Being an OFW (Overseas Filipino Worker) parent is one of the toughest jobs in the world. You work hard to provide for your family from afar, but the distance can make it hard to teach your kids the important life skill of resilience, that ‘bounce back’ ability crucial for navigating life’s inevitable challenges. This guide gives you practical tips and insights on how to raise independent and resilient children, even when you’re miles away.
Understanding Resilience: Why It Matters for OFW Kids
Resilience isn’t just about brushing off a scraped knee or acing a difficult test. It’s about having the inner strength to handle setbacks, learn from mistakes, and keep moving forward, even when things get tough. For OFW children, building resilience is especially important. They face unique challenges like separation anxiety, adjusting to different caregivers, and sometimes, feelings of abandonment. Children with higher resilience are more likely to cope better with stress, have stronger relationships, and achieve greater success in school and life. According to a study published in the National Library of Medicine, resilience has a significant impact on mental well being.
Building a Foundation of Security: The Importance of Consistent Communication
One of the best ways to foster resilience is to make sure your child feels secure. And security starts with consistent communication. I’m not talking about just a quick “Hello, how are you?” every day. We are talking about genuine, heartfelt, and meaningful conversations. Schedule regular video calls and stick to them as much as possible. Use this time to really connect, listen to their concerns, and share your own experiences. Tell them about your day, your challenges, and your triumphs. Knowing you are present and involved in their life, even from afar, can dramatically reduce feelings of insecurity and boost their resilience. It’s also important to establish routines that provide a sense of normalcy.
It’s hard to maintain strong connections through a screen, so make sure you utilize different angles. Share pictures and videos of your life abroad, letting them see your apartment, your workplace, and even the food you eat. This can make them feel more connected to you and help them understand your life beyond the Philippines. Use tools such as Whatsapp, messenger or even dedicated family apps to share moments with your child or children.
Empowering Independence: Age-Appropriate Responsibilities
Resilience is inextricably linked to independence. A child who can handle responsibilities and solve problems on their own is more likely to bounce back from setbacks. Start by assigning age-appropriate tasks. For younger children, this could mean simple chores like tidying up their toys or helping to set the table. For older kids, it could involve managing their allowance, doing laundry, or preparing simple meals. The key is to gradually increase responsibility as they mature. When you delegate tasks, don’t just tell them what to do, explain why it’s important. For example, instead of saying “Clean your room,” say “Cleaning your room helps you feel more organized and makes it easier to find your things.”
Remember that failing is part of the learning process. Don’t jump in to fix every mistake. Instead, let them learn from their errors. If they forget to pack their lunch, let them experience the consequences (within reason, of course!). This will teach them valuable life lessons and build their problem-solving skills. Guide them to analyze the situation, help them come up with alternative solutions and offer encouragement. Let them know it is okay to not be perfect right away.
The Role of the Caregiver: Working as a Team
Whether it’s your spouse, a relative, or a hired nanny, the caregiver is your partner in raising resilient children. It’s essential to have clear communication and a shared parenting philosophy with your caregiver. If you believe in fostering independence, make sure they are on board too. Schedule regular check-ins with the caregiver to discuss your child’s progress, challenges, and any concerns. Provide them with guidance and support, but also empower them to make decisions in your absence. A united front between you and the caregiver creates a stable and supportive environment for your child.
Remember to show appreciation for the caregiver’s efforts. Raising children is hard work, and your caregiver deserves recognition for their dedication. A simple “Thank you” or a small gift can go a long way in boosting their morale and reinforcing their commitment to your child’s well-being. A happy caretaker also means a happier and more secure child at the end of the day.
Fostering Emotional Intelligence: Understanding and Managing Feelings
Emotional intelligence is the ability to understand and manage your own emotions and those of others. It a crucial component of resilience. Help your child identify and label their feelings. Instead of saying “Don’t be sad,” try saying “I see you’re feeling sad. Can you tell me why?”. Encourage them to express their emotions healthily, whether it’s through talking, writing, drawing, or playing. Teach them coping strategies for dealing with difficult emotions, such as deep breathing, mindfulness, or physical activity. Lead by example – show them how you manage your own emotions in a healthy way.
Children learn best by observing. When you’re feeling stressed or overwhelmed, talk about it with your child. Explain how you’re feeling, and what steps you’re taking to manage your emotions. This will not only help them understand their own feelings; it will also teach them valuable coping skills.
Promoting a Growth Mindset: Embracing Challenges and Learning from Mistakes
A growth mindset is the belief that your abilities and intelligence can be developed through hard work and dedication. In short, abilities aren’t set in stone. Encourage your child to embrace challenges and see mistakes as opportunities for learning. Praise effort and perseverance, rather than just talent. Instead of saying “You’re so smart,” say “You worked so hard on that!” Help them understand that setbacks are a normal part of the learning process and that they can learn and grow from their experiences. A growth mindset is vital for long-term success.
Model a growth mindset yourself. Share your own challenges and mistakes with your child. Talk about how you learned from them and how you grew as a person. This will show them that it’s okay to make mistakes and that setbacks are not failures. If you think about it, your own sacrifice as an OFW is a perfect example of a growth mindset.
Nurturing Social Connections: Building a Support Network
Strong social connections are essential for resilience. Encourage your child to build relationships with family, friends, and community members. Help them develop social skills, such as communication, empathy, and conflict resolution. Provide opportunities for them to participate in extracurricular activities and social events. A strong support network provides a sense of belonging and helps children feel more connected and supported. In the absence of a parent, the child must know they are not alone.
Facilitate virtual connections with extended family members and your friends. Organize video calls or online games that include your child and other important people in their life. This can help them feel more connected to their roots and maintain strong relationships, even when you’re not physically present.
Addressing Separation Anxiety: Validating Feelings and Providing Reassurance
Separation anxiety is a common experience for OFW children. It’s important to validate their feelings and provide reassurance. Listen to their concerns and acknowledge their sadness or fear. Don’t dismiss their feelings or tell them to “toughen up.” Instead, say something like “I understand that you miss me. I miss you too.” Remind them that your absence is temporary and that you will always be there for them, even if you’re not physically present. Establish regular routines and rituals that provide a sense of comfort and security, such as bedtime stories or goodnight calls.
Prepare them in advance for your departures and arrivals. Don’t just disappear without saying goodbye. Talk to them about your travel plans and explain when you’ll be back. When you arrive home, make sure to spend quality time with them and show them how much you’ve missed them. Also, don’t overcompensate and smother them; it is about finding the balance. Creating a calendar or countdown can help a younger child have a tangible measure of when the family can be together again.
Financial Literacy: Teaching the Value of Hard Work and Saving
While you’re working hard to provide for your family, it’s important to teach your children about financial literacy. You can start by giving them a small allowance and teaching them how to budget and save. Explain where the money comes from and the sacrifices you make as an OFW. This will not only help them appreciate the value of hard work, but also prepare them for financial independence in the future. Open a savings account in their name and encourage them to set financial goals. According to the Bangko Sentral ng Pilipinas, increased financial literacy is crucial for personal and national economic success.
Involve them in family financial discussions, age appropriate of course , like discussing bills or big purchases. Explain the concept of needs vs. wants and help them make informed decisions about their spending habits. This will teach them valuable life skills and foster a sense of responsibility. Don’t give in to every material request, instead teach them the value of working towards a goal.
Self-Care for the OFW Parent: Taking Care of Yourself So You Can Take Care of Your Children
As an OFW parent, it’s easy to get caught up in caring for your family and forget about your own well-being. Remember that self-care is not selfish; it’s essential. You can’t pour from an empty cup! Make time for activities that you enjoy and that help you relax and recharge. This could be anything from reading a book to exercising to spending time with friends. Prioritize your physical and mental health by eating healthy, getting enough sleep, and managing your stress levels. When you take care of yourself, you’re better able to take care of your children.
Find a support network of other OFW parents where you can share your experiences, challenges, and successes. Talking to others who understand your situation can be incredibly helpful. Remember, you’re not alone in this journey. Don’t hesitate to seek professional help if you are struggling with stress, anxiety, or depression. The most important thing is to acknowledge these needs and seek support systems.
Celebrating Cultural Identity: Maintaining a Connection to Filipino Heritage
Being away from the Philippines can make it difficult for your children to connect with their cultural heritage. Make an effort to maintain a connection to Filipino traditions, values, and language. Celebrate Filipino holidays and festivals, cook Filipino food, and teach them Tagalog or other Filipino dialects. Share stories about your childhood and your experiences growing up in the Philippines. This will help them develop a strong sense of identity and pride in their heritage despite being geographically separated.
Introduce them to Filipino music, movies, and literature. Encourage them to learn about Filipino history and culture. Connect them with other Filipino families in your community or online. This will help them feel more connected to their roots and maintain a strong sense of identity while appreciating the culture of your current location.
Effective Discipline: Balancing Love and Boundaries
Discipline is an important part of raising resilient children, but it should be done in a loving and supportive way. Establish clear rules and expectations and consistently enforce them. Explain the reasons behind the rules and help your child understand the consequences of their actions. Use positive reinforcement to encourage good behavior, such as praise, rewards, or privileges. Avoid physical punishment or harsh criticism, as these can be harmful to a child’s self-esteem and resilience. Instead, focus on teaching them problem-solving skills and helping them learn from their mistakes. It’s worth reviewing how your child’s caretaker disciplines — see if that also connects with your parenting style.
When disciplining your child, focus on the behavior, not the person. Instead of saying “You’re a bad boy,” say “That behavior was unacceptable.” Help them understand why their behavior was wrong and what they can do differently next time. Remember that every child is different, so you may need to adjust your disciplinary approach based on their individual needs and personality. Be patient and consistent, and always let them know that you love them unconditionally.
Using Technology Wisely: Balancing Screen Time and Real-Life Interactions
Technology can be a valuable tool for communication and education, but it’s important to use it wisely. Set limits on screen time and encourage your child to participate in other activities, such as playing outdoors, reading books, or spending time with family and friends. Monitor their online activity and talk to them about online safety and responsible digital citizenship. Encourage them to use technology for learning and creating, rather than just entertainment.
Consider using technology to connect with your child and other family members. Schedule regular video calls or online game nights. Share photos and videos of your daily life. Use educational apps and websites to help them learn and grow. Just be mindful of the amount of screen time they are getting and make sure it’s balanced with real-life interactions and activities.
Celebrating Successes: Acknowledging and Praising Achievements
It’s important to celebrate your child’s successes, no matter how big or small. Acknowledge their achievements and praise their efforts. Let them know that you’re proud of them and believe in their abilities. This will boost their self-esteem and motivation and encourage them to continue striving for their goals. Make sure to celebrate their unique talents and interests, not just academic achievements. Celebrate even small wins to lift their spirits and show support.
Create a “success jar” and encourage your child to write down their achievements and put them in the jar. At the end of the month or year, you can read them together and celebrate their progress. Frame their artwork or display their awards. Let them know that you appreciate their efforts and that you’re proud of their accomplishments.
Staying Informed: Keeping Up with Your Child’s Development and Activities
Even when you’re miles away, it’s important to stay informed about your child’s development and school work. Communicate regularly with their teachers and caregivers. Ask about their progress, challenges, and achievements. Review their schoolwork and help them with their homework. Attend parent-teacher conferences virtually if possible. This will show your child that you care about their education and that you’re invested in their success. Utilize technology to stay in constant communication with your caretaker and teachers and find better ways to support the child and the child’s learning.
Use online tools to access your child’s grades and assignments. Attend virtual school events and activities. Stay updated on their extracurricular activities and interests. When you’re home on vacation, make sure to spend quality time with them and talk to them about their school work and activities. Being involved in their education will help them succeed and feel supported.
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ)
Q: How can I cope with the guilt of being away from my children?
It’s normal to feel guilty about being away from your children, but remember that you’re working hard to provide for their future. Focus on making the most of your time when you are together and stay connected with them as much as possible when you’re away. Find a support system of other OFW parents and seek professional help if you’re struggling to cope with your guilt. Remember to prioritize self-care and remind yourself that you’re demonstrating a strong work ethic for them.
Q: How do I handle my child’s tantrums and negative emotions?
When your child is having a tantrum or experiencing negative emotions, try to remain calm and patient. Validate their feelings and let them know that you understand how they’re feeling. Help them identify and label their emotions and teach them healthy coping strategies. Set clear boundaries and consistently enforce them. Seek professional help if you’re struggling to manage your child’s behavior.
Q: What if my child resents me for being an OFW?
It’s possible that your child may resent you for being an OFW, especially if they’re feeling lonely or abandoned. Listen to their concerns and validate their feelings. Explain the reasons why you’re working abroad and the sacrifices you’re making for their future. Make an effort to spend quality time with them when you’re home and stay connected with them as much as possible when you’re away. Seek professional help if you’re struggling to repair your relationship with your child.
Q: How do I deal with my child’s academic struggles from afar?
Stay in close contact with your child’s teachers and caretakers. Schedule regular check-ins and ask for progress updates. Offer support through virtual tutoring or helping with homework during video calls. Encourage your child to communicate their difficulties and work together to find solutions, such as studying with a friend or seeking extra help from their teacher. Remember that patience and encouragement will help your child feel supported despite your distance.
Q: My child is starting to adopt bad habits, what should I do?
Address the issue early and maintain open communication with your child and their guardian. Understand the root cause of the bad habits by talking to your child and observing their environment. Work collaboratively with the caregiver to establish clear rules and consequences. Reinforce positive behavior by offering praise and rewards when they make good choices. Consider seeking advice from a child psychologist or counselor if the habits persist or become concerning.
Q: What is co-parenting from afar?
Co-parenting from afar refers to the process of raising a child when one parent is living and working overseas. This often involves coordinating with the child’s primary caregiver (usually the other parent, a relative, or a guardian) to ensure the child receives consistent care, guidance, and upbringing. Effective co-parenting from afar requires open communication, shared decision-making, and mutual respect. Use technology (video calls, messaging apps) to stay involved in the child’s life, attend important events virtually, and maintain a strong emotional connection despite the distance.
References
- Liu, J. J., Einarsdottir, J., Bonell, C., & Young, C. (2020). Resilience in adolescence: A systematic review of protective factors. The Lancet. Public Health, 5(5), e242–e250.
- National Academies of Sciences, Engineering, and Medicine. 2021. Fostering Healthy Mental, Emotional, and Behavioral Development in Children and Youth: A National Agenda. Washington, DC: The National Academies Press.
- Bangko Sentral ng Pilipinas, BSP stresses key role of financial education in nation-building, last accessed November 7, 2024,
- Mindset Scholars Network, “What is Growth Mindset?”, last accessed November 7, 2024,
Ready to Build a Stronger Connection with Your Child?
Raising resilient children as an OFW parent is a marathon, not a sprint. You don’t have to be perfect, you just have to be present (even virtually) and intentional. Start implementing these strategies today. Schedule that family video call, assign a new chore, show some cultural pride, or simply tell your child how much you love them and how proud you are of them. Every little effort counts. Begin today and unlock your child’s inner strength with small consistent steps!
