Explaining to kids why a parent works abroad can be tough, but honesty and age-appropriate language are key. This guide offers practical tips and ideas to help you talk about OFW (Overseas Filipino Worker) work with your children.
Understanding Your Child’s Perspective
It’s super important to remember that kids see the world differently than we do. They might not fully grasp why you need to work far away. To them, it just means you’re not around. Their initial reaction might be sadness, confusion, or even anger. They don’t necessarily connect your absence with providing for them. So, before diving into explanations, try to understand where they’re coming from. Ask them how they’re feeling about you working abroad. Let them express their worries and fears. Listen without interrupting or judging. Validating their emotions is the first step to helping them understand. For example, if they say “I miss you so much and I’m always sad when you’re not here,” acknowledge their feelings by saying “I understand, sweetheart. I miss you a lot too, and it makes me sad to be away from you.” This shows that you care about how they feel and opens the door for a more meaningful conversation.
Choosing the Right Time and Place
Don’t just spring the “I’m working abroad” conversation on your kids out of nowhere. Pick a time when everyone is relatively relaxed and not rushed. Maybe after dinner, during a quiet weekend afternoon, or even during a relaxing car ride. The place matters too. Choose somewhere comfortable and familiar, where your kids feel safe and secure. This could be their bedroom, the living room, or even a park they enjoy. Avoid bringing it up when they’re already upset or distracted. If they’re engrossed in a game or in the middle of a tantrum, that’s definitely not the right moment. The goal is to create a calm and supportive environment where they can process the information without feeling overwhelmed.
Using Age-Appropriate Language
What you say to a 5-year-old will be very different from what you say to a 12-year-old. For younger kids, keep it super simple. Instead of talking about complex economic concepts, focus on the basic idea that you’re going to work somewhere else to earn money for the family. Use concrete examples like “I’m going to work in so we can buy new shoes/have enough food/go on a vacation.” Avoid abstract language or jargon they won’t understand.
For older kids, you can be a bit more detailed. Explain the reasons behind your decision in a way they can relate to. You could say something like, “Working in gives me a chance to earn more money, which means we can save for your college education/have a more comfortable life.” You can even involve them in discussions about family finances (within reason, of course). This can help them understand the financial pressures you’re facing and the sacrifices you’re making for them.
Explaining Why You’re Leaving: The Heart of the Matter
This is where you really need to be honest with your kids, but again, tailor the explanation to their age and understanding. Tell them why you’ve decided to work abroad. It’s essential they understand it’s not because you don’t love them, or don’t want to be with them. Emphasize that it’s a decision made out of love and a desire to provide for their future and well-being.
For younger children, you could say something like: “Mommy/Daddy is going to work far away so we can have more money to buy the things we need and want. It’s like a superhero mission, but instead of saving the world, I’m saving for our family!”
For older children: “The job opportunities in are better for me right now. I can earn more there, which will help us pay for your school, save for the future, and maybe even take a nice vacation together someday. It’s a tough decision, but I’m doing it because I want the best for you.”
You can also explain that sometimes, good jobs are hard to find in the Philippines, and working abroad is a way to earn a better living.
Addressing Their Fears and Worries
Kids often worry about things we might not even think of. Will you forget about them? Will they be alone? Will something bad happen to you? It’s important to address these fears directly. Reassure them that you’ll always love them and that you’ll stay in touch regularly.
Tell them how you plan to stay connected – video calls, phone calls, messages. Show them on a calendar how often you’ll be able to talk to them. Help them visualize you being away, but also them still being a part of your life. Maybe create a special countdown calendar together.
Talk about safety. Let them know you’ll be safe at your new job and that you’ll be taking care of yourself. If possible, show them pictures of where you’ll be living and working, so they can get a better sense of your new environment.
Staying Connected While You’re Away
Technology makes it easier than ever to stay connected with loved ones, even when you’re miles apart. Schedule regular video calls, send messages and photos, and even play online games together. These activities can help bridge the distance and make your kids feel like you’re still a part of their daily lives. One study from the Pew Research Center showed how digital technology can affect social connectivity.
Don’t just rely on technology, though. Send them handwritten letters or postcards. These tangible reminders of your love can be especially meaningful. Include small gifts or souvenirs from your new country. Most importantly, be present during your calls and messages. Listen attentively to what they have to say, ask about their day, and share your own experiences.
Creating Shared Experiences from a Distance
Even though you’re physically apart, you can still create shared experiences with your kids. Watch the same movies or TV shows and then talk about them. Read the same books and discuss the characters and plot. Cook the same recipes and share photos of your creations.
Consider starting a shared journal. You can each write about your day and exchange it during your visits or send photos of the pages. This can be a wonderful way to stay connected and learn about each other’s lives.
The Role of the Remaining Parent or Guardian
If you’re working abroad, the parent or guardian who remains at home plays a crucial role in supporting your children. They need to provide stability, love, and guidance. It’s important to have open communication with them about your children’s needs and concerns.
Make sure they have all the information they need to make decisions about your children’s education, health, and well-being. Trust them to make the right choices and support them in their role as caregiver. It’s also important for you to respect their parenting style, even if it’s different from your own. Working as a team is essential for ensuring your children’s happiness and success.
Dealing with Guilt and Emotions
It’s normal to feel guilty about working abroad and being away from your children. You might worry that you’re missing out on important milestones or that your absence is hurting them. Acknowledge these feelings and don’t try to suppress them. Talk to your partner, family members, or a trusted friend about your emotions.
Remember that you’re doing this out of love and a desire to provide a better future for your children. Focus on the positive aspects of your decision and the benefits it will bring to your family. Remind yourself that you’re not a bad parent for working abroad. You’re a strong and selfless parent who is making a sacrifice for the sake of their children.
Preparing for Your Return
The prospect of the homecoming can be exciting yet daunting. Plan well for it. Discuss as a family what everyone expects. Will there be adjustment issues? Probably. Do you have plans to address that? How will you deal with potential awkwardness after a prolonged absence? Open conversations can help in managing expectations and making the transition smoother. Before you return, make sure your children know when you’re coming home and what to expect. Talk about the things you’ll do together when you’re reunited.
Make sure the remaining parent or guardian is also prepared for your return. Discuss how your roles and responsibilities will change. Be patient and understanding as everyone adjusts to the new dynamic. Remember that it takes time for families to readjust after a long separation.
The Importance of Routine and Stability
While one parent is away, maintaining a consistent routine is really crucial for the children. They need that sense of normalcy and predictability, which can provide a sense of comfort and security. Having fixed times for homework, meals, playtime, and bedtime can help reduce anxiety and stress. The routine also offers an anchor, a source of familiarity, in a situation that may feel uncertain and unstable for them.
In addition, keeping things as stable as possible when it comes to their school and activities is helpful. Unless absolutely necessary, try to avoid making big changes, like switching schools or discontinuing their involvement in certain clubs or sports. By making the rest of their lives predictable, you’re essentially providing a safe space.
What if My Child is Angry or Resentful?
It’s definitely possible that your child might feel angry or resentful about your working abroad, and this is a normal reaction to feeling separated from a loved one. Acknowledge their feelings and validate their emotions. Tell them it’s okay to feel angry or sad, and it’s important to let them know you understand why they feel that way.
Open conversations are key. Encourage them to share their feelings without judgment. Listen patiently and let them express themselves freely. Try to put yourself in their shoes and understand the situation from their point of view.
If their anger or resentment persists, consider seeking professional help from a therapist or counselor. A therapist can help your child process their emotions in a healthy way and develop coping strategies for dealing with your absence.
Celebrating Filipino Culture While Away
Even when you are far away from home, keeping your Filipino identity alive will benefit you and your children. Cook Filipino meals together during video calls, teaching them the recipes. Tell them stories about your childhood in the Philippines, the games you used to play, and the traditions you celebrated. Share Filipino music, movies, and books with them.
If possible, find opportunities to connect with other Filipino families in your community or online. This can help your children feel connected to their heritage and culture, even when they’re far from the Philippines.
You can also celebrate Filipino holidays and festivals together, even if you’re not physically together. Send them Filipino treats during Christmas, celebrate their birthdays with a Filipino-themed party, and share stories about the significance of these celebrations.
Empowering Your Child Through Understanding
Explain that while you’re working overseas, they can also contribute to the family by doing well in school, helping out with chores, and supporting their siblings. This encourages a sense of purpose and contribution, showing them that they are crucial members of the family team, despite the physical distance. Highlighting the impact of their actions could instill a feeling of responsibility and pride.
For example, you might say, “When you get good grades, it makes me so proud and it shows me that my hard work is paying off,” or “Helping your younger sibling with their homework is a big help, and it shows me that you’re a responsible big brother/sister.”
Turning the Situation into a Learning Opportunity
Talk about the country you’re working in – its culture, its people, and its history. Show them pictures and videos of the places you’ve visited. Tell them about the things you’ve learned and the people you’ve met. This can broaden their horizons and help them develop a global perspective.
Encourage them to learn a new language or skill. Connect them with pen pals from other countries. Support their interests and encourage them to pursue their passions. Talk openly about the challenges and opportunities of living and working in a different country.
Building Resilience and Independence
Your absence can actually help them develop important life skills like resilience and independence. Because you’re not always there, they may need to learn how to solve problems on their own, manage their time effectively, and take responsibility for their actions.
Encourage them to try new things, explore their interests, and make their own decisions (within reasonable limits, of course). Celebrate their achievements and support them when they make mistakes. This will help them develop confidence, self-reliance, and a strong sense of self.
Setting Realistic Expectations about Communication
While you want to stay in touch with your children as much as possible, it’s important to set realistic expectations about communication. There will be times when you’re busy at work, dealing with time zone differences, or facing technical difficulties.
Explain to your children that you’ll always try to stay in touch, but that there might be times when you can’t respond immediately. Encourage them to be patient and understanding, and reassure them that you’re always thinking of them.
Honoring Their Feelings When They Miss You
There will be times when your children are going to really miss you, and it’s important to honor those feelings. Don’t dismiss their sadness or try to cheer them up too quickly. Instead, acknowledge their emotions and let them know that it’s okay to feel sad.
Offer them comfort and support. Remind them of your love and reassure them that you’ll be together again soon. Encourage them to talk about their feelings with you, the remaining parent or guardian, or a trusted friend.
Suggest ways to cope with their sadness, such as writing in a journal, listening to music, or spending time with friends and family. By acknowledging and honoring their feelings, you’re helping them develop healthy coping mechanisms and emotional intelligence.
Frequently Asked Questions
Why do you have to work so far away?
I work far away because there are better job opportunities for me in other countries. This allows me to earn more money, which helps us pay for our needs and save for our future, like your education and a comfortable life. I know it’s hard being apart, but I’m doing this because I want the best for you.
Will you forget about me while you’re gone?
Never! I will never forget about you. You are always in my heart and on my mind. Even though I’m far away, I’ll always be your , and I’ll always love you very much. We’ll talk often, and I’ll make sure to be there for all the important things in your life.
When are you coming home?
I understand that you miss me and want me to come home soon. I miss you too! I’m planning to come home as soon as I can. We’ll look at the calendar together and mark the dates for special visits, and we’ll count down the days until I can come home for good.
Will I still see other kids and play with them?
Yes, definitely! You’ll still be able to see your friends, go to school, and participate in all the activities you enjoy. Just because I’m working far away doesn’t mean your life has to change drastically. We’ll make sure you have plenty of opportunities to have fun, play with your friends, and be a kid.
Who will take care of me when you’re gone?
will be here to take care of you, and they love you very much. We’ll work together as a team to make sure you have everything you need. They’ll be there to help you with your homework, cook your favorite meals, and tuck you in at night. And I’ll always be just a phone call or video chat away.
References
Pew Research Center Reports on Digital Technology.
Studies on Effects of Parental Migration on Children.
Child and Family Well-being Academic Journals and Psychology Today.
So, there you have it! Explaining OFW work to your kids is no easy task, but with a little preparation, honesty, and a lot of love, you can help them understand your decision and navigate the challenges of separation. Remember to be patient, listen to their concerns, and stay connected as much as possible. The key is open communication, creating shared experiences from afar, and letting children know their love and sacrifices are valued.
Ready to take the next step? Start a conversation with your child today. Plan a special activity together, and create a space where they feel safe to share their feelings. The connection you have with your children is invaluable – make your next meeting and future conversations matter.
