Being an Overseas Filipino Worker (OFW) means making tough choices, especially when it comes to family. Leaving your kids behind to work abroad is a sacrifice that weighs heavily on every OFW parent. This article dives deep into understanding how much your child really misses you, offering practical tips and insights to bridge the distance and nurture your relationship, even from afar.
Understanding the Impact: How Your Child Feels
It’s easy to underestimate how profoundly your absence affects your child. While you’re working hard to provide for their future, your child is experiencing a very real void in their daily life. This isn’t just about missing a parent; it’s about feeling the loss of a crucial figure in their development, their emotional safety net, and their everyday support system.
Imagine a young child learning to ride a bike. They might long for your steady hand guiding them, your encouraging words pushing them forward. Older children might crave your advice on navigating friendships, school challenges, or exploring their interests. These are everyday moments where your absence is felt most keenly. A study has shown that children of OFWs can experience higher levels of anxiety and depression, stemming from the separation from their parents.
The intensity of these feelings varies depending on the child’s age. Younger children may struggle to understand why you’re gone and may express their sadness through tantrums, clinginess to the remaining parent, or regression to earlier behaviors like bed-wetting. Older children, while understanding the reasons intellectually, may feel resentment, anger, or a sense of abandonment. They might try to be strong and independent, but inside, they deeply miss your presence and guidance.
Age-Specific Challenges: A Closer Look
Preschoolers (Ages 3-5): At this age, children are very attached to their parents. They see you as their primary caregiver and source of comfort. Your absence can trigger separation anxiety, sleep disturbances, and changes in eating habits. They may constantly ask when you are coming home and struggle to grasp the concept of time. They may also feel confused and blame themselves for your departure. Try focusing on consistent routines when you communicate, even just hearing your voice can be a great way to put them at ease.
Elementary School Children (Ages 6-12): These children are starting to develop their independence, but they still need your emotional support. They may experience feelings of loneliness, sadness, and anger. They might have trouble concentrating in school, struggle with their self-esteem, or act out to get attention. They may also be reluctant to talk about their feelings, fearing they will upset you. Make sure that they know it is important to talk to you (or someone they trust) about their feelings.
Teenagers (Ages 13-19): While teenagers crave independence, they still need your guidance and support. They may become withdrawn, rebellious, or engage in risky behaviors. They may also feel pressure to take on more responsibilities at home, leading to stress and resentment. Teenagers also may try to hide their emotions from you, and that can feel even more disconnected. Try to create opportunities for relaxed conversations where they feel comfortable sharing their thoughts and feelings.
Bridging the Distance: Practical Tips for Staying Connected
Even though you’re physically apart, there are many ways to stay connected with your child and nurture your relationship. The key is to be proactive, consistent, and creative in your efforts. Remember, quality trumps quantity; even short, meaningful interactions can make a big difference.
Regular Communication is Key: Schedule regular video calls, phone calls, or messaging sessions. Make it a routine so your child knows when to expect to hear from you. During these conversations, really listen to what your child has to say. Ask open-ended questions that encourage them to share their thoughts and feelings. Avoid simply asking “How was your day?” Instead, try “What was the best thing that happened today?” or “What was something that challenged you today?”
Make Communication Interactive: Don’t just talk at your child; talk with them. Play online games together, read stories aloud, or watch movies simultaneously while video chatting. You can even help them with their homework virtually. Tools like Google Meet or Zoom allow for screen sharing, making it easier to collaborate on projects or review assignments.
Send Thoughtful Gifts and Letters: Receiving a tangible reminder of your love can be very comforting for a child. Send small gifts that are meaningful and personalized. A handwritten letter or postcard can also be a cherished keepsake. Consider including photos of yourself or your surroundings to help them feel more connected to your life abroad. You can even send care packages with their favorite snacks, treats, or small toys.
Participate in Important Events: Even if you can’t be there in person, find ways to participate in important events in your child’s life. Attend school events virtually via video call. Send a special message on their birthday, graduation, or other milestones. Ask a family member to record these events so you can watch them later. It shows your child that you are thinking of them and that you care about what’s happening in their life.
Support the Remaining Parent: The parent who is left behind is facing a double challenge: caring for the children and coping with your absence. Offer them as much support as possible, both emotionally and practically. Stay in regular communication with them and provide encouragement and reassurance. Offer to help with household chores or errands remotely. The stronger your relationship with the remaining parent, the better they will be able to support your child.
Create Shared Memories: Plan for future visits and involve your child in the planning process. Talk about the activities you will do together, the places you will visit, and the fun you will have. This gives them something to look forward to and creates shared anticipation. Even when you’re apart, look for opportunities to create shared memories. Share photos and videos of your daily life with your child. Tell them stories about your experiences and the people you meet. This helps them feel like they are a part of your world, even from a distance.
Addressing Common Challenges and Concerns
One of the biggest challenges for OFW parents is dealing with feelings of guilt and helplessness. It’s normal to feel guilty about being away from your child, especially during important milestones or difficult times. However, it’s important to remember that you are making this sacrifice for their future. Focus on the positive impact you are having on their lives and use that to fuel your efforts to stay connected.
Another common concern is the potential for misunderstandings or conflicts arising from miscommunication or cultural differences. Make sure you are communicating clearly and openly with your child and the remaining parent. Be sensitive to their feelings and perspectives. Try to understand their experiences and challenges. Use video calls to bridge the communication gap and allow for non-verbal cues and body language which can be lost in text-based communications.
It’s also important to be aware of the potential for your child to develop unhealthy coping mechanisms, such as turning to drugs, alcohol, or other risky behaviors. This is more likely to occur if they are feeling neglected, lonely, or stressed. Talk to your child about the dangers of these behaviors and encourage them to seek help from a trusted adult if they are struggling. Stay involved in their lives and monitor their activities as much as possible.
If you notice any significant changes in your child’s behavior or emotional well-being, don’t hesitate to seek professional help. A therapist or counselor can provide support and guidance to help your child cope with the challenges of having a parent working abroad. Many organizations offer free or low-cost counseling services to OFWs and their families. Research available resources in your area and don’t be afraid to reach out for help.
Building a Strong Support System
You can’t do this alone. Building a strong support system for your child is crucial for their well-being. This includes the remaining parent, other family members, friends, teachers, and community members. Encourage your child to build strong relationships with these individuals and to seek their support when needed.
Grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins can provide valuable emotional support and fill the void left by your absence. Encourage them to spend time with your child, attend their school events, and provide guidance and mentorship. They can also serve as role models and provide a sense of continuity and stability.
Teachers and school counselors can also play an important role in supporting your child. Keep them informed of your situation and ask them to be sensitive to your child’s needs. They can help your child stay focused in school, cope with their emotions, and connect with other students who may be in similar situations.
Friends can also provide a sense of belonging and support. Encourage your child to participate in extracurricular activities and to build strong friendships with their peers. Help them to develop social skills and to learn how to navigate relationships. Friends can also offer a listening ear and provide a sense of camaraderie.
The Importance of Self-Care for the OFW Parent
Being an OFW parent is incredibly demanding, both emotionally and physically. It’s easy to get caught up in your work and your family’s needs and to neglect your own well-being. However, it’s important to remember that you can’t pour from an empty cup. Taking care of yourself is essential for your own health and well-being, and it also allows you to be a better parent from afar.
Make sure you are getting enough sleep, eating a healthy diet, and exercising regularly. These basic self-care practices can have a significant impact on your mood, energy levels, and overall health. Find ways to manage stress, such as meditation, yoga, or spending time in nature. Consider joining a support group for OFWs where you can connect with others who understand your challenges and share your experiences.
Don’t be afraid to ask for help when you need it. Reach out to friends, family members, or a therapist if you are feeling overwhelmed, stressed, or depressed. It’s important to remember that you are not alone and that there are people who care about you and want to support you.
Leveraging Technology to Enhance Connection
Technology is your friend! Beyond basic video calls, consider using various apps and platforms designed to foster connection and create shared experiences.
There are apps that allow you to read bedtime stories together virtually, even flipping the pages simultaneously. Others offer interactive games and puzzles that you can play in real-time, no matter the distance. Social media platforms, when used responsibly, can also help you stay updated on your child’s daily life, see their achievements, and leave encouraging comments.
Create a private online album where you can share photos and videos of your life abroad, and encourage your child to do the same. This shared digital space can become a virtual scrapbook of your lives, bringing you closer together despite the distance. Services like shared Google Photos albums make this easy to set up and manage.
Planning Meaningful Visits and Homecomings
While consistent communication is essential throughout the year, the anticipation and reality of a visit home can be a huge boost for both you and your child. Don’t just show up! Start planning weeks, even months, in advance, building excitement and involving your child in the preparations.
Talk to your child about what they want to do during your visit. Let them have a say in the activities, outings, and even the meals you’ll share. Create a “countdown calendar” together, marking off the days until your arrival. On the day of your arrival, make it special. Decorate the house, prepare a welcome banner, and make sure their favorite foods are ready.
During your visit, focus on quality time and creating lasting memories. Put away your phone, turn off your work emails, and be fully present with your child. Engage in activities that you both enjoy, whether it’s playing games, going to the park, or simply talking and laughing. Take lots of photos and videos to capture these special moments.
Remember that the transition back to life abroad after a visit can be difficult for your child. Prepare them for your departure by talking about it in advance and reminding them that you will continue to stay connected through video calls, messages, and gifts. Plan your next visit together before you leave to give them something to look forward to.
The Role of Financial Literacy and Future Planning
While your motivation for working abroad is primarily financial, it’s important to be open and honest with your child about the sacrifices you’re making and the long-term goals you’re trying to achieve. Age-appropriately, introduce them to the concept of saving, budgeting, and investing.
Explain to them why you’re working hard and how your earnings will contribute to their education, future, and overall well-being. Involve them in small financial decisions, such as choosing a new appliance for the house or planning a family vacation. This will help them understand the value of money and appreciate your efforts.
If possible, start saving for their college education early on. This will not only reduce their financial burden in the future but also demonstrate your commitment to their education and long-term success. Numerous scholarship programs are available for children of OFWs. Consult with legitimate financial advisors.
FAQ Section
How can I tell if my child is really struggling with my absence? Look for changes in behavior, such as increased irritability, withdrawal, changes in eating or sleeping habits, declining grades, or signs of anxiety or depression. If you notice these signs, talk to your child and the remaining parent, and consider seeking professional help.
My child refuses to talk to me on video calls. What should I do? Don’t force it. Instead, try engaging them in activities they enjoy during the call, such as playing a game or reading a story. Offer incentives, such as promising a small gift if they participate. Be patient and persistent, and eventually, they may warm up to the idea.
What if my child starts resenting me for being away? Acknowledge their feelings and validate their experiences. Let them know that you understand why they might be angry or resentful. Try to find ways to make up for your absence, such as spending more quality time with them during visits or sending them thoughtful gifts. Seek support from a therapist or counselor if needed. Also, you may need to have a very heartful honest conversation letting them know how much you love and care for them.
How can I ensure my child develops strong values and character despite my absence? Work closely with the remaining parent to instill strong values and character in your child. Communicate regularly and reinforce positive behaviors. Be a role model for your child, even from afar, by demonstrating honesty, integrity, and compassion. Support their involvement in community activities and volunteer work.
What if I can’t afford to visit home as often as I’d like? Focus on maximizing the quality of the time you do have together. Plan ahead, create meaningful experiences, and stay connected through regular communication. Look for opportunities to save money on travel expenses, such as booking flights in advance or traveling during off-peak seasons. There are also some outreach program by airline companies for the OFWs.
References
Philippine Statistics Authority. (2022). Survey on Overseas Filipinos.
Scalabrini Migration Center. (2018). Children Left Behind: The Impact of Migration on Filipino Children.
UNICEF. (2015).The State of the World’s Children: Reimagining the Future.
You’ve read about the challenges, the heartache, and the potential pitfalls of being geographically separated from your child. But you’ve also discovered the power of connection, the resilience of the human spirit, and the boundless love that transcends distance. Now is the time to act. Don’t let another day go by without reaching out to your child. Pick up the phone, schedule a video call, send a heartfelt message, or start planning your next visit. Your child misses you more than you know, and your efforts to stay connected will make a world of difference in their lives. Start today, and let love bridge the distance.
