manage my jealousy when others seem like they have perfect families?
It’s natural to feel envious when you see others with seemingly perfect families. However, remember that social media often portrays an idealized version of reality. Focus on the positive aspects of your own life, and appreciate the unique strengths of your family. Avoid comparing yourself to others. Focus on your goals and take pride in your accomplishments. Remember there is no ‘perfect’ family and to appreciate the support system you have.
References
Scalabrini Migration Center (Date not accessible). Social Costs of Migration.
Instead of focusing on those difficult feelings, let’s recognize how strong you are. Consider writing a letter to your parents expressing your gratitude and telling them about your dreams. Let them know that you appreciate their hard work and are looking forward to the reunion. You’ve got this! Remember that you are a resilient, strong, and capable individual. You have the power to create a positive and fulfilling life, even with the challenges of having parents working abroad. Take control of your emotional well-being, reach out for support, and believe in your ability to overcome any obstacle.
If you have ever thought about how to help and support other OFW Kids, consider mentoring or acting as a role model for them. Your experiences will be able to inspire them to stay on track.
