Being an Overseas Filipino Worker (OFW) is tough. You work hard far away from your family to give them a better future. But being away can also be hard on your kids. This guide is here to help you understand how to raise resilient kids even when you’re miles apart, focusing on practical tips and simple strategies to keep your family strong.
Understanding Resilience in Children
Resilience isn’t about never having problems. It’s about how your kids bounce back after something hard happens. It’s like a plant that bends in the wind but doesn’t break. Kids who are resilient can handle stress, solve problems, and learn from their mistakes. As OFWs, we need to focus on building this strength in our children.
Think of it this way: imagine your child gets a bad grade in school. A non-resilient child might get really upset and give up. A resilient child, on the other hand, might be disappointed, but will also try to figure out what went wrong and how to do better next time. This difference is what we’re aiming for.
The Impact of OFW Separation on Children
It’s important to recognize that your absence does affect your children. Sometimes, kids feel sad, angry, or anxious when a parent leaves to work abroad. Some might feel abandoned, even though they know you’re doing it for them. According to a study by the Philippine Institute for Development Studies, children of OFWs can experience psychosocial issues due to parental absence. Acknowledge that feeling and talk about it is the first step.
These feelings can show up in different ways. Some kids become quiet and withdrawn. Others might act out and get into trouble. Some might start having problems in school. It’s crucial to pay attention to these signs and address them early on.
It’s also important to understand that the impact can vary depending on the child’s age. Younger children might have trouble understanding why you’re gone. Teenagers might struggle with wanting more independence but also feeling resentful of your absence. As parents, we need to tailor our approach to each child’s specific needs.
Building a Strong Foundation Before Departure
Preparation is key. Before you leave, have open and honest conversations with your children. Explain why you need to work abroad in a way they can understand. For younger children, you might say something like, “I’m going to work in another country so we can have money for food, clothes, and school.” For older children, you can be more specific about your financial goals.
Also, make sure you and your spouse (or whoever is caring for your children) are on the same page about parenting. Discuss rules, expectations, and discipline strategies. This will help create a consistent and stable environment for your children while you’re away. It’s a good idea to write these things down and review them together regularly.
Most importantly, reassure your children that your love for them hasn’t changed. Tell them you’ll miss them and that you’ll do everything you can to stay connected. Make promises you can keep, like calling them every week or sending them letters. This will help ease their anxiety and build trust.
Staying Connected While Overseas
Thanks to technology, staying connected with your family is easier than ever. Make the most of video calls, messaging apps, and social media to stay in touch. Schedule regular video calls with your kids so you can see their faces and hear about their day. Even a quick chat can make a big difference.
Don’t just ask about schoolwork. Ask about their friends, their hobbies, and their feelings. Show genuine interest in their lives. Share stories about your own day, too. This will help them feel like they’re still a part of your life.
Consider sending handwritten letters or postcards. Kids love receiving mail, and it’s a tangible reminder of your love. You can also send small gifts or care packages to let them know you’re thinking of them. Remember to coordinate with the caregiver so the gifts are appropriate and timely. For example, if your child has a birthday coming up, make sure the gift arrives on time.
Empowering Caregivers: A Collaborative Approach
The person taking care of your children while you’re away plays a vital role. It could be your spouse, a grandparent, a relative, or a hired caregiver. It’s essential to empower them, equip them, and communicate with them effectively.
First, make sure they understand your parenting philosophy. Share your values and beliefs about raising children. Explain your expectations for discipline, education, and behavior. Provide them with clear instructions and guidelines.
Second, give them the resources they need to succeed. This might include financial support, access to childcare services, or emotional support. Check in with them regularly to see how they’re doing and if they need anything. A happy and supported caregiver can provide better care for your children.
Third, maintain open communication. Schedule regular meetings to discuss your children’s progress and any challenges they’re facing. Listen to their concerns and offer guidance and support. Remember, you’re a team, and you need to work together to raise your children well.
For instance, if you notice your child is struggling in math, talk to the caregiver about finding a tutor or spending extra time helping them with homework. If your child is exhibiting behavioral problems, work together to identify the root cause and develop a plan to address it.
Fostering Independence and Responsibility
While you’re away, it’s a great time to encourage your children to become more independent and responsible. This will not only help them develop important life skills but also boost their self-esteem. Remember, resilience comes from knowing you can handle things on your own.
Assign age-appropriate chores. Even young children can help with simple tasks like setting the table or putting away toys. Older children can take on more responsibility, such as doing laundry, cooking meals, or managing their own finances. This teaches them about responsibility and contributes to the household.
Encourage them to make their own decisions. Let them choose their own clothes, plan their own activities, and solve their own problems (within reasonable limits). This will help them develop critical thinking skills and confidence. If they make a mistake, use it as an opportunity to learn and grow.
Support their hobbies and interests. This will give them a sense of purpose and accomplishment. Whether it’s playing a sport, learning a musical instrument, or pursuing a creative passion, encourage them to explore their talents and interests. Be their cheerleader and celebrate their successes.
Building Emotional Intelligence
Emotional intelligence is the ability to understand and manage your own emotions and the emotions of others. It’s a crucial skill for building strong relationships, handling stress, and achieving success in life. As OFWs, we need to prioritize developing emotional intelligence in our children.
Teach them to identify and label their emotions. Help them understand what different emotions feel like and how they manifest in their bodies. For example, you might say, “It sounds like you’re feeling angry because your brother took your toy.” This helps them become more aware of their own emotions.
Encourage them to express their emotions in healthy ways. Teach them to talk about their feelings instead of bottling them up or acting out. This might involve journaling, drawing, or talking to a trusted adult. Help them find healthy coping mechanisms for dealing with stress and difficult emotions.
Model healthy emotional behavior yourself. Show your children how to manage your own emotions in a constructive way. This might involve talking about your feelings, practicing mindfulness, or seeking support from others. Remember, children learn by example.
One simple technique is to practice active listening. When your child is talking to you, give them your full attention. Listen without interrupting, judging, or giving advice (unless they ask for it). Show empathy and validate their feelings. This will help them feel heard and understood.
Maintaining Cultural Identity and Values
When you’re working abroad, it’s important to help your children maintain their cultural identity and values. This will help them feel connected to their roots and develop a strong sense of self. Especially when exposed to other cultures and values, understanding their own is more vital than ever.
Speak your native language at home. This will help your children develop fluency and maintain a connection to their cultural heritage. Read them stories, sing them songs, and teach them about your traditions. If they are exposed to foreign media or languages, consistently communicating in your native tongue will remind them of who they are and from where they come.
Celebrate cultural holidays and festivals. This is a fun and engaging way to teach your children about your culture. Cook traditional foods, decorate your home, and participate in cultural activities. This will create lasting memories and strengthen their sense of belonging.
Share stories about your experiences as an OFW. Talk about your challenges, your successes, and your hopes for the future. This will help your children understand your motivations and appreciate your sacrifices. It will also give them a glimpse into your life and the world outside of their immediate surroundings.
Addressing Specific Challenges Faced by OFW Children
Children of OFWs may face specific challenges that require special attention. These challenges can range from feelings of loneliness and abandonment to difficulties adjusting to new environments.
One common challenge is dealing with feelings of loneliness and isolation. When a parent is away, children may feel like they’re missing out on important moments and experiences. Encourage them to connect with friends, family, and community groups. Help them find activities that they enjoy and that give them a sense of belonging.
Another challenge is adjusting to new caregivers or living arrangements. When a parent leaves, children may have to move in with relatives or adjust to a new caregiver. This can be a stressful and disruptive experience. Provide them with a stable and supportive environment. Be patient and understanding as they adjust to the changes.
Some children may also experience behavioral problems or academic difficulties. These problems may be a result of the stress and anxiety caused by parental absence. Seek professional help if needed. A therapist or counselor can provide support and guidance to help your child cope with their challenges.
Financial Literacy and Understanding Sacrifice
While parents are working hard overseas, ensuring that children understand the value of money and the sacrifices being made can greatly contribute to their resilience and responsible behavior.
Involve children in age-appropriate discussions about family finances. Explain the concept of earning, saving, and spending money. Instead of shielding them, letting older children understand the family’s budget helps them grasp that resources, or that needs must be prioritized.
Give them opportunities to earn their own money, even if it’s just a small allowance for completing chores or achieving good grades. This will teach them the value of hard work. Encourage them to save a portion of their earnings for their future goals. For younger kids, set up a piggy bank and explain how saving even small amounts can add up over time.
Teach them the difference between needs and wants. Help them understand that some purchases are necessary (like food and clothing), while others are optional (like toys and gadgets). When they ask for something that’s not within the family budget, explain why it’s not possible at the moment. This teaches them about delayed gratification and financial responsibility. Be open with them on how certain luxuries like new gadgets can be set aside for savings.
Leveraging Technology Responsibly
While technology is fantastic for staying connected, it’s crucial to teach children how to use it responsibly and safely. As OFWs, we can’t always monitor their online activity as closely as we’d like, so it’s important to empower them to make good choices.
Set clear rules and expectations for technology use. Define limits for screen time, and be clear about which websites and apps are appropriate. Use parental control tools to filter content and monitor their online activity. You can find many resources online about setting up parental control on different devices.
Educate them about online safety. Teach them about the dangers of sharing personal information with strangers, cyberbullying, and online scams. Encourage them to be cautious about what they post online and to report any suspicious activity. Have a frank discussion about the permanence of online posts and the impact that cyberbullying can have.
Model responsible technology use yourself. Be mindful of your own screen time and online behavior. Show them that technology is a tool to be used for good, not a distraction from real life. Limit your own social media use when you’re talking to your children and avoid constantly checking your phone during family time. Be a good example!
Planning for Reunification
The goal for most OFWs is to eventually return home permanently to be with their families. Planning for this reunification is crucial for a smooth transition for everyone.
Start talking about reunification well in advance. Prepare your children for the changes that will come when you return home. Discuss where you will live, what your job will be, and how your family life will change. The Department of Labor and Employment (DOLE) offers reintegration programs for returning OFWs, which can provide support and resources for starting a business or finding employment back in the Philippines.
Gradually increase your presence in their lives before you return. Increase the frequency of your video calls and visits. Make sure they understand that you will back permanently and what life will be like.
Be patient and understanding during the transition period. It may take time for everyone to adjust to the new normal. Don’t expect things to go perfectly right away. Be open to communication. If children find it difficult to adjust, provide space and seek consultation with experts if necessary.
FAQ Section
How can I deal with my guilt about being away from my children?
It’s normal to feel guilty when you’re separated from your children. Acknowledge these feelings and allow yourself to grieve. Focus on the positive aspects of your decision and remember that you’re doing it for their future. Make a conscious effort to stay connected and involved in their lives. Seek professional help if the guilt becomes overwhelming.
My child is acting out and getting into trouble at school. What should I do?
First, try to understand the root cause of the behavior. Talk to your child and their teachers to get a better picture of what’s going on. Set clear expectations and consequences for their behavior. Work together with the caregiver to implement a consistent discipline strategy. If the problem persists, seek professional help from a therapist or counselor.
How can I make sure my children don’t forget about our culture and traditions?
Make a conscious effort to incorporate your culture into their daily lives. Speak your native language at home, cook traditional foods, and celebrate cultural holidays. Share stories about your family history and traditions. Encourage them to connect with other members of your cultural community.
What if my child refuses to talk to me during video calls?
Don’t take it personally. Sometimes children are shy or simply not in the mood to talk. Try to make the video calls fun and engaging. Play games, read stories, or sing songs together. If they still refuse to talk, don’t force it. Let them know you’re there for them whenever they’re ready. You can also ask the caregiver to help facilitate the conversation.
How do I help my child deal with bullying while I’m away?
Emphasize the importance of reporting bullying incidents. Help your child understand the different types of bullying and why it’s wrong. Empower them to stand up for themselves and others. Reinforce a safe avenue for children to share their own experiences especially with bullying.
My child is spending too much time on gadgets. What should I do?
Set clear rules and limits for gadget use. Designate specific times for screen time and encourage other activities, like outdoor play, reading, and hobbies. Use parental control tools to monitor their online activity. Have regular conversations about the responsible use of technology. Be a role model by limiting your own gadget use.
References
Philippine Institute for Development Studies
Department of Labor and Employment (DOLE)
Raising resilient kids while working abroad as an OFW is hard work, but it’s possible. By staying connected, communicating effectively, and empowering your children, you can help them develop the resilience they need to thrive. Don’t give up! Your love and support can make all the difference. You’ve come this far. Are ready to put these steps into action and build a brighter future for your strong, capable, and resilient kids now?
