Losing a loved one is never easy, especially for families with Overseas Filipino Workers (OFWs). The physical distance already creates a unique set of challenges, and grief can make those challenges feel almost unbearable. This article is here to guide OFW parents and their families through the difficult process of grieving while separated by distance, offering practical advice and support to help you navigate this tough time.
Understanding Grief as an OFW Family
For OFWs, the pain of loss can be amplified by the guilt of not being physically present. You might feel you should be there to comfort your children, attend the funeral, or simply offer a hug. It’s important to remember that your love and support, even from afar, are incredibly valuable. A study by the Scalabrini Migration Center shows that the emotional impact of separation on families can be significant, emphasizing the need for intentional communication and support strategies. The children left behind, especially, would naturally require extra care and attention due to the absence of one or both parents.
Children grieve differently than adults. Younger children might not fully understand the concept of death and may express grief through changes in behavior, such as increased clinginess, bedwetting, or difficulty sleeping. Older children may withdraw, become angry, or struggle with schoolwork. Teenagers may try to appear strong, but it’s important to recognize they’re still grieving and need support. It is important to identify these signals and show empathy so the grief can be properly managed by the children.
Communicating About Death with Children
Honesty is crucial when talking to children about death. Use simple and direct language. Avoid euphemisms like “passed away” or “gone to sleep,” which can be confusing. For instance, instead of saying “Grandma passed away,” you can say, “Grandma’s body stopped working, and she won’t be with us anymore.” Be prepared for them to ask questions, and answer them honestly and age-appropriately. Reassure them that they are loved and safe, and that it’s okay to feel sad or angry.
Open communication is key. Encourage your children to share their feelings, even if they seem uncomfortable. Listen without judgment and validate their emotions. Let them know that there is no right or wrong way to grieve. The University of the Philippines Center for Women’s Studies offers resources on family dynamics and communication strategies that can be helpful in these situations. Consider scheduling regular video calls to specifically talk about their feelings and memories of the person they lost. You may show to them that you are also in grief and you are together in healing.
Supporting Your Children’s Grief from Abroad
Even when physically distant, you can provide meaningful support. Here are some practical tips:
Regular Communication: Schedule regular video calls, phone calls, or even send voice messages. Make sure these conversations are not just about daily chores, but also about their feelings. Ask specific questions like, “What are you missing most about Grandpa?” or “What’s your favorite memory of Grandma?”
Creating Rituals: Help your children create rituals to remember their loved one. This could involve lighting a candle, planting a tree, creating a scrapbook, or writing letters to the deceased.
Sending Comforting Items: Send care packages with items that provide comfort, such as their favorite snacks, a soft blanket, or a framed photo of the loved one. Include a handwritten letter expressing your love and support.
Collaborate with Caretakers: Communicate regularly with your children’s guardians (parents, relatives, or friends) to ensure they are aware of your children’s emotional state and can provide appropriate support.
Using Technology: There are many online resources, grief support groups, and even grief counseling services available online. Explore these options to provide your children with additional support. Philippine Mental Health Association might be able to assist you in finding the right professional for your child’s needs.
Dealing with Your Own Grief as an OFW
It’s essential to acknowledge and address your own grief. It’s easy to get caught up in supporting your family, but neglecting your own emotional well-being can lead to burnout and make it harder to help others. The Overseas Workers Welfare Administration (OWWA) offers counseling services for OFWs which can be beneficial in managing grief and stress. It is crucial that you do your job well, too, to survive the tough demands of working abroad. Do not neglect your mental health and physical health while grieving.
Here are some ways to cope with your grief:
Acknowledge Your Feelings: Allow yourself to feel sad, angry, or whatever emotions arise. Suppressing your feelings can lead to long-term emotional problems. Write in a journal, talk to a friend, or find a quiet place to cry.
Seek Support: Connect with other OFWs who may have experienced similar losses. Sharing your feelings with others who understand can be incredibly helpful. There are also online support groups specifically for OFWs. Look for these groups on social media or through organizations like OWWA.
Maintain a Routine: While it’s important to allow yourself time to grieve, maintaining a routine can provide a sense of normalcy and stability. Continue to go to work, exercise, and engage in activities you enjoy.
Self-Care: Prioritize self-care activities that help you relax and recharge. This could include reading a book, listening to music, taking a hot bath, or practicing meditation. Remember that taking care of yourself is not selfish; it’s essential for your well-being.
Professional Help: If you are struggling to cope with your grief, consider seeking professional help from a therapist or counselor. Many therapists offer online sessions, making it accessible for OFWs.
Legal and Practical Matters from Afar
Dealing with legal and practical matters related to the death of a loved one can be especially challenging when you are abroad. Here are some steps you can take:
Authorize a Representative: Appoint a trusted family member or friend to handle legal and financial matters on your behalf. This could involve obtaining a Special Power of Attorney (SPA).
Contact the Philippine Embassy or Consulate: The Philippine Embassy or Consulate in your country can provide assistance with legal and administrative matters, such as obtaining death certificates, transferring assets, and repatriating remains.
Understand Your Rights: Familiarize yourself with your rights as an heir or beneficiary. Seek legal advice if needed. The Integrated Bar of the Philippines offers resources for finding legal assistance.
Plan for Your Return: If possible, plan a trip home to attend the funeral and be with your family. This can provide closure and allow you to offer support in person. If you cannot travel, consider the alternatives discussed above to provide your support from a distance.
Coordinate with Funeral Homes: Work with funeral homes to make arrangements smoothly. Be sure to check the costs and regulations before making any final decision.
The Role of Faith and Spirituality
For many Filipinos, faith plays a significant role in coping with grief. Prayer, religious rituals, and community support can provide comfort and strength during difficult times. Encourage your children to attend religious services, participate in prayer groups, or connect with their spiritual community. Share your own faith and beliefs with them, and let them know that it’s okay to find solace in religion.
Consider organizing a virtual prayer meeting or memorial service for your loved one. This can provide a sense of connection and community, even when you are physically apart. Many churches and religious organizations offer online services and support groups.
Dealing with Guilt and Regret
It’s common for OFWs to experience feelings of guilt and regret after the death of a loved one. You might feel guilty for not being there, for not spending enough time with them, or for not saying goodbye. It’s important to remember that you made the decision to work abroad with the best intentions – to provide for your family. Focus on the positive contributions you have made and the love you have shown. Acknowledge your feelings, but don’t let them consume you.
Practice self-compassion. Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding you would offer a friend in a similar situation. Forgive yourself for any perceived shortcomings and focus on moving forward. Talk to a therapist or counselor if you are struggling to cope with guilt and regret. It does take a process and that’s totally normal.
Long-Term Healing and Adjustment
Grief is a process, not an event. There will be good days and bad days. Be patient with yourself and your children. Allow yourselves time to heal and adjust to life without your loved one. Anniversaries, birthdays, and holidays can trigger renewed feelings of grief. Plan ahead for these occasions and find ways to honor your loved one’s memory.
Focus on creating new memories and traditions as a family. This doesn’t mean forgetting your loved one, but rather finding ways to incorporate their memory into your lives. Share stories about them, look at photos, and continue to celebrate their life. Remember that healing takes time, and it’s okay to seek support along the way.
Supporting Your Spouse (If Applicable)
If you are married, remember that your spouse is also grieving. Support each other through this difficult time. Communicate openly about your feelings and needs. Offer each other practical help and emotional support. Plan date nights (even virtual ones) to reconnect and maintain your relationship. Remember that your marriage is a source of strength and stability for your family. Remember the vows you had during your special day and put them into practice.
Avoid blaming each other or placing unrealistic expectations on one another. Be patient and understanding. Seek counseling together if you are struggling to cope with your grief as a couple. Sharing your grief and supporting each other can strengthen your bond and help you heal together.
Creating a Support Network
Build a strong support network around you and your children. This could include family members, friends, neighbors, teachers, and community members. Let people know what you need and don’t be afraid to ask for help. A strong support network can provide practical assistance, emotional support, and a sense of community. It truly takes a village to raise a child. They can play a crucial role, especially during difficult times.
Encourage your children to connect with their friends and classmates. Social interaction can help them feel less isolated and provide a sense of normalcy. Participate in community events and activities to build connections and create a sense of belonging. Your community is there to support you.
Resources for OFW Families
There are many resources available to support OFW families during times of grief. Take advantage of these resources to get the help you need. Some helpful resources include:
Overseas Workers Welfare Administration (OWWA): Offers counseling services, financial assistance, and other support programs for OFWs and their families.
Philippine Mental Health Association: Provides mental health services and resources across the Philippines.
Philippine Embassy or Consulate: Offers assistance with legal and administrative matters.
Online Grief Support Groups: Connect with other OFWs who have experienced similar losses.
Therapists and Counselors: Seek professional help to cope with grief and emotional challenges.
Maintaining a Positive Outlook
Even during the darkest of times, it’s important to maintain a positive outlook. Focus on the good things in your life, practice gratitude, and find ways to bring joy and laughter into your days. Remember that you are strong and resilient, and you will get through this. Your loved one would want you to be happy and live a fulfilling life. Focus on honoring their memory by living your best life.
Set realistic goals for yourself and your children. Celebrate small victories and acknowledge your progress. Surround yourself with positive people and avoid those who bring you down. Remember that you have the power to create a positive future for yourself and your family.
FAQ Section
Here are some frequently asked questions about OFW parenting through loss:
How do I explain death to a young child when I am not there physically?
Use simple and direct language. Explain that the person’s body stopped working and they won’t be coming back. Reassure them that they are loved and safe. Schedule a video call to talk about it and answer their questions. Collaborate with the caretaker to provide consistent messages and support.
What can I do to help my teenager cope with grief from afar?
Acknowledge their feelings and let them know it’s okay to be sad, angry, or confused. Encourage them to talk about their feelings with you, a trusted adult, or a counselor. Provide them with resources such as online support groups or grief websites. Ensure they are engaging in healthy activities and maintaining social connections.
How can I manage my own grief while supporting my family from abroad?
Prioritize self-care activities such as exercise, meditation, or hobbies. Connect with other OFWs or join an online support group. Seek professional help from a therapist or counselor. Allow yourself to grieve and don’t feel guilty for taking time for yourself. Remember that you need to take care of yourself in order to effectively support your family.
How do I handle legal and financial matters related to the death of a loved one when I am not in the Philippines?
Appoint a trusted family member or friend to handle legal and financial matters on your behalf. Obtain a Special Power of Attorney (SPA). Contact the Philippine Embassy or Consulate for assistance. Seek legal advice if needed. Familiarize yourself with your rights as an heir or beneficiary.
What are some signs that my child needs professional help with their grief?
If your child is experiencing prolonged sadness, withdrawal, changes in eating or sleeping habits, difficulty concentrating, recurring thoughts of death, or self-harming behaviors, it’s important to seek professional help from a therapist or counselor. Early intervention can prevent long-term emotional problems.
How can I create a sense of closure when I am unable to attend the funeral?
Participate in a virtual memorial service or prayer meeting. Create a scrapbook or memory box to honor your loved one. Write a letter expressing your feelings and thoughts. Connect with family and friends to share memories and stories. Focus on celebrating their life and legacy. It may not replace the physical presence, but can provide a sense of closure.
References
- Scalabrini Migration Center. (Year). Impact of Migration on Families .
- University of the Philippines Center for Women’s Studies. (Year). Family Dynamics and Communication Strategies .
- Overseas Workers Welfare Administration (OWWA). (Year). Counseling Services for OFWs .
- Integrated Bar of the Philippines. (Year). Legal Assistance Resources .
- Philippine Mental Health Association. (Year). Mental Health Services and Resources .
It’s normal to feel overwhelmed. Many have treaded this path. You’ve poured your heart into providing for your family, and now you must do the same in supporting them through grief, even from miles away. Take the first step now. Reach out to a support group online, contact OWWA for counseling, or schedule a video call with your child to listen and offer comfort. You’ve got this. Your strength and love, even across borders, can make all the difference.
