Leaving your family to work abroad is one of the hardest decisions a Filipino parent can make. It’s often driven by the hope of a better future, a chance to provide more opportunities for your kids. But it also comes with challenges – the pain of separation, the worry about raising children from afar, and the fear of weakening family bonds. Figuring out if the benefits outweigh the costs is a question many OFWs face, and it’s one with no easy answer.
The Allure of Opportunity: Why Filipinos Seek Jobs Overseas
Let’s be honest, the main reason Filipinos become Overseas Filipino Workers (OFWs) is to find better-paying jobs. In the Philippines, sometimes the wages just aren’t enough to cover basic needs, let alone save for the future. The dream of a comfortable life, a house, a good education for the children – these are powerful motivators. Working abroad often means significantly higher salaries, making those dreams seem within reach. According to the Philippine Statistics Authority (PSA), remittances from OFWs contribute significantly to the country’s economy. You can see just how important these remittances are to the families back home. Think of it this way: a nurse might earn significantly more in Saudi Arabia or the United Kingdom than in a local hospital. This allows her to send money home for her children’s school fees, medical expenses, and even to start a small business for her spouse.
The Emotional Toll: The Price of Separation on Parents and Children
But earning more money comes at a cost, a big one: being away from your family. Imagine missing your child’s first steps, their graduation day, or even just a simple family dinner. These are moments you can never get back. This separation can lead to many difficulties and anxieties for both parents and children. For parents, there’s the constant worrying: are the children okay? Are they behaving well in school? Are they happy? You might feel guilty for not being there to guide them, to comfort them when they’re sad, or to celebrate their victories. Children, on the other hand, can experience feelings of abandonment, sadness, and even anger. They might act out, struggle in school, or become withdrawn. A study on the impact of OFW parenting on children’s well-being could provide deeper insights into these emotional challenges. It’s not always easy to measure, but the absence of a parent is often felt deeply.
Challenges of Raising Children Remotely: Practical Tips for OFW Parents
Raising kids from afar requires a lot of effort and planning. It’s not just about sending money; it’s about staying involved in their lives as much as possible. Here are some practical tips to help:
Establish a Strong Communication System: Make sure you have regular video calls with your children. Schedule these calls so they know when to expect them. Talking face-to-face, even virtually, can help them feel connected to you. Use platforms like Skype, Zoom, or Viber for video calls. Share your daily life with them, and listen attentively to their stories.
Work Closely with the Caregiver: The person who’s taking care of your children – whether it’s your spouse, a grandparent, or a relative – is your partner in parenting. Communicate with them regularly about the children’s needs, progress, and any challenges they might be facing. Trust is key, but also stay informed. Set clear expectations with the caregiver about discipline, homework, and activities.
Make Use of Technology: There are many apps and websites that can help you stay connected with your children’s education and activities. Check their grades online, communicate with their teachers via email, and even attend school events virtually if possible. Create a family group chat where you can share photos, videos, and messages.
Plan Visits Wisely: If your schedule allows, plan regular visits home. Even short trips can make a big difference in your children’s lives. During your visits, make sure to spend quality time with them. Do activities they enjoy, listen to their stories, and show them how much you love them.
Send Meaningful Gifts: It is not only about the money. Send gifts which are suitable to your children: books, gadget, accessories, etc. Showing that you think of them and acknowledge their current interests.
Be Present Even From Afar: Even if you are faraway, be there for them when they need you. Create time for them when they have achievements and failures.
Remember, your presence is more important than presents. Technology can help bridge the distance, and clear communication is essential, but nothing replaces being there. Aim to replicate as much “normal” family life as possible given the circumstances.
Money Isn’t Everything: Avoiding the Pitfalls of Materialism
It’s tempting to try to compensate for your absence by sending expensive gifts and constantly giving your children whatever they want. However, this can lead to materialism and a lack of appreciation. Children might start to value things more than relationships, and they might not understand the value of hard work. Teach your children the importance of money and how to use it wisely. Encourage them to save and to be grateful for what they have. Instill in them the value of hard work and the importance of earning their own way. Talk to them about the sacrifices you’re making to provide for them, but also emphasize that your love and support go beyond material possessions. Ensure that you’re still able to teach them good values such as good saving habits.
Strengthening Family Bonds: Building a Strong Foundation Despite the Distance
Despite the challenges, it’s possible to maintain strong family bonds even when you’re working abroad. The key is to be intentional about building and nurturing your relationships. A strong foundation of love, trust, and communication can withstand the distance. Here are some strategies:
Make Every Conversation Count: When you talk to your children, be present and engaged. Ask them about their day, their friends, their dreams, and their worries. Really listen to what they have to say. Don’t just ask superficial questions; dig deeper and try to understand their perspective.
Create Shared Experiences: Even if you’re not physically together, you can still create shared experiences. Watch movies together via video call, play online games, or read books together virtually. Discuss the movie, game, or book afterward. This promotes bonding despite the distance.
Support Their Interests: Show an interest in your children’s hobbies and activities. If they’re into sports, watch their games online. If they love music, listen to their favorite songs. If they’re passionate about art, ask them to show you their creations.
Establish Family Traditions: Maintain family traditions even when you’re away. Celebrate birthdays, holidays, and other special occasions together via video call. Create new traditions that you can continue when you’re back home. Traditions provide a sense of connection and continuity.
Document Your Journey: Creating a vlog or a scrapbook. The parent will show the children the place where they work and the people around them. This gives a touch of reality so that children will have an idea how you, the OFW parent, lives your life.
The Role of the Community: Seeking Support from Others
You don’t have to go through this alone. Lean on your community for support. Connect with other OFW families, join support groups, and seek guidance from counselors or religious leaders. Sharing your experiences with others who understand can be incredibly helpful. Your community can provide emotional support, practical advice, and even financial assistance. Don’t be afraid to ask for help when you need it. Many organizations in the Philippines and abroad offer support services to OFW families.
The Importance of Self-Care: Taking Care of Your Own Well-being
While it’s important to focus on your family, it’s also crucial to take care of your own well-being. Working abroad can be stressful and isolating. Make sure you’re getting enough sleep, eating healthy, and exercising regularly. Take time for hobbies and activities that you enjoy. Connect with friends and family online or in person. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, seek professional help. Remember, you can’t pour from an empty cup.
Preparing for Your Return: Planning for a Successful Transition
Working abroad isn’t forever. Eventually, you’ll want to return home to your family. Start planning for your return well in advance. Save money, invest wisely, and develop a plan for your future. Talk to your family about your plans and get their input. Discuss how things will change when you’re back home and how you’ll adjust as a family. Reintegration can be challenging, so it’s important to be prepared. Expect adjustments and potential conflicts. Open communication is key to a smooth transition.
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)
Here are some commonly asked questions about OFW parenting:
What are the biggest challenges of being an OFW parent?
The biggest challenges include the emotional toll of separation, the difficulty of raising children remotely, and the risk of weakening family bonds. You’ll also miss important milestones in your children’s lives, and you might struggle with feelings of guilt and loneliness. Additionally, there’s the worry about the children’s safety and well-being, especially if they are in a challenging environment.
How can I stay connected with my children while I’m working abroad?
Use technology to your advantage. Schedule regular video calls, send messages and photos, and attend virtual school events. Work closely with the caregiver, and make sure you’re involved in your children’s education and activities. It’s also good to remember special occasions, even if by just sending a gift to your loved ones, it is a way to remind them that you love them.
How can I ensure that my children don’t become too materialistic?
Teach them the importance of money and how to use it wisely. Encourage them to save and to be grateful for what they have. Instill in them the value of hard work and the importance of earning their own way. Your actions reflect your words as well, so be mindful of the example that you show your family.
What should I do if my children are struggling emotionally because I’m away?
Talk to them openly and honestly about their feelings. Listen to their concerns and validate their emotions. Seek guidance from counselors or mental health professionals if needed. Provide them with extra support, love, and attention. Letting them know that their emotions matter and you’re seeking steps to help them.
How can I prepare for my return home after working abroad?
Save money, invest wisely, and develop a plan for your future. Talk to your family about your plans and get their input. Discuss how things will change when you’re back home and how you’ll adjust as a family. It’s important to set expectations and be prepared. Consider seeking family counseling.
References
Philippine Statistics Authority. (Various years). Data on Overseas Filipino Workers.
Make a Difference: Take Charge of Your Family’s Future
Being an OFW parent is undeniably challenging, but it doesn’t have to weaken your family. By focusing on open communication, intentional involvement, and consistent support, you can strengthen your family bonds despite the distance. The key is to acknowledge the difficulties, plan accordingly, and prioritize your relationships. Don’t let distance define your role as a parent. Embrace technology, support your children’s interests, and create lasting memories whenever you can. And remember, you’re not alone. Connect with other OFW families, seek guidance when needed, and never underestimate the power of love and dedication. Your hard work and sacrifices are making a difference, but your presence and involvement matter even more. Start today by scheduling a video call with your children, writing them a heartfelt letter, or researching support groups in your area. Make a commitment to be the best OFW parent you can be, and watch your family thrive.
