Being an Overseas Filipino Worker (OFW) is tough. You’re working hard to provide for your family, but it means spending long periods away from your children. This distance can be hard on them, so it’s super important to focus on helping them become resilient – meaning they can bounce back from challenges and handle tough emotions. This guide will give you practical tips to nurture your child’s emotional well-being, even from thousands of miles away.
Understanding Resilience in Children of OFWs
What does it even mean for a child to be resilient? Simply put, it’s about having the inner strength to cope with stress, overcome adversity, and adapt to changes. For children of OFWs, this is especially crucial. They’re dealing with the absence of a parent, which can lead to feelings of sadness, loneliness, anxiety, and even anger. A resilient child can work through these feelings, find healthy ways to cope, and maintain a positive outlook. The University of Minnesota provides some useful information on building resilience in children and families.
The Impact of Parental Absence
Let’s be real – your absence does have an impact. Kids might feel abandoned, even though they know you’re working for their future. They might act out, become withdrawn, or struggle in school. According to studies (though specific data varies), children of OFWs sometimes experience higher rates of anxiety and depression compared to children living with both parents. These feelings are normal, but it’s our job to help them navigate these emotions constructively.
Why Resilience Matters for Your Child’s Future
Resilience isn’t just about getting through tough times now; it sets your child up for success later in life. A resilient child is better equipped to handle academic pressure, build strong relationships, and pursue their goals with confidence. They are more likely to be adaptable and less likely to give up when faced with setbacks. Think of it as giving them the tools they need to thrive, no matter what life throws their way. Developing resilience also promotes positive mental health, ensuring your child grows into a well-adjusted and emotionally stable adult. A strong sense of self-worth and the ability to self-regulate emotions stem from a resilient foundation.
Building a Strong Foundation: Communication is Key
Okay, let’s get down to the practical stuff. How do you actually build resilience in your child from afar? The first, and most important thing, is communication.
Regular Video Calls
Phone calls are great, but video calls are even better. Seeing your face can make a huge difference to a child. Schedule regular video calls, even if it’s just for 15-20 minutes. Make it a routine – maybe every Sunday evening, or every Wednesday after school. During the call, focus on connecting with your child. Ask them about their day, their friends, their hobbies. Listen actively and show genuine interest in what they have to say. It’s not just about asking questions; it’s about creating a space where they feel heard and understood. Encourage them to share their problems, big or small, and offer support and encouragement. Remember the point of the video call is more than just an internet connection, it’s emotional connection.
Active Listening and Empathetic Responses
Speaking of listening, it’s not enough to just hear the words. You need to actively listen. That means paying attention to your child’s body language, tone of voice, and the emotions behind their words. If they seem sad, don’t just dismiss it. Acknowledge their feelings. Say things like, “That sounds really tough,” or “I can see you’re feeling sad about that.” Empathetic responses validate their feelings and show them that you understand. It is important that you don’t jump to solutions immediately. Let them tell you about it and let them be heard. Kids don’t always need a lecture or fix-it guide, they just want someone to listen so that they feel loved and understood.
Creating a Safe Space for Sharing Feelings
It’s so important that your child feels they can share their feelings without being judged or criticized. Create a safe space where they know they won’t be shouted at or belittled for what they are feeling. This means avoiding phrases like “Don’t be silly,” or “You shouldn’t feel that way.” Instead, create an atmosphere of openness and acceptance. Let them know that all feelings are valid, even the uncomfortable ones. This allows children to process their emotions healthily instead of suppressing them.
Leveraging Technology: Messaging and Social Media
While face-to-face interactions are ideal, short messages, jokes, and quick updates through messaging apps like WhatsApp or Messenger can help bridge the distance. If your child is old enough, a private social media group or page dedicated to your family can be a great way to share photos, videos, and updates that help you stay connected. However, be mindful of their online safety and privacy. Review your child’s social media accounts occasionally, and use parental control tools available from Common Sense Media.
Empowering the Caregiver at Home
You might be miles away, but the person taking care of your child at home is your partner on the ground. Empowering them is crucial.
Open Communication with the Caregiver (Spouse, Relative, etc.)
Regularly talk with the person caring for your child – this could be your spouse, a grandparent, or another relative. Discuss your child’s progress, any challenges they’re facing, and any concerns you have. Share your parenting strategies and ensure you’re both on the same page. It’s important that your child sees a united front. One of the best things to do is schedule a weekly call with the caregiver on a consistent schedule. The regularity enables better collaboration and consistency. Your conversations about the child benefit from being well prepared to focus on the child’s needs.
Providing Emotional Support and Practical Assistance to the Caregiver
Being a caregiver is a tough job, especially when one parent is away. Offer emotional support to the caregiver. Listen to their concerns, acknowledge their efforts, and offer words of encouragement. Provide practical assistance wherever possible. This could mean sending money for groceries or household expenses, helping with chores remotely (like researching information online), or just being there to lend an ear when they need to vent. Acknowledging the caregiver’s effort goes a long way and helps ensure your child’s needs are met.
Shared Decision-Making on Important Matters
Avoid making major decisions about your child’s life without consulting the caregiver. This includes decisions about their education, healthcare, and extracurricular activities. Even though you’re the parent working abroad, it’s important that you make these decisions together as a team. This not only shows respect for the caregiver’s role but also ensures that the decisions are in your child’s best interest.
The Power of Appreciation: Acknowledging Their Efforts
Express your gratitude to the caregiver frequently and sincerely. A simple “thank you” can go a long way. Acknowledge their hard work and dedication, and let them know how much you appreciate their efforts in raising your child. Small gestures of appreciation, like sending a small gift or writing a heartfelt letter, can also make a big difference. When the caregiver feels supported and appreciated, they’re better able to provide a stable and nurturing environment for your child. Remember, a happy caregiver leads to a happy and well-adjusted child.
Promoting Your Child’s Independence and Responsibility
Resilient children are often independent and responsible. Encourage your child to develop these qualities.
Assigning Age-Appropriate Chores and Responsibilities
Give your child age-appropriate chores and responsibilities around the house. This could include things like making their bed, setting the table, doing the dishes, or helping with laundry. These tasks teach them responsibility, build their self-esteem, and give them a sense of accomplishment. Start small and gradually increase the level of difficulty as they get older. Remember it’s not only about the completion of the chore but about building their independence.
Encouraging Problem-Solving and Decision-Making Skills
When your child faces a problem, resist the urge to immediately solve it for them. Instead, encourage them to think critically and come up with their own solutions. Ask questions like, “What do you think you could do?” or “What are some different ways you could handle this?” This helps them develop their problem-solving and decision-making skills, which are essential for resilience. Celebrate successes and help them learn from failures.
Supporting Extracurricular Activities and Hobbies
Encourage your child to participate in extracurricular activities and pursue their hobbies. This could include sports, music, art, or any other activity that they enjoy. These activities provide opportunities for them to learn new skills, build relationships with peers, and develop a sense of belonging. They also help them discover their talents and passions, which can boost their self-confidence and resilience. Let them pick what activities they are most interested in – don’t force a particular activity on them.
Allowing for разумные Risks and Learning from Mistakes
Don’t overprotect your child from all risks and challenges. Allow them to take разумные risks and learn from their mistakes. This helps them develop resilience and learn how to cope with failures. When they make a mistake, don’t criticize or punish them harshly. Instead, use it as an opportunity for learning and growth. Help them understand what went wrong and how they can do better next time. Consider the experience a valuable lesson, not a reason to scold.
Cultivating a Positive Mindset
A positive mindset is crucial for resilience. Help your child develop a positive outlook on life.
Teaching Optimism and Positive Self-Talk
Teach your child to focus on the positive aspects of their life and to practice positive self-talk. Encourage them to identify their strengths and accomplishments, and to celebrate their successes. Help them reframe negative thoughts into positive ones. For example, instead of saying “I can’t do this,” encourage them to say “I can try my best.” A positive attitude can significantly contribute to their long term wellbeing.
Promoting Gratitude and Appreciation
Encourage your child to practice gratitude and appreciation. Help them identify the things they are thankful for in their life, and to express their gratitude to others. This could include things like their family, their friends, their health, and their opportunities. Practicing gratitude can boost their mood, reduce stress, and increase their overall happiness. Set a good example yourself, by expressing gratitude in your everyday conversations.
Modeling a Resilient Attitude Yourself
Your child is watching you. Model a resilient attitude in your own life. Show them how you cope with challenges, overcome obstacles, and maintain a positive outlook, even in difficult times. Talk about your own struggles and how you are working to overcome them. A strong demonstration is much better than theoretical advise. Your resiliency can inspire your child to develop resilience themselves.
Celebrating Successes, Big and Small
Don’t just celebrate the big achievements; also celebrate the small successes. Acknowledge their efforts and hard work, and let them know how proud you are of them. This could include things like getting a good grade on a test, completing a difficult task, or showing kindness to others. Celebrating successes, big and small, will boost their self-esteem and motivate them to continue striving for their goals. Acknowledge the effort and not only the final outcome.
Seeking Support When Needed
Sometimes, despite your best efforts, your child may need extra support. Don’t hesitate to seek professional help when needed.
Recognizing Signs of Emotional Distress (Anxiety, Depression, etc.)
Learn to recognize the signs of emotional distress in your child. This could include things like changes in their behavior, loss of interest in activities, difficulty sleeping, or feelings of sadness or anxiety. If you notice any of these signs, it’s important to talk to your child and find out what’s going on. Don’t ignore these signs; they are cries for help of a child who needs help but may not know how to express it.
Accessing School Counselors and Mental Health Professionals
If you’re concerned about your child’s emotional well-being, don’t hesitate to reach out to school counselors or mental health professionals. They can provide support and guidance to your child and help them develop coping skills. Many schools have counselors available to help students with their emotional and academic needs. There are also many mental health professionals who specialize in working with children and families.
Connecting with OFW Support Groups and Resources
Connect with other OFWs and OFW support groups. These groups can provide a sense of community and understanding, and they can offer valuable advice and resources. You can find OFW support groups online or in your local community. Sharing experiences and support with others who understand what you’re going through can make a big difference. Also, the Philippine government provides support and services to OFWs and their families. Check out resources availabe from OWWA(Overseas Workers Welfare Administration) and other government agencies.
Remember: You Are Not Alone
Being an OFW parent is incredibly challenging, but you’re not alone. Many other parents are going through the same thing. Don’t be afraid to ask for help, seek support, and connect with others. Remember why you’re doing what you’re doing – to provide a better future for your child. And even though you’re far away, you can still play a vital role in their emotional well-being and resilience.
FAQ Section
Here are some frequently asked questions about raising resilient children as an OFW:
How can I deal with the guilt of being away from my child?
Guilt is a common feeling for OFW parents. Acknowledge the feeling but don’t let it consume you. Focus on what you are doing for your child’s future. Communicate regularly, be present during calls and visits, and make the effort to be emotionally available. Realize that you are sacrificing now so your children will have a better tomorrow. Seek positive self talk, and be proud of yourself.
My child is angry and resentful towards me for leaving. What should I do?
Acknowledge their anger and resentment, and validate their feelings. Let them know that it’s okay to feel that way. Don’t dismiss their emotions or try to argue them out of it. Listen to their concerns and try to understand where they’re coming from. Make sure you are very attentive to their emotional needs and show them that you care. Professional counseling may also offer relief by talking to a counselor.
How can I stay involved in my child’s education from abroad?
Communicate regularly with your child’s teachers and school. Attend parent-teacher conferences virtually. Help your child with their homework remotely. Set aside some time each week to dedicate to school work and collaborate with their at-home caregiver to create a space where they can focus. Use online tools and resources to supplement their learning. The school may use a software or online tool for checking grades, so keep abreast of the tools available.
What if my child refuses to talk to me on video calls?
Don’t force it. Start by sending them fun and engaging messages so that they anticipate the next call. Try to find out why they are unwilling. Maybe they’re feeling shy or embarrassed. Maybe they feel like the calls are always the same and are simply lectures or inquiries. Make the calls shorter and more focused on fun activities. Read them a story, play a simple online game together, or just talk about their favorite things. Gradually build up the connection over time.
How do I handle discipline from afar?
Discipline is best handled by the caregiver at home, as you aren’t present for immediate reactions. However, agree on consistent rules and consequences with the caregiver. Stay informed about any disciplinary issues. Offer support and guidance to the caregiver on how to handle difficult situations. Be a united front; the kid need to know that you will not be the “fun” easy going parent. Consider that good discipline is about instruction and guidance. Focus rather on guidance than a punitive approach. The punitive approch may alienate the child.
My child seems to be struggling with peer pressure. How can I help them?
Talk to your child about peer pressure and help them understand what it is. Teach them how to say no to things they don’t feel comfortable with. Help them build their self-esteem and confidence. Encourage them to surround themselves with positive and supportive friends. Model good decision-making skills in your own life. Discuss situations they may encounter and practice saying no with them.
References
University of Minnesota Extension. Resilience.
Common Sense Media
Note: These references do not provide direct links, as instructed.
Taking action can be both daunting and rewarding. As an OFW, you are already demonstrating immense commitment. Building resilience in your children, despite the physical distance, is an investment that pays dividends for a lifetime. Create a plan, even a simple one, to implement some of these tips this week. Schedule that extra video call, send a small gift, or simply write a heartfelt message acknowledging your child’s strengths. Your consistent effort to fostering their resilience creates a better future for your child. Start now, stay focused, and remember, you’re doing a great job!
